How do you feel good about yourself??

My perspective is from a woman who is older(51) who has battled my wight my whole life - and sometimes really lost the battle. I remember when I was 24 and weighed 125 and dieting/working out like crazy to get down to 118 to fit into the bridesmaid's dress for my brother's wedding - and how fat I felt. I look at the pictures from that day and I think 'oh my god, I was SO Thin!' And I never enjoyed it.

And I remember turning 30 and seeing my weight go from 132 to 140 almost overnight and how depressed that made me - or maybe that was the focus of what was really unhappiness with other pars of my life.

And turning 40 and again working out like crazy to get my weight down to 150 and thinking I looked great and that I would never let myself get heavy again.

And how a few years of some tough life issues took my focus other places and I crossed what to me wan the unthinkable 200 pound mark.

I've battled again to get back to 160 - at 160 the most fit I've ever been - and I am really happy with myself for that. But what this last battle taught me was 'I was still a good person when I weighed 225 pounds. I was just as kind, loving, and giving (maybe more). I just couldn't give how I looked enough attention. However, this time I hope I have incorporated healthy eating and working out into my life so that I won't have to fight the battle again. I feel more self confident but it is more because I know I have the discipline to do this, not because of how I look.

And the wierd thing for me is - even when I weighed 225, I still loved my body - thought I had nice legs, and I sometimes think I am the only woman in the world who thinks her breasts are the perfect size...when I look in the mirror now, although I 'know' I am much thinner, and I can look at certain body parts and know it, the overall picture still looks the same to me. The number on the scale and the way my clothes fit are ways I can measure progress, and the muscle definition is a way to measure progress, but not the overall image...

I guess my point is-on the inside, you are the same person and hopefully anyone who loves you loves you for who you are on the inside. And sometimes you have to ignore the impression from the mirror because I'm not sure anyone's mind can register what is really there - we see ourselves through our own filter.

Try to enjoy the journey of your life, and eat healthy and workout for all of the reasons they are good for you, but love yourself for the you inside....
 
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Lots of great advice already here - I know I'm late to the party. Here's my take:

It sounds to me that you're struggling a bit with some of the same issues that a lot of people do: figuring out who you are and what makes you happy.

All too often, we look for labels, activities & achievements that will make us unique, something special, seem worthwhile. You live your life for a college application, a resume for the job hunt, or for a better profile on myspace or facebook. But sometimes you have to stop and look at the big picture: Am I doing this because I enjoy it or because I feel like I *should* do it?

There is nothing wrong with having your friends view you as the "fit" one who works out hard. However, this shouldn't solely define who you are. I'm sure you have plenty of things that make you special that you don't even realize, because they aren't "application" or "resume" type of things.

These are the true things that comprise our life. Things like our relationships with other people - are you a good friend? a kind person? a thoughtful sibling? etc.

Things like the way we approach the world - are you a curious person? a funny person? someone who looks for spiritual meaning in life? do you like to learn & grow? seek out travel or adventure?

We're only beginning to get to know you here, so I'm glad you felt comfortable sharing and opening up with us. Hopefully, as you continue to participate, we'll get to see some of what does make you special. And I guarantee that there ARE things that do!

You are the same you, whether you weigh 108, 118 lbs or 128 lbs. Being thinner will not make you happier. There is a good chance it won't make you healthier either.

The advice here that you should focus on an event or activity is good advice. However, I think it's important to figure out WHY you're interested in doing something. If it's just to give yourself another 'label' for other people to comment on - well, then, that's no different than what you are doing now.

