Weight Loss Diary 2017 - Goal 1-0-5

I reached out to some Toronto naturopaths who do BHRT as a start for a free 15 min consult to see if they help with PCOS and how successful people have been. I realize I need to be a bit more business-like with my decision making and make sure whoever I am working with is the right fit. I've been so desperate but now I realize I really do need someone who has had a case like mine, preferably down to every single condition. I need someone progressive minded and serious. Not the same old, insulin and low carb diet. It has not worked for me.

I've been burned too many times and want to be specific about 4 things, working with following:
  1. Coming off BCP
  2. Adrenal PCOS
  3. Low estrogen/ progesterone deficiency
  4. BHRT - custom dosing and estrogen/progesterone dispensing
In the three years I have been on this journey (going into my 4th year), I have learned so much about myself and at the same time, found so little success. Tired of throwing spaghetti at the wall.
 
I've set three appointments with local naturopaths. One of them (Marnie) was less than enthusiastic about a 15 min free consult - lol,why take a consult if you don't want to? One was really warm (Courtney). I have them spaced between Wed - Friday.

I'd like to work with Jessica at some point but I need a local naturopath to run bloodwork and for BHRT.

My medication, naturopath expenses and fake hair have been getting expensive. I'll have to figure out how to make some cash on the side. I've posted some items on kijiji but things are moving slow right now in general with COVID. I'm going to remain positive though.

I'm spacing out my medication so energy is up and down day-to-day. Not as bad as it used to be though.

I do miss the way things used to be. When I first took time off, a lot of things were still open & I did not think it would be this hard (healing + quarantine). And seeing people always helps with mental health. I'm hoping restrictions flex up soon, but I am also slowly adjusting to this new reality.
 
Health:
I spoke to Marnie today, I don't think she's the right fit. I have another appointment at 11:45am on Friday and am waiting to hear back from the third one.

I was looking back at some of my old posts from late last year, OMG I sound like a crazy person...it's been a dark journey for sure...I don't even want to think of how much money I've spent on labs and supplements and naturopaths. It's in the thousands...but I don't want to count.

The progesterone cream, while not helping with hair, has helped me sleep a bit better. The modified protocol I am on makes me feel a bit more like myself. Note any healing will take longer but I was actually able to function decently well today and that is a win.

Re: birth control, so I was thinking, what if....yes of course I have PCOS, it's a given...but what if the birth control is also causing some hair loss...doctors may not admit to it but doctors don't admit to a lot of stuff. I asked the birth control centre for a phone consult.

Also, I went to a PCOS clinic ages ago, that was a complete disappointment, but I got a ring today saying that an edocrinologist wants to talk to me on Monday (????). This clinic is just the worst...but anyways, sure, I will chat with the dude and ask some questions that he will give me disappointing answers to lol. What else is new.

Life stuff:
Work extended WFH till end of year, surprisingly, unless other updates. I'm not keen to go back but human interaction will be a relief. My friend got a new job and they called me for a referral and it was so nice talking to the recruiter - it was nice talking to someone new - I felt energized. I talked to my therapist about this and she said I need new social situations for energy - like a new job or remote volunteering or even dabbling back into dating. She said I don't have to do everything or anything but she said they're all options.

I have been brushing up my business skills through LinkedIn learning. It's been good. I have a long way to go. I learned about social media marketing but I also want to learn about FB/instagram marketing and e-commerce. A few weeks - a couple months would be enough to cover these topics.

Re: dating, I'm sort of realizing that - whoever comes into my life will have to accept me for my PCOS and hair situation. And rather than pretending to be someone I am not, I have to be who I am. I've been worrying about the hair aesthetically and trying to "control" the situation - I am still going to work on the path to figuring this out but I will need to find someone who can work with my hair situation and whatever messy stage I am in. Guys generally like long flowing hair but I realize I can't do that. I'm going to have to accept that I will need to cut my hair or get a buzz cut (worst case) and put that version of myself out.

After coming off the pill (which I will need to do at some point to fix my progesterone deficiency and ovulate), intense hair loss is common until a normal period comes back. I don't have normal periods, so it's going to be a tough time but I need to do what's right for me. Health > Boys

I looked at ALL sorts of extensions and I want to try halo/tape extensions but honestly....I need a salon to open up already and extensions are never perm solutions. My hair is weak and I am not sure how much it can sustain. Interim solutions but my first priority will be to get my body to ovulate.
 
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I will be doing another gut test and hair test next month, end of June, but I have cut back on the mineral balancing protocol and have felt way more like myself these past few days. The progesterone cream is also helping with mood and energy. Not like normal but as good as it gets right now.

