EwAshActin's Diary

Thank you!!! Again, it makes me feel great to know that there are pepole just like me here going through the same things, especially when I get wonderful comments like these! It does help me to think of u guys. After reading these it incourages me to write more now. I do have lots of time so I should do it. Thanks again!!! :)
 
Holy Crazy!!! Thanks so much for doing all that work! I feel a lot better now knowing those facts. Ur so cool!
 
Thanks for the concern. The depression is kind of a mix of things. Some of it prolly could have been about weight, but mostly probably going from a fast paced schedule to doing nothing. My depression comes and goes. I'm unfortunately manic with bi-polar tendencies. Weird, huh? I'l be all like "Hey guys!!! I'm so happy what's up??!!" to "I hate my life". I'm totally Sybll....uh...not really. lol. I have talked to my doctor, but I really don't want to take meds b/c I seen others strggle with it so much. Good news is that I'm definitely feeling much better! It brightens my day to see you've written!
 
Yeah, so after seeing all the wonderful comments people have left me, I have been inspired to try and write a bit more in this thing! Keep up on me guys! So this week my spirits have lifted. I think it's a combination of getting adjusted to being back home, figuring out things, getting a job to obtain some moola, and most of all ALL THE FREAKING EXERCISE I HAVE BEEN GETTING! So, last week i was working out 2-3 times a day and eating nothing. That was more due to the depression. This week I've felt batter and have worked out everyday for an hour+ and eating small healthy meals (save the burger I had tonight when I went out with some friends). I feel really good, save for the burger and non-working out today. My clothes all fit MUCH better or are too big and I'm beginning to feel a bit more attractive. That's always a plus. I'm excited to try and keep on the is weight loss routine and see were it takes me. The other cool thing is that I walk to work which is like a 30min. walk back and forth so that on top of my other work outs should be great! I'm excited!!! Thanks for everyone's support!!!! Can't wait to write again next time!!

P.S. Seeing Phantom of the Opera 7 times has added to my happiness. I bought the two disc movie soundtrack and have been listening to it full blast while working out...kinda scares the other people away....especially when I start singing along!
 
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way to go,...I remember my early 20's and trying to figure out life....much happier at this stage of my life is all I will say!!!!!
Just gotta be your own best friend,....and trust yourself!
 
Feelin' Good

I tried to check my BMI online today and it said that I was overweight. I agree, and I can handle that. I'm just glad it didn't say obese!! (sp?) So, for the most part I have been pretty proud of myself as I can tell I'm definitely starting to lose weight! I've been continuing to work out for an hour everyday with random half hour walks to and from work. My biggest problem there is that I find I get board when doing my workouts. I have to find ways to distract myself. So far I've been listeing to my Phantom of the Opera delux edition cds. That makes the time pass, or watching Project Runway on Bravo, lol. As far as my eating habits, they have improved. I am eating more regularly now, but with healthy food and smaller portions. For snaks I'll have a cup of fat free cottage cheese or a pickle. Meals are somthing like, whole grain spaghetti or ham/turkey on wheat bread. My downfall is that for some reason I have been CRAVING bread and butter!?? So I've indulged myself with two slices of whole wheat bread with I Can't Believe It's Not Butter Light on them. I'm excited about the prospect of being thinner and healthy as that is something I have grown to envy of other girls my age. I'm also trying to feel better about myself as I have an audtiion for a theatre school coming up and I'm suppose to go wearing a leotard and pants. At this point, I feel okay about it. I am a bit worried about my busty-ness. That always bothers me. *sigh* well, I have two more weeks before that to work on it. :)
 
Well done on the exercise. Wow theatre school how cool would that be….good luck with the audition.
 
Thank you! Yeah, dunno....I'm really nervous. We'll see, if not that I'm going for the film school as well. Just more things to keep me upbeat and help me motivate to exercise!
 
Haha...yeah...