I try to keep a list of goals I'd like to hit at some point in the future. For a long time, I've had "complete a triathlon (even a sprint one)" on my list. Just this past year, though, I finally forced myself to confront the fact that: I don't enjoy running very much as compared to other sports, I have prior injury issues that make long distance biking silly for me, and I really dislike swimming even more than running. So why did I want to complete a triathlon? A big part is that I viewed it as a sign that I was truly fit & a well-rounded athlete (as opposed to good just at the sports I've competed at for years). Another part - which I wasn't being honest with myself about for a long time - is that I liked the idea of how OTHER people would view me if I became a triathlete. Maybe some day I will train for a triathlon of some distance - for now, I know I'm happier focusing on the things in my life that I really enjoy & that make me appreciate my strength.

The key to the advice, I think, is finding something that can make you appreciate YOU. What I think the others are saying (and I'll second it): if you find some athletic event to devote yourself to - some activity you really enjoy doing for YOURSELF (not because you think you should like it), then you'll learn to appreciate your body for what it can DO, and not how it LOOKS. You begin to see yourself as STRONG, FAST, POWERFUL, DETERMINED, and so forth. And that's how you'll start to feel better about yourself.
 
Wow thanks for all the replies everybody...it really means a lot to me :)

Smith- I don't know what it is. Maybe bc I judge my body based on how it looks without clothes compared to what everybody looks like with clothes? Maybe when I look at my body it looks a lot worse to me than the way other people see it. Maybe when I look at my body I just focus on the "bad" parts whereas when I look at other people I see the whole thing and don't really notice any "bad" parts. I just don't even know what makes me see my body that negatively bc I know it honestly can't be that bad considering my height and weight. All I know is the thought of being in a bathing suit on the beach scares me really bad bc I think everyone will notice all the flaws I try to hide with clothes. Like you though, I also understand about the being shy and confidence thing. I'm pretty shy and not a very confident person, but when I think I look good, I am WAY more confident in myself.

Happy- Thank you for sharing that with me :) I have a feeling that one day I will also look back at pictures of myself now and realize how thin I actually was and be mad at myself for not enjoying it as much as I could have. I really do want to start loving myself for who I am not what I look I like. I don't know why I have such a hard time doing so, but it is my ultimate goal at the moment. I have started writing down positive things in a notebook I have and hopefully I'll be able to read it and write in it every single day. I have a hard time fully appreciating everything I have and that is not right.

Sig- I never really thought about some of the things you said so I'm really glad you contributed. There are a lot of qualitites about myself that I never even think twice about. I appreciate your input a lot.

Anyway I've been trying really hard to think more positively. Some days are definitely better than others, but I think slowly, but surely I've been making some progress and will hopefully continue to. It's just so hard to stop thinking in such a way that has been completely engraved into my brain for years. I need to stop striving for perfection. I need to convince myself that becoming happy with the body I have now is NOT giving up. Even though who I am on the inside matters the most, I also need to realize that I DO look good on the outside, and I'm the only one who doesn't see it. This probably sounds extremely conceited, but I KNOW that there are so many people out there who would love for their body to look like mine and probably plenty of guys who would want to get with me. I don't appreciate anything I have. And most importantly, all the problems I have with my body are SO petty compared to almost everything. There are people dying of hunger, homeless kids living on the streets, people with extreme deformities, and here I am agonizing day in and day out over not having a completely flat stomach and a little cellulite. It's so pathetic I can't even stand it.
 
I know exactly what you mean when you say "Gee, my life would be better if I were thin."

I have that exact thought running through my head constantly - many times a day, every day. I think it's what keeps me motivated.
 
I'm a little late stepping up to the plate here as well, but I can totally relate to what gymchica is saying. The pressure on women to be perfect is huge. We start feeling this pressure as early as elementary school. It's not good for self-esteem, because who can compete with airbrushed photos and photoshopped pics? Nobody can. And it's getting to be that way for men, too.

So we all grow up with unrealistic standards of beauty.

However, I don't know many men who think a little extra cushion for the pushin' is unattractive. Women with subcutaneous resilience look soft, pretty, touchable, feminine. I never had that soft look because I've been training since I was 8 years old. My metabolic rate, training and maybe my genetics have prevented me from getting fat. I always wanted to look like a "real woman" in my teenage years. It never happened. Classic female athlete syndrome.

