Cate
Long term member
Yes you do
Bubbles: The Diary
- Thread starter MsBubbles
- Start date
Back after about 8 weeks. I got a bit off the rails, baked a lot of stuff and then ate it all pretty quickly. Attempted to freeze it to take the pressure of eating it before it went bad. But that didn't work because I just then hauled it all back out again. I don't want to throw food away. I mean, I DO throw food away but I'm not going to bake an entire huge cake with icing and toppings and then throw THAT away. It was a masterpiece! 
So then I tried various "OK I'm going to do THIS now, to reel in the-out-of-control eating", every other day, starting something new. Then at some point in there I hit upon the idea that since goals never work out for me, why don't I just stop setting them?! That is, I do still have goals of course and I get there just the same as if I've written them down, promised myself or declared them somehow, just without the feeling of failure. This led to my hitting upon the idea that I can/should eat around 500 cals/meal, three times a day, and that will keep me on an even keel. No rules within that. And just taking it one meal at a time. That worked well for about 8 days. I will resume that tomorrow. Any less than that and I get too hungry before the next meal. Any more than that and I just want to sleep until the next meal. Things stabilized while I was doing that, and that daily intake was just about right for me to halt the weight gain during that 8 days, and even start to lose a little bit. I noticed the way my clothes fit. Then the weekend hit and I took today off and went totally off the rails.
I haven't weighed myself in weeks. I imagine I'm back up around the 75kg mark, just by going off the extra weight I feel around my chest and stomach. I'm not happy like this. Not at all. I want to be happy with my body.
So then I tried various "OK I'm going to do THIS now, to reel in the-out-of-control eating", every other day, starting something new. Then at some point in there I hit upon the idea that since goals never work out for me, why don't I just stop setting them?! That is, I do still have goals of course and I get there just the same as if I've written them down, promised myself or declared them somehow, just without the feeling of failure. This led to my hitting upon the idea that I can/should eat around 500 cals/meal, three times a day, and that will keep me on an even keel. No rules within that. And just taking it one meal at a time. That worked well for about 8 days. I will resume that tomorrow. Any less than that and I get too hungry before the next meal. Any more than that and I just want to sleep until the next meal. Things stabilized while I was doing that, and that daily intake was just about right for me to halt the weight gain during that 8 days, and even start to lose a little bit. I noticed the way my clothes fit. Then the weekend hit and I took today off and went totally off the rails.
I haven't weighed myself in weeks. I imagine I'm back up around the 75kg mark, just by going off the extra weight I feel around my chest and stomach. I'm not happy like this. Not at all. I want to be happy with my body.
Hi LaMaria! That is a very good way to be. Things always went so much easier for me whenever I made the pact with myself that no matter what, I would not reach for sugar first. I did tell myself that I could have whatever sugary thing I wanted, only after something that resembled a proper meal. What ended up happening, with zero FOMO for me, was that I was always full enough after the proper meal and never wanted the sugar! But it was essential to know that it was there if by chance I did have room for dessert. That way I never had to pull out the self-discipline.
I think I'll start that again! It worked well for me. Thanks for the reminder.
I think I'll start that again! It worked well for me. Thanks for the reminder.
Thanks LaMaria and Cate! Thurs and Fri were pretty bad for me on the comfort eating levels. I was snowed under at work, and am missing the hour of daylight in the evenings so I'm spending a lot of time motionless, which drives me insane and I therefore eat to calm myself down. 
What with the election and a few boxes of mince pies in my kitchen, and me working from home...it has been all too easy this week to engage in self-destructive behaviour.
I feel bad for doing that to myself. But work has been busy and after the covid-fear-induced slumps earlier this year, I'm grateful for it but it's easy to burn oneself out even more that way.
What with the election and a few boxes of mince pies in my kitchen, and me working from home...it has been all too easy this week to engage in self-destructive behaviour.
I feel bad for doing that to myself. But work has been busy and after the covid-fear-induced slumps earlier this year, I'm grateful for it but it's easy to burn oneself out even more that way.
Having a job is great but only as long as it doesn't harm you more than the alternatives.Well! We had a big party here on Saturday! A twelve hour long one up here at a main intersection in Midtown Atlanta.
I'm bag on it again now. Having some good days focusing on vegetables, which I apparently can only do if I decided I should ignore bread for a few days
. I always feel very streamlined when I do this. Having fun with different veggie dishes. Doing the November goals thing here for the first time is actually pretty helpful as it helps me remind myself last thing at night that if I'm hungry, a teaspoon of peanut butter usually does the trick without piling on the bloat for the morning weigh in, and it stops me being sleepless due to hunger. I'm also doing the daily weigh in too, which is also very helpful, and since I have my scales set to kilos, I can put on a pound or two overnight and not really think it's drastic 
.
