Cohen's Lifestyle My Cohen diary

Prefix for Cohen's Lifestyle
Esthee

Esthee

New member
Hi,

Well, I'm on my second day of Cohen and its really going well. I thought I might create a diary for myself on the forum, just to help me reflect on my day and my progress over the next few months. I took a personal day today and it was heavenly. I work as a technical writer in the IT industry and I absolutely adore my work, but sometimes staying in bed on a rainy day is exactly what the doctor ordered. My WF (wonderful fiance) also decided to stay in bed today, so we spent most of today watching 'Extreme engineering' and other manly shows. :)

I am really excited about this diet. I've spent some months reading and applying the 4-day win by Martha Beck, just getting my sub conscious in line with what my 'nazi' want to do. My 'wild child' and 'nazi' had a nice agreement that the Cohen diet would be fine. So for the first time I'm not constantly feeling deprived or sad. I'm an extremely emotional eater, so its a nice first.

In South Africa we're currently experiencing 'Load shedding'. Sounds fun but it actually means we're sitting without power for 4 hours a day. That includes, hospitals, offices, roads etc. Most companies are forced to install generators just to keep working during the day. I think SA is an amazing country and I love most of it. But WF runs his own business and the effect it has had on his company is shocking. So during our personal day we discussed immigrating. It's a horrible word and it means leaving behind our families, my niece, my sister, childhood memories etc. It makes me extremely sad. But for once the uncertainty of my future is not going to make me binge.

So I'm on my way to make some fillet with tomato, mushrooms and onion and finish my second day on Dr Cohen. No matter in which country I'm going to be raising my future children, I'll look good doing it :)
 
Esthee, well done, so how are you feeling? are you hungry at all?

Sounds like you had a lovely day. I don't get a chance to just lay in bed with a 2.5 year old running around, I'm very jealous, I remember those days very relaxing.

So what countries would you consider to migrate to?

I get my program tomorrow, very excited!!

I look forward to chatting with you and following your progress along with mine. We are going to be so gorgeous by November

:seeya:
 
Hi Esthee

Welcome to Cohens and this forum. I am glad you made piece with you inner demons....they are the ones that challenge us the most in life.

It sounds like you have a few pressing issues on your plate......SA is a country that has so much natural resoursces and such a vast cultural background....but unfortuntely politcially it still has a long way to go. I hope you find the answers, leaving family and loved ones is not an easy decision......and moving to a foreign country which may have more wealth and opprtunites doesn't neccessarily bring happiness. So once again goodluck.

On a brighter note it sounds like day 2 has gone down successfully. How long are you on the program for?

ATB

Sam:)
 
Day 3

Hi all!

First off, I would just like to ask you all to excuse me :) I've never been on a forum before so I posted too many threads :) (Sorry Sam!) I've deleted my first one so for future reference I'll just repeat what I said there.

I'm 28 years old, turning 29 in Feb. I'm 1.61m tall and weigh a nice 114.6kg. My goal weight is 60kg and I hope to be there in November for my wedding. My WF and I have been together now for 13 years.

I have 6 animal children, 2 cats and 4 dogs. I work as a technical writer in Johannesburg, South Africa and hope to finish my Masters degree in engineering this year as well.

Well that's me in a nutshell, that and my library filled with 600+ books and with library I mean every nook and cranny in my house :)

Today has been a strange day. I'm actually feeling hungry today and a mild headache has formed through the course of today. But I'm so excited! I'm a serial weigher, and that has been the death of me in the past, so I told myself that I would only weigh myself every 4 weeks. But this morning the scale was just too tempting. :) I got on and I've actually lost 2kg already! But I'm not gonna do that again for the next few weeks. It was just soooooo much fun updating my little ticker!

My little sister in law (almost) is turning 16 today and we're having a birthday dinner at a very nice restaurant tonight as a family. I'm gonna have my dinner before we leave and just drink coffee. I've been on so many crazy diets before I just know that they are all going to say 'oh ANOTHER diet....' when they notice me not eating. In a month or 2 they will start cheering, but they've been cheering for me for the past 5 years and every time I stop and gain 10kg. So I think their scepticism is well founded.

That's me for today.
 
day 4 and 5

Hi,

I'm extremely busy with work, so I'm just writing a quick note to say hi and let you all know that I'm doing well. Yesterday was a b**** of a day. I was warned that day 4 will have me hormonal and emotional, but I was ready to fight the world the one moment and weep the next. I was all over the place. Even the WF was laughing at me while I was growling at him from the corner :)

Starting to feel hungry. But I think its because I'm so busy with work I don't get time to eat my snacks in between meals.

