Jim, I've suffered many bouts of panic attacks over the years - for sure it's the body's way of screaming that we are stressed and fearful about something. Perhaps the whole idea of losing weight is a very alarming, comfortless kind of option - a bit like someone who has been told they have to have a leg amputated or an arm maybe. They can't imagine not having it and it's alarming or even disturbing to think about it.
I would suggest you try and live only one day at a time. Envisaging a whole mountain of weight to lose and complete change of body shape is very daunting and fear inducing. It's the same as if I'd been shown a huge garage full of smelly, dirty dishes at the beginning of the year and told these are what I would have to spend the next 12 months washing and drying. The day to day reality is I do a few dishes at a time, never think about the next day's - or the next's, and I therefore don't worry about the whole mountain.
If you live in "day tight compartments", you can seal off what you did yesterday, refuse to think about next week or next month, and just concentrate on the day at hand. All anyone on this has to do is just get up and concentrate on the single day in front of them, and making it as successful as they can.
You don't have to worry about "can I keep this up for xxxx months" or anything else. Just ask yourself if you can eat the best you can in the day you are in. Once that day is over, you finish with it, put it away, and then get on with the next day.
I think it is the difference between thinking you are "on a diet" and realising that this is just the start of a whole new life which consists of making good choices for the day we are in.
Food is a friend and coping mechanism for all sorts of situations, and therefore it's alarming when it suddenly gets "cut off" in that sense. I'm sure that in time, you will develop some new and better ways of coping and making yourself feel good - but give it time and persistence. As you said, it's not "hunger" as such - it's just that old "comfort factor" that we feel when we reach for our familiar friends like the cream puffs or pies once again. I had to consciously make an effort to think of other things I could do instead that gave me a similar feeling of comfort, but without the self-destruction.
Anyway, hope you are starting to feel a little better and can keep that cellar dweller well and truly in its place!
