Time for Jenefer to Finally Figure this Out!
- Thread starter Jenefer
- Start date
for celebrating what we have. And even if we're supposed to derive our feeling of self-worth from within it sure is nice to sometimes notice other people's appreciation as well, so yay William and his enthusiasm!oh i also love that bikini story! wonderful to get out there and celebrate what you have for sure! No sense in waiting for what we want our bodies to ideally look like. That is so inspiring. I know when I went to the beach last time I ended up staying fully covered. You make me want to be a bit more daring next time!
Jenefer
Active member
I just love coming here and reading everyone's comments AND catching up with your diary's as well! Yes Rob, William is my husband. Lovely man who never says a word when I gain weight. He does make nice comments when I have lost it in the past, but only after he has tested the waters and feels it is 'safe' to do so. Because as absolutely dumb as it sounds, acknowledging a loss can also acknowledge that there was a gain. I am not always a logical person with my weight, although I do try 
I am glad I could make you all chuckle a bit and it is nice to think I might inspiredothers to take off that beach cover-up and be a bit more daring to use Liza's words
I feel for lack of a better way to describe it, like I am struggling a bit. My schedule has felt so chaotic, that when I do have a few moments, I seem to stare off into space for that time. This is all related to my ADD, I am fairly certain, I believe that is a coping mechanism to 'slow down the energizer bunny brain' that is mine. If I am not careful Zomby-like snacking can occur. I do think losing my little furbaby Chloe has also not helped. Caring for her sort of forced me to focus on something outside of work or other human-beings with needs. I never felt guilty about putting her ahead of other things, which I realize now was quite helpful. I really wish that I did not work for an organization that operates 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. There is always someone who wants something. I am just not good with that. I can't sleep, then getting up is more difficult. If I don't get my workout in and day started very early, everything kind of unravels.
I am sure I am not making much sense, I think I am trying to sort this out for myself as well. As I have written about before, I have a doctor that I absolutely adore who helps me. To be clear, the odds of me adoring someone in her role were slim to none, so I was lucky. Especially on my 'first try'. I am a very private and some what sensitive person, that does not do well with 'being managed' in any way. I see her about every other month. I have an appointment next week and that will be good.
I did weigh myself again last week and I have not lost 1 pound, in fact I gained one. That was quite disappointing, but probably shouldn't be too shocking. I also realize that although I do want to be very positive and I do very much want to believe that ONCE AGAIN I can lose a fairly significant amount of weight (at least 50 pounds) there is this little part of me that feels like it won't work and what is worse is that it could keep going up. I have never weighed more than I do now, although at one point in time I did weigh about this much. I have to commit to this more than I have been doing. It has to be more of a focal point than I am currently making it. I do think part of the problem is how private I am about it all.
If this was a work problem (that was mostly in my control) I would go forth with a level of self confidence that can be almost off putting to people. Instead this is a personal problem that is 100% in my control and I am no where near as confident. It really is fairly simple, eat less. Why the f@#k is this so difficult, it is almost comical really.
Thanks for going on this rambling journey with me. I will find the focus, I think I have been a bit afraid of 'unleashing' my hyper-focus take no prisoners 'alter ego' on this problem. Since it is not a 'quick' solution problem, doing that could have consequences to everything else for the many months it could take to get this done! Maybe it would be worth it?
I hope you are all doing well and that you did something good for yourselves today! xo
I am glad I could make you all chuckle a bit and it is nice to think I might inspiredothers to take off that beach cover-up and be a bit more daring to use Liza's words
I feel for lack of a better way to describe it, like I am struggling a bit. My schedule has felt so chaotic, that when I do have a few moments, I seem to stare off into space for that time. This is all related to my ADD, I am fairly certain, I believe that is a coping mechanism to 'slow down the energizer bunny brain' that is mine. If I am not careful Zomby-like snacking can occur. I do think losing my little furbaby Chloe has also not helped. Caring for her sort of forced me to focus on something outside of work or other human-beings with needs. I never felt guilty about putting her ahead of other things, which I realize now was quite helpful. I really wish that I did not work for an organization that operates 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. There is always someone who wants something. I am just not good with that. I can't sleep, then getting up is more difficult. If I don't get my workout in and day started very early, everything kind of unravels.
I am sure I am not making much sense, I think I am trying to sort this out for myself as well. As I have written about before, I have a doctor that I absolutely adore who helps me. To be clear, the odds of me adoring someone in her role were slim to none, so I was lucky. Especially on my 'first try'. I am a very private and some what sensitive person, that does not do well with 'being managed' in any way. I see her about every other month. I have an appointment next week and that will be good.