Sal I haven't lied about posting my measurements, will add them in the near future. :) Be warned its SCARY :eek:

See ya and enjoy your weekend. Asemrowende naweek vir julle almal!
 
Hi Esthee

I am also feeling it today - day 2, woke with a headache this morning and I was so hungry and got right up to make breakfast. I started on the housework but just felt so drained I decided to go lay down and watch some tv. I am so looking forward to this great feeling everyone keeps talking about to kick in. Still a few days to go.

I hope you are feeling a better today, you should be getting close to that good feeling soon.

It was scary listing my measurements :willy_nilly:, but it will feel soooooo good when I can post and see them coming down. I reakon that it will help keep me motivated and I will look forward to the weekly measuring.

Anyway keep up the good work, you are doing so well

Talk to you soon.
 
Day 6

Ever since I was a little girl I've been getting horrible horrible nightmares. It's vivid and real and the feeling of dread and fear stays with me the whole day afterwards. Sometimes it stays with me for weeks on end. I've also been diagnosed with major depression a decade or so ago and I'm suppose to take antidepressants for the rest of my life. But for the past 2 months it has really been very much better. I haven't used my pills for the past 7 months and even the WF was commenting on how amazing I was doing.

But last night I had one of my nightmares again. And I'm feeling sad and depressed and just icky today. Yesterday was a hectic day and I didn't drink enough water (only 1.5l of my 2l) and I didn't have my apple. I think that was what probably triggered the nightmare. Whenever I diet I am extremely hard on myself and even a little deviation makes me feel like a complete failure. Which makes the nightmares come. What normally happens is I feel horrible and depressed like today and I comfort eat. That is normally how all my previous efforts have ended. It starts a terrible cycle where I comfort eat because I'm disappointed in myself and then I'm disappointed in myself etc.

I'm really scared that my depression will be back in full force. I know its something that will always be with me (its genetic and not just emotional) but I've really been doing so well lately.

mmmmm writing this, I see what I can do. I'm not going to be ruled by my emotions today, even though the idea of drinking water and eating healthily is the last thing I want to do today, I'm just gonna do it anyway. I'm going to try with everything in me to conquer this day. :boxing:

Sorry for this 'dark' posting but I'm keeping my diary and I think today needs to be documented for future use :)
 
Hi Estee

Don't ever feel sorry for how you feel, think or behave....this forum is a wonderful sounding board for venting our emotions. So please do not apologise.
Maybe your dreams are [subconsciously] trying to set you up for failure....you can change this but do so in little steps. If you read this forum or hang around here post refeed you will see we all have demons to wrestle in life, and we aknowledge that with each other and give advice or just listen and again (acknowledge) that we are here just to support and encourage the best we can. (I also understand your dreams may be related to something entirely different) but I thought I would direct this towards the weightloss issue which is why we are all here.
I think in this forum the majority if not all of us here use food as a weapon of comfort...we are emotional eaters.
I myself (acknowledged) once I had joined this forum that I am a very controlling person and my one area of weakness is food.....why food? we are still answering this.
I have to manage it for the rest of my life which is what I have discovered...the thing is with me and probably alot of people is we can lose the weight but when it comes to maintaining it well that is another story. .
I need to find the balance with food and exercise, which since joining this form I now realise.
I have realised that "yes" I am always going to struggle with my weight and "yes" I am always going to watch my weight and "yes" there will be times (like now) were I will regain a few kilos and I need get them off. This will be story of my life and so many others. I also want to be healthy for my kids and grandkids....i want to be a good role model to them and myself and I want to be their for them.
Maybe you need to challenge these dreams of yours and don't let them get the better of you. I have nursed a very close family member through major anxiety and depression and they are still on their medications and have been for the last 6 years....it is also in my family from my mothers side......so I do know where you are coming from.

Take care Estee and I hope I helped a little.

Sam:)
 
Hi Esthee,

I did welcome you one of the other threads but I will do again in here.
Welcome and congrats on joining the best program ever.
week 1 and 2 kg's down?, wow that is great!

Gets easier and easier as the weeks go by.

I will look forward to following your progress.

