A serious question about talking with other other people (or opposite sex)

D

Dallen

0
A serious question about what are some good methods to talk with other people (preferably members of the opposite sex)? Is there any sort of do's and don'ts that you want to follow?

I got eye contact.

But then when I start talking, I just start talking randomly and unpronounced. Here is a recent conversation:

"Hello, my name is X"
"Hi x! My name is Y"
"So how are you today?"
"Good you?"
"Great...... Ummm ummm umm umm umm" and it continues until it's an awkward silence then sort of either walking away or focus on someone else.

Is there anything else to keep things going beyond the "Hello" and "How are you" type speeches?

I think my goal is I want to talk to three different people and the end result either getting to know the names of the person or at the very least walk away with a conversation in mind. Perhaps sometime within the week, maybe tonight at the gym.
 
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You need to have something in common, and then it’s easy. A topic you both like, you focus on that topic, showing you’re intelligent in the topic BUT listening to their views as well. Don’t dominate, share. If there is nothing in common you look at each other dumbly and walk the other way. That’s a good thing.

The gym topic, that should be a good one for you.
 
"Hello, my name is X"
"Hi x! My name is Y"
"So how are you today?"
"Good you?"
"Well I'm doing great now, it's nice to meet you."
 
"I see you're working out pretty hard"
"yeah, this exercise is really tough!"
"Tell me about it!"

stuff like that.
When it comes to girls, try to find something you both are interested in, do you like the same kind of music, same kind of exercise, movies, tv shows, etc? I once talked with a girl about Seinfeld for about an hour :p
 
A lot of my conversations with the ladies involves noticing something about them and then putting it in the conversation, also humor is quite important, or at least it's one of my +'s.
Another thing I find when you are trying to pull is,'you won't win them all'. If you start talking to her and she only responds with yes or no then you are either a) gonna have one hell of a tough time or b) it's not gonna work, so be clever if shes not putting any effort into the conversation then say goodbye and try again with someone else, just not in front of her because that looks bad ;)
 
Karky said:
"I see you're working out pretty hard"
"yeah, this exercise is really tough!"
"Tell me about it!"

stuff like that.
When it comes to girls, try to find something you both are interested in, do you like the same kind of music, same kind of exercise, movies, tv shows, etc? I once talked with a girl about Seinfeld for about an hour :p
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X2, that's not a bad way to start a conversation at the gym :)

I started a conversation with this cougar at the gym a few months back by commenting on how hard she was working and that I was impressed. Somehow we got on the subject of Jeeps and found out we both owned one, and had a good 20+ minute talk about them :)

Sad thing is, her Jeep is nice than mine :eek:
 
Dallen said:
A serious question about what are some good methods to talk with other people (preferably members of the opposite sex)? Is there any sort of do's and don'ts that you want to follow?

I got eye contact.

But then when I start talking, I just start talking randomly and unpronounced. Here is a recent conversation:

"Hello, my name is X"
"Hi x! My name is Y"
"So how are you today?"
"Good you?"
"Great...... Ummm ummm umm umm umm" and it continues until it's an awkward silence then sort of either walking away or focus on someone else.

Is there anything else to keep things going beyond the "Hello" and "How are you" type speeches?

I think my goal is I want to talk to three different people and the end result either getting to know the names of the person or at the very least walk away with a conversation in mind. Perhaps sometime within the week, maybe tonight at the gym.
Click to expand...

here you go dude:

i read tons of this pick up artist material from guys like style and mystery. i bought a few books, dled a few videos. i got to say for the most part when i used it, it worked well and i got layed. not sure what you are looking for but it will def help you out.
 
Depends how confident you are, i usually like to crack a joke or take the piss out of them (in a flirtatious way)...

But general questions i ask are...

''who you with?''
''where you from?''
''how old are you then?''