It's going on two weeks though since I worked out and I'm trying not to panic too much about that. I figure I'll get to it when I have the time
. I am trying to get a couple of miles walking in each day just to get outside, but at some point I will miss the muscle tone that the weights give me and will probably start up again.
I'm bag on it again now. Having some good days focusing on vegetables, which I apparently can only do if I decided I should ignore bread for a few days
. I always feel very streamlined when I do this. Having fun with different veggie dishes. Doing the November goals thing here for the first time is actually pretty helpful as it helps me remind myself last thing at night that if I'm hungry, a teaspoon of peanut butter usually does the trick without piling on the bloat for the morning weigh in, and it stops me being sleepless due to hunger. I'm also doing the daily weigh in too, which is also very helpful, and since I have my scales set to kilos, I can put on a pound or two overnight and not really think it's drastic .It's going on two weeks though since I worked out and I'm trying not to panic too much about that. I figure I'll get to it when I have the time
. I am trying to get a couple of miles walking in each day just to get outside, but at some point I will miss the muscle tone that the weights give me and will probably start up again.I should totally have called this journal the Bubbles Rollercoaster. After an even keel week and weekend, my weight shot up by 5 lb and is slowly coming back down. This is why I use kilos, but in this case, even the kilo numbers were shocking! It's very demoralizing. I'm so sick of carrying these extra pounds, and now they're around my stomach. I'm also sick of it stealing my mental and physical energy. But here I am in my fifties, snookered by past weight loss method errors and an upbringing of 'looks are everything' which as an adult has been hard to undo (still working on it). So diets don't work for me. They throw me off the rails within a day.
Taking stock... I think this is what I need to do to try to make the best of a) the body I find myself with now, on Nov 17th 2020, b) integrate some complementary measures as acts of self-love and self-respect.
- Keep moving the way I already like to (it's already quite a lot)
- Keep exploring new ways to move, the way I already do
- Steer away from bread and white flour where possible. Perhaps just don't keep it at home at all. But I can't throw away what I have in my freezer yet. For the sake of not sending myself off the rails again, I CAN have them, just not first in a meal. Eat the dinner plate food first. Then if I still want, have them for dessert.
- Steer away from sweets and chocolate where possible. Perhaps just don't keep them at home at all. But I can't throw away what I have in my freezer yet. For the sake of not sending myself off the rails again, I CAN have them, just not first in a meal. Eat the dinner plate food first. Then if I still want, have them for dessert.
- Green leafy veg elevates my mood for some reason. I need to go out and get that for myself as many days as I need to.
- Fruit is good. Eat it.
- Three meals a day seems like a smart thing to do. Meal prep. Eat. Clear it all away. Be done with food until the next meal.
- To come up with meal ideas: (all except breakfast) Orient around the veg first, add protein if I feel like it. But bear in mind that if I eat protein and fat as well, I'm likely to do better blood sugar wise until the next meal.
- Clean your teeth, be done with food until the next meal.
The only thing I'm not clear on, ever, is do I try to watch my overall intake (as a way to certainly not gain weight, and as a way to even lose a few extra pounds over time), or do I tell myself I can't have certain things? I swing between the two because I rebel against whichever one I picked, and gain weight. Once again I have to revert back to the 'just don't eat sugar first' deal I made with myself, which worked. Perhaps I should add bread to that too. "Sure, you can have chocolate and bread, Bubbles, just don't eat them first! Eat the fruit/veg/protein stuff first, and then if you're still hungry, you can have B & C". But that seems like a lot of rules. Ok I'll add it to the list.
I know all these things and somehow I always veer away from it. I'm a naturally chaotic person and function better that way in other areas, but this is the one area I can't do that with and have it improve my life. It actually makes it worse. I've just realized that in writing this out. Ok so it's a trade off. If I can learn to be less chaotic in this one area of my life, it'll improve and support the other areas where I take a more artistic/creative approach.
I guess what I need to do is redirect my thoughts every time I'm hating on my stomach or butt for being on the bigger side of what I know to be more comfortable, and instead of any kind of self-hatred, go off in the direction of self-respect. See these as signs that I'm not taking the best care of myself, and make a conscious decision to do so via the above checklist.
Taking stock... I think this is what I need to do to try to make the best of a) the body I find myself with now, on Nov 17th 2020, b) integrate some complementary measures as acts of self-love and self-respect.