Annie Lusion
 
Hi Esthee

Welcome!! Its so good to see new members on this board! Congratulations on starting Cohens! It will truly change your life! It has certainly changed mine! I have lost over 41kgs in nearly 9months and I am considered one of the slower losers… but I could never have lost this much weight on any other program… let alone as quickly as I have.

I really hope you wont mind but I wanted to make a comment on your last post. You said “mmmmm writing this, I see what I can do. I'm not going to be ruled by my emotions today, even though the idea of drinking water and eating healthily is the last thing I want to do today, I'm just gonna do it anyway. I'm going to try with everything in me to conquer this day”

This is THE KEY… to dealing with your depression really… it is your thinking. Taking control of your automatic thoughts and challenging them and looking for evidence is a really important part of getting on top of these feelings. Medication is never ever supposed to be a lifelong thing… it is so useful for getting us back to a place where we can work on our thoughts and feelings.

I think the other thing you may have noticed was that the sense of writing out your thoughts and feelings and how useful it may have been? It showed you what you were thinking and where you could change, challenge or control them. You said whenever you diet you become extremely hard on yourself etc… I would wager that this is perhaps about what you are saying to yourself about why you are dieting or what you say about yourself when you deviate… You might say bad things to yourself when/if you stuff up and then you become even more distressed because of the bad thoughts that you are having. Then you eat again to cover up the bad thoughts… this journey is 90% mental and really is 10% about food.

You can do this! I know it can be hard and long and painful… but it can also be rewarding, exciting, revealing and eye-opening etc…. Welcome to the Journey. I do hope that nothing I have said has offended you… please take it in the spirit of wanting to share with and care for you… it can be so hard to do in a written or online format.

Blessya
Kannadew
 
Hi Esthee

I just want you to know that I will be here for you when ever you want to have a vent or get something off your chest.

I have been through depression due to a few things that I have been through in my life, during my younger years and come out on the other side a much wiser and stronger person. At the time it was a struggle, but I found witting things down when I was feeling very messed up really helped to get my thoughts in order and in more control of my emotions. I now control my emotions and they do not control me. At times I find myself drift back, but I start writing again, about the things that are upsetting me, why they upset me, and what I can do to change this and I choose how I want to react. I also try to take a step back and I like to sit in my space and say to myself, is the reaction (my emotions) really justified for what is going on around me and put it on a scale from worst eg. someone close dying ... to least eg, braking a nail. I choose how I and going to react to different situations, I can either choose to let it get to me or I can choose to not let it, the choice is mine. It took me a long time to get through this and to start thinking this way but it sure has made me feel happier and I prefer the happy feeling way more than the depressed one.

2 saying I always use "Nothing very very bad, ever last very very long in the grand scheme of life even though at the time you may think so." & "I choose my own emotions."

Anyway I am sorry if I am boring you with my babbling or you feel like I am preaching, I just really wanted you to know that I have been there and understand where you are coming from and please if you even need a vent this is a great place to write you thoughts down to get them in order.

Will be back to see how you are going. I have to say though 2 kg in your first week is fantastic, you go girl :hurray: I can't wait to weigh myself at the end of this week, I am so curious. :waving:
 
Day 8

Hi everyone,

Thanks for all the encouraging messages, :iagree: with all of them. :) Its amazing how on this new Cohen journey I really am not alone. My WF is just smiling at me because he's been noticing how addicted I've become on this forum.

Well, its monday morning and I'm back in the office. I've been on the diet now for a whole week and it had some very good moments and some less good ones. I weighed myself this morning and I've lost a total of 3.2kg this week so far. How awesome is that?????? But what was really amazing was not the weight on the scale, its my measurements! Sal, I'm so excited for you, I'm sure you are also going to remeasure yourself like I did this morning. I couldn't believe it. Here's my measurements taken last week Monday and this morning. I'm not going to add all of them as I'm measureing EVERYTHING :D but the very important ones I'll list:

Around my bust: 128cm
125cm​
My bellybutton: 123cm
115cm​
My 'boep'/lower stomach: 139cm
129cm​
Under my 'boep'/under lower stomach: 128cm
122cm​
The ever expanding ass: 131cm
126cm​

on my arms I lost 2cm and on my left leg 3cm. All in all I've lost 49.5cm. But like I mentioned before, I'm measuring everything :)

I went to a dietician last year and she said if I'm healthy, the first sign of me getting my insulin under control will be that I'm losing cm's around my stomach. I've lost 29cm in total around my 'unhealthy' zone. :) I'm so happy :hurray:

This weekend wasn't that easy. I'm not struggling with the food and I'm not scary hungry, but my hormones are in a bit of a tizz. I'm like a pregnant girl, extremely emotional. The WF has been extremely supportive and laughs at me for being just a tad funny. :). I take it my hormones are correcting themselves? I've got PCOS and I haven't had a lot of estrogen in my body now for a few years (according to the gynie), so I take it that must be why I'm feeling like a teenager. But I have a sense of humour about it. At least I can laugh at myself :D .