I did weigh myself again last week and I have not lost 1 pound, in fact I gained one. That was quite disappointing, but probably shouldn't be too shocking. I also realize that although I do want to be very positive and I do very much want to believe that ONCE AGAIN I can lose a fairly significant amount of weight (at least 50 pounds) there is this little part of me that feels like it won't work and what is worse is that it could keep going up. I have never weighed more than I do now, although at one point in time I did weigh about this much. I have to commit to this more than I have been doing. It has to be more of a focal point than I am currently making it. I do think part of the problem is how private I am about it all.
If this was a work problem (that was mostly in my control) I would go forth with a level of self confidence that can be almost off putting to people. Instead this is a personal problem that is 100% in my control and I am no where near as confident. It really is fairly simple, eat less. Why the f@#k is this so difficult, it is almost comical really.
Thanks for going on this rambling journey with me. I will find the focus, I think I have been a bit afraid of 'unleashing' my hyper-focus take no prisoners 'alter ego' on this problem. Since it is not a 'quick' solution problem, doing that could have consequences to everything else for the many months it could take to get this done! Maybe it would be worth it?
I hope you are all doing well and that you did something good for yourselves today! xo
I can kind of relate to this statement! Hahaha.
I think the issue for me with the weight is that it takes so bloody long to sort out. It's not just an effort of a couple of days, a week or even a month. It's probably an effort of 6 months to a year for me to get to where I want to be. That is what makes it hard for my mind to comprehend. But I'm also trying to tell my brain that 6 months of 2023 have gone by already and the time has flown by! So it's not that long or hard or arduous a task.
Your comment about William reminded me something one of the tennis ladies said. She asked her husband one day if he thought she should join Slimming World. She said there was a pause, and then his reply was a supportive, 'That's up to you love'. But the pause spoke volumes, so she did join. Hahaha. Husbands have to be careful!
Cate
Long term member
That sounds like my G. They tread a fine line these poor husbandsI just love coming here and reading everyone's comments AND catching up with your diary's as well! Yes Rob, William is my husband. Lovely man who never says a word when I gain weight. He does make nice comments when I have lost it in the past, but only after he has tested the waters and feels it is 'safe' to do so. Because as absolutely dumb as it sounds, acknowledging a loss can also acknowledge that there was a gain. I am not always a logical person with my weight, although I do try
Having a little something to care for shifts our focus. I hope you get another little dog. Ours makes us laugh every day.Making sense to me xo
Me either.
You know, I really don't think it is that simple. I wish it was.
Going on this rambling journey with you, is a pleasure, Jen xoThanks for going on this rambling journey with me. I will find the focus, I think I have been a bit afraid of 'unleashing' my hyper-focus take no prisoners 'alter ego' on this problem. Since it is not a 'quick' solution problem, doing that could have consequences to everything else for the many months it could take to get this done! Maybe it would be worth it?
I hope you are all doing well and that you did something good for yourselves today! xo
alligatorob
Respected Member
A wise man, you know studies have shown that women who carry a few extra pounds live longer than the men who point it out...
I doubt anyone here is... trying is good, the best we can do.I am not always a logical person with my weight, although I do try
Ramble away, you are interesting to read, and it will probably help you.
Losing weight IS simple. It just isn't easy. Food is so basic to our physical AND mental being that the brain tends to resist changes to our habits around it. Short-term it's not too hard but in order for the changes to stick beyond the time you have to focus on it you generally have to change other things in your life so your brain and body are still comfortable.
I know for me aging made everything different. i actually never even had to think about weight when i was younger, and then suddenly i just put on so many pounds! So there is definitely stuff in our control and it's empowering to take those steps to make those changes, but I do think we have to remember that our bodies are also doing things that are beyond our control too...not to give up or anything but just to be kind and understanding when our bellies don't suddenly just melt away! It's hard to shift from being able to eat anything anytime, to being so careful about everything!
Jenefer
Active member
Hello Lovely People!
Once again thank you for the support, encouragement and laughs! I actually did lol at several of the comments. Rob I think I will reflect back on what you wrote and chuckle quite a few times in the coming year! And yes Cate...they do tread a fine line!!
So the thing for me that I think is a bit different is that my weight has fluctuated a bit my entire life. But not like up down up down up down. There are YEARS in between. I was as heavy as I am now at 18 years old. That was fun as I am sure you can imagine. I lost a significant amount of weight my freshman year of college, something that also seemed to be rare as others gained it. My weight never reach more than about 160 until now. But mostly I would say I was around 140. The thinnest I ever was, was 119 and I was 36 (almost 37) when that happened. So not like I was 25 years old. Liza I am a bit scared that being 50 will make this harder, but it has always been hard to lose it, except for when I really didn't try when I was 36, I just started running.
