I guess the best place to begin is the beginning. I'm not really too sure how to start this, and I'm not fantastic at the written word....but, I figure this will give me a good starting point. Sort of my own personal log that I share with others.
I went from skinny (as a kid) to chubby (as a teen) then curvy as I entered late teens/early 20's. I'm tall (5'8) so a few extra pounds never bothered me that much. When I got married, I weighed 165lbs. 7 years later, I divorced the drunken loser, and was horrified to find out I weighed a digusting 300lbs. I held at that weight (maybe going up to around 310lbs) for the next 2 years. I ate my way through every happy moment, sad moment, bored moment, and tragic moment. I ate for all reasons, job promotion, divorce, father's death, mother's illness etc etc. I always said "I'll start my diet tomorrow" and I never did. I had the best intentions.....
I used to dream of being pretty/skinny again (ok, maybe not model thin, but I'd take a size 10 over a 28+ any day of the week). No matter how much I wished for it, I was totally unable to stay on a diet. I would last about half a day, then give in to the office snack machine. Once I ate that Snickers, it was all over...and I figured, "Well screw it, I've already messed up my day." And the cycle continued from there.
I started talking to this wonderful man I met in an online game, (I loved this game, I could eat whatever I wanted, and never feel threatened, yet could still meet tons of people, a lot of them were a lot like me, introverted, and embarassed for one reason or another). I decided I really, REALLY liked this guy, and he seemed to genuinely like me, but alas I was scared to take it to the "next level" b/c of my weight. I was afraid he would run aways screaming "FAT FAT FAT" and any chance I had for a blossoming relationship would be nipped in the bud b/c I couldn't stop eating.
Finally after about 2 years of chatting with him just online or on the phone, he asked if he could come see me (he lived like 900 miles from me) I agreed, afraid if I didn't he would move on and I'd never hear from him again. We set the time for May 04, I had 5 months to get myself in shape. I was scared to death!!!! I started by cutting out fatty foods, I never ate out, I lived on Lean Cuisines and yogurt, I was always hungry...ALWAYS, but once I saw the scale start to drop, it wasn't so hard to keep going.
The first time I tried to power walk a mile, I thought my lungs were going to burst out of my chest. I made it about halfway and had to stop....it was a horrifying wake up call, at 30 years old I couldn't walk a mile without stopping. The first month I lost 37lbs, and took up robotics with my daily power walks....it was working. When May rolled around I weighed 210lbs. I had lost 90lbs in 5 months, and I FELT great!!
I kept the weight off for a few months, then it was time for him to make a move and live with me, we're still happy almost a year later. We're so happy, you can see it...espcially when you look at the 30lbs I've packed on.
Now, I know he doesn't care, he loves me anyway I am, he insists I'm not fat...he's such a doll. I KNOW I'm fat, I see it in my body, my face and the way my clothes fit, and I hate it. I hate the fact I've gained back 30lbs that were so DAMN hard to take off...now I realize it's time to start again.
I'm taking a trip to GA to see his folks next week, they have'nt seen me in 30lbs, and I'm so ashamed....ugh! if only I'd started this sooner.
So, that's my story, and again, I tried today only to end up going to lunch with my boss and wolfing down a huge bowl of Pad Thai.....
Sorry for the long post, I guess I had more to say then I thought I did.
I went from skinny (as a kid) to chubby (as a teen) then curvy as I entered late teens/early 20's. I'm tall (5'8) so a few extra pounds never bothered me that much. When I got married, I weighed 165lbs. 7 years later, I divorced the drunken loser, and was horrified to find out I weighed a digusting 300lbs. I held at that weight (maybe going up to around 310lbs) for the next 2 years. I ate my way through every happy moment, sad moment, bored moment, and tragic moment. I ate for all reasons, job promotion, divorce, father's death, mother's illness etc etc. I always said "I'll start my diet tomorrow" and I never did. I had the best intentions.....
I used to dream of being pretty/skinny again (ok, maybe not model thin, but I'd take a size 10 over a 28+ any day of the week). No matter how much I wished for it, I was totally unable to stay on a diet. I would last about half a day, then give in to the office snack machine. Once I ate that Snickers, it was all over...and I figured, "Well screw it, I've already messed up my day." And the cycle continued from there.
I started talking to this wonderful man I met in an online game, (I loved this game, I could eat whatever I wanted, and never feel threatened, yet could still meet tons of people, a lot of them were a lot like me, introverted, and embarassed for one reason or another). I decided I really, REALLY liked this guy, and he seemed to genuinely like me, but alas I was scared to take it to the "next level" b/c of my weight. I was afraid he would run aways screaming "FAT FAT FAT" and any chance I had for a blossoming relationship would be nipped in the bud b/c I couldn't stop eating.
Finally after about 2 years of chatting with him just online or on the phone, he asked if he could come see me (he lived like 900 miles from me) I agreed, afraid if I didn't he would move on and I'd never hear from him again. We set the time for May 04, I had 5 months to get myself in shape. I was scared to death!!!! I started by cutting out fatty foods, I never ate out, I lived on Lean Cuisines and yogurt, I was always hungry...ALWAYS, but once I saw the scale start to drop, it wasn't so hard to keep going.
The first time I tried to power walk a mile, I thought my lungs were going to burst out of my chest. I made it about halfway and had to stop....it was a horrifying wake up call, at 30 years old I couldn't walk a mile without stopping. The first month I lost 37lbs, and took up robotics with my daily power walks....it was working. When May rolled around I weighed 210lbs. I had lost 90lbs in 5 months, and I FELT great!!
I kept the weight off for a few months, then it was time for him to make a move and live with me, we're still happy almost a year later. We're so happy, you can see it...espcially when you look at the 30lbs I've packed on.
Now, I know he doesn't care, he loves me anyway I am, he insists I'm not fat...he's such a doll. I KNOW I'm fat, I see it in my body, my face and the way my clothes fit, and I hate it. I hate the fact I've gained back 30lbs that were so DAMN hard to take off...now I realize it's time to start again.
I'm taking a trip to GA to see his folks next week, they have'nt seen me in 30lbs, and I'm so ashamed....ugh! if only I'd started this sooner.
So, that's my story, and again, I tried today only to end up going to lunch with my boss and wolfing down a huge bowl of Pad Thai.....
Sorry for the long post, I guess I had more to say then I thought I did.