About my previous post, I did what all of you suggested. I had a nice conversation with the WF and we analysed my nightmare, looking for what my subconsious is trying to tell me and now I'm fine. Looks like I've overcome my first REAL challenge. But thank you all SOOOO MUCH for listening!!

This is me sending only good things to you all :) :santa:
 
Esthee, WOW! Congratulations! You'll have to change that "ever expanding arse" to now diminishing! I too can really relate to how you have been feeling. Confronting your demons & writing (typing) it down helped me put everything into perspective. I have suffered depression on & off for most of my adult life. I'm sure it's genetic. I usually self-counsel but saw a counsellor for the fist time last year whilst on Cohens. I did work it out for myself though but feel my on-line diary was the big catalyst. It's very therepeutic to type your innermost feelings in here where you get such loving, caring support. You do get hooked on the forum, but to me, it's being hooked on human connections & friendships & I don't see any harm in that. Your WF sounds very supportive & loving. I am lucky to have a husband who is also very supportive. It's an evolving thing with the program. We learn how to lose weight & fat but have to work out why we self-sabotage & why we got there in the first place. Facing that is half the key I think. We have to learn to love ourselves. To me it's not about being vain & self-centred(that's what I used to think) but about caring for ourselves & being healthy & happy in our skins. Don't ever be afraid to say how you feel in here. We listen to one another & help each other and ourselves by opening up & sharing, take care, Cate.
 
Hi Esthee

Glad to hear that you are feeling better, and you must feel so much stronger now facing and talking about you demons. I too have a very supportive husband who has helped me through alot and he also make me smile and laugh at myself. His support on Cohens has been fantastic, I have not told anyone except my best friend and parents that I am on Cohens, as I just want it to be my personal battle and when I am looking good, it will be great to see their reaction and shock at how well I have done.

WOW you have done soooooo well, I am so happy for you. Feels good to show those numbers off? ;-) I so look forward checking

Again I am so happy and proud of you, what a fantastic start.
 
So happy to hear your happy

Hi Esthee

reading your post really made my day. It makes everyone feel good when you know you have helped and made an impression in someones lives for the better. So you have made me happy.

Congratulations on your weight loss and centimetres loss as well. Like Sal you are brave and inspirational to all of us here. I am glad I am here to follow you on this journey of weightloss.......to the sweetest end.

Keep well and hope you have a wonderful day.

Sam:)
 
Day 9

Hi all!

Just checking in and letting you all know its going very well. I asked the WF to hide the scale :eek: as I just don't have the self control to stay off the stupid thing! he he he. He will give it back on my 4 week mark for a weigh. Its really going very well with the diet at the moment. Its starting to just become the way I eat during the day and not something funny I'm trying. I'm also not that hungry any more.

Today is the first day in a while that my hormones aren't acting up :) Spent the whole evening last night just listening to smooth jazz and having my doggies all over me. It was really relaxing. The WF and a friend of ours were planning our next diving weekend. Will probably go to mozambique, but I'll make sure its selfcatering and will stick to my eating plan. The nearest coast is 500km away, so it will be nice to see the sea again.

I'm amazed at the amount of energy I have at the moment. I've been extremely lethargic for the past few years. And this past week and especially since day 4 I've had more energy than I know what to do with. :) I'm currently busy with my Masters Degree and I had my first meeting with my supervisor yesterday. I'm a writer by profession so I was really excited to see that I would only have to write between 50 en 80 pages for my thesis. I'm really excited about starting and the fact that I have more energy is really making me eager to use it productively.

Hope your day is also excellent!
 
Day 10 is it??

Wow, just counted it and yes, I've been doing cohen's now 100% for 10 days. Wow.

