Cate's Diary
- Thread starter Cate
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Cate
Long term member
I think they really enjoyed it, but R is not at his best at the moment.
(slipping a note into a card)
I can't find my nice writing paper, so might have to risk it
I had a good talk with R (& C) yesterday mostly about how important his health is. G had to go to golf yesterday but that was ok. R & I talk better when he's not here anyway. I think I have shown R an alternative to the hamster wheel he gets himself on & hopefully he can work out a way to only work as much as his health will allow. He's always in demand & gets offered jobs constantly &, like his Dad he hates to say no or feel like he's letting anyone down.
I just got a message from him now & he sounds a bit brighter.
I had a rough night's sleep on Saturday night. Arch had an upset stomach & I had to take him outside twice during the night. At 4.30 I gave up & stayed in the living room with a rug & 2 dogs on top of me. Needless to say I didn't get any more sleep. After R & C left I got a book & read it all. I took Arch for a walk at 4 pm. I slept like a log last night.
Cate
Long term member
Thanks, Em. Unfortunately, R is right back down again. This is a recurring thing & I can't see it going away. I won't go into details as I don't want to get miserable again. I had a very stressful day yesterday & ended up having a good cry, which I think did me good. Mental illness sucks! He feels lost. Ideally, he could get government support & do volunteer work.
K's funeral is today & it will be a miracle if I don't end up bawling again. There will be lots of grown men (& women) crying. He was well-loved.
K's funeral is today & it will be a miracle if I don't end up bawling again. There will be lots of grown men (& women) crying. He was well-loved.
Sorry to hear R is struggling so much and that you're really feeling the stress of it all. I hope he will find a good balance soon.
Having a good cry is healthy. I know I usually feel better if I can cry...
Cate
Long term member
Thank you so much, Tru, Liza & Llama. I think my day of tears yesterday helped me to cope better today. My friend, T has lost the love of her life & I am so grateful that I have G. There were so many cuddles today & expressions of love. K wrote his own eulogy, making it much easier for everyone he loved. The guy who read it out did such a good job. I told him how I have been planning mine & how I plan on making people laugh. He said it was a great idea. K really did not want everyone to be sad. He got to say all the things he wanted to. We have so many mutual friends & we genuinely love so many of them. Unfortunately, it's the way of the world that we often mostly catch up at funerals.
T saw our kids grow up & I briefly told her how much R is struggling. K's brother is a really good friend of G's as well. I was able to tell him that G loves it when he comes out & cuts up wood with G. I don't think many men are good at telling their friends how important their friendship is. By telling K's brother that G needs him it will also help him to talk about the loss of his brother.
I saw a lot of the golfing women & only got positive vibes. G & I are going to go out for a hit together next week to see how I feel after a hit & also if I can actually still hit the ball. I have an added incentive to go back as one of our social golf group will be joining the local women & I really love her. She is such a positive person & an absolute breath of fresh air.
T saw our kids grow up & I briefly told her how much R is struggling. K's brother is a really good friend of G's as well. I was able to tell him that G loves it when he comes out & cuts up wood with G. I don't think many men are good at telling their friends how important their friendship is. By telling K's brother that G needs him it will also help him to talk about the loss of his brother.
I saw a lot of the golfing women & only got positive vibes. G & I are going to go out for a hit together next week to see how I feel after a hit & also if I can actually still hit the ball. I have an added incentive to go back as one of our social golf group will be joining the local women & I really love her. She is such a positive person & an absolute breath of fresh air.
I once read that just over half of all married men have nobody apart from their wives they feel like they can talk to about "heavy" topics. (Long ago so I don't know if they only looked at cishet couples or if the dynamic was only that clear for them.) Of course that doesn't tell us whether the friendships are that shallow, whether they've been taught that doing so would be a sign of weakness, or whether almost half of wives are SO proficient at performing emotional labor for their partners that said partners don't feel they NEED to talk to anyone else but it's probably not a great sign either way. Good on you paving the way for a better world.
I so hope golf will be a positive in your life again! Exercise, fresh air, AND community is a great combination.
Cate
Long term member
That's an interesting statistic, Llama. I know that G is of the generation that men didn't talk about personal worries. It really was a "get on with it" generation & don't show your true feelings. He has gotten better & better with it. I know there were lots of men hugging one another yesterday & that can only be a good thing. K had some lovely friends & we are glad to know these people.
I don't have to be good at it.
I think I am an all-or-nothing person. A little of this & that doesn't seem to work for me. On the other hand, total restriction sees me rebelling. We are so complex.
Today I am having nothing with added sugar & no wine. I had overnight oats with berries & kefir for breakfast, with added hemp seeds & whey protein isolate mixed in. I am going to count my calories, but will only weigh myself once a week. I need to move more. I took Arch for a 10 min walk before 7 am & before breakfast. It's a lovely time of day in Spring/Summer. He may get 3 walks today to make up for yesterday.
I hope so too. I have to learn to be less sensitive & more resilient. If I can play in the chicken runs with G I can gradually get back to it.
