Hi, Feeling really horrible about my weight and figured this is a good place to get some support. My mom used to tell me I was fat and maybe I was a fat kid but over the years I've learnt to be healthy and exercise regularly. Now I'm 140 pounds, about 20 pounds short of my ideal weight. I don't think I have a major weight problem, just think it would be nice to lose the little extra. Now here's the thing, a few weeks ago my boyfriend told me I needed to lose weight and it really hurt. I'm not fat! But he insists I really need to lose some weight. Now I just feel down and depressed and I've lost all my motivation. I told him it hurt and he doesn't seem to care, just says I should stop complaining. I've completely lost motivation and just feel horrid. To the point that I don't even want to eat anything anymore. Today I had half a cucumber for dinner... Really hope you guys can help cos I hate feeling like this. Life is too short to spend time crying about 20 stupid pounds!
Hate being told I'm fat
- Thread starter mwen2404
- Start date
eating 1/2 a cucumber for dinner is not your answer.
First off you can loose 100 and something pretty easily by dumping your boyfriend.
Where does he get off telling you that you need to lose weight? a boyfriend is supposed to accept you for who you are... Kick his sorry ass to the curb...
Have some respect for yourself...
Moms will always be judgemental - cant kick her ass but you've got the choice or not to keep your boyfriend - having someone who doesn't accept for you is not better than being alone...
that said -if all you're havin for dinner is a 1/2 a cucumber you need some lessons in nutrition - start reading the stickied threads -especially in on topic and nutrition and do ask questions on what you're learning int here
First off you can loose 100 and something pretty easily by dumping your boyfriend.
Where does he get off telling you that you need to lose weight? a boyfriend is supposed to accept you for who you are... Kick his sorry ass to the curb...
Have some respect for yourself...
Moms will always be judgemental - cant kick her ass but you've got the choice or not to keep your boyfriend - having someone who doesn't accept for you is not better than being alone...
that said -if all you're havin for dinner is a 1/2 a cucumber you need some lessons in nutrition - start reading the stickied threads -especially in on topic and nutrition and do ask questions on what you're learning int here
MachinaCognitan
New member
I agree with Maleficent. If he is telling you that you need to lose weight, it sounds like only the beginning of a bunch of control problems he has. My fiance loved and respected me at my heaviest and loves me no differently now that my body is changing.
You deserve that in a significant other. Drop him and most of your stress about this will probably be gone - and then you can go about losing the weight to be HEALTHY and for no other reason but for YOU, as it should be. If you ever need to talk, I'm around!
You deserve that in a significant other. Drop him and most of your stress about this will probably be gone - and then you can go about losing the weight to be HEALTHY and for no other reason but for YOU, as it should be. If you ever need to talk, I'm around!
Judyb
New member
I'll just add my agreement on this topic.
HardTranceXD
New member
Your partner should be part of the solution not part of the problem; unless you've gained significant weight since being with him he really has no grounds to complain in my eyes.
EDIT: I shouldn't write posts like I write personal diary entries.
EDIT: I shouldn't write posts like I write personal diary entries.
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mjbelkin
New member
Hear hear. Mothers are often overly judgemental, but your boyfriend should be supportive.
MooCow
New member
Buh bye boyfriend... hello happier you!
If you want to lose 20lbs, then do it for you. Do it the healthy way. Eat good foods, exercise. Losing any amount of weight in any other way will only lead to regaining it and feeling even worse then you do right now. Surrounding yourself with people who are supportive and like you for your personality and not your looks will brighten your outlook on life. It's too darn short to live otherwise.
If you want to lose 20lbs, then do it for you. Do it the healthy way. Eat good foods, exercise. Losing any amount of weight in any other way will only lead to regaining it and feeling even worse then you do right now. Surrounding yourself with people who are supportive and like you for your personality and not your looks will brighten your outlook on life. It's too darn short to live otherwise.
G
Guest
Guest
Your boyfriend is a tool. He needs to go.
Also, I think your Mum could handle the situation better, regardless if she is your Mother or not she should not be calling you "fat". She could say "Hey, why don't we join the gym together, it could be fun!?" Or, "Wanna start walking every day?" She could encourage you to eat healthier........but, she just calls you fat, way to go Mum! How awful!
Lose the 20 pounds when you are ready and because you want to, not because some moron guy and your rude Mother want you to.
Oh yeah, and the cucumber meals have got to stop too. Like Mal said, read around and you will learn
Good luck and keep your chin up.
Also, I think your Mum could handle the situation better, regardless if she is your Mother or not she should not be calling you "fat". She could say "Hey, why don't we join the gym together, it could be fun!?" Or, "Wanna start walking every day?" She could encourage you to eat healthier........but, she just calls you fat, way to go Mum! How awful!
Lose the 20 pounds when you are ready and because you want to, not because some moron guy and your rude Mother want you to.
Oh yeah, and the cucumber meals have got to stop too. Like Mal said, read around and you will learn
Good luck and keep your chin up.
JDhd
New member
I don't understand how a parent could call their child fat. I feel we learn our eating habits from our parents; however, that's not to lay the blame solely on her. Once you're old enough to buy your own groceries and support yourself, you owe it to yourself to take care of your body.
As for the boyfriend, he's not necessarily an idiot. If you're so overweight that it could affect your health, then he has every right to be worried or concerned. Humiliation is unwarranted though and 20lbs overweight wouldn't constitute a dramatic concern, imho.
As for the boyfriend, he's not necessarily an idiot. If you're so overweight that it could affect your health, then he has every right to be worried or concerned. Humiliation is unwarranted though and 20lbs overweight wouldn't constitute a dramatic concern, imho.
Camy
New member
Depending on the day your boyfriend may not have meant it badly. Mine said things like that and I would cry about it and say "I am gonna show him", but I wouldn't cause I liked to eat.
He said it though because he saw me trying on clothes in shops and crying, he saw me pinch my own fat disgustedly, he saw me suffering because I couldn't wear the same bikinis some of my friends wore, and he saw me not undressing for sex, because I couldn't have him look at my fat.
He loved me too much to see me going down that slippery slope of weight gain frustration weight gain, so he told me he thought I should lose the weight and be happier with myself.
Of course I took it badly and cried and made a big deal out of it, but now that i am almost halfway there I can see why he said these things!
He took me in his arms just the day before yesterday and told me how incredibly proud he is of me, for making myself happier, for being strong enough to do this, to eat well, to exercise regularly, and to lose the weight. He didn't say "You are mroe beautiful", he said "you are stronger" and that is exactly what I needed to hear (he thinks I am beautiful no matter what).
And my mom told me I should lose weight for the first time when I was 14 and 120 pounds! She is tiny and she could not fathom that I wasn't tiny too. When I got very sick and started to throw up daily I was almost happy because I thought I woud lose the weight and my mom would have the daughter she desired. I never got tiny, but my sister grew up to be tiny, so she now has a tiny daughter (who is a pain in the bottom a lot of times) and a bigger one (who studied and did well, etc...) and she has stopped telling me about my weight.
It only took her the odd 6 years to understand! Mom's are just plain difficult a lot of times. Mine did apologize though when my tests came back positive for coeliac disease and hypothyroidism, and she felt guilty for torturing me when actually had a disease!
Camy
He said it though because he saw me trying on clothes in shops and crying, he saw me pinch my own fat disgustedly, he saw me suffering because I couldn't wear the same bikinis some of my friends wore, and he saw me not undressing for sex, because I couldn't have him look at my fat.
He loved me too much to see me going down that slippery slope of weight gain frustration weight gain, so he told me he thought I should lose the weight and be happier with myself.
Of course I took it badly and cried and made a big deal out of it, but now that i am almost halfway there I can see why he said these things!
He took me in his arms just the day before yesterday and told me how incredibly proud he is of me, for making myself happier, for being strong enough to do this, to eat well, to exercise regularly, and to lose the weight. He didn't say "You are mroe beautiful", he said "you are stronger" and that is exactly what I needed to hear (he thinks I am beautiful no matter what).
And my mom told me I should lose weight for the first time when I was 14 and 120 pounds! She is tiny and she could not fathom that I wasn't tiny too. When I got very sick and started to throw up daily I was almost happy because I thought I woud lose the weight and my mom would have the daughter she desired. I never got tiny, but my sister grew up to be tiny, so she now has a tiny daughter (who is a pain in the bottom a lot of times) and a bigger one (who studied and did well, etc...) and she has stopped telling me about my weight.
It only took her the odd 6 years to understand! Mom's are just plain difficult a lot of times. Mine did apologize though when my tests came back positive for coeliac disease and hypothyroidism, and she felt guilty for torturing me when actually had a disease!
Camy
I agree with you, camy, in that if the original poster expressed continual dismay about her weight -but wasn't acting on doing anythng about it -then the boyfriend is OK with saying something... and should be said - you can enable people for only so long...
LandonsBaby
New member
My dad stopped calling me fat when I started throwing things at his walls. That pretty much shut him up.
G
Guest
Guest
I disagree. There are other ways to support and encourage someone other than calling them "fat". Calling someone fat is immature, inconsiderate and just plain rude.
I mean, c'mon........thats something a five year old would say.
I've cried because of my weight and complained about clothing to looking cute on me etc... My boyfriend will say "Lets go to the gym then and you will feel better about yourself" etc...
LandonsBaby
New member
she didn't say he called her fat.
JDhd
New member
The original poster didn't say he called her fat. She said he told her she needed to lose weight.
G
Guest
Guest
Oops, my bad...I misread, sorry.
However hee told her she needed to lose weight, same difference....just with a hidden tone.
nol3afclover
New member
If you're in a serious relationship, your partner should be able to point out things that he feels you should change. Now of course there are better ways than others in terms of doing it. If he's an ass about it, then of course he's wrong, but if he feels like you'd be happier or healthier by losing some weight, then it's entirely in his right as your partner to let you know. I wouldn't lose too much sleep over it. And I absolutely don't think dumping him will sove any of your problems. Just take some time to reflect, watch what you eat, move some more and ajust accordingly.
Nightporter
New member
140 doesn't sound that high of a weight unless you're under 4'11'' lol.
I think you need to have a serious talk with your boyfriend. Sometimes guys just don't 'get it' and may honestly have no clue he's seriously hurting your feelings! Sometimes my boyfriend will say something a little unsettling to me, and I let him know it! Even if they are just small things, they need to be nipped in the bud. If you talk to him and let him know it's a sensitive issue maybe he will be more helpful and less of an order-barker.
I think you need to have a talk with your mom too. Let her know weight isn't everything and she should be proud of you for who you are. She should help you out as much as she can, too.
And please take that half of a cucumber and add it to a salad at least!
-N-
I think you need to have a serious talk with your boyfriend. Sometimes guys just don't 'get it' and may honestly have no clue he's seriously hurting your feelings! Sometimes my boyfriend will say something a little unsettling to me, and I let him know it! Even if they are just small things, they need to be nipped in the bud. If you talk to him and let him know it's a sensitive issue maybe he will be more helpful and less of an order-barker.
I think you need to have a talk with your mom too. Let her know weight isn't everything and she should be proud of you for who you are. She should help you out as much as she can, too.
And please take that half of a cucumber and add it to a salad at least!
-N-