- Keep moving the way I already like to (it's already quite a lot)
- Keep exploring new ways to move, the way I already do
- Steer away from bread and white flour where possible. Perhaps just don't keep it at home at all. But I can't throw away what I have in my freezer yet. For the sake of not sending myself off the rails again, I CAN have them, just not first in a meal. Eat the dinner plate food first. Then if I still want, have them for dessert.
- Steer away from sweets and chocolate where possible. Perhaps just don't keep them at home at all. But I can't throw away what I have in my freezer yet. For the sake of not sending myself off the rails again, I CAN have them, just not first in a meal. Eat the dinner plate food first. Then if I still want, have them for dessert.
- Green leafy veg elevates my mood for some reason. I need to go out and get that for myself as many days as I need to.
- Fruit is good. Eat it.
- Three meals a day seems like a smart thing to do. Meal prep. Eat. Clear it all away. Be done with food until the next meal.
- To come up with meal ideas: (all except breakfast) Orient around the veg first, add protein if I feel like it. But bear in mind that if I eat protein and fat as well, I'm likely to do better blood sugar wise until the next meal.
- Clean your teeth, be done with food until the next meal.
The only thing I'm not clear on, ever, is do I try to watch my overall intake (as a way to certainly not gain weight, and as a way to even lose a few extra pounds over time), or do I tell myself I can't have certain things? I swing between the two because I rebel against whichever one I picked, and gain weight. Once again I have to revert back to the 'just don't eat sugar first' deal I made with myself, which worked. Perhaps I should add bread to that too. "Sure, you can have chocolate and bread, Bubbles, just don't eat them first! Eat the fruit/veg/protein stuff first, and then if you're still hungry, you can have B & C". But that seems like a lot of rules. Ok I'll add it to the list.
I know all these things and somehow I always veer away from it. I'm a naturally chaotic person and function better that way in other areas, but this is the one area I can't do that with and have it improve my life. It actually makes it worse. I've just realized that in writing this out. Ok so it's a trade off. If I can learn to be less chaotic in this one area of my life, it'll improve and support the other areas where I take a more artistic/creative approach.
I guess what I need to do is redirect my thoughts every time I'm hating on my stomach or butt for being on the bigger side of what I know to be more comfortable, and instead of any kind of self-hatred, go off in the direction of self-respect. See these as signs that I'm not taking the best care of myself, and make a conscious decision to do so via the above checklist.
You know what though? All that above is already making me flinch and want to show myself who's boss and just eat anything I want to. I can't handle any kind of restriction. This is what I keep doing. Flip flopping between restricting things 'for my own good' and overeating because I'm adult dammit.
Ok so revised list for now:
- Eat three meals a day, first thing cannot be dessert/sugar. Have it, enjoy it, but eat it last for God's sake.
- Keep moving. Enjoy it.
- Two meals a day need to have green leafy veg in so that you are a nice person to everybody else.
That's it.
Ok so revised list for now:
- Eat three meals a day, first thing cannot be dessert/sugar. Have it, enjoy it, but eat it last for God's sake.
- Keep moving. Enjoy it.
- Two meals a day need to have green leafy veg in so that you are a nice person to everybody else.
That's it.
Are you me?
I´ve literally been doing the exact same thing for the past I don´t know how many years. Getting better on being nice to my body but always struggling with moderation and rebelling against anything that resembles rules... Oh, and I also find leafy green veg ridiculously helpful for my well-being.LOL. LaMaria. I suspect this is a very common problem .
The worst, most frustrating part or time during all of this is the part where I know I'm heavier than normal, I'm tired, grouchy and sluggish, no amount of exercise is going to help, my clothes don't fit and the last thing I want to do is withhold all my comfort foods.
Working on just trying to stay calm today! And not commit any self-harm via food.
. The worst, most frustrating part or time during all of this is the part where I know I'm heavier than normal, I'm tired, grouchy and sluggish, no amount of exercise is going to help, my clothes don't fit and the last thing I want to do is withhold all my comfort foods.
Working on just trying to stay calm today! And not commit any self-harm via food.
For me fruit is very helpful to avoid feeling deprived. A handful of salted pistachios instead of chips (or any other nut that slows down the esting because of shells). Roasted veggies instead of boiled to get that intense flavor. Plenty of protein. Or whatever makes the food you do eat extra satisfying and satiating.
Yeah. I love it all.
Well so far this week I have walked about 5 miles a day, and just now I managed to finally do my at home workout routine, and feel better again. Eating/not overeating went well yesterday and today, too. Not going near the scales for a few weeks, probably.
Well so far this week I have walked about 5 miles a day, and just now I managed to finally do my at home workout routine, and feel better again. Eating/not overeating went well yesterday and today, too. Not going near the scales for a few weeks, probably.