Therefore, my issue as a teenager was the total opposite to 99% of women. I don't have enough fat. Granted, I'm used to seeing myself this way, and ever since my 20s, I have a real appreciation for what my body can do and what it looks like. But it's on a purely physiological level, mostly because I find human bodies are really quite awesome machines.

For all you women who want to get rid of your fat, please read on. Be careful what you wish for. You may just get it. The point I want to make is "The wanting is often much better than the having."

I highly doubt you've had a man recoil after touching you and say "Ewwww, you're too hard". I have. Many times. I don't feel soft enough for men. I even had an ex-boyfriend tell me he thought I looked like a man with breasts -- right after we had been intimate -- needless to say I ended that relationship the same day. He phoned me for two years trying to get me to go out with him again. I just couldn't.

I really don't look like a man. I'm just athletic and therefore, I'm not very soft. I have convinced myself that is obviously the man's issue, but it still hurts. Maybe one day a guy will hug me and say "Oooooh, I can tell you work out. You feel awesome." :)

That being said, I don't have a problem with my body image, because I wear wetsuits, I go into hot tubs, I go to the beach, I have a tight lycra XC skisuit, and I wear clothing that shows what my body looks like because I've worked hard to get it to look this way and I really have no reason to cover it up.

So from my perspective, I think you are a very lucky lady. If I were you, I'd be really, really happy that you have a boyfriend who loves you for who you are. Moreover, you're smart, you're beautiful, YOU'RE NOT FAT, and so what if you think you have some cellulite and a little pot belly? Most women do. It's not a crime to look and feel like a woman. If it was, most of our gender would be in jail ;)

Everybody here has given you such great advice, and I don't think I can really add anything to that other than you are beautiful just the way you are.
 
Great post i_love_muscle. My partner is an athlete through and through. She swims at an elite level and is in great shape. I LOVE that about her! There is nothing better to me to feel her muscles haha, woops I better stay on track here. The problem is that there are not enough of my mrs and you around! Keep it up. You sound great from your description :D

P.S read that slowly im tired :)
 
Thanks for the support, guys :) It's nice to know that there are men out there who actually like the feel of an athletic female. It gives me hope ... ;)

NBS4life, I wrote my post quite late, so I wasn't quite sure whether it made much sense. I was pretty tired. And your post made perfect sense to me!
 
Listen don't worry about it too much; the fact is that 99.9% of all people see things in the mirror that don't like. Take all the celebrities out there and if you check interviews and questions about looks, they always have something negative to say about themselves. The thing is that we have been bombarded with so many photos in magazines that the perception of a good looking body is distorted. The fact is that noone is perfect. All the pictures that you see out there are digitally fixed and i know you've seen programs on TV about this. I know it's hard most of the times but that's how it is for a lot of people, including myself. When i go out i try to be sensible, i'll drink but not to get drunk and if i feel hungry later on i will eat the "questionable" kebab as well with my friends. What i always do the next day is take a look at all the things i consumed the previous night and try to balance everything out through exercise during the week, either by adding another 15 min of running or by reducing my carbs a bit if i feel bloated. I wish you all the best :D
 
My wife thinks I have a big head. LOL

I've always been confident but the past couple years that confidence has been taken to new levels. I look in the mirror and see a fat bastard. LOL
With love handles that won't go away. But ya know what I can make anyone laugh at any time in person. Thats a quality I like about myself. I'll get the physical appearance part of it down by spring. Thats my new goal.

In the meantime I'll still be a happy laid back dude with love handles and a hairy chest who likes to see people smiling and laughing.

:party2:
 
It's funny how your surroundings/culture shape your body image at an early age. If we don't fit in with what your peers see as "pretty" then we think something is wrong with us. I've always been super thin and hated it because I was teased as a child. In my culture, curvier women are more accepted. So I grew up actually wishing I could gain weight. I'm 5'4, 118 and have very long legs (I hate my legs) and always wished I could be bigger because I was taught curves are more attractive. (sigh) The grass is always greener!

