girlfriend help...please read

waiting is up to you, personally, though, I think it's a bad idea. When you have it you're gonna find out that it's just sex, nothing really that special about it. Now of course, if your belief says you should wait and you want to wait, then it's up to you. But from a practical standpoint I think it's a bad idea. What if the sex doesn't work?
 
Karky said:
waiting is up to you, personally, though, I think it's a bad idea. When you have it you're gonna find out that it's just sex, nothing really that special about it. Now of course, if your belief says you should wait and you want to wait, then it's up to you. But from a practical standpoint I think it's a bad idea. What if the sex doesn't work?
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You make a great point, especially about the sex not working. I've always wondered that myself. But at the same time- for couples who don't have sex until marriage, if they've never had another partner then won't they really know no difference? They could wait until marriage, and then find out it absolutely blows between the two of them and assume it's no better with anyone else. Damn that would suck being stuck in a relationship like that...

Dunno if it has already been mentioned in the thread and I'm not about to go look- But proteinboy, is still wearing the v-card herself? If you prefer not to disclose that, no worries and sorry if I offended you asking this. But if she isn't, then sex before marriage would be the least of my worries! :D
 
BigTomW said:
Let me answer this in simple terms (and there IS only one answer)


NO
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i am going to have to agree with bigtom on this one....LOL!

but really its personal choice b/c everyone is different.
 
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Perhaps she is fishing for information from you. Wants to know if the girls are flirting with you. She might have thrown out that bit as bait so you would open up, if you were flirting with others? Has she seen you chatting it up with the pretties?

Big Tom said your were smoken hot in your vids:rofl:, perhaps she is worried that you may stray.
 
Hmm, I feel like I should perhaps add my input in here, considering I'm a young woman who just exited her teen years.

In her defense, if she's normally a very self assured young lady who doesn't push for that kind of thing, but tells you just about anything and everything that is going on in her life, I don't know that she's necessarily fishing for attention/ego boosting/jealous response. From what you've described, it seems to me that she's extremely open with you; perhaps instead of the aforementioned "jealousy-reaction-push" theme, she might just be feeling uncertain about the kid herself and wanted your opinion, but wasn't sure how to ask the question. Why did he invite her out? What are his intentions? Is that an okay thing to do, go to lunch with a guy? Does something about the situation seem weird?

When you didn't really respond, she may not have been sure what to make of it, probably because her own feelings were that of doubt and mistrust with this fella. Since you two are so close, she probably expected an affirmation of her own feelings, and when that didn't happen, she was most likely baffled; considering you didn't elaborate at all on your response, that may be why she pressed you for more on the subject.

I do agree with the other posters; your reaction was appropriate for someone who trusts his partner and I commend you. =) Sometimes, she's gotta form conclusions for herself, especially when a negative reaction from you could be construed as jealousy, suspicion, and/or a lack of trust.

As for the waiting until marriage thing.. I'm very, very glad I didn't, especially with my last serious boyfriend. It wasn't so much the quality, but the quantity; the frequency with which he wanted sex did not match mine, not even close, and it proved to be a serious problem. If we'd wed before we sexed, it would have led to a severely unhappy marriage on my end. It was ultimately a deal breaker.

If you're considering having sex, contraception and safety first, man. Know your stuff, so that you don't have any life changing surprises after the fact!
 
is she just trying to make herself look more desirable to me by showing me how many guys hit on her?
does she WANT a reaction that will make her feel more valued by me?
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Yep.

Agreed with *most* of the commentary. Not Reacting is best and takes will. It is never good to encourage ploys like that.

If she would be willing to squander the wonderful relationship with you for Jessie the Tennis ding dong, you would be well served to have her move along anyway. You are a catch and a hottie and don't need to settle. :) No worries is best policy and one I have adapted myself. Love is a battle field so strategy is key. :D
 
To the original problem, It goes like this:

Her hanging out with guy pals = fine
Her agreeing to meet a guy for what he intends as a date = disrespectful

Whether she was completely innocent or not, what she did was insensitive. Just ask her what she would think if you agreed to meet a girl you just met, and thought fancied you, for lunch?

It’s not a major deal but you probably should have told her that she should have at least told the guy she was in a relationship so he knew the situation.

As for no sex before marriage, are you sure? Are you Catholic or something?
I somehow doubt that Adam and Eve were married when God told them to be fruitful and multiply

Marriage is a pretty modern institution anyway, back in the days when teh Bible is meant to have been written Marriages were essentially 'common law' so there was no ceremony, people just lived together and had sex, that was deemed 'marriage'.


This is a pretty good article to read, as it says here, back in Hebrew times men could have many wives so maybe that's what the Bible was refering to? You may only have sex with the 10 women you live with?
 
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Typhon said:
To the original problem, It goes like this:

Her hanging out with guy pals = fine
Her agreeing to meet a guy for what he intends as a date = disrespectful

Whether she was completely innocent or not, what she did was insensitive. Just ask her what she would think if you agreed to meet a girl you just met, and thought fancied you, for lunch?

It’s not a major deal but you probably should have told her that she should have at least told the guy she was in a relationship so he knew the situation.

As for no sex before marriage, are you sure? Are you Catholic or something?
I somehow doubt that Adam and Eve were married when God told them to be fruitful and multiply

Marriage is a pretty modern institution anyway, back in the days when teh Bible is meant to have been written Marriages were essentially 'common law' so there was no ceremony, people just lived together and had sex, that was deemed 'marriage'.


