~♡~I'll have my cupcake and eat it too~♡~

Afternoon

It's 1pm, I just had a hoot and now I'm having some coffee. At 2 it'll be my first afternoon snack, a chocolate granola bar.

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My granola bar was so good. It's the nugabar nanaimo bar, yum 😋

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At 3 I took the kids out to the backyard for a while. They love playing with mud 🙈 eww.

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Once we came in and I sat down, I started to get tired again. I tried to get up and pace but I'm just physically so tired today. I'm tired all the time but some days (like today) I'm fatigued. So far I have 15k steps. That should be good right? I also became very hungry. But I held out till supper so I didn't go over my calories! Win!

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Supper was a pulled pork sandwich (😋 yum!) and veggies. I think I had more pulled pork than I allotted for, so my cals might be closer to 1800. So a little deficit, but better than nothing. Even if I lost .5lb a week, I'll be happy! This is a lifestyle change for me. With that being said, I'm considering having a cracker with nutella on it. I like having chocolate in the evening. Just a little treat. But we'll see.

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I had 3 crackers with nutella on them, 😋 🤤.
 
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Morning

Waked and baked and paced at 6. Had raisin toast with pb for breakfast. Did chores and paced some more. At 11am I had almost 13k steps.

I had to battle anorexic thoughts. I actually started deleting food from myfitnesspal to get to 1000...but stopped and counted 1600. I want to lose weight slowly and healthily. I still want to enjoy food, which is why I'm having nutella crackers as a treat after supper.

This is a new lifestyle for me, not a fad diet. I am not meant to starve but to use food as fuel to get me through each day.

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My depression is acting up again today. I feel guilty for planning 1600. Maybe that's why I have been extra tired, my depression. It's what made me tired all throughout my life. It's my #1 indicator that I'm depressed. I keep forgetting that bc I'm just too tired to care.

I'm currently making my kids lunch then will have yogurt and granola for lunch.

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My yogurt bowl was so good!
 
Afternoon

Continued to pace till coffee time (1hr-ish). I'm over my step goal today.

I feel like such a bad mom. Bc of my anxiety, I haven't taken the kids out to a splash park yet this week. I planned to tomorrow but I just looked at the weather and it might rain tomorrow. I hope not! But now I feel like a bad mom for being so lazy and scared to take them out. The world is big and scary.

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Well shortly after I wrote that my MIL text and asked about the pool today, so we went. Kids had fun. But now my youngest is upset over something I did, I don't know what cuz he won't tell me. So I feel bad again.

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My kid finally told me what was bothering him, we talked about it and now he seems OK. Thank the Lord Almighty for that 🙌

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I paced more while cooking supper. For supper, I made the family hamburger helper, but bc I hate it (the texture puts me off) I get a bowl of cereal. Yummy.

Got the kids in bed, had my nutella crackers snack and went to bed. Ended with 23k steps.
 
Morning

Waked and baked and paced till 7. I'm trying to listen the Bible and worship music in the morning while pacing. Set my day right.

Then I had breakfast, raisin toast with pb, mmm. Then I did chores and paced to reach 10k steps.

Once that was done I took an hr nap
 
Well, I made 20 posts on the new site but I'm still a probation member and can't see diaries yet. I can't wait to make my own there! But for now, I will continue to post here, even if no body reads it.

I left here for a bit as I had a mini relapse. I tried a starvation diet and ofc that didn't work. So I've decided to take a step back from the scale and concentrate on my fitness.

I just started working out again on Monday. Tomorrow will be session 3. I don't like it...yet. Another goal I have is to get to a point where I love fitness.

I'm not counting calories anymore bc I never stick to them anyway. But my eating looks like this:

Brekky- 2 cups loaded coffee, 2 eggs and 1 toast with pb
Lunch- Yogurt with granola or bowl of cereal
Snack- 1 cup loaded coffee, protein bar
Supper- Medium portion meat, lots of veggies

This way I know I'm fueling my body and will hopefully do a body recomp. Rather than going by the scale I will go by:

1) Pant sizes. I have 4 pairs of pants that I love but are too small

2) Fitness level, upping my cardio from 20 mins to 30 mins, increasing weights from 7lb to 10lbs.

3) Making sure I get 15k steps.

I've followed the plan to a T today so far, still have supper to get through.
 
I did good at supper. I'll be having a chocolate fruit bar for a snack later. Tomorrow is workout day, I'm actually kinda excited!
 
My workout on Friday was excellent! I did not enjoy the first 10 mins but I did the last 10! I've been good on my diet too!

I'm going to officially do weigh ins on Sundays. So tomorrow. I'm hoping I'm not over 140, but we'll see.

I love not counting calories, but rather concentrating on portion sizes instead.

Fingers crossed I lose a bit tomorrow!
 
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