But as I've gotten older (32), I've learned to appreciate what I have. We all have something about ourselves we want to change, but life is so much better when you learn to accept what is. There's always going to be someone who loves you for you. Meanwhile, work on loving yourself and you can't go wrong.
 
Kraken said:
My wife thinks I have a big head. LOL

I've always been confident but the past couple years that confidence has been taken to new levels. I look in the mirror and see a fat bastard. LOL
With love handles that won't go away. But ya know what I can make anyone laugh at any time in person. Thats a quality I like about myself. I'll get the physical appearance part of it down by spring. Thats my new goal.

In the meantime I'll still be a happy laid back dude with love handles and a hairy chest who likes to see people smiling and laughing.

:party2:
Click to expand...

What size hat do you wear? I'm 7 5/8:p
 
The book With Winning In Mind, by Lanny Bassham significantly helped me improve my self image. His method is used for winning in sports and in life. From baseball players to CEOs. He believes that a set program to change your self-image can work very nicely. It starts by having an Directive Affirmation. His credibility comes from winning a gold and silver medal in the Olympics, and training countless professionals on the mental aspect of their games.

With a directive affirmation paragraph, you can change your self-image by telling yourself what you are, and directly controlling the direction you go in.

Writing a directive affirmation paragraph:
Step 1: State a goal. You should write this in first person. Mine was "I am a healthy, lean-muscle building person." Its not what I currently was (truthfully), however it was what I was pushing to become.

(Note: You add these sentences that you create together.)

Step 2: This next step is not a sentence that will be used in a paragraph, but rather, its the amount of time you would like to have these things accomplished. I set mine for 21 days. This is how many days Mr. Bassham recommends, after which he says to rest 9 days before starting a new one.

Step 3: List the pay-out of accomplishing your goal. Since I was striving to become more healthy, and build muscle, the pay-out was that I would become stronger, function better, and feel better. I wrote it like this:"I am stronger, I function better, and feel better."

So far I have written:"I am a healthy, lean-muscle building person. I am stronger, I function better, and feel better."

Next,
Step 4: Outline a plan to get your goal done. Again, all of this is in the first person narrative. You would most likely need to use methods of saying things like "Every time I look at the reflection of myself, I say that 'I look good today, keep it up.'" These are steps that you take to achieve your goal, and they work by pressing you to continue on. Mine stated: "I always eat healthy foods and never eat or drink junk foods. I always adhere to my workout schedule, and workout till I know it will burn the next day. I always reinforce my body with proteins. I do not specifically limit the amount of healthy foods I eat."

Step 5: Compose your paragraph and then end it with your previously stated goal.

Complete Paragraph: 11/22/08 (or any date chosen) I am a healthy, lean-muscle building person. I am stronger, I function better, and feel better. I always eat healthy foods and never drink soft-drinks or eat candy, cookies, pie/cake, or chips. I always adhere to my workout schedule, and workout until I know it will burn the next day. I always reinforce my body with proteins, especially after workouts. I do not specifically limit the amount of healthy foods I eat. I never check the scales for my weight except for once a week on Monday. I am a healthy, lean-muscle building person.

The last thing you have to do is write it all down on a series of 5 note-cards (give or take) and place them in prominent spots of your daily life. Example: I leave on by my computer, truck, refrigerator, garage, and nightstand. Whenever you go by these in the day, stop and take time to read your Directive Affirmation and go with what you said. It is important to hand write these cards to be absorbed into your mind even more.

If you'd like the WHOLE explanation, you could just pick up his book on Amazon. With Winning In Mind by Lanny Bassham. Great read for improving your golf game as well ;) Feel free to private-message me if you have any questions, and although I'm not the expert who wrote the book, I can surely assist you as greatly as possible.
 
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