I'd like to get off the pill in the next 2 months. I bought a guide that shows what I need to do.

I talked to the birth control clinic to see if my pill could be causing whatever hair loss I am experiencing now. They said it's not likely but they also would not rule it out. I have decided to go with another brand just to trial and see if I can rule out the pill. I plan to be on it short-term anyways. I'm not particularly enjoying any of this pill switching but I also want to keep my sanity as I prepare to get off.

Trying to keep life going in other areas and not letting health woes distract me.
 
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So I've decided to get off the pill soon, in a month.

I know the dietary changes I need to make. I'm going to stay on the modified mineral balancing protocol. And I am going to manage my stress levels.

I'm a bit scared but I've told myself that if all hell starts to break loose, I will go back on the pill in 3-6 months.
 
I start work tomorrow. Fun times. lol

I have started taking short walks outside as the weather is getting better. I am holding myself to 20-30 min walks.

The diet is slowly coming along. I am trying to eat protein/fat/carb. Trying to cut back on insulin-spiking food as I prepare to come off the pill.
I have also started red light therapy to see if it helps with my hair in any way.

I am on the diet half-heartedly. But one last try for ovulation.
 
Cate said:
Good luck with everything, sweets xoxo
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Thank you, Cate xoxo

I feel a bit out of it right now, started work an hour ago. Thankfully we can work from home.

I have started taking my coffee with MCT oil and excluding dairy to reduce any inflammation.

I am considering buying groceries online if I need to. If my fatigue gets bad with work, there is an option, which again, I am thankful for.

I'm really hoping I can get my body together over the next few months. The pill has helped with everything except hair loss, the one reason I got on it. My skin has cleared, I feel less anxious and my hirsuitism has decreased a lot. I'm going to have everything flare back up after I go off but I would take hair anyday over those things, as horrible as acne is.

I recently ordered beef liver supplements to up my iron and zinc. Let's see how those do.

I will probably test my thyroid this week or next, depending on when I can get to the clinic.

But I feel I am doing my part, so let's see what happens. Three more weeks on the pill *fingers crossed*
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I've been applying to jobs! Which seemed like such a task when I first went on leave. But slowly applying to two jobs a day and will slowly build up networking. Looking forward to change.


I haven't checked my weight but assume I am hovering around 114lbs. I always gain when I go back to visit my parents & I gain very easily due to my hormones. I probably won't see them for another 2-3 weeks.
 
Well, I am finally off birth control. It's been a tumbly road eventhough it's only been a few days. I've had a withdrawal bleed already, which one is supposed to have a few days after stopping. I'm feeling fatigued and the hair loss has picked up. I'm on board with a pixie/buzz cut.

The wig I bought, which was much more expensive than the first one, needed fixing and has gone back to being fixed. Worst case, I can rock that. And there are also tap extensions as a possibility if my hair stops shedding and is sparse.

The magnesium keeps me sane.

I have to be consistent with veggies at every meal. I have increased my protein and fats. And I am slowly cutting down on fruit. I would like some fruit-free days, if possible.

Re: weight, I am in the 113/114lbs range - hard to tell as I am on my fake period.
 
I went on a date yesterday - was strange. I've been on apps very passively. My last date was in December last year.

He was a dentist, owned a practice.

Pleasant to chat with but strange. He made me travel 45 mins away to a park that he lived 2 mins away from. I mentioned that this was far away for me and he said he'd wait :/ I was ok to meet him at 9pm after work and then when I started walking back home at 11pm, he didn't even text to say, hope you got home OK. Which is always what I do when I go on dates. Because at least, it's pleasant closure.

I felt so rejected/ angry that I did not sleep well.

The date only lasted 1.5 hours, it was getting late and I wanted to get home b/c of work the next morning.

I've just never had a guy be less....of a gentleman??? Usually they are willing to meet mid-way or pick me up (I don't have a car but he did), and one of us checks in after. I was so ....stumped. Like I get when you don't gel with someone but basic courtesy? Maybe I have too many expectations?

Lol anyways...it wound me up so much that I felt stressed till this morning. And that will affect my hormonal health. So have decided to put dating on hold yet again. I deleted his number and turned off my phone notifications.

But I also feel it's because I have gained some quarantine weight. I feel very self conscious. In my photos I was around 109lbs - and now I am 113.8lbs - it doesn't seem like much but it is a lot on my tiny frame. Anyways, I figure this summer I can work off 5 lbs.

This month I want to focus on getting my hormone levels up and getting a natural bleed.