Llama you are right it is definitely a habit, but it is also the habit of making myself a priority. Which can be hard. I am a bit stressed that someone who I can only take in small doses seems to be wanting to work with me a lot. She has interacted with me almost every day this week and not to sound rude, but I get nothing out of the interactions. I hope it is a phase.
But this is the exact thing that brings my anxiety to the zenith. I won't write like this again. I am quite tempted to delete it. (I actually did delete quite a bit of it, so this might not make sense, but I don't want that negativity here).
I am a very solution oriented person, I don't like venting for the sake of venting, I like finding a solution to stop the venting. And to your point Em, that is probably what is doing my head in about this weight loss. I CAN accept this might take 8 months to a year. I cannot accept that it will be longer than that very easily. And so there can't be like "This is Day 365 of this diary, I have made zero progress, but today is a new day so here we go!" Writing that made me both laugh and cringe. I need it to be "This is Date 365 of this diary and I have reached my goal. My new goal is to maintain this, because I will be beyond furious with myself if I end up here again."
And to be truthful, I am really afraid that is what is going to happen. I am basically healthy and fit enough to do most physical activity reasonably well, that isn't really cutting it for me at the moment. I think maybe realizing that, articulating that is going to be needed.
I am still very happy to be here and I still do want to be kind to myself. I had a great workout yesterday (step aerobics and ab video) my abs are killing me! Walk/run, pushups and a bit of abs today as well. I had a meeting with some people that I actually did find enjoyable and the meeting was productive. It also started and ended on time. I wore a very pretty and flattering dress and got a compliment about my hair, which was just in a very high ponytail, but it still almost reached my waist. I do not buy into that you can't have long hair over 40 rule. You can have any kind of hair you want! Shaved, pixie, bob, waist length basically whatever, it is your hair...you do you! I also did my nails yesterday and my new bikini top arrived. I liked the experiment from last week and so I bought another one in bright red! I will indeed pick up the new addition to our family at the end of July, little Lola. I wanted her, she is quite expensive but I intend to have her with me for a very long time. I work hard enough to deserve to splurge on something really important to me when I want to. Chloe was free, but that was pure luck.
I cut a lot out of this diary entry, didn't like the way it was sounding. Balance is still key, reducing toxic interactions with people who are not kind/courteous about my needs which are just as important as their own and remaining focused on this quest. There also has to be a balance with being kind to myself and holding myself accountable.
Oh my I think I have been on the forum for over an hour, whew this diary entry was work folks!
Hope you are all well, and finding that balance! This is hard work, I am quite proud of us all for being here! xo
Once again thank you for the support, encouragement and laughs! I actually did lol at several of the comments. Rob I think I will reflect back on what you wrote and chuckle quite a few times in the coming year! And yes Cate...they do tread a fine line!!
So the thing for me that I think is a bit different is that my weight has fluctuated a bit my entire life. But not like up down up down up down. There are YEARS in between. I was as heavy as I am now at 18 years old. That was fun as I am sure you can imagine. I lost a significant amount of weight my freshman year of college, something that also seemed to be rare as others gained it. My weight never reach more than about 160 until now. But mostly I would say I was around 140. The thinnest I ever was, was 119 and I was 36 (almost 37) when that happened. So not like I was 25 years old. Liza I am a bit scared that being 50 will make this harder, but it has always been hard to lose it, except for when I really didn't try when I was 36, I just started running.
Llama you are right it is definitely a habit, but it is also the habit of making myself a priority. Which can be hard. I am a bit stressed that someone who I can only take in small doses seems to be wanting to work with me a lot. She has interacted with me almost every day this week and not to sound rude, but I get nothing out of the interactions. I hope it is a phase.
But this is the exact thing that brings my anxiety to the zenith. I won't write like this again. I am quite tempted to delete it. (I actually did delete quite a bit of it, so this might not make sense, but I don't want that negativity here).
I am a very solution oriented person, I don't like venting for the sake of venting, I like finding a solution to stop the venting. And to your point Em, that is probably what is doing my head in about this weight loss. I CAN accept this might take 8 months to a year. I cannot accept that it will be longer than that very easily. And so there can't be like "This is Day 365 of this diary, I have made zero progress, but today is a new day so here we go!" Writing that made me both laugh and cringe. I need it to be "This is Date 365 of this diary and I have reached my goal. My new goal is to maintain this, because I will be beyond furious with myself if I end up here again."
And to be truthful, I am really afraid that is what is going to happen. I am basically healthy and fit enough to do most physical activity reasonably well, that isn't really cutting it for me at the moment. I think maybe realizing that, articulating that is going to be needed.