I usually ask where they go out (drinking etc) this might be irrelevant to you. But then after asking this i'll say things like ''well i might see you out then'' and sh1t like that to see how they react. I'll often go straight for the phone number but i'm not sure whether you have that confidence ;)

Dallen mate, if it makes you feel better....I work with someone who's 43. I'm almost positive he's a virgin. He is the most pessimistic person i've ever known by far. Everything he talks about HAS to be negative, and i mean everything. He cannot get women at all, and i don't think he ever has (claims he was nearly married once but i dont believe that). He also lives with his Mum & Dad and works an excessive amount of hours due to his loneliness i think. My point is......There are people a LOT worse than you in every way.

But anyway back on topic ;)
 
Wow, actually a pretty decent post by BigTom, not exactly what I was expecting him to say about picking up women.

I’m no expert on picking up women as chances seem to pop up every now and again anyway which is always a nice surprise but as I haven’t been single since I was a teenager I don’t sweat over how frequently these chances come along.

One thing to be sure of is to let your personality come through whenever possible. Oddly enough I find that geeky t-shirts are a good way to pick women up. I think there’s a picture on this site somewhere of me wearing a Thundercats T-Shirt, the amount of women who have tried to start a conversation because of it is amazing. There’s also a Superman T-Shirt that my daughter bought me for fathers day, that kind of acts as an icebreaker too. These women probably didn’t like Thundercats that much anyway but it does give them something to point out and get me talking.

The thing is that there are going to be women who like or have liked you in the past but don’t know how to approach you, by giving them an inlet to strike up a conversation helps them massively and increases your own chances.

If you have too much style to wear geeky t-shirts like me then do something like join a club e.g. running club, sports team etc… and tell people about it. If anyone you know has a bit of a crush on you then they’ll probably use that interest to strike up a conversation.

Like the guys here have mentioned about finding something to say to a woman based around her interests, women look to do exactly the same thing with men so by putting your interests on display you maximise your chances.

And before you think any more negative crap like women aren’t going to be interested in you enough to want to approach you then I can assure you that some do. The thing about attraction is people like very different things in others. I’ll bet my bottom dollar that you already know someone that’s interested in you; chances are though that they just don’t know how to try and connect with you and take it further than being friends or acquaintances.
 
blindside said:
If you start talking to her and she only responds with yes or no then you are either a) gonna have one hell of a tough time or b) it's not gonna work, so be clever if shes not putting any effort into the conversation then say goodbye and try again with someone else, just not in front of her because that looks bad ;)
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Try to avoid questions the other person can answer with a yes/no or other one word response. This way hopefully you spark a nice response that you can then spawn off of to take the conversation farther then just hellos
 
Avraham said:
Try to avoid questions the other person can answer with a yes/no or other one word response. This way hopefully you spark a nice response that you can then spawn off of to take the conversation farther then just hellos
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that's what I meant previously but yeah, strangly I learnt that in english, huh, maybe school does help with the ladies ;)
 
Well I tried, but it failed craptasitically.

I went to school last night, ran the tracks, then saw someone I might want to talk to, then spent time building up the courage to maybe ask her about b-ball, then when I came down from the second floor, she left! Dang!

Then today I tried again, but only managed to talk bits and pieces to her. Failed again with it but did get what floor she worked on. I think I might try to find her Monday and attempt to actually get a name and something.

Also, that pdf guide was funny. I'll read it more. I read the quick over view and "being funny" section. But then again, this guide seems to apply to bar picking, which I don't think I want to attempt. lol.
 
When you see someone, try to think of something of interest to talk about. Something YOU find interesting. Clothing article, activity, etc. Don't go up to talk to someone with the express purpose of getting them to go somewhere or do something with you. Just talk to them-- if they pass your standards, then you will want to ask them out to find out more about them.

Take it in steps man. Maybe try saying "hello" with a nice smile to 20 people everyday for one week. Then strike up conversations in places where there would otherwise be just silence, ie waiting in line somewhere.

The big thing here is to not think of the finish (getting a number, making a new friend). Just be nice and interested in what they have to say. If they aren't interesting, don't pretend that they are. End the convo and talk to someone else.
 
A lot of good advice here...no wonder D-man keeps hitting-up the forum for info! Almost equally shocking, Tom makes a post and I'm waiting for the perverse....and it never happens?

