Omg Men! Ugh!

ShellBell

ShellBell

New member
Tell me, do they ever grow up? I'm a senior in college and my boyfriend moved in with me this year. Until now, he has never lived outside of his parents' home, and OMG some things just drive me up the wall!!!

For instance:
When do guys start learning to take care of themselves? He has this major problem with detaching himself from his computer/surfing the web/playing WOW and going to bed. He never gets enough sleep. He just stays up and he's sick right now, but because he doesn't get enough sleep.

Also, he has quite the problem with responsibility. It takes him countless hours to write one chem 101 lab (longest I counted was 7.5 hours) because "he hates it" and just can't seem to bring himself to do it. He just writes a few words, surfs the net for a while, and goes back and forth like that. Or, for example, he still hasn't unpacked all his boxes (there are 7 or so still in the living room) and we've been here since the 1st week of August.

Don't get me wrong, I'm so in love with him and we'll probably last. But MAN this kind of stuff drives me absolutely nuts!!!

There, I vented. Similar problems ladies? Any tips?
Shell
 
1. Personally, I would never get involved with someone who was "addicted to online gaming". Its just an outlet to avoid problems.

2. Most guys, like myself, enjoy to procrastinate. For instance, in my Comp 1 class we're expected to write a 6 page essay every two weeks on various topics. When do I start writing mine? The Sunday before its due, when do I finish? Usually fifteen minutes before that class starts and the paper is due. Best part being? I have averaged a 95% on my essays so far.

3. Most guys aren't pack rats. We only have things around that we need. On the other hand, most women will hold onto anything and everything instead of just getting rid of it. Chances are, the stuff in the boxes is just junk he won't get out until he needs it.

Just looking at my parents house, my mom has a garage full of boxes and has no idea what is inside of them. BUT she has to keep them, just because. Its insane. If an item doesn't have any practical use, then get rid of it.

4. Lack of sleep = sick thing is annoying. Nobody needs 8 hours a day to stay healthy. I average 6 a night at best and I never get sick.
 
Thanks for the response.

1. He didn't play WOW until just recently, like the last 5 months or so (and we've been together for 3 years).

2. I suppose he is getting "B"s. But procrastinating on school work can sometimes seem like his way of procrastinating on other things he needs to get done like...unpacking. "I have homework to do, I'll unpack later" and then he'll take forever to do his homework.

3. I helped him pack all those boxes, and a lot of it is clothes he obviously isn't wearing and games he'll never play again (including boxes of Magic cards). I'll give him the boxes of books because I wouldn't want him to get rid of them, but we have TONS of storage space...he just never got around to putting stuff away. And by leaving the boxes there, it clutters up the living room and leaves me feeling like the house is a pit and unfit for company...

4. I'm a bio major...I know that sleep is a very important aspect of getting well. It's not what caused him to get sick, I'm sure, but by not sleeping enough (And he gets much less than 6 hours most nights) it's taken him a lot longer to get well. Not to mention I'm sure the lack of sleep makes it harder for him to concentrate/pay attention in class. But awesome for you in having a great immune system.
 
What you described isn't limited to men - there are plenty of people of both genders who suffer fromthose same afflictions.

what can you do about it?

You cannot change a person... you can either live with it, or move on from it... Or no wait - youc antell him what's bothering you... and not let the petty things become big things in your relationship... if you expect it to last past graduation that is...

When you're both relaxed - tell him how it makes you feel when xxx happens don't point fingers - just tell him what is bothering you..
 
They don't grow up. Really. I know a handful of men who are responsible and can take care of themselves, the rest...what can you do?

You should've let him live on his own first, before you two lived together, that would have shown you what he is/isn't capable of. LOL!
 
I think you guys are a bit confunsed.

People in general suck.

It's not about men.

And it's not about women.
 
dariqueen said:
You should've let him live on his own first, before you two lived together, that would have shown you what he is/isn't capable of. LOL!
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i'm of the personal belief that no one should co-habitate until they've spent some time on their own first... you cannot have a life with someone else until you've had a life by yourself..
 
