Floater's diary

[Floater]

I might need to have a rest day today. I don't really want to, but the fact that I haven't been able to sleep well usually points to me being overworked either mentally or physically. Besides, I'll probably enjoy it a lot more if I rest today and hit the pool tomorrow?

Yay I can feel yesterday's workout, especially in my pecs! I like the feeling after a workout when the muscles feel a little bit tense and "dense". I think I'll have something to eat, try and sleep a bit more, and clean up the apartment (wipe the floors with a static cloth, wash and rinse the floors, scrub the bathroom, organize stray items into their designated places). It will give me a lot of mental energy to have a clean environment! And cleaning is good fat burn cardio

 

[Floater]

Had a fruit salad (banana, apple, creme fraiche, cinnamon and maple syrup) for breakfast, trying to get a bit more sleep!

 

[Llama]

I might need to have a rest day today. I don't really want to, but the fact that I haven't been able to sleep well usually points to me being overworked either mentally or physically.

Yes, you do. You were going to start with 4 days of exercise a week for a couple of months, not 6. Take it easy or the line might snap.

I like the feeling after a workout when the muscles feel a little bit tense and "dense".

Yes! That feeling when you aren´t quite sore yet but you know you might be a day later.

Had a fruit salad (banana, apple, creme fraiche, cinnamon and maple syrup) for breakfast, trying to get a bit more sleep!

Sounds good. I hope you got more sleep than me.

 

[Floater]

I managed to nap a bit more and woke up SO SORE. Well, I guess I'm glad my body is smart enough to signal to me when I need to take a day off! And in a way, a post workout soreness isn't a bad feeling. I feel both physically and mentally wrapped in a comfortable haze. I'm usually a huge worry wart and a very nervous person (as in, things that for most people are ordinary everyday stuff can be huge mental hurdles for me), but I just managed to call the landlord and ask about the oven light and didn't even get anxious when they told me I have to buy a new one myself. I sense a mental shift into using exercise as a coping mechanism, but as long as I don't overdo it and don't get obsessive about my external appearance, that's not a bad thing at all.

I heated up pea soup from yesterday and added in a bit of corn and textured soy protein. After I've eaten, I'll take my meds, put the dishwasher on, take out the trash, pick up a package from the post, and buy cheese, corn, bacon/ham and creme fraiche on my way back. (I plan to make burritos for dinner!) After that I'll start cleaning up, but luckily I have assistance coming over at 5 PM so if I can't focus on doing it alone, I can do it while he's here. Feeling pretty positive and happy, and looking forward to going water jogging tomorrow!

 

[Floater]

This is a little bit off topic, and it might sound stupid on a fitness forum, but as you guys know I'm planning to get masculinizing surgery down the road. And I'm lucky to live in Finland, where gender affirming surgeries are considered public healthcare - not completely free but affordable. However, sometimes I fear that after HRT causes body fat redistribution, I might end up with a hanging belly as the female-typical fat pad in the lower abdomen gets "deflated", for the lack of a better word. And these sorts of things are not covered by public healthcare. Well, I ended up looking at the pricing for mini abdominoplasties (where the muscles are left untouched and the navel stays at its original place, and "only" a strip of abdominal skin and fat are removed: a much less invasive procedure than a "tummy tuck" abdominoplasty which I wouldn't need anyway because there isn't that much to fix), and it costs under 5000 euros. If I ever get back to the work force, or when my parents kick the bucket (sorry about being so cold about it), that is something I could manage to scrape together. And it's day surgery, to put it in context.

This might sound odd because I'm quite critical about plastic surgery in general, and it might well be that my stomach will end up looking just fine as HRT and exercise will start to fill out the torso with more muscle mass, and the subcutaneous fat migrates inwards around the organs creating a "straighter" and thicker profile, but just knowing that if I'll end up looking weird after transitioning, there is an option for me to fix it. Just knowing that takes the edge off my anxiety and makes it easier to focus on eating right and exercising.

 

[Llama]

DOMS or not: you sound like you've got your isht together today!

just knowing that if I'll end up looking weird after transitioning, there is an option for me to fix it. Just knowing that takes the edge off my anxiety and makes it easier to focus on eating right and exercising.

Makes total sense to me. And researching possibilities just in case is a lot more productive than worrying about it deep down and suppressing that worry.

