Floater's diary

Oh well. I was kicked out of the trans clinic. I had autism assistance person present so we could go through the discussion together and I got a chance to decompress. (She was furious for me.)

Basically: the sex nurse from 2022 is held in such a high regard at the trans clinic that what she says is true. When I asked the doctor to point to anything in the statement the second sex therapist wrote, she responded that the document is "carefully written" but in discussions she has had with the sex therapist privately it has been "clear" that I can´t transition. (Illegal btw.) Also, because I go to psychotherapy, I am automatically in too bad of a shape to continue.

I kept my cool as I do. And I called the health clinic and asked for an appointment so I can be referred to the other Finnish trans clinic, which doesn´t have the same system as the Helsinki one about autistic people facing extra scrutiny.

It was clear that the outcome of the discussion was set from the start so there wasn´t much I could do. This is not the end of the road, this is a detour that will either take me to the Tampere trans clinic or to the private sector. Either way I´ll get there some day.
 
:grouphug:
 
Breakfast: one egg, one M-150. Lunch: cold soup. Snack: one egg, blueberry smoothie.

Gotta stick to the routine. Right now all I can do is improve my body. So that´s what I´ll focus on.
 
Drew. Contacted the office of the Egality ombudsman. Boiled more eggs. Made and ate cold black bean soup. Hung the laundry. Did the dishes. Played with Heikki.

If memory serves, the clinic people did something similar in 2022 - telling me I can't stay their client, then did a 180 after. So I guess this is an option.
 
Would you have to restart the whole process at the other clinic? I hope they accept you and the current one gets their collective head out of their backside as well so you have the maximum possible number of options but - oof - so much unnecessary extra stress.
 
Llama said:
Would you have to restart the whole process at the other clinic? I hope they accept you and the current one gets their collective head out of their backside as well so you have the maximum possible number of options but - oof - so much unnecessary extra stress.
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I imagine I would need to start from scratch.

But I learned something today. Sex Nurse and my psychiatrist are clearly close friends or even a couple. She had a meltdown. Accusing me of threatening the sex nurse. I didn't. I know what the moral and legal limits are. I would never do that. So sex nurse has been lying.

I may be in shock but there's a way out of this.
 
Llama said:
Physalis/Peruvian ground cherries? Little orange balls that grow inside a papery lantern?
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Yes! Thanks! It´s "ananaskirsikka", pineapplecherry, in Finnish. And says Inca berry on the box because it sounds crunchy I guess.

Breakfast: two eggs, a bowl of cold soup.

Great news: I contacted the sex therapist and explained the general gist of my situation, and told her that the psychiatrist says I´m being denied transitioning because allegedly there was a discussion about this between the sex nurse, sex therapist, and psych. She said no such thing has happened, and so there are no documents either - and if there are no documents, the psychiatrist has nothing on me. Whereas I, on the other hand, can prove the psych is corrupted. I sent the psych a message via the patient database and explained that I have it on the sex therapist´s authority that she´s lying her ears off. The message can´t be erased by her, AFAIK, or altered in any way without leaving a trace. So if she has any viable brain cells left, she´s not going to make my life any harder.
When her boss calls me in June, I´m going to explain the situation to her and ask to be referred to another psychiatrist within the HUS trans clinic, because this one clearly cannot separate her private enmeshments from her work persona so I have no chance of getting treated fairly.

How can a man in such a tight place feel so fucking energized? Those clowns are DELUSIONAL and drunk on their own power. And stupid enough to break laws and ethics and not even bother to cover up. They are that used to fucking their patients all over.
 
Oh my god this keeps getting better! I was just contacted by someone who works with a Finnish autism org, and they have been looking at someone to go forth and file a proper complaint at the trans clinic, because they shit in our mouths all the time. But so far no one has taken the risk because, well, everyone ultimately just wants to transition and be left alone.

Everyone except me - because I´m the fucking grasshopper mouse, baby, hear me skweeeeeee :D
I´m going to do this! (Re-linking a video about my Source Animal for those unaware of this incredible lil critter)

 
Went for a walk, bought bananas, PB, ginger, cucumber & chicken.

Lunch: 200g of cottage cheese, one egg, milk chocolate. Then it´s off to the gym.
 
At the gym I was suddenly just sapped out of energy - I guess the mental stress is getting to me. But I still did a workout. Showering has rarely felt as good. I got my mini bottle of Elizabeth Arden White Tea and some shampoo from the post. I like it - it´s a very unassuming scent, almost like posh laundry detergent or a good quality soap.

I´m starting to panic a bit because there really is no telling what is going to happen with the trans clinic. But fear is the mind killer so right now I just have to put it aside. Those hacks wouldn´t have to lie if they actually had something against me. So while all of this is frustrating and dehumanizing, I´ll be OK in the end.
 
Floater said:
At the gym I was suddenly just sapped out of energy - I guess the mental stress is getting to me. But I still did a workout. Showering has rarely felt as good.
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Well done 👏
Floater said:
I´m starting to panic a bit because there really is no telling what is going to happen with the trans clinic. But fear is the mind killer so right now I just have to put it aside. Those hacks wouldn´t have to lie if they actually had something against me. So while all of this is frustrating and dehumanizing, I´ll be OK in the end.
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I love your determination.
I also love that you continue to eat well & look after yourself, no matter what happens. Kudos to you, my friend.
 
Cate said:
Well done 👏

I love your determination.
I also love that you continue to eat well & look after yourself, no matter what happens. Kudos to you, my friend.
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Thank you forum mom! :Angel_anim::grouphug:
The psychiatrist answered my messages I left via the patient database by saying she´ll leave her position for a year (maternity leave I presume?) and in the meanwhile the head psychiatrist of the trans clinic will call me in June to discuss my situation. So apparently kicking me out isn´t as written in the stars as she had me believe. Jesus Christ with these fascist pricks.

I woke up in time to clean Heikki´s cage and my apartment before the social worker arrived. Originally we were supposed to look at work-adjacent activity options but as the trans clinic doctor claimed they never even demanded me to take part in those (a lie), we spent 1,5 hours updating my client file for the disability social services instead. I consider this tie well spent. More papertrail to prove I´m not the raging, hair-trigger-tempered psycho the Sex Nurse claims I am.

Breakfast was last portion of cold bean soup (which clearly abhorred the social worker lol and I can´t blame her - my food looks more like animal feed). Snack was pineapple smoothie with chia, soy mince, oats, PB, sunflower seeds, quark, and hot sauce. Turned out fucking amazing, it´s like gym rat pina colada. I need something more filling for lunch though.

Today is rest day, tomorrow is therapy and aqua jogging day. The month is almost over so even though I have a whopping 20e on my name, I think I´ll be fine. Bills are all taken care of and I have stuff in the freezer & pantry.
 
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