I am still very happy to be here and I still do want to be kind to myself. I had a great workout yesterday (step aerobics and ab video) my abs are killing me! Walk/run, pushups and a bit of abs today as well. I had a meeting with some people that I actually did find enjoyable and the meeting was productive. It also started and ended on time. I wore a very pretty and flattering dress and got a compliment about my hair, which was just in a very high ponytail, but it still almost reached my waist. I do not buy into that you can't have long hair over 40 rule. You can have any kind of hair you want! Shaved, pixie, bob, waist length basically whatever, it is your hair...you do you! I also did my nails yesterday and my new bikini top arrived. I liked the experiment from last week and so I bought another one in bright red! I will indeed pick up the new addition to our family at the end of July, little Lola. I wanted her, she is quite expensive but I intend to have her with me for a very long time. I work hard enough to deserve to splurge on something really important to me when I want to. Chloe was free, but that was pure luck.
I cut a lot out of this diary entry, didn't like the way it was sounding. Balance is still key, reducing toxic interactions with people who are not kind/courteous about my needs which are just as important as their own and remaining focused on this quest. There also has to be a balance with being kind to myself and holding myself accountable.
Oh my I think I have been on the forum for over an hour, whew this diary entry was work folks!
Hope you are all well, and finding that balance! This is hard work, I am quite proud of us all for being here! xo
Jenefer
Active member
Lola is a teacup poodle. Which is really just a small toy poodle. I don't have too many pictures of her yet, I sure wish they would send me tons! But I do have this one. She is currently a dark apricot color, but with poodles you never really know how they will end up. Chloe was also apricot as a small puppy, but faded to cream. I never saw her parents though, so I don't know if they were also cream. Lola's parents are chocolate (mom) and apricot (dad) so I think she will stay a bit darker than Chloe.
But part of the fun will be seeing how she changes as she grows! I have never done this before, had to wait for a puppy. I have always gotten them as young dogs or puppies that were ready to go. They usually just came into my life, this is quite planned out and different! I am looking forward to seeing her with Casper, I know he misses Chloe too! We have a huge hole in our family. Someone told me that Chloe will always be in our hearts, but we have room for Lola too. I thought that was nice! Thanks for asking Llama!
What a joy she will be!
Jenefer
Active member
I am super excited about her, that is for sure! Ate a healthy breakfast, overnight oates with strawberries and blueberris. About an hour long fast walk with 2 pound wrist weights. I really like this set, the strap around the wrist is quite long, so I can make them fit really snug.
30 minute step video, I am having fun with those! Step works your abs more than you think, I forgot that. Using an inner thigh gadget I bought on Amazon now. Just used an arm gadget I bought and did 50 pushups against a wall.
Then I will do an ab video I am really finding efffective. The world is a different place with all the free videos out there now!
Casper is laying by the door watching me
It is a 4 day weekend here for me, woot woot. I really cannot wait to retire!
Happy Saturday everyone! xo
30 minute step video, I am having fun with those! Step works your abs more than you think, I forgot that. Using an inner thigh gadget I bought on Amazon now. Just used an arm gadget I bought and did 50 pushups against a wall.
Then I will do an ab video I am really finding efffective. The world is a different place with all the free videos out there now!
Casper is laying by the door watching me
It is a 4 day weekend here for me, woot woot. I really cannot wait to retire!
Happy Saturday everyone! xo
I wonder if it might work to your advantage a bit always having it be a bit of a struggle to lose. Like you know what you are up against and how to do it, and you know you've had success with it in the past...You sound very determined and it's so great that you sound very capable with your workouts.Hello Lovely People!
Once again thank you for the support, encouragement and laughs! I actually did lol at several of the comments. Rob I think I will reflect back on what you wrote and chuckle quite a few times in the coming year! And yes Cate...they do tread a fine line!!
So the thing for me that I think is a bit different is that my weight has fluctuated a bit my entire life. But not like up down up down up down. There are YEARS in between. I was as heavy as I am now at 18 years old. That was fun as I am sure you can imagine. I lost a significant amount of weight my freshman year of college, something that also seemed to be rare as others gained it. My weight never reach more than about 160 until now. But mostly I would say I was around 140. The thinnest I ever was, was 119 and I was 36 (almost 37) when that happened. So not like I was 25 years old. Liza I am a bit scared that being 50 will make this harder, but it has always been hard to lose it, except for when I really didn't try when I was 36, I just started running.
Do you count calories?
Also do you take measurements besides weighing in? I find it encouraging to do measurements because sometimes there will be no change with my weight but my body fat is improving.
Your dogs are so lovely and sweet!!
Lola and Casper are both adorable!!
This really made me chuckle.
Jenefer
Active member
Yes Llama that is Casper, he was laying outside the room where I was working out