I don't have to be good at it.
I'm starting over again with my plan to lose 10 kg & it's 14kg. I think I am an all-or-nothing person. A little of this & that doesn't seem to work for me. On the other hand, total restriction sees me rebelling. We are so complex.
Today I am having nothing with added sugar & no wine. I had overnight oats with berries & kefir for breakfast, with added hemp seeds & whey protein isolate mixed in. I am going to count my calories, but will only weigh myself once a week. I need to move more. I took Arch for a 10 min walk before 7 am & before breakfast. It's a lovely time of day in Spring/Summer. He may get 3 walks today to make up for yesterday.
That's wonderful, despite the sad occasion. I think there may be hope for humanity yet.
Isn't it the worst? I'm struggling as well and I hate it. And sometimes it's hard not to hate myself by extension.
Cate
Long term member
I choose to hope for humanity, Llama. We know more really good people than bad. I think I need to make more of an effort to catch up with these people & golf is a good way of doing that, plus more visits to our local town
It is a struggle. I'm yoyoing more these days. Up down/up down.....I need to get bloody-minded about it all I think, but more activity might be the key.
Cate
Long term member
I have done more today, including gardening & took Arch for a long walk right up to the other end of our street. I met a young woman who I wanted to invite to our get-together so that was good & she is going to find out the names of another couple for me as her husband works with the woman. I gave her my mobile number & the date as they don't have a letterbox yet & are building a small shack until they can build a home one day. She seems nice. I was very hot & bothered after the walk & very thirsty. It really is time to up my water intake. I always take a water bottle & a little bowl for Arch but the bottle needs to be bigger.
Last week we still had the wood heater going, this week it's going to get into the high 20s each day. The flies have appeared from nowhere. Snakes are out & about but we haven't seen any yet.
Last week we still had the wood heater going, this week it's going to get into the high 20s each day. The flies have appeared from nowhere. Snakes are out & about but we haven't seen any yet.
It's shocking how suddenly the seasons change sometimes. It's still unseasonally warm here but at least we're hovering around 10°C now rather than 20.
I agree that I know more wonderful people than awful ones but work puts me into contact with so many hopeless people and conspiracy nuts it's a constant fight to stay positive and it wears on me. But then I guess a candle makes the biggest difference in full darkness so I'll cling to that. I just wish I could offer a floodlight.
I agree that I know more wonderful people than awful ones but work puts me into contact with so many hopeless people and conspiracy nuts it's a constant fight to stay positive and it wears on me. But then I guess a candle makes the biggest difference in full darkness so I'll cling to that. I just wish I could offer a floodlight.
Isn't it funny how funerals can become one of our places of best connections. Our hearts so open, our vulnerability right at the surface...I'm glad it was a time of beautiful connections. It imagine it must have been a real comfort to your friend T and I hope that people stay connected with her as she goes through this rough time of loss.
Enjoy the outdoors and gardening Cate. I can finally say all the work in my garden is finished for the season. It is all mulched away to keep the soil protected over winter. I will be reading your garden stories with pleasure over my winter season.
All we can do is keep beginning again! Here's to new beginnings!
Cate
Long term member
I like that analogy, Llama. The news really wears me down. I can't bear to even look at Donald Trump. I have started tuning out to a lot of it. World politics is depressing & conspiracy theorists? Pfft! Dangerous, ignorant people are given too much oxygen in the media. I'm thinking about saving all of my photos on FB & going off social media altogether. I don't use twitter. It was bad enough before EM bought it.
I think moving more should help, Em. I can almost feel myself expanding & it's a horrible feeling. Even though the nutritionist suggested not counting calories & not weighing often I'm too scared not to & am going back to counting today & will just up my steps & try introducing some more cardio.
What a wonderful way of putting it, Liza.
I will think of you when I garden, Liza. I'll do some more today
& never giving up on ourselves!
G is playing golf again & I drove him down to the highway to be picked up & took Arch for a walk before 8 am. I have decided to try to get a walk in before it gets warm & to get my metabolism up & running for the day. I must say I feel more energised than I usually do in the morning. I don't know whether I should eat anything beforehand though as I really needed to get home in a hurry. I usually need to go to the loo about an hour after breakfast, but walking made a difference. Maybe I should just have a piece of fruit & then breakfast when I get back. Maybe I should wait until 9 to go for a walk. I'll experiment I think.
alligatorob
Respected Member
Sounds like a good plan, did it work out?
Cate
Long term member
I always have a morning walk (if it's not raining) but will try to make it a bit earlier. If I can go back to sleep I sure will.I'll never not upvote a morning walk
Not this morning, Rob as it it was raining & I managed to get back to sleep. I needed that from the night before.
We had an unusual breakfast which was leftover prawn curry with a soft egg & quinoa. It was more like soup & was delicious. It was a one-off. It was a bit rich for a breakfast.
We're doing a big fruit & veggie shop today & a tip run.
Yesterday was another teary day, but I did get stuff done & ate fairly well. I had a glass of red wine when G got home & enjoyed it.