 

[Floater]

DOMS or not: you sound like you've got your isht together today!

Thank you, I do! I managed to clean up the apartment, it looks and smells so nice and fresh now that all the sand and fur has been cleared out.

Makes total sense to me. And researching possibilities just in case is a lot more productive than worrying about it deep down and suppressing that worry.

Thank you for the validation, this is how I see it myself as well <3

 

[Floater]

Going to take the dog out now. Washing/soaking rice for lime rice and black beans I'll fill my burritos with, I'll also use alfalfa sprouts for crunch and shredded cheese + chili sauce for yumminess.

 

[Floater]

The burritos were amazing and I have three portions of black bean lime rice to eat later. Very satiating!

 

[Llama]

They do sound delicious. For the lime rice do you just boil the rice in water with some lime juice and rind?

 

[Floater]

For the lime rice do you just boil the rice in water with some lime juice and rind?

I'm a whimsical cook and rarely follow any rigid recipes, but here's what I did this time around:

- wash and soak 1 dl of Basmati rice for 20 mins or so, drain and set aside
- chop a shallot onion and two garlic cloves, sautee in sesame oil, add in 1 tbsp of concentrated tomato paste and a splash of hot sauce
- add in rice, stir until the tomato paste coats the rice evenly
- add in 3 dl of cold water (or 2,5 if you don't want the rice to get soft/mushy)
- while waiting for the water to boil, rinse two cans of black beans, add them in the pot
- when the liquid starts to bubble, put the lid on and turn the heat to the lowest setting, cook for 10 mins
- after 10 mins, stir around, turn off the heat and let the rice soak up the rest of the liquid under the lid for 5 more mins
- squeeze in half a lime (and grated rind if desired, I didn't this time because the lime was old and wrinkly lol)

I didn't mind the rice getting sticky, because that works well in burritos, but for bowls and such it might be a good idea to only use 2,5dl of water to 1 dl of rice because the onions, tomato paste and beans contain water which the rice can soak up if a dried consistency is desired

 

[Floater]

Hm, I just brushed my teeth and noticed that I have visible back muscles? Like the little ones between the shoulder blades that never were there before Of course I still have too much fat for them to be "bare" at all times, but cutting down on that is secondary on my list to improving my musculature and cardio, and I'll get there eventually. But I felt really happy, even with the love handles I still have lol

 

[Cate]

Hm, I just brushed my teeth and noticed that I have visible back muscles? Like the little ones between the shoulder blades that never were there before Of course I still have too much fat for them to be "bare" at all times, but cutting down on that is secondary on my list to improving my musculature and cardio, and I'll get there eventually. But I felt really happy, even with the love handles I still have lol

Yay for visible back muscles & shoulder blades!

 

[Llama]

Ein schöner Rücken kann entzücken. Congrats on your visible muscles!

 

[Floater]

Breakfast: pea soup and rye bread with cheese. I have an assistance visit at 13.15 and after that I'll go water jogging.

I got myself a three-day ban from Facebook (again lol) for losing my nerve at a misogynistic "joke" by some dude in a FTM trans group. I can't understand how the FB algorithm works, I definitely didn't say anything worse than the person I was arguing with, but whatever. What really bothers me is when I see trans guys acting like they are somehow above women after transitioning and using misogynistic language as a "joke" (in this instance, referring to one's significant other as a "bitch" and a "whore"). If anything, I think that having lived the trans masculine experience, it should make us more sensitive to how badly women are still treated, and using such derogatory language as if it were endearing and normal is just... Ew. (And I couldn't care less about being called a simp, I've even joked about it with my lesbian friends )

I get it that some trans guys have to deal with a lot of internalized misogyny, but it's no excuse to let it affect one's behavior towards women, or to make "punch down" jokes about women. That's just adopting the worst aspects of male gender expression and cultural expectations, when the way I see my own transness is based on having the richness of seeing the world from several points of view, some of which probably won't unfurl until I have transitioned medically and am being perceived and treated as a man by others around me. I think that for a lot of trans guys life would be easier if they stopped trying to be macho asshole big boys and just accepted their origins. I'm glad that my Finnish transmasc group is free from bullshit like that and well moderated.

