Bubbles: The Diary
- Thread starter MsBubbles
- Start date
Thanks! I was happy to see the no-binge thread and installed myself in it.
On a totally vain and shallow note...I actually felt good about my body today in that I noticed my at-home off-skate skater exercises are really showing up in my glutes! LOL. That is, I had felt them be different but hadn't really looked in the mirror. Actually this time I didn't even look in the mirror but around and down in the shower
, and there they were. Glutes. As an early fifties woman, I am thrilled to find that I can build muscle and change my shape still, without all those hormones and collagen from my thirties. I've seen women even older than me on instagram achieve that too, but I just figured they were eating such a low calorie diet that of course their muscles would show, but that I wouldn't be able to achieve that, given my history of crappy dieting 
. So naturally this makes me ridiculously gung ho about keeping up that work out routine because it's clearly working!
Not only am I surprised I can build them, but I am very surprised that they hung around after a two week break! I did nothing at all! Sat on my butt and worked full time, didn't even go out for walks. That made me very 'Here's Johnny' so I'm not going to do that to myself again if I can help it. But after resuming it again just once this week so far (I'll work out again tonight), there are noticeable results! Granted, I have been inline speed skating since 1999, so I've got a few decades and thousands of miles in my butt muscles already, so perhaps all I needed were a few additional moves to take it to the next level.
Wish I could say the same for my abs! But I firmly believe getting in to a sane mealtime routine will take care of that.
After so much diet failure, so many promises to myself I have broken, day after day, year after year, I'm overjoyed to have put in some effort on something and have it go right, when it comes to my body and being happy in it.
On a totally vain and shallow note...I actually felt good about my body today in that I noticed my at-home off-skate skater exercises are really showing up in my glutes! LOL. That is, I had felt them be different but hadn't really looked in the mirror. Actually this time I didn't even look in the mirror but around and down in the shower
, and there they were. Glutes. As an early fifties woman, I am thrilled to find that I can build muscle and change my shape still, without all those hormones and collagen from my thirties. I've seen women even older than me on instagram achieve that too, but I just figured they were eating such a low calorie diet that of course their muscles would show, but that I wouldn't be able to achieve that, given my history of crappy dieting . So naturally this makes me ridiculously gung ho about keeping up that work out routine because it's clearly working! Not only am I surprised I can build them, but I am very surprised that they hung around after a two week break! I did nothing at all! Sat on my butt and worked full time, didn't even go out for walks
. That made me very 'Here's Johnny' so I'm not going to do that to myself again if I can help it. But after resuming it again just once this week so far (I'll work out again tonight), there are noticeable results! Granted, I have been inline speed skating since 1999, so I've got a few decades and thousands of miles in my butt muscles already, so perhaps all I needed were a few additional moves to take it to the next level. Wish I could say the same for my abs! But I firmly believe getting in to a sane mealtime routine will take care of that.
After so much diet failure, so many promises to myself I have broken, day after day, year after year, I'm overjoyed to have put in some effort on something and have it go right, when it comes to my body and being happy in it.
That's awesome, congratulations! Nothing vain or shallow about it
Also: speedskaters DO tend to have great butts LOL. Thanks LaMaria and Cate!
Man. Where did those ten days go?
I haven't binged at all since then. Yay. I think I did lose a layer/tyre around the middle, just by not thinking about food, which unfortunately also means not planning food, and probably not eating all that well. But I want to get to the next level. I'm tempted by a 21 day challenge but not sure what to do. No snacking? 5 veggies? X amount of water? Exercise (weights or cardio?)? Getting up and moving every hour for five minutes between 9am - 8pm? Ooh that's a good one. I might try that.
Man. Where did those ten days go?
I haven't binged at all since then. Yay. I think I did lose a layer/tyre around the middle, just by not thinking about food, which unfortunately also means not planning food, and probably not eating all that well. But I want to get to the next level. I'm tempted by a 21 day challenge but not sure what to do. No snacking? 5 veggies? X amount of water? Exercise (weights or cardio?)? Getting up and moving every hour for five minutes between 9am - 8pm? Ooh that's a good one. I might try that.
I'm here again to write about my relationship to food so that I can get straight in my head, again. Overall I'm doing fine not attempting to diet and then just bingeing. This means I'm not attempting to diet in practicality, but in my mind I'm still thinking my life can't start until I lose this spare tyre and these saddlebags, plus a few inches off the boobs. And in reality I'm just eating whatever, whenever. I *think* I'm doing better at observing meal times. But some days seem like one long graze between lunch and supper. I would like to improve in this area. It's difficult working from home. My kitchen is just a few steps away.
