Girl Situation

ok i just found an email reply from her, right after we stopped seeing each other and she told me that her old boyfriend (the guy she is marrying) had asked her out and she was going to accept.

my response to her was i had no right to tell her not to see anyone else, but i really wasn't happy she was going out with him. i had heard way too many negatives about him when we were together.

anyways this was her word for word email reply when i told her she shouldnt go out with him:

i am glad to know that u do care and worry about me but i will be fine at least i hope so and ur a great friend to me you have been more of a friend to me than anyone else has, i don't want to mess that up, i mean if there ever was something between me and you i know that you would be the "perfect" one, but thats not what ur looking for and thats fine and i know that you dont want me to go out with **** but i need to see if anything is there.

that was her exact reply.

i am not sure if i left out that we had a phone conversation a couple weeks later when she said he hadnt changed and she had broke it off with him for good. I think this caused him to want what he couldnt have and he proposed. you know the rest of the story.
 
Dude.. go for it...

You'll wonder what could have happened if you don't and its seems to be bothering you already.

If shes truly not happy, get her out of it before she gets married. As far as the financial stuff goes, you'll get by, most people in love do.
 
I'm completely with Aevans. I think you're making the situation worse on her. You need to call her or email her...preferably call her and tell her something along the lines that you made a hasty decision out of uncertainty and you've regretted it. That you've thought about her everyday and you're not quite as complete without her. Tell her you want her back in your life.

It's that simple. She either says no or yes.
 
You really don't have as many options as you seem to think you do. Chances are she is going back to the other person because she doesn't want to be alone, wants to look out for her children, or is simply scared to try finding someone new at her age.

As for you...Opportunity does NOT come along every day. You know the ups and downs, the fact that you are asking an online audience is a good indication that you already made your decision, and simply require us to justify it for you. In other words, you know you want her and should speak with her, but you are scared.

Your choice in the end bud...You can live with the regret and fear of failure holding you down...though that isn't really living in my opinion. OR you can be a man, make your decision and tell her.

What's the point of being alive if you never take a risk to be happy?
 
my brutha speaks the truth..

if she says yes, then you can live happily ever after,
if she says no, it may hurt a bit, but you can move on and won't wonder about it.

I stayed in a marriage for 2 years after I realized I wasn't happy, if the same thing happens to her, it can ruin her. You may be able to save her from that.
 
thanks for the advice again. i sent her a text asking her to call me. i didnt want to call incase it was not a good time. i'll probably make my decision after i see how she is doing and how she acts towards me.
 
i am glad to know that u do care and worry about me but i will be fine at least i hope so and ur a great friend to me you have been more of a friend to me than anyone else has, i don't want to mess that up, i mean if there ever was something between me and you i know that you would be the "perfect" one, but thats not what ur looking for and thats fine and i know that you dont want me to go out with **** but i need to see if anything is there.

that was her exact reply.

It's obvious that she loves you. That's pretty much what I would have said to someone that I was crazy about but didn't think they felt the same way.
 
Simbl78,

that's exactly what i thought when she said it, i wanted to tell her i loved her then, but at that time i was thinking we would hopefully stay good friends and it wouldnt happen down the road. obviously that wasnt the case. as stated above, i send her a text to call me and she hasnt yet, so we'll see if she does.
 
As I said in my first post, I will probably leave out something key unintentionally, this could have some effect on advice, i dont know:

the guy she is marrying is 41, divorced with 2 children himself. 14 years older than her although his children are close to the same age as her. And he is a doctor.
 
Not really. Maybe he can provide more material things for her and her children, but I think the companionship is more important. But that's just my opinion.
 
thanks again. let me ask you this everyone:

i sent her a text to call me. i think she will, but if she doesnt, do i make any more effort to contact her or let it go? i only ask this cause she hasnt called yet and that isnt like her. things could have taken a drastic change in her mindset, not talking to her in a few weeks, i dont know.

i didnt want to call her incase it was bad time (her being with him when i did).
 
I would try to contact her one more time if she doesn't call u back soon. She may not be able to call u right now or she may not have gotten your text.
 
Update for everyone,


She just called me back on the way to her engagement party. We talked for about an hour. Its like we never stopped talking. She explained that she just didnt know how to tell me and when he proposed she first said no and he talked her into it after a couple days.

She told me without exactly saying it that she is pretty much doing it for her kids because they like him and they will have opportunities that they would not normally have. She is also giving her current house to her grandmother because its her grandmother's old house and grandmother needs the money from the house grandmother will sell to pay medical bills for an illness.

She also told me without actually saying it, that she never stopped wanting to be with me.

As you can see, I still have a situation. She has already given her house away to her grandmother ( i really respect her for doing that and for looking out for her kids over herself).

I cant exactly say anything at this moment and move her and the kids into a 1 BR apt. She did say that she isnt planning to get married for a year. So maybe I will be in a better financial situation within a year and be able to tell her my true feelings if she still feels the same way.
 
I should also say she has just started a new sales career and is doing really well, so maybe the two of us will be in a better financial situation soon.
 
Is it just me, or did this go from possible legitimate story and emotional situation to something closer to fairytale internet jive?

Grandmothers selling their homes to pay for illnesses, calling forgotten lovers while driving to engagement parties, forlorn love being torn away because there is no room for kids in a poor working man's 1 bedroom apt while he desperately tries to work hard and make a place in the world...

Nice story. When i find the book you plugged it from, i'll give you a smile. Till then, i commend you on 3 pages of spam my friend.

If you hit the 1% chance of being legit...write a book. It'll sell, you'll be rich, marry her. Game over.
 
i did just make it sound crazy didnt i, but i asure you this is no jive. i am terrible at writing actually, thats why it sounds so bogus. its all true. its just crazy. when i heard all this, i was like i cant tell her exactly how i feel, but i know she could tell i have feelings for her.

i am just in a very wierd predicament right now. its my strange life.

do you really think i could make this a book?

and as you can see above that i text her to call me when she could earlier today and she finally called just now.
 
Well you definitely sound level headed to me. I think you should talk to her and tell her pretty much what you said here. If she's settling, she's not going to be happy a couple of years down the road. And it would be sad for those 3 kids to go through a divorce again. I understand that you can't really provide for her financially right now, but you don't have to financially set to have a serious relationship. Let her know exactly how you feel and what you have planned for the future with her....if you know for sure what type of future you want with her. If she sees that there is a future with you if she waits, she may very well wait for you instead of settling for the other guy. Just make sure you do want a future with her before you intervene on this engagement. Being career driven is great, but if she's the girl of your dreams, don't let her get away.

I completely agree with Sim here. If you really love her you should tell her how you feel. Maybe she needs to hear it from you that you really want her in your life for the long term. Even if you were to get engaged, you don't necessarily have to marry her until after your business starts doing well and maybe you could explain that to her. Good luck to you and I hope it works out.
 
ok i just found an email reply from her, right after we stopped seeing each other and she told me that her old boyfriend (the guy she is marrying) had asked her out and she was going to accept.

my response to her was i had no right to tell her not to see anyone else, but i really wasn't happy she was going out with him. i had heard way too many negatives about him when we were together.

anyways this was her word for word email reply when i told her she shouldnt go out with him:

i am glad to know that u do care and worry about me but i will be fine at least i hope so and ur a great friend to me you have been more of a friend to me than anyone else has, i don't want to mess that up, i mean if there ever was something between me and you i know that you would be the "perfect" one, but thats not what ur looking for and thats fine and i know that you dont want me to go out with **** but i need to see if anything is there.

that was her exact reply.

i am not sure if i left out that we had a phone conversation a couple weeks later when she said he hadnt changed and she had broke it off with him for good. I think this caused him to want what he couldnt have and he proposed. you know the rest of the story.


that sounds to me like she wants to hear from you that you really want to be with her.
 
I should also say she has just started a new sales career and is doing really well, so maybe the two of us will be in a better financial situation soon.

well maybe you could talk to her about this and maybe she'll think about it before she gets too involved with this other guy. i mean it's not fair to you to have to wait for her to make up her mind either if she's going to be with this other guy in the meantime, i mean that's not really right either. but, if it were me and i was in love, i would work hard on my part too to provide for my kids and be with the guy of my dreams, not settle for some other guy who just has money ya know. plus, her kids shouldn't grow up knowing that she only married this guy b/c of his money. i know i would rather have my kids grow up that money does matter to a certain extent, but love is more powerful than anything else in this world. is the mighty dollar going to come with you to your grave? no, but love is forever.
wow, i'm such a friggin sap! :D
 
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