~~Journey to a Better Me~~

:cool:
working on meeting AND thinking positive :)

maybe i'll try to stick to a meal plan for today:

Breakfast at 8
Egg white with half an onion/mushroom/spinach 121
Coffee with milk and sugar 75

Snack 10am
apple 80

Lunch 12:30
ww pita with hummus 300
Water 0

Snacks 3PM
pear 80

Dinner 6PM
soup with veggies and tofu and beef balls 400
ice cream sandwich 130

Snack 8PM
wheat puff with brown sugar/milk powder/coco powder 80

total: 1266

will try to go workout at gym before dinner :)

will try to have less tofu and beef for soup (~100 cal)

damn, read somewhere about using sesame oil for hummus, took me 5 min to make it, taste so DiViNe! :eek:
 
Hi amlika don’t get to happy about those charitable organizations they aren’t really that organized lol, I have worked with them for the last 7-8 years and the in-house bitching is unreal. I have found that righting a menu out for the day helps you stick to your diet, once you put your 3 main meals down you will be surprised at how many cals you have left for the day to spend on snacks like fruit and yoghurt and sometimes a little extra like a piece of chocolate or something you really like to have as a treat. Take it one pound at a time and you will be surprised at how quick they add up. Good luck this week.
 
.................
thanks so much for the encouragement....
i really don't deserve it though...
i had... a lot of ice cream...
slept for 2 hrs and was at school talking to prof the whole day. when i got home i just lost it... i feel so stupid... i don't know what to do... there's really cheap conselling service at university but I'm really too ashamed to go...
I'm presenting my research paper on Monday and the Friday after. All these ppl that will be there... wanted to look great.. not all bloated and nasty looking the way i am right now... and the big school end bash is next friday too... my ex will be djing there... must gather myself up and try again... and again... and again...

:) its funny you mentioned the charitable organization issue. because i went for my interview at the children's autism center. it went so well! everyone i met there was super friendly. i think they knew i was gonna get hire or something because they all introduced themselves as I walked by and chatted with me. There was one moment that stood out and made me smile: a little girl came up to me holding a picture of a cup of juice. she must've thought i worked there. autism is very easily observed in appearance, but she had such a calm and angelic stare about her, it made my heart tremble when I remembered all the articles I read about self abusive behaviors that are common to autism patients just to vent out frustration.

Maybe I'm just naive this way, but helping others is one of my ways of escaping my inability at coping with my own life issues. I'm so glad the pay is pretty good for this job too. :( It wasn't easy though today when I mustered up the courage to ask my prof for his permission to use him as a reference. he must've thought i was crazy wanting to work at a place like that, right in the middle of my own uber stressful master project. lets just say most engineers are not very sympathetic people lol.

My goal for tomorrow: work out somewhere somehow. no more refined sugar in anything for a while! i used to never be into sugary stuff! it must just be habitual.
 
Oh honey I never meant that it was a bad thing to do, I loved what I did. What i did mean is that it’s really no different from working anywhere else? You still have to work with people and there is always someone who will be a problem (clash of personality) and it’s so much worse if you are a volunteer but it is worth it.

Lol I never used to eat chocolate but ever since I started ww I have craved it. I just went and brought the bite size milky ways so that way I could have a chocolate fix with out blowing out my points for the day. Try buying small tubs of ice-cream that don’t have a mass of calories in it so that way if you feel like it you can have it and its within your calorie limit then you wont feel deprived. Hope this helps.
 
Sounds like you are a super busy person! It is very hard to get on track with making the "lifestyle" change to be healthier. Hopefully you can do it!!! Good luck and keep up the good work with exercising and keeping track of what you eat.
 
:) thanx guys so much for the encouragement.
where do u work at rosered? yeah i have really serious binging issues so its not as simple as just getting smaller sizes. but i'm sure it'll work out somehow :)
hey meshellibel :) i find so far the busier i get the more unhealthy i am because in my mind i have excuses to spoil myself :( oh well its not a battle to be won overnite. and i'll keep trying...

ok guys i just figured since im always too ashamed to put up the list of what i eat everyday, it would actually be good to do that:) more of a reason for me not to overeat. so i'll come and report my weight, food eaten, and exercise i've done for the day. if i was being bad that day tell me so! then i'll feel bad and be more dilligent :)

and i've been reading dieting tips everywhere. seems like a good idea to just have a little fruit for dinner everyday. that way i could eat mostly all i want for the other two meals (let's say 500 cal each, thats a lot of food :) ), and look and feel great in the mornings :D

goal for today: learn to ENJOY the feeling of an empty stomach, translate hunger to weight loss success and better appearance and confidence
 