Recently my daughter asked me to dig out an old Christmas photo of her for a game they're doing at her work. So I braved a box of old memories and noticed how I was then the size I'd like to be now (as ever, about 12 lb less than I am right now), and I remembered that at the time, I was pretty pleased with myself because I wasn't dieting. I remember a moment where I realized I hadn't thought about dieting in eight years. Of course, I was in my late twenties, early thirties so my metabolism was very different then. It has been so long since then though, I can't remember WHAT I used to eat, but I believe it was to try to eat as closely as I had when I lived in Normandy, France. That was the healthiest eating year of my life. Focus was on quality and nourishment, and just not bothering with refined sugar or refined foods in general. As close to the whole food as you can get. I was in the US by this time and where I was living, it was a challenge back then to find these foods, but not impossible. I know all of this is a no-brainer. Not only did I eat mostly whole foods where possible, I also was away from the kitchen a lot - making sure the kids weren't about to do something dangerous. Most of the time we were outside.
I think what ended this blissful healthy weight no dieting period was when I got into competitive sports and then started reading up about what to eat and what body compositions were best for being fastest. So stupid. It's all about being fastest. Whatever. Who cares. I'm over that now and just love the sport for the movement of it and fun. But there for a while I thought that I could control how much better I got (and therefore be more admired and loved) by becoming very picky and not at all user-friendly about food. Boy was *I* fun at parties. This coincided with a relationship with someone who used food to stuff his fears down. We went to a lot of buffets! I was either really skinny or about 30lb overweight. My consistent balance was upset. I have been trying to clamber my way back to that balance I had during most of the 90s ever since, regarding food.
The extra ingredient to that previous good stretch of healthy eating was my wanting to set a good example to my kids about food. To set them off hopefully in life, knowing what 'real' food is supposed to look like. That it was easy to come by, and abundant - not scarce like it was for me growing up, or utter junk like so many other families I had seen at the time. In focusing on that, I didn't have to focus on quantity.
I know that focusing on quality is the way to go, but you know there's that whole orthorexia thing too. It's easy to fall off into that. I think no matter what, I need to make the healthy relationship to food the main goal. Perhaps I should celebrate every day that goes by, where I didn't get into a struggle in my mind about what I ate.
Recently my daughter asked me to dig out an old Christmas photo of her for a game they're doing at her work. So I braved a box of old memories and noticed how I was then the size I'd like to be now (as ever, about 12 lb less than I am right now), and I remembered that at the time, I was pretty pleased with myself because I wasn't dieting. I remember a moment where I realized I hadn't thought about dieting in eight years. Of course, I was in my late twenties, early thirties so my metabolism was very different then. It has been so long since then though, I can't remember WHAT I used to eat, but I believe it was to try to eat as closely as I had when I lived in Normandy, France. That was the healthiest eating year of my life. Focus was on quality and nourishment, and just not bothering with refined sugar or refined foods in general. As close to the whole food as you can get. I was in the US by this time and where I was living, it was a challenge back then to find these foods, but not impossible. I know all of this is a no-brainer. Not only did I eat mostly whole foods where possible, I also was away from the kitchen a lot - making sure the kids weren't about to do something dangerous. Most of the time we were outside.
I think what ended this blissful healthy weight no dieting period was when I got into competitive sports and then started reading up about what to eat and what body compositions were best for being fastest. So stupid. It's all about being fastest. Whatever. Who cares. I'm over that now and just love the sport for the movement of it and fun. But there for a while I thought that I could control how much better I got (and therefore be more admired and loved) by becoming very picky and not at all user-friendly about food. Boy was *I* fun at parties. This coincided with a relationship with someone who used food to stuff his fears down. We went to a lot of buffets! I was either really skinny or about 30lb overweight. My consistent balance was upset. I have been trying to clamber my way back to that balance I had during most of the 90s ever since, regarding food.
The extra ingredient to that previous good stretch of healthy eating was my wanting to set a good example to my kids about food. To set them off hopefully in life, knowing what 'real' food is supposed to look like. That it was easy to come by, and abundant - not scarce like it was for me growing up, or utter junk like so many other families I had seen at the time. In focusing on that, I didn't have to focus on quantity.
I know that focusing on quality is the way to go, but you know there's that whole orthorexia thing too. It's easy to fall off into that. I think no matter what, I need to make the healthy relationship to food the main goal. Perhaps I should celebrate every day that goes by, where I didn't get into a struggle in my mind about what I ate.
alligatorob
Respected Member
Hey Bubbles, interesting post, you are certainly giving a lot of good thought to this! That alone will probably help, I know when I am doing my worst is when I pay not attention to what I eat. I cannot do the grazing all day, I need some structure to what and when I eat, too easy for me to eat a lot and not really notice. I am sure you can find the best way for you!
A comment on your "thinking my life can't start until I lose this spare tyre and these saddlebags, plus a few inches" thing. I know that feeling and l lived that way far too much of my life, but as I am sure you know your life started long ago and continues no matter what. You need to make sure you are making the most of it no matter what your eating and weight are doing. By the way I think my weight was a lot higher than yours...