I've tried the letting him know thing. I can try again but it didn't work super well last time as nothing changed. I don't want to change him per say, but some of these things I figure, even if it would be changing him, are things everyone grows up and does on their own. Mayhaps I should just let him grow up with interruption. And yeah, perhaps I should have had him live on his own before moving in with me...but I can't exactly take it back now so I'm stuck.
 
No, you're not stuck. You might not like the consequences of not living with him as much as you like the consequences of continuing to live with him, but you are not stuck. (Heck, *I'm* not stuck, and I've got a 4yo and a lifestyle that takes two people to support.) I'm not trying to be mean, but I speak from experience - it might seem like you're stuck early in, but you only get more stuck as you go.

And yes, you do want him to change. "I don't want to change him, but..." = "I want him to change." The only person you can change is you. His sleep is his problem, not yours. His homework is his problem, not yours. His choices are his problem, not yours.

I'm not saying break up with him, or kick him out of the house. But you need to change you so that you have a liveable situation. Which could include changing you so that you don't live with him, or changing you so that you don't try to solve his problems, or any number of other things. But you're the only one you can change.
 
allyphoe said:
No, you're not stuck. You might not like the consequences of not living with him as much as you like the consequences of continuing to live with him, but you are not stuck. (Heck, *I'm* not stuck, and I've got a 4yo and a lifestyle that takes two people to support.) I'm not trying to be mean, but I speak from experience - it might seem like you're stuck early in, but you only get more stuck as you go.

And yes, you do want him to change. "I don't want to change him, but..." = "I want him to change." The only person you can change is you. His sleep is his problem, not yours. His homework is his problem, not yours. His choices are his problem, not yours.
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quoted for absolute truth :)
 
WoW is crack. I've seen many bright, well-adjusted people drop out of school due to that game or other MMORPGs. There is almost no such thing as casual WoW, because it simply isn't fun in moderate doses. For every exception to this rule there are 10 people who have messed up their lives.

From the sounds of it he doesn't sound disciplined enough to be the exception. You are in a position like few others to pull him away from it. I suggest you do so.

Michael
 
Even if these issues are addressed and your man changes them, I guarantee that you will find something else to nit pick at. Its what women do best, nothing can be perfect. There is always room for improvement and change. Although, if a guy suggests any change or improvement on the part of the woman its all over with.

Hypocrisy at its finest.
 
Those are more than just 'nagging' issues. 3 months and he hasn't unpacked his boxes? That's insidious laziness.

Honestly you aggravate the situation by allowing him to get away with it. If he demands that you conform to that type of lifestyle he isn't worth it. Believe it or not if he loves you he will make the changes.

He sounds immature though...young guys often make lousy boyfriends.

Michael
 
Everyone seems pretty all over the board about this one. I'm not likely to leave him, I'll eventually get over it, I do love him.

WOW is addictive and he does play a lot, but not as much as I expected and I can't remove the boy from his game, I'm not sure that's possible with any gamer.

I may not be actually stuck, but I meant I'm stuck in such a manner where I can't take back the whole "let's live together" thing and have him live on his own for a year or more...I couldn't handle paying for the apartment on my own, and ALL of our stuff is here and it was REALLY hard to move it all...big deal...lots of furniture that we share.

He does love me, and hopefully will make changes in his lifestyle as I have for him, I just didn't expect it to take this long (and I know that was naive of me). I'll drop it, not nag and see if he unpacks the damn boxes before we have company this weekend. I'll try REALLY HARD not to say anything about his homework, but when he ends up procrastinating on his homework, sometimes it causes a backlog on stuff around the apartment that he needs to do (like unpack...) which mainly ticks me off because we're sharing the apartment now. If it was just his room, hell I wouldn't care because that's his space. It's all our space now and I just don't think he gets that.
 
Tell him he needs to grow up. World of warcraft is soo pointless and this is coming from a 16 year old. Tell him to get off his lazy asss :eek2:
 
Welcome to living with your partner. Im sure you do/will do things that he will not enjoy.

Everyone is different also.
 
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