A serious question about talking with other other people (or opposite sex)

Dude, you do well here making friends, so could be. I’m a little confused with what you wrote. Do you have a speech or hearing impediment?
 
JohnnySolo said:
Dude, you do well here making friends, so could be. I’m a little confused with what you wrote. Do you have a speech or hearing impediment?
Click to expand...

Both.

Since I have hearing lost, I never really fully developed speech. I went to a speech therapist over the summer, and they said I improved, but still I'm generally soft spoken, and can't really say words with "r," "th," "s," etc. For example, I might say, "da" instead of "the." Or "pawent" instead of "parent." Etc. I have a tape recorder, and I've been practicing a bit with what they gave me. I do get laughs whenever I talk. Like I'm at a store, I sometimes might see someone laughing about it. Nothing totally big, but yeah it can bring me down.

As for hearing, I have hearing aids, but they don't really help. I can't hear out of my left, and my right is pretty good but still below normal. It's always mumbles, then clear, then mumbles. So in order to piece together conversations, it requires that I either guess what they said, or attempt to ask. That doesn't exactly go well with picking up someone for date.
 
Last edited:
Reading over my initial question, I guess what I should ask is that I'm pretty good with one-to-one conversations. That requires that I stand literally in close proximity with someone then engage in a conversation. Group conversation usually requires that I have a person with me to relay any sort of message that I might have missed.

With that said, I have been trying things like going in elevators and talking with a single person in there. Which helps. That or attempting to talk to someone who passes by. While these are helpful, they don't really get me to get someone to talk to. I very well can't go to someplace, pull someone to the side and attempt to talk that way. It might work, I don't know, but I think that's asking too much since I'm a stranger.

So what ways could I get into a one-to-one conversations? Gyms are great ideas, though the problem is everyone is always sweaty, myself included, so it's a bit hard and I don't much feel like walking around talking with people. Classes are another great idea, but I can't talk to someone during lecture, and trying to get them after class is a bit hard since they're going about with whatever.
 
The impediment could more than likely be causing you problems then, with strangers. I’ll bet the conversations go smother with people you know, right? More than likely people are scared of misunderstanding you, or you misunderstanding them, so they cut the conversation short.

I’ve absolutely no idea how to help you out, if that is the case. Hopefully there in another member here that has knowledge of a similar situation.
 
Dallen said:
Hey everyone, thanks for the advices. However, no progress as of yet. It's getting really hard. Today I had one decent conversation with a person, but otherwise, I'm back to square one.

I just don't get it.

Do you think hearing & speech impairments might play a huge role in gaining friends? I mean over all I have problems all across the board. Sometimes I think if I had good hearing, I wouldn't have half of these problems. However, the problem is that I'm neither deaf nor good, so it's really in between with things. But I don't think anyone understands it fully. Like to give you an example of what I go through each day, imagine yourself in water and your head is floating up and down and you can hear another person talk, and sometimes the words are clear because your head is out of the water, but other times since your head is underwater, you hear mumbles. That's exactly what I'm going through, and it's just hard to pretend long enough until the person starts with specifics and it's impossible to come out and fully get what the other person just said.
Click to expand...


Do you have a hearing device of any type that can help with the "underwater" hearing? If you are having trouble hearing their side of the conversation that can definately cause issues with your communication back.
 
JohnnySolo said:
The impediment could more than likely be causing you problems then, with strangers. I’ll bet the conversations go smother with people you know, right? More than likely people are scared of misunderstanding you, or you misunderstanding them, so they cut the conversation short.

I’ve absolutely no idea how to help you out, if that is the case. Hopefully there in another member here that has knowledge of a similar situation.
Click to expand...

Conversations go extremely well with people I know.

I think my problem is fairly unique. That or some people are just good at hiding it even with these problems.


Avraham said:
Do you have a hearing device of any type that can help with the "underwater" hearing? If you are having trouble hearing their side of the conversation that can definately cause issues with your communication back.
Click to expand...

They help, but they're not very good for my level of hearing lost. I can hear noises, just can't make them out. Sometimes they come in perfect clarity while other times they just mumble.
 
Not that I or this group don't want to help out, but would it be good to post this to a forum that assists people who have hearing loss/speech impendements? They are going to know a heck of a lot more about how to communicate more effectively with strangers then someone like me who has little to no expierience with it.
 
Last edited:
Hey Avraham, thank you for your concerns. However, everything remains the same (or maybe worst). I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong anymore and it's just constantly a battle each day of calling myself worthless and a failure. It just feels like everyone else got something going on and I'm not sure what they have that I don't when I tried the same things and failed.

Overall though, I hope it goes away. However, I talked to a few people who have the same problems, and they said that it never goes away and they just sort of live with it day by day. I thought about it one day about if what I'm feeling is a bi-polar disorder, and I figured it isn't true. The root of my problem is that no one wants me and I really haven't tried everyone - which I feel is disgusting and living in hell since to me it's disrespecting the person - this problem would be remedied rather quickly if I meet my goal. I figured the problem is that I know what my goals are, but how I get there, I have not idea. If I knew, I'd go do it right today. All I can see is that I'm starting to get too old to have a successful relationship with anyone, especially to start a family unless I marry someone way younger than I am.

So the problem is that the more I think about the end goal and how much time I have left to complete it, I'm starting to feel rather worthless. I just want to give it all up and forget about it, but I can't anymore and I constantly think about what I'm doing wrong or right.
 
Just keep at it man and keep your head held high. I hope you find what you are looking for and keep us updated WHEN it happens :)

Just curious, how old are you? I don't remember seeing that anywhere.
 
Sorry to 'resurrect' this post. But from my experience (I'm 17, so with school/constant social events I have a lot of time to network) always have a few girls interested at once and never get hung up about one girl. Then you end up keeping them keen as you aren't giving one of them all the attention. Also, as you have more success your confidence skyrockets to a point in which a rejection is nothing to you.

Just leave your comfort zone and boom. Next thing you know they are hanging off you. (literally :p)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top