♡☆♡Lets lose weight♡☆♡

[Ihaveacupcake]

Hello everyone, I'm cupcake. I'm here to keep accountable to lose weight, get over anorexia thoughts and become healthier.

I've been dealing with a lot of anorexic thoughts that leads to binging. I binged last night.

I'm trying a new approach now to shed 10 pounds, healthy eating and fueling my body.

I have a lot of mental illness and meds that make it hard to lose weight. 4 years ago, I had a mental breakdown with religious delusions and psychosis and it landed me in a mental hospital where I was diagnosed with schizoeffective disorder (schizophrenia and bipolar), I'm on 3 different meds and I gained 20 pounds on them, which put me at 150. I've lost 10 but am having trouble losing the last 10.

I'm going to take things slow, .5lbs a week with healthy eating.

I'm an active person, 15k-20k steps a day and 20 mins pilates 5-6 days a week. I discovered pilates earlier this week and just love it! I used to do light weights but just wasn't enjoying it, so I tried aerobics and hated it even more. Pilates is where my love for fitness is.

I used to want to be 110 pounds, but realistically 130 is where I want to be.

I smoke pot in the evening to help cope with a major stressor in my life. I'm at a loss with this situation in my life, which is why I give into anorexia so often. But I *finally* realized I can't starve myself anymore, and I don't want to.

I like to live by a persona (which helps me keep my sanity and goals in mind) and that is a 'healthy fit girl', someone who eats healthy, works out, is active and positive.

I have major depression as well and usually am a Debby downer, but I want to become more positive in life to help deal with my major anxiety too.

Ok, let's lose 10 pounds healthily!

So let's do this!

 

[Ihaveacupcake]

Morning

Up at 5, showered, 2 iced coffees then I napped at the kitchen table for an hr. I'm always so tired.

I was going to weigh today, but I forgot. Just as well, I binged last night, I'm going to do weekly weigh ins on Mondays.

No school for the kids today. Boo.

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Did pilates at 8:30, I'm loving this workout! As for my diet, I'm going to take a new approach. Rather than count calories or try and starve myself, I'm going to concentrate on fueling my body so I'm not so tired and hungry. I'll stay away from junk food and eat healthy. I'll lose weight slower but at least it'll be sustainable. I'm aiming for .5 lbs a week.

So for brekky I had 2 peices of cinnamon raisin toast with pb and sliced banana.

Then I did some chores, went on my treadmill for 20 mins, I do interval walking, medium pace for 1 min, then fast for 30 seconds.

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Then I prepared iced coffee to have at lunch then took a nap.

 

[size32someday]

I ate peanut butter and raison toast for breakfast last week and my weight went up 2 pounds temporarily in one day. I don't know what it is about raisin toast but maybe it's spiking something. just a heads up if you weigh yourself tomorrow and its up it might have been the raison toast and is only temporary.

 

[leanneandmj]

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[Ihaveacupcake]

Morning

Up at 6, showered, 2 iced coffees and watched my show till 7.

Then I got the kids up and fed. I'm kinda looking forward to but also not looking forward to church. It'll be nice to be around adults without kids for a little but I also don't want to go. Church doesn't excite me anymore.

My husband volunteers with the production (cameras) so I'm going to sit in the tech booth with him. Lately, I haven't wanted to sit in the congregation bc I don't like to stand during worship. I get tired easily and hate standing lol, I'm so lazy. So in the tech booth I don't have to, I can sit in the back and mind my own business.

I just feel weird, anxious and sad this morning. I hate it. I'm nervous bc my kid has a late bday party to go to and hoping my hubs will be home to take my kid to and from it. It's from 4-6, so ya, right at supper. There will be pizza there but what if my kid is still hungry after? Not a big deal, but what if I have to get him? Supper then will be late. Ugh, the unknown scares me, I need to learn to go with the flow.

Oh great...we have to go to church early, so I have 15 mins before kids ministry opens up, wtf am I going to do with the kids?

I'm trying to adopt a 'fuck it' attitude. I don't care what's going on, how I feel isn't important. But it's hard.

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Oh also, I stopped pacing. 2 reasons. 1) it's just not realistic to keep pacing as much as I do and 2) I hurt my ankle last week and pacing made it worse. So I'm not very active anymore.

I skipped breakfast today bc I'm gonna have a cookie after church.

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Had a mini chocolate cake and a cookie at church once it was done then we went grocery shopping.

 

[Ihaveacupcake]

I know I said I'm supposed to be positive but this past week I've been a ball of anxiety. Not sure why, everything seems overwhelming. Pilates has helped a lot, I'd be more stressed without it. Same with the treadmill.

I just haven't felt real these last few days... I feel so lost Eating helps but I have to be careful not to over eat. Especially since I'm not pacing and as active...