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Weight: 130 Pounds

Food Eaten:
11:22AM - 2 Pears
3:38PM - coffee with 2% milk and two packs of brown sugar

Exercise:
an hour of pop dancing class
 
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I used to work with Rosies youth mission. It’s for homeless people. It was directed at homeless youth but on the gold coast there was a bigger demand for older people so we used to deal with both. We would go out in a van armed with coffee and sandwiches and a gift for the gab (be able to chat) lol.
 
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I used to have a problem with eating too much, I always seemed to have this idea in my head that if I left food on my plate that I was being wasteful, so I would eat everything even if I wasn't hungry, and then when you would add in unhealthy snacks during the day and in the evening it made me gain alot.
I ended up forcing myself to leave food if I was hungry (I usually put it in the fridge and have it for lunch the next day now), and trying really hard to limit how many snacks I have and what I have.
I also found it was easier to stop myself snacking so much by keeping myself busy, so maybe if you could try a hobby, I do crossstich, I can't eat while doing that becuase I will get dirty fingers and that will wreak the canvas and thread hehehe.
If you ever wanted to chat I have MSN, Yahoo and Aim (they should be listed up near my name or something hehehe.
Keep up the good work...
 
Weight: 130 Pounds

Food Eaten:
11:22AM - 2 Pears
3:38PM - coffee with 2% milk and two packs of brown sugar
6:00PM - 2 pears
7:00PM - two small pieces of pork and half a chicken drumstick :)) bbq)
10-2 4 drinks and a slice of cake (someones bday)

Exercise:
an hour of pop dancing class

:( i miss my old self. the confident and crazy girl that didnt care about anything, that ate anything she wanted and never bothered with makeup. now i know all the tricks to looking and dressing better. but im so messed up inside that I always put off this aura that i'm too good for anyone. just don't know how to act in my own skins... there was this really cute guy tonite at the club. hot and professional and sweet. but i just didnt know how to act... was just acting like some typical snobby party girl cause i have no trust in guys anymore, and no confidence left for myself...
argh.... think bout it tomorrow.
 
Weight: 130 Pounds

Food Eaten:
9:30am - apple
9:50am - bowl of red bean porridge
12:30pm - dim sum: dumpling, rice, chicken, egg tart, little bits of everything
3:00pm - coffee with milk and 2 packs of sugar
6:00pm - 260 cal cookies, 50 cal candy, one apple
6:49pm - hummus (400 cal), 320 cal cookies (damn it i was doing so well)
4:00am - salt & pepper squid........

Exercise:
out and about all day... still sore from dancing all nite last nite, now after dancing tonite I'm REALLY sore...

eek, time to get back into study mode and FREAK OUT about my thesis!
 
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Hey, Amlika,
Just popping in to say, "Keep up the good stuff!"
You are so good at fitting in your exercise. (Pop dance class sounds like fun.) And I know that can't be easy for a busy gal like yourself. :)
Totallyscrappy
 
Thanx scrappy! yeah we have a kickass instructor for pop dance! she is always laughing and joking and hollering, and picks the most fun songs ever (did a routine with usher's new song this week). by the end of class all of us usually applaude because it's so satisfying and fun!

don't know about the "keep up the good stuff" part :( nothing good here, folks.

Weight: 130 Pounds

Food Eaten:
1:38 - 14 small cookies :( (910 CAL), one apple, coffee with milk and xylitol
i think i'm done for today :(

exercise:
volunteering at the homeless center for 3 hrs laying out mats and transfering laundry bins.

prolly 2000 cal the whole day :(
but on the brighter side, talking to jamie at DIRC was very enlightening. its always amazing to see my own ideas reflected in others. to hear their struggles and the paths they took. i really hope i made a little difference today.
 
