helping an anorexic girl
- Thread starter tryin2bafitmoma
- Start date
first of all, you don't start out a conversation with an anorexic about anything regarding weight....or MIRRORS for Christ's sakes....
Let me just say this, I THINK THEY HAVE SEEN THEMSELVES IN THE ****ING MIRROR LATELY.....
Not to be rude...but PLEASE don't say that to her.....I'm sure she knows what a mirror is...but the person in the mirror is an illusion at this point...a lifeless reflection..it is not taken in like, oh wow I did lose weight...5 seconds later they notice the little bits of fat everywhere that they feel like a failure for not being able to be disciplined enough to lose!
Its all mental...not so physical..
When family or even VERY CLOSE friends come up and say anything regarding weight or they are worried about them...THEY TUNE YOU OUT IMMEDIATELY...It doesn't matter WHAT you say after that.....they could have a breakdown and admit they have a problem and say they want to be happy.....but without the right help....later that night when they step on the scale again ...or look in that horrid mirror...they will receive the same thoughts back into their mind as they did before you ever talked to them..and whatever you said about them not needing to lose any more weight or that they look like an Ethiopian on the TV ...is irrelevant....null and void...
It takes pain enough for them to want to change...BEFORE they will actually listen to ANYONE....unfortunately...something bad enough will have to happen in their lives for them to finally see through that veil that blinds them from the world that spins around them...
Everyone else is mass and flesh to them. There is a lack of love, comfort, and hope in their worlds.
And ultimately, there is no sound religion to find that love, comfort, and hope in. they seek 'something' that is not there....something that they lack....and they feel lost and apart from life.
It revolves around shallow things now..words are letters and sentences....and the only voices they can truly hear...are the ones of self-hatred....
since anorexia THRIVES on self-hatred....the mirror is what is going to reflect the object of their hatred...THEMSELVES...the scale is going to be a numerical reminder of why they feel this hate...FAILURE....
But the failure is something much more.. and very deep...it started on the surface one day and nobody knew how to help them wash it off before it seeped into their soul...now its just a black spot that grows on their heart....damaging all optimism and spreading its filth to every aspect of their every thoughts...its not about weight.
They can't control the way they feel because 'something' has made them feel inadequate...undeserving...and hopeless . Happiness became a facade. It was all fake 'all along' and everyone who says they are happy because they eat? Its a lie in their minds.....
In fact...we are not happy because we EAT...or eat certain things...we are happy because the voices of anorexia have either ceased to plague our lives..or we have never experienced this sort of emptiness.
It is an insult to an anorexic to say 'just eat'
because it is an insult to ANYONE to have their most complex emotions heard by an ear and bounced back so 'simplistic' ...
Example:
(excuse my bluntness please this is an example)
Your father dies. You feel a void that you feel can never be filled and you have temporarily lost ALL hope to ever again be able to live as you did before this tragedy occured in your life. You feel like no one will understand how you feel especially if you don't have any family members who are taking it as hard as you are...you finally start trying to get back into your life the next day and try as hard as you can to keep these hopeless thoughts at bay....then EVERYONE comes at you with these comments 'OMG, your father passed? I'm SO sorry, how did it happen, etc" then they always proceed to offer the comments such as this
"Don't worry, things will get better"
"I'm sorry for your loss"
"I am so sorry"
then the stares...see ... they don't REALLY know WHAT to say to you...ya know?
so they just try to say something ...
But you know all the comments already, and you appreciate their concern...but do all of these repetitive comments go straight to your aching heart???
NO
You start thinking about it all again..and next thing you know...you are in the bathroom bawling your eyes out again....feeling hopeless again...
One day you may start to recover from the tragedy
OR
you could commit suicide...
It takes hope,faith,religion,and some sort of a foundation to start back on...
The life you used to lead is something you want back...but are totally horrified to begin again because of the emptiness you feel, and you aren't quite sure what to fill it with.
so here's a question one can ask themselves before attempting to talk to an anorexic...
"If I had lost my father, would I be enlightened suddenly if someone were to tell me to JUST get over it...or to JUST give it time....or to JUST take it easy...?"
its not an answer of JUST doing anything....
One question you can ask her directly ..