Had to look "orthorexia" up, a new concept to me. Not a problem I have had, in fact for much of my life a bit of orthorexia might have been a good thing for me, LOL
A comment on your "thinking my life can't start until I lose this spare tyre and these saddlebags, plus a few inches" thing. I know that feeling and l lived that way far too much of my life, but as I am sure you know your life started long ago and continues no matter what. You need to make sure you are making the most of it no matter what your eating and weight are doing. By the way I think my weight was a lot higher than yours...
Had to look "orthorexia" up, a new concept to me. Not a problem I have had, in fact for much of my life a bit of orthorexia might have been a good thing for me, LOL
I love the sound of that.
I know it´s hard to see when you´re dealing with yourself rather than someone else but most people won´t even notice when others gain 12 pounds. It´s only about a dress size. Not saying that to invalidate your feelings, just as a reminder that in the large scheme of things 12 pounds aren´t a huge amount so not obsessing about it is ok.
Cate
Long term member
That sounds like a very good plan Bubbles.
I just went back & re-read the first page of your diary. Back then you thought that grazing was part of the problem, but you also mentioned this-
Did you ever get help with that? Seeing a psych was one of the best things that I did to overcome emotional eating.
Good question, Cate! Yes. It was probably a relationship I believed I would never be able to get out of, and that obviously wasn't working. That problem has since been resolved.
Yeah I'm not all bent out of shape over 12 lbs, but getting rid of it, or most of it, I something I'd like to do in my life.
Alligatorob: I never graze all day and not know it! I am aware of everything I eat. LOL. I wish I could just forget all about it. It's obsessive thinking. some of us tend towards that. So much of what I do is continual management of that, and trying to keep things around 'normal'.
So how did today go? I think it went fine. I walked off a lot of restless energy. I feel a tad too full after dinner but I'm not overstuffed either. I'm going to look at my workout schedule and see what I can come up with that'll make me happy and is feasible.
Yeah I'm not all bent out of shape over 12 lbs, but getting rid of it, or most of it, I something I'd like to do in my life.
Alligatorob: I never graze all day and not know it! I am aware of everything I eat. LOL. I wish I could just forget all about it. It's obsessive thinking. some of us tend towards that. So much of what I do is continual management of that, and trying to keep things around 'normal'.
So how did today go? I think it went fine. I walked off a lot of restless energy. I feel a tad too full after dinner but I'm not overstuffed either. I'm going to look at my workout schedule and see what I can come up with that'll make me happy and is feasible.
alligatorob
Respected Member
Merry Christmas Bubbles!
How goes it?
How goes it?
Thank you for the Christmas Wishes, Alligatorob! Doing well thanks. I hope you are too!
Well the holidays came and went. I have done an okay job by me, of sticking with my lower body workouts. I definitely need to add some upper body to the roster though. I want to find some that I like. What works for me is - no speaking. No screeching. No screaming. Just youtube videos that take me through it as I'm doing it, with some kind of neutral, nondescript back ground music.
I also bought two massive cook books because somewhere through the years I have lost mine. These are mostly gluten free (not gluten substitute, just steering clear of the need for bread and other wheaty products) and sugar free. My body works better without those two things. There's not much cheese involved either. I love these recipes though. It's a lot of fun. I started off after Christmas, making a deal with myself that I could eat whatever I make myself in those books. Of course I have other things in my freezer too. But this week has been stressful, involving a bit of a family bust up and now several people aren't talking. It's very upsetting to me. So I tried to squash those feelings down with food. All the things I need to stay away from .
So it's back on it again tomorrow. I might even weigh myself! I can't imagine there has been much change, judging by how my clothes fit. Oh and that reminds me. I need to be ok with a smaller chest size. I am ready to reduce that. I'd like to lose at least two inches off my chest and stomach/waist area. Shortly after Christmas I just didn't have much appetite, but it's back. LOL.
Well the holidays came and went. I have done an okay job by me, of sticking with my lower body workouts. I definitely need to add some upper body to the roster though. I want to find some that I like. What works for me is - no speaking. No screeching. No screaming. Just youtube videos that take me through it as I'm doing it, with some kind of neutral, nondescript back ground music.
I also bought two massive cook books because somewhere through the years I have lost mine. These are mostly gluten free (not gluten substitute, just steering clear of the need for bread and other wheaty products) and sugar free. My body works better without those two things. There's not much cheese involved either. I love these recipes though. It's a lot of fun. I started off after Christmas, making a deal with myself that I could eat whatever I make myself in those books. Of course I have other things in my freezer too. But this week has been stressful, involving a bit of a family bust up and now several people aren't talking. It's very upsetting to me. So I tried to squash those feelings down with food. All the things I need to stay away from .
So it's back on it again tomorrow. I might even weigh myself! I can't imagine there has been much change, judging by how my clothes fit. Oh and that reminds me. I need to be ok with a smaller chest size. I am ready to reduce that. I'd like to lose at least two inches off my chest and stomach/waist area. Shortly after Christmas I just didn't have much appetite, but it's back. LOL.