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i understand

fatgurrlnomo said:
I fully understand where your coming from I'm just glad for you that it didn't get so out of control as it did for me. I'm 24 and have never really seen a small me but I've seen comfortable until 3/15 when I stepped on the scale and it was a 300lbs(you can see I have a long way to go) I just cried because the last time I weighed myself I was 187 now that is not healthy either but I could have turned around there but food controlled me. I found myself eating late nights fast food. Starving my body during the day drinking only soda and eating king size snickers to just binge at night while laying in the bed. I came home that day after my first weigh in a my local gym and saw exactly where my problem was. There were food bags from every food joint you can think of in my room around my house everywhere. I just sat there and thought back and could remember times I would eat before my boyfriend would take me out and then eat a full meal again when we went out. I look at some of my credit card statements and it would be a full day of charges at eating places sometimes minutes from each other. My goal is to lose this extra person I have gained which is 150lbs so far from 3/16 I've lost 10 lbs its a start excited to see more shed. I just made a life change started eating better and on a schedule even if its the same thing everyday I follow it to the T. I've started my workout just 45 min a day of cardio and its really helping with shaping. If you would like to work together I would be more than happy to help you through hard times and vise versa(pardon my spelling) Hit me up at amwright80@austin.rr.com or on my diary and let me know. Keep your head up girl even when you think you can't remember this God only puts so much on us only that we can bear and you can do all things thru He who gives you strength. :)
Click to expand...
OOh sweetie..let me tell you..I feel your pain. I swear that half the battle is deciding you have had enough. It kills me to see where i am ..and how much i have put on. I feel like im trapped in someone elses body. I am 5'6" and i weigh about 262 and sometimes more depending water wt etc... I recently was 279 when i had my son 1 yr ago...I have managed to lose some..but soo not enough. I sucks ..I hate my body soo much most of the time & it inhibits my life soo much. I would love to keep in touch w/ you if your interested..you can reach me here or at ksorell@lrgh.org and I have a new website i have started to help encourage women..its still in its new stages..it is fightingforselfesteem.zoomshare.com and I started it because it seems like we women can help each other deal w/ all of this stuff & rise above it.
I am currently walking 45 min a day... mostly doing up and down hills..2 days a week I also combine stairs into this (10 min) and I do some other cardio w/ weights 3 days a week..so basically im working out 6 days a week. It kills me sometimes to get out of bed..but i need to put my health first for once! Good luck to you and your pursuits for you!
 
i binged again... on the muffins i was making for the whole week...
i want to really figure out why i binge. it felt like i really want the instant gratification. i never binge on fast food. or anything overly bad. because i have the logic no to buy them. i just can't control myself. want to binge on everything in sight. maybe instead of focusing on dieting, i need to just focus on developing regular eating habits. 3 square meals with portion control, at the exact same times, and two small snacks in between. and just go for my favorite food regardless of health issues, calorie contents, cost and etc. ok i'll try to do that tomorrow.

lets aim for breakfast at 7:00. snack at 10. lunch at 12:30. snack at 3. and dinner at 6. and a piece of fruit at 8 to 9 before going to bed at 11.

god its gonna be sooo hard. have presentation tomorrow nite :( assignments due. meeting with prof on wednesday to work on. and super stressful part time job at the autism center on friday, sat, and sun. and massively stressful thesis presentation next friday. oh and volunteering at homeless center sometimes this week. and i promised friends to go out for ladies nite on wed and sat, and potluck on fri. so it's either freak out the whole week and cut out anything fun so i could get some sleep, or do EVERYTHING and live off coffee and shake like a leaf. and i just got the ipod mini so now i have no excuse not to go workout. except i dont even have time to change clothes and etc ( :D thats a new excuse i guess!) damn it this binging thing is either gonna get better cause i have no time to do it, or way worse cause i'd be wolfing down every food in sight to reward myself.
 
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yesterday was not bad
ate all the yogurt but overall less than 1500 cal the whole day...
worked out for about 40 min...

600 cal already for today :( everything has so many calories! :D
but will try to work out for another 40 min today again
 
crap, today was another MAJOR binging day...
it was all going well too...
i find that i binge the most at home at night...
everything seems fine during day time...........
i want this... will try harder... i want to be at least about 125 by next friday...

at least im working out...
 
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Haven't been here for a while...
ups and downs... big ones...
anyways, here's today:
300cal of chocolate
lots of fruits......... grapes, cantalope
two cups of coffee with sugar and milk
90g of extra lean beef...
a small homemade muffin
 
Something that might help keep you from binging.... try to drink lots and lots and lots and lots of water! It will fill you up and it is so good for you when you are trying to lose weight! Also - make sure that you are gettting a really good breakfast. It is the most important meal of the day and will give you the energy to keep going for the rest of it =) Good luck!!!
 
Ok try again for today:
I will not over eat. And I will find fulfillment instead in succeeding in being productive.
 
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