This is a pretty good article to read, as it says here, back in Hebrew times men could have many wives so maybe that's what the Bible was refering to? You may only have sex with the 10 women you live with?
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The best post in the thread. Especially the 1st part about being insensitive. 100000% truth.

I try to eliminate the emotion of jealousy. It does absolutely nothing constructive or positive. My GFs line of work has nothing but dudes and chicks hitting on her all day. I look at this: If she wanted to cheat, she has more than ample opportunities to do so. No need in even thinking about getting jealous over it. It's nonsense. Everybody likes to get hit on. Atleast she's telling you. If a person is gonna cheat, or be unfaithful, they'll do so one way or another. No need in sweating it. If it happens it happens. It's your choice to take the steps afterwards.
 
Sometimes girls want to see how you "feel" about them by being jealous. My wife would say something like that, and I would say "ok whatever you want to do." It would drive her nuts, she wanted me to get all jealous.

I wouldnt because it I had already made it clear that if she cheated on me, the relationship is over. Nothing more to it.

So this would be my answer from you to her because it actually does bother you, "I honestly dont like it, but I trust you."
 
Proteinboy said:
to start off, yes i know its a random place to post a relationship "problem", but i feel i can trust some people here and i am willing to see what you guys think.

we have been dating 8 months now, and she says she is in love with me. i love her as well.

anyways, yesterday me and my girlfriend were lying down and telling eachother about our days.
after i told her about what i did, she started telling me her day.
she came to a pause, then started telling me about this guy "jessie" who was on the tenniss team with her. she only met him once, and i never met him.
she said he was talking ot her and wanted to "hang out" and she said she thought he meant hitting for tenniss, so she said yes.
then she remembered that he has a hurt foot, so he didnt mean tenniss, and he suggested having lunch with her on sunday. she accepted because she already said yes to "hanging out".

now, when she told me this, my natural reaction was...i dont like this at all. i was actually really suprised because its not like my girlfriend to go out to lunch with guys she met once.
on top of that, i was wondering why this guy was asking my girl out to lunch. honestly, i was pissed inside.

however, i decided not to react negatively as she expected me to. she sometimes tells me sh** like that, and i usually end up getting all suspicious and asking her questions like "why" and saying stuff like "you shouldnt trust him, you hardly know him."
but this time, i was done with being like that.
i just casually, trustfully said, "well its up to you."
she was silent, as i was. she was probably suprised that i didnt say anything more.
in my mind, i think she tells me BS like that to see me get protective and make herself look like she is more desirable because these guys are hitting on her.
she waited for a minute, while kissing me and then she asked me "what are you thinking about honey?"
i said, "i just wish u could have came to the beach with us today."
then, she brought up jessie again out of nowhere and said, "i dont know if im even going to go with him, i hardly know him. it might be awkward."
and i just said, "ok."

and that was that. but seriosly, i wonder why she tells me about guys who hit on her. obviously, i dont like it.
is she just trying to make herself look more desirable to me by showing me how many guys hit on her?
does she WANT a reaction that will make her feel more valued by me?
thats what i think, anyway. i dont see why else.
im honestly very dissapointed in her, because she said yes to going to lunch with this guy she met once. its F-ing obvious hes hitting on her, and she still accepted him...

she does not do it a lot, but she sometimes tells me about guys trying to get her to drink and invite her to parties.

i dont like it, but from now on, im not letting it bother me a bit.
as long as she remains faithful to me, i dont give a sh** if other guys "hit on" her, because there is nothing i can do about it anyway except get pissed, which doesnt help.

can i get some responses, and what you guys think?
thanks a lot,
jon
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"The moment you need her more than she needs you, she will lose interest" - Myself :)


OH! And by the way. I dated my first girlfriend for like an epic three years. I ****ing loved her. And I decided to wait on having sex with her... long story there... but guess what?! We ended up breaking up without ever having sex! So at that time I was 21 and still a virgin... turns out I never got laid until I was 23 and it was with some chick I didn't care about at all.

Moral of the story - I could have been a champion at sex, had a lot more fun in bed ;), etc. etc.

Instead I was a loser that had sex with some girl I didn't care about at all.

Honestly, number one biggest mistake in my entire life, no joke.
 
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realworksuks said:
"The moment you need her more than she needs you, she will lose interest" - Myself :)


OH! And by the way. I dated my first girlfriend for like an epic three years. I ****ing loved her. And I decided to wait on having sex with her... long story there... but guess what?! We ended up breaking up without ever having sex! So at that time I was 21 and still a virgin... turns out I never got laid until I was 23 and it was with some chick I didn't care about at all.

Moral of the story - I could have been a champion at sex, had a lot more fun in bed ;), etc. etc.

Instead I was a loser that had sex with some girl I didn't care about at all.

Honestly, number one biggest mistake in my entire life, no joke.
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That's a good post! Very good point.. that could happen, like it happened to you, and it would suck.
 
malkore said:
my two cents: friends go out to lunch.
"lovers" (or those you desire) you ask out to dinner.

If you can't trust her to be alone with other guys and not fall in love with them...your relationship is already doomed.

And on the flip side, if she can't spend time around other men and stay true to you, its equally doomed.

temptation surrounds us, and there's nothing you can do to stop it. its when we give into temptation, that's when the problems arise.
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+1

And BTW Proteinboy, I think you handled it perfectly the way you described it in your OP.
 
i'd like to know how this all turned out. PB did she end up not going?

hope all worked out ok.
 
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