Today has been a funny day. I'm still extremely emotional and I have a few other symptoms I've blamed on my diet. But when I spoke with my sister this morning about them, she just looked at me and said 'Aren't you pregnant?' Swoooosh. It makes sense. I'm late, I'm emotional, the list goes on. So off to the shops I went and bought 8 home pregnancy tests. If I'm pregnant it will still be early days, just over 4 weeks. I've taken two tests and the freaken things don't work. In the past I had a negative reading in like seconds. But both of the tests I've taken has given no results. Not even a test strip. And no, they are from different brands and bought in different stores. So I've been overemotional today wondering. So I can wait for tomorrow morning and look for a clearer test result or I can just go to the doc and get a blood test done. So I'm leaving for the doctor's in half an hour. Patience has never been my strongest point :)

I've been good diet wise today, eventhough I could really have done with some comfort foodies. The whole situation will actually be really funny if it turns out I am pregnant. I'll be a 29 year old woman having a shotgun wedding with the man she's been with for the past 13 years :D I think its really funny.

My biggest reason why I started with the Dr Cohen's diet was the fact that I wanted to start a family. But I want to be a fit and healthy mom and I'm just not that at the moment. Raising a baby will be exhausting for me now. But I can't help but pray that I am. I know its not what we planned and all, but I just so hope the tests will come back positive. It's like my brain knows the timing is not ideal, I need to loose some weight before I add extra weight and the responsibility of raising a child on my body. But I'm really ready for a little one. :( So today has really been a rollercoaster. It will probably turn out that I'm not. I've had previous scares before but I think this time I might just have a pity cry day if it turns out I'm not. Well I need to go for those tests.

BaaiBaai
 
No I'm not...

Well it looks like one of the claims of the Dr Cohen diet is true. It really does correct hormonal inbalances. I'm not pregnant, but for the first time in over 4 years I actually have estrogen in my body. So I have all the symptoms, but its just my body's shock reaction to having estrogen again. Which I'm happy with because that was one of the reasons the Dr Cohen diet appealled to me. And it gives me time to finish my program, get to goal weight and have a happy healthy pregnancy later.

Well I'm on day 11 today and I'm feeling really proud of myself. I haven't been able to stick to a diet for longer than a week now for a few years. :svengo: In 2003 I got engaged to the WF and I was healthy, only a few kg overweight, but looked thin and good, and was excercising daily. I had just starting working at a new company and had to attend some training programmes. I was the victim of very disturbing sexual harassment and my immediate reaction was to gain 15kg in 8 months. The rest of my timeline is as follows:
2004 - 2005 gained 8kg
2005 - 2006 gained 10kg
2006 - 2007 gained 9kg
2007 - 2008 maintained my weight.
I sometimes wonder how on earth I got to 115kg but looking at my timeline its by adding less than a kilo a month. I have wasted 4 years of my life. I've been going through the motions, getting up, going to work, getting through the day, but I haven't really been an active participant to anything that happened over the past 4 years and 5 months. Its not as if I don't have anything to show for these years, I finished my honours degree, and I'm almost finished with my Masters. I've been able to have all my subjects with distinction in my Masters degree and will be getting my degree Cum Laude. Which is something to be proud about. I've also been able to build my career up and worked so hard last year that the company I work for sent me to Singapore for an all expenses paid holiday for 2 weeks. I've been able to build better relationships with family members. And I've grown as did the relationship with the WF.

But its time that I take back control over my life. Following cohens till the end is definitely a step in the right direction. This post is more of a diary entry than a conversation, but I'm feeling like I need to take a good look at how and why I gained 42kg and what has been happening during that time. The WF always tells me that I'm just a late bloomer :) but it really is time for me to bloom now.
 
Esthee, Thank you for sharing your story. I'm sure it helps us all by sharing our thoughts in here. While you may be disappointed that you are not pregnant now I'm sure you are have made an excellent decision to set yourself up for being a happy & healthy Mum. I don't know if you have ever had counselling re the sexual harrassment, but personally I found it helped me considerably. I have had very personal issues re my body image that I still don't feel like articulating them in the forum but have faced them & dealt with them with help. It's great that your partner is such good support for you emotionally.
I'm looking forward to following your progress weight-wise & hearing, after you reach your goal weight that you are expecting your baby. I'm sure it will happen for you, cheers, Cate.
PS I'm jealous-"I'd like to spend some time in Mozambique, the sunny sky is aqua blue, & all the people dancing cheek-to-cheek" & I'll spare you the rest...(Bob Dylan)... You're lucky you can't hear me singing........
 
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