The last time I generalized I got impaled, so I'm going to take a risk and just go there again. Woman can be a lot like cats, they have an uncanny ability to see right through everything and always land on their feet. 90% of the time a gal can just look at you, before you even say a word, and she already knows if she'll grant you an audience. Much of the advice given to you is predicated on the notion that you can use an approach, technique or method to make headway with woman. I'm not suggesting it's not worthwhile or true, but rather I'm asking you to realize the other side of the coin.

When is a poltician lying? When his lips are moving. When is a guy flirting or coming onto a girl?...when he's approaching them. Believe me, when I talk to a girl at the gym, more often then not they presume they're being hit-up...it's almost an arrogance on their part, or more likely the result of many other guys having done it.

I guess what I'm saying is....be friendly, do what you can and put yourself out there. If the girl has any interest in you, she'll generally make things click. This whole notion of selling yourself or making headway is a small fraction of the equation.

I have a couple friends that make almost magical headway with girls, they're just good-looking, have nice eyes and even though they act like jerks, the girls just fall in their path. Don't let the romantic notions fool you, personality can only get you so far AND these gals will pretty much know in their own head if they want to get to know you better.

I think your best bet is to just put yourself out there...be social, meet people, be friendly and try to stay upbeat. Making conversation can be hard...so often it's "Hey, what's up?"...and that's about it. Funny how it always seems incumbent upon you to make things go from there, but sometimes that's just the way it is. Just keep exposing yourself to more and more situations & opportunities to meet people, it'll happen.
 
blindside said:
that's what I meant previously but yeah, strangly I learnt that in english, huh, maybe school does help with the ladies ;)
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Must have not read your post correctly then :) I am sure I learned this in school like you and got a MAJOR refresher course when I had kids. If you don't ask questions that elicit more then a yes or no, then you just get yes/no.

Back to the OP. I can't remember is anyone said this, but make sure you body is showing confidence. Stand tall, don't slouch, keep eye contact in a non-creepy way, smile and RELAX. If you let the situation stress you out, it won't go well.

Side Note - Watch the movie "I Love You Man". A new comedy out and shows you extreme instances of what you are talking about. One guy can't make friends with the same sex where the other guy can talk to anyone.
 
BikeSwimLaugh said:
A lot of good advice here...no wonder D-man keeps hitting-up the forum for info! Almost equally shocking, Tom makes a post and I'm waiting for the perverse....and it never happens?

The last time I generalized I got impaled, so I'm going to take a risk and just go there again. Woman can be a lot like cats, they have an uncanny ability to see right through everything and always land on their feet. 90% of the time a gal can just look at you, before you even say a word, and she already knows if she'll grant you an audience. Much of the advice given to you is predicated on the notion that you can use an approach, technique or method to make headway with woman. I'm not suggesting it's not worthwhile or true, but rather I'm asking you to realize the other side of the coin.

When is a poltician lying? When his lips are moving. When is a guy flirting or coming onto a girl?...when he's approaching them. Believe me, when I talk to a girl at the gym, more often then not they presume they're being hit-up...it's almost an arrogance on their part, or more likely the result of many other guys having done it.

I guess what I'm saying is....be friendly, do what you can and put yourself out there. If the girl has any interest in you, she'll generally make things click. This whole notion of selling yourself or making headway is a small fraction of the equation.

I have a couple friends that make almost magical headway with girls, they're just good-looking, have nice eyes and even though they act like jerks, the girls just fall in their path. Don't let the romantic notions fool you, personality can only get you so far AND these gals will pretty much know in their own head if they want to get to know you better.

I think your best bet is to just put yourself out there...be social, meet people, be friendly and try to stay upbeat. Making conversation can be hard...so often it's "Hey, what's up?"...and that's about it. Funny how it always seems incumbent upon you to make things go from there, but sometimes that's just the way it is. Just keep exposing yourself to more and more situations & opportunities to meet people, it'll happen.
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wow you hit the nail on the head! yeah i read that attractive girls get hit on thousands of times. so the tend to put on a (as the pick up artists like to call it) a "bitch shield" that you have to break through as a man. it's not the woman fault, it's the men for saying the same boring crap over and over again.
 
yeah i mean catch her eye but don't stare whatever you do
 
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