By the way, I should probably watch Ranma 1/2, should be right up my alley

 

[Floater]

I water jogged for 90 mins and had my usual porridge afterwards. I had to take a pee and hydration break at the 60-min mark, but I don't think my heart rate had time to go down. I think I'll work myself towards water jogging for 2 hours every three days, as it's such a pleasant form of doing cardio.

I'm about to heat up two lime rice and black bean burritos in the oven, I used extra cheese because I need fuel. Oh and before leaving to the swimming hall I had two slices of rye bread with two fried eggs and cheese.

I had a bit of a scare today, got a call from a weird number and not thinking about it I called back and later realized it might have been a con call! I had to call my operator and check if any odd payments have been made but thankfully this was not the case, phew.

PS: as the oven was already hot, I washed and quartered a butternut squash so I'll have lovely prepped squash for later. It's super good as a salad on a bed of sprouts!

 

[Llama]

I'm glad that my Finnish transmasc group is free from bullshit like that and well moderated.

That´s great to hear. I think there is a perverse logic to intense discomfort with someone´s own feminine characteristics carrying over into a discomfort with or loathing of femininity in general. Possibly more so when that person is romantically and/or sexually attracted to women as that would be a recurring reminder of the pain. Doesn´t make it right of course.

I water jogged for 90 mins and had my usual porridge afterwards. I had to take a pee and hydration break at the 60-min mark, but I don't think my heart rate had time to go down. I think I'll work myself towards water jogging for 2 hours every three days, as it's such a pleasant form of doing cardio.

Wow, that´s a lot! I don´t think I could manage even an hour

 

[Floater]

Wow, that´s a lot! I don´t think I could manage even an hour

Yeah, it's weird how come I seem to be able to keep going when it's water jogging, but normal running/jogging is terrible for me. Might be because the sensation of my tiddies bouncing around when running on land gives me psychic damage, in gamer terms. I did love to run when I was a kid and a teen, but that was several cup sizes ago. I think a part of it is that I overheat super easily but don't really get cold, so being in the pool is balancing that out. I think my technique should be fine, I move along at a reasonable pace and bring my knees up towards my stomach with each kick, and keep my body as vertical as I can, so it shouldn't be because I'm a slacker either. Of course I felt like made of lead afterwards and climbing up stairs was a pain, but that's just a reason to be proud lol. Gym day tomorrow!

And yeah when it comes to what you wrote about the shitty trans guys sounds reasonable to me; I also think it might be a factor that they are stuck in a "monkey see monkey do" attitude and mimic shitty cis guys.

One of my molars hurts. I'm worried I might have chipped it. I can't wear a dental guard, even the thought of it drives me up the walls, and luckily I don't grind my teeth, just press them together when I'm stressed out. It might be that a nerve is just irritated from the pressure, but luckily I have the dentist coming up at some point. I might also be a bit overworked, in that state every tiny pain/ache feels magnified - let's hope that is the case!

I think I'll go to sleep early tonight. I only need to hang my laundry to dry, cool and refrigerate the pumpkin, and walk the dog, and then I get to pass out.

 

[Llama]

Might be because the sensation of my tiddies bouncing around when running on land gives me psychic damage, in gamer terms.

I get that when my backside hops up and down while running...

One of my molars hurts. I'm worried I might have chipped it.

Do you feel any weird edges when you pass over it with your tongue? Usually any structural change is very noticeable. Fingers crossed it´s ok!

 

[Floater]

I get that when my backside hops up and down while running...

Do you feel any weird edges when you pass over it with your tongue? Usually any structural change is very noticeable. Fingers crossed it´s ok!

For some reason, my ass doesn't give me that much dysphoria, probably because I rarely see it. And cake is cake I just tell myself it's a good rugby derriere.

About the tooth: the ridge _might_ be deeper than before, but sometimes I am overly sensitive and - legitimately - imagine things. The pain got a bit better after I did some chin/face stretching and relaxation stuff and brushed my teeth, so probably just an irtitated nerve? But the dentist will tell. I have had to have some teeth filed down a bit, but nothing too drastic.

I got hungry, no wonder with all that cardio, and made tofu in peanutbutter sauce and soba noodles. I ate one portion, one is in the fridge for later. I'm having a banana and a pear for dessert (I realized I hadn't eaten any raw fruit or veg today, plenty of peas and legumes though, so veg quota was met!)