Weight wise it will be tough because fats turn into hormones and I've added healthy fats and my body is only increasing in weight :( I have given up grains. Hopefully that helps balance out the fats!
 
That is far from acceptable behaviour on his part, Misty. I think he should be politely told though or he will never improve. I can understand if you don't want to bother though. You deserve better xoxo
 
Cate said:
That is far from acceptable behaviour on his part, Misty. I think he should be politely told though or he will never improve. I can understand if you don't want to bother though. You deserve better xoxo
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Thank you Cate, I was hoping to get a second opinon. I don't think I sound unreasonable? I've had very few weird dates, this was one of two. Typically the men I meet are warm or courteous. They've picked me up, walked me home, a few check in. So this threw me through a loop.

I didn't text back. He didn't either, pretty much done.

Thank you xoxo I hope you are well, I'll have to check your diary
 
Hey Misty, just checking in.

I think getting back to at least some kind of dating is good, and would not shut it down just because this one guy didn't work out. By now I am sure you know that most people in the world are not dating compatible, it takes a lot of trial and error. He was one of the errors! Being done with him makes sense, but I think you ought to try again, next one might be better, probably will be.
 
The weight has been very hard to keep off lately. My hormones are taking time to heal. I have to eat fats and protein to bring my estrogen levels up and combined with being conscious about weight, that's hard to do. Anyways, I am working on a routine and nourishing myself. I also got a new local naturopath that does bioidentical hormones and I have a consult in early July. But I am going to keep positive and keep going the best I can.

CW: 112.8lbs
alligatorob said:
Hey Misty, just checking in.

I think getting back to at least some kind of dating is good, and would not shut it down just because this one guy didn't work out. By now I am sure you know that most people in the world are not dating compatible, it takes a lot of trial and error. He was one of the errors! Being done with him makes sense, but I think you ought to try again, next one might be better, probably will be.
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Thanks so much Rob <hug> Yes, I am not jaded at all. I was just surprised my the emotional effect it had on me. Thank you though, you're right.
 
  • I went back onto birth control, first two weeks off birth control were not bad, weeks 3 and 4 were brutal. I felt extremely stressed & have gotten back on. I'm not sure for how long, this is a new brand and I need to give it at least three months to work. I'm going to talk to Amanda to see how to best prepare to get off eventually.

  • My TE started as soon as I got off birth control, so the next time I get off, I am definitely getting a pixie cut/buzz cut. Part of my PCOS is driven by stress and the hair loss is a stressor. I got my wig, but have realized it is too long, especially for the summer. I will slowly start wearing it though. There was another wig that looked exactly like my old hair that was around $2500. It was shorter and a perfect fit for the summer. I will have to see if I can save up for payments on something that easy vs. the longer wig I picked. I bought my original wig during COVID and couldn't go in and try it on. I had a chance to try on my wig and the shorter wig that I liked at the salon over the weekend.

    Tape extensions still as option as long as my hair is not too fragile. Also an option if I get a shorter cut and the TE calms down.

  • I have been walking everyday to get my weight back into controllable range and ease stress.

  • I have been applying to jobs and looking, but need to step up my game.

  • Diet: I could not do keto, it was just too much meat, fat and I wasn't doing it right. I was gaining weight. I am going back to low-carb and upping my veggie intake.

  • Dating is on hold unless I can lose a bit of the quarantine weight at least (4lbs is the target - getting down to 110). There is enough going on in life. Plus I am tired of swipe culture. It's hard meeting people in person right now due to COVID and I imagine that will go on for a while. I will go back to the apps (thank you Cate and Rob for your support) eventually. I miss going out on dates to places, walks in the park are nice but...they're not the same.

  • Therapy: I need a break from my therapist for financial reasons. She is not covered by my insurance and I feel like I don't have anything new to talk to her about. The hair loss is very personal and I feel she can't relate - no one can unless they've gone through it themselves. I had tried boards and forums and they just leave me more depressed. Plus I need a break from even thinking about it. I'm going to tell her I'll set up sessions with her on an as-needed basis.

  • Working on bringing my insulin down, upping my iron and minerals and working on my adrenals. After 3 years of spending so much money and time, I now know that STRESS is a big big contributor to my hair loss. It has been confirmed through loads of tests and talking to so many practitioners. I also have insulin resistance but I can manage through diet. I have one of those combo PCOS types - feels like a rarer sub-group. Adrenal PCOS is hard to manage but I will manage somehow.
CW: 114.6lbs
 
Stress plays out in so many ways & we should do what we can to lessen it. I have woken up a bit blank this morning & am struggling to find the right words. I may still be half asleep :blush5: I really just wanted to say "Hi, hon xoxo"
 
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