So after a pretty decent workout yesterday, my dad picked me up to stay over at his house. Now I haven't really seen my dad in a month so I haven't eaten ANY bad food. Yeah...definitely changed last night. Well, in the beginning it wasn't that bad. I was hungry so I nibbled on some Sun Chips (mmmm whole grain. I'm really liking all that stuff now), but for dinner, my dad went out and brought back for me an Ultimate Cheeseburger from Jack in the Box with fries. Well, yes, I could have not eaten it, but that was the only choice for dinner. My dad was low on cash and he had coupons for all that junk, so that's what I ended up with. I have no control with food like that, ESPECIALLY since that is what I am really craving right now...so I ate it...I ate it all. And then later right before bed I had three or four Oreos. I'm so ashamed! Lol. Well, I'm starting to get a little less worked up over that stuff. It helps me to remember this thing I read in a book. It said that if you eat badly for a meal, don't feel guilty. Enjoy it and then go back to your healthy foods an exercise. That's sort of my montra right now. Like I said, it definitely helps! Well, Once I get back tonight I'll work out again before bed. My motivations: up coming audition and going to see Phantom of the Opera again...Grrr. I always feel so fat when I see Emmy Rossum in that like bikini costume. I want her body, but I'm learning to improve and like my own...sorta
 
hehehe =) I'm not laughing at you, but i can totally share your feelings and understand everything you said in that last post. You are completely right not to dwell on eating a bad meal... heck, i ate horrible all weekend b/c i was home with my family, and i got back, and hadn't actually gained any more weight.. merely hadn't lost any =) Stressing out about it isn't going to do anything for ya. Keep up the good work, and remember, you are fabulous, and your body is too.
 
Lol. It's nice to know people get what I'm saying;-), and thanks for the ego boost at the end there. Mer...I can't cantrol myself. I need to get out of my dad's house! I practically finished off the whole bag of Sun Chips! He is gonna flip out at me!
 
Sorry, my i-net has been betarded and kicked me off for over a week so I couldn't get back here until now. Good news and bad news; the good news is that My weight is down to about 175 from 200. I'm happy. People are saying that it shows a lot too which helps, because I'm very insecure and need that reassurance to motivate myself to keep going. I can't really see the weight loss save from the way that my clothes fit me.

The bad news is that I'm on vacation with a friend visiting my other friend in Utah. It will surely be a bad week of eating. So far for the most part, it has been Wendy's and gourmet pizzas, not a whole lot of exercising...except I did go to a dance class for two hours yesterday and today I'm going to a kick-boxing class. Problem with the food is that I can't afford to pay for healthy stuff, my Utah friend is buying our food and the above is the only food that we have had so far. I'm sure I'm making more excuses for myself than I could be, but in some way I want to cheat too. I've been eating healthy and exercises and now I just want to be able to have pizza for one week. Meh, I'm weak what can I say?
 
Here is my suggestion. When you get back, just get right back on the wagon. Sometimes we need to give ourselves a week long break anyways, to keep our metabolism from getting stale and bored. Congratulations on your 25lb weight loss!!! woo hoo! you should feel so good about yourself. Don't let this week or so get you down, just put yourself right back on track when you get back and have the chance =)
 
I agree with amomono. It is just a week. Do the best you can and have a good time. I'm not saying that you should jump head-first off the wagon, but relax! Take it easy. Make smart choices when you can. Drink that water. Exercise when you can. Enjoy your trip. I'm jealous. I'm really needing a vacation these days! :)
Totallyscrappy
 
"Pick-up-able"...no not in that way...

First off, thank you everyone for your support while I was on vacation. I did enjoy being there. The cool thing is I found out I had lost another 5 pounds...but I gained it back in that week before I left....yes...saddness. Now I've been home for a couple of days and I've tried to get back on the wagon, but it's been hard. I haven't worked out yet-I'm blaming that on my tiredness as I've working from 6am to 2pm everyday, walking back and forth from work and then standing at work all day. Also, when you've eaten horribly for a week, meaning Lucky Charms for breakfast, Wendy's chiken sandwhich for lunch, and Indