Well it looks like the late dinner has not caused too much damage as I've dropped a full 1kg this morning. I will, of course, have to wait a day or two to make sure that this doesn't go back on, but I'm feeling good.
The few deviations that I have had to have this time on Cohens have been really good for my mindset. I tend to be an "all or nothing: kind of girl and usually if I had to deviate like this, this would be a signal for me to say "oh well, it's broken now so I'll just go all out today and start again tomorrow" and then binge myself through the rest of that day eating everything that was bad in the house (just so it wasn't there tomorrow when I was going to be good) and then continuing to binge for however many months it would take me to regain control of myself.
Last time I completed Cohens I did not knowingly deviate once while on the plan as I was sure that if I did i would never get control back and finish the program. This time I have had to deviate a few times and have not even considered (ok I have considered it, but never done it) breaking long term. I have (in the words of AJ Rochester) got back up, dusted the cake crumbs off (not literally cause I haven't eaten any cake) and got back to moving forward without missing a beat, and my weight loss has just carried on as well.
This is really going to help me in the future to realise that it doesn't matter if you have small slipups. It doesn't mean that for the next few months you have to eat everything you can get your hand on. You just need to get up and move on and everything will be fine. No guilt, no obsession, just act like a normal person. That is what I am still trying really hard to achieve. To be a "normal" person and blend in with the crowd. Not feel like people are looking at me wherever I go (and commenting on how fat I am). Normal people don't gain 35kgs in year, normal people don't drive through McDonalds drive through and pretend they are buying meals for 2 people just so they can get enough food to binge on, or even think that the person serving them would take enough interest in them to even care how many people they are buying food for, normal people don't refrain from eating in public because they think everyone is talking how fat you are and if you would just stop stuffing your face then maybe you would lose weight. Why would they even care what I am doing. I'm sure they have much more interesting things in their life than looking at me!!! One of my triggers last time was the fact that the person I was married to used to delight in telling me how fat i was and even when I lost all the weight he knew this was a very good way to get to me. He also used to make snide comments every time he saw me eating (like you eating..AGAIN, haven't you just finished eating?? or just walk past and make stupid noises) Nothing particularly nasty if anyone else heard him but definately designed to crush any confidence I had and also resulted in me, again, hiding and eating. Waiting up till he had gone to sleep and then stuffing myself silly so he wouldn't see me which is probably one of the worst things I could have done. This time he is gone and i hope I have a better chance of rebuilding my very fragile confidence as everone around me now is very supportive and will do everything in their power to help me through this.
The last time I did Cohens I just loved walking in a crowd and not thinking that people were watching me. That I just disappeared in with everone else, but I don't think I quite learned the very valuable lesson of its ok to break it once in a while. I hope that this will be the final journey for me and that I will now gain complete control of myself.
Sorry to ramble on so much.
Take care
Beck
lol. 