"Rather than finding reasons why you cannot change, find those things that give you reason TO change."
It doesn't sound like a question...but it is...
It becomes a question indirectly...immediately one thinks..."do I really DO that?"
"Do I pick out reasons why I cannot do things?"
It takes ones OWN opinion to create a reason why or why not to do or not do something...
think about it.
Let me just say this, I THINK THEY HAVE SEEN THEMSELVES IN THE ****ING MIRROR LATELY.....
Not to be rude...but PLEASE don't say that to her.....I'm sure she knows what a mirror is...but the person in the mirror is an illusion at this point...a lifeless reflection..it is not taken in like, oh wow I did lose weight...5 seconds later they notice the little bits of fat everywhere that they feel like a failure for not being able to be disciplined enough to lose!
Its all mental...not so physical..
When family or even VERY CLOSE friends come up and say anything regarding weight or they are worried about them...THEY TUNE YOU OUT IMMEDIATELY...It doesn't matter WHAT you say after that.....they could have a breakdown and admit they have a problem and say they want to be happy.....but without the right help....later that night when they step on the scale again ...or look in that horrid mirror...they will receive the same thoughts back into their mind as they did before you ever talked to them..and whatever you said about them not needing to lose any more weight or that they look like an Ethiopian on the TV ...is irrelevant....null and void...
It takes pain enough for them to want to change...BEFORE they will actually listen to ANYONE....unfortunately...something bad enough will have to happen in their lives for them to finally see through that veil that blinds them from the world that spins around them...
Everyone else is mass and flesh to them. There is a lack of love, comfort, and hope in their worlds.
And ultimately, there is no sound religion to find that love, comfort, and hope in. they seek 'something' that is not there....something that they lack....and they feel lost and apart from life.
It revolves around shallow things now..words are letters and sentences....and the only voices they can truly hear...are the ones of self-hatred....
since anorexia THRIVES on self-hatred....the mirror is what is going to reflect the object of their hatred...THEMSELVES...the scale is going to be a numerical reminder of why they feel this hate...FAILURE....
But the failure is something much more.. and very deep...it started on the surface one day and nobody knew how to help them wash it off before it seeped into their soul...now its just a black spot that grows on their heart....damaging all optimism and spreading its filth to every aspect of their every thoughts...its not about weight.
They can't control the way they feel because 'something' has made them feel inadequate...undeserving...and hopeless . Happiness became a facade. It was all fake 'all along' and everyone who says they are happy because they eat? Its a lie in their minds.....
In fact...we are not happy because we EAT...or eat certain things...we are happy because the voices of anorexia have either ceased to plague our lives..or we have never experienced this sort of emptiness.
It is an insult to an anorexic to say 'just eat'
because it is an insult to ANYONE to have their most complex emotions heard by an ear and bounced back so 'simplistic' ...
Example:
(excuse my bluntness please this is an example)
Your father dies. You feel a void that you feel can never be filled and you have temporarily lost ALL hope to ever again be able to live as you did before this tragedy occured in your life. You feel like no one will understand how you feel especially if you don't have any family members who are taking it as hard as you are...you finally start trying to get back into your life the next day and try as hard as you can to keep these hopeless thoughts at bay....then EVERYONE comes at you with these comments 'OMG, your father passed? I'm SO sorry, how did it happen, etc" then they always proceed to offer the comments such as this
"Don't worry, things will get better"
"I'm sorry for your loss"
"I am so sorry"
then the stares...see ... they don't REALLY know WHAT to say to you...ya know?
so they just try to say something ...
But you know all the comments already, and you appreciate their concern...but do all of these repetitive comments go straight to your aching heart???
NO
You start thinking about it all again..and next thing you know...you are in the bathroom bawling your eyes out again....feeling hopeless again...
One day you may start to recover from the tragedy
OR
you could commit suicide...
It takes hope,faith,religion,and some sort of a foundation to start back on...
The life you used to lead is something you want back...but are totally horrified to begin again because of the emptiness you feel, and you aren't quite sure what to fill it with.
so here's a question one can ask themselves before attempting to talk to an anorexic...
"If I had lost my father, would I be enlightened suddenly if someone were to tell me to JUST get over it...or to JUST give it time....or to JUST take it easy...?"
its not an answer of JUST doing anything....
One question you can ask her directly ..
"Rather than finding reasons why you cannot change, find those things that give you reason TO change."
It doesn't sound like a question...but it is...
It becomes a question indirectly...immediately one thinks..."do I really DO that?"
"Do I pick out reasons why I cannot do things?"
It takes ones OWN opinion to create a reason why or why not to do or not do something...
think about it.
Last edited:
JaymieB said:
I was going with the idea that instead of having only herself look into the mirror, it would be with someone else... So she might say to herself "I'm fat and ugly", while the other person would say - your skin and bones... So now this girl can see that she might think she's fat, but others see her as thin.
But once again, I'm a guy with no experiance dealing with extra-thin people.
yeah i dont think the mirrors might be the best idea, whenever i used to see myself in a mirror and still i do this, i always find something i can get rid of.
but now im in the hot seat myself...sometime in the next two weeks im supposed to go over this girls house and go swimming, and im still working on loosing my baby weight i dont want her to be like wow ur so fat. this is totally crazy but im totally worried about giving her advice, because i dont want her to be like yeah u were anorexic and now uve got a gut, and i dont want to be like you. u know?
but now im in the hot seat myself...sometime in the next two weeks im supposed to go over this girls house and go swimming, and im still working on loosing my baby weight i dont want her to be like wow ur so fat. this is totally crazy but im totally worried about giving her advice, because i dont want her to be like yeah u were anorexic and now uve got a gut, and i dont want to be like you. u know?
tryin2bafitmoma said:
The thing I always noticed first about people when I was really worried about all of that was FIRST-if they had any fat on them whatsoever...(the outside appearance) THEN second- I studied them and the look in their eyes to try and find out if they were happy or not....but for some reason, I was always jealous because it seemed like people that had muscle and a bit of fat on them always looked better than ME and I knew I weighed less.. but they looked better!! and that was frustrating to me.
If they seemed happy , it gave me silent hope...if they didn't ....It gave me more incentive to trudge through the day without eating...
Hopefully yall will just have fun and none of it will come up, but don't you start worrying about your image in her eyes..her perception is distorted in the first place remember?
just plan to have fun and don't be all self-concious about it or you won't even enjoy yourself girl!
Nobody said:
bro thats a little too general.. there are the prissy spoiled one's that think being as thin as a bandaid is something that looks hott.. but momma didn't mention anything about her flashing around like she's jo cool.. the **** in other words.
if anyone watches Real World on MTV that girl on there was/is anarexic(sp?) The roomates got her about it.. and I think to help fix the problem is to show that you care and are willing to go through it with her.. or get her mom to do it.. the girl on the show seeked therapy and her progression over the next episodes show an immense improvement in her confidence and her willingness to help herself.
Unfortunately that case is something the person has to be willing to help herself... no lectures or speeches IMO will do no good. Saying the obvious of hunny whats wrong.. or why.. or whatever is something that will bring her to realization of the problem but she's do down in a hole it won't matter..
Prof help is my opinion... and her mom needs to get off her ass.. set that up, and go with her daughter. You don't let your kids get to that state and try to depend on you, third party. I know it was advice.. but there is no help in talking to her.. If your more than willing to help, going with her to a session to build trust if you are that willing will be an outstanding deed from you. As girls or people in general usually find more comfort from other people, than there own siblings/parents. "speaking from a young adult"
If I repeated someone.. my bad I didn't read the entire thread as theres ALOT.
Update!!!
i know i kinda stopped posting in here over the summer as to how my friend was doing, but the recent anorexic posts in the members lounge reminded me that i had put the thread asking for helping on the topic here....
so im happy to report that 3 weeks ago when i saw her she looked amazing! she was nearly back to her healthy weight and i am so proud of her....she really seems happy and thats all that mattered!
(she got professional help however, just in case any one was wondering!)
i know i kinda stopped posting in here over the summer as to how my friend was doing, but the recent anorexic posts in the members lounge reminded me that i had put the thread asking for helping on the topic here....
so im happy to report that 3 weeks ago when i saw her she looked amazing! she was nearly back to her healthy weight and i am so proud of her....she really seems happy and thats all that mattered!
(she got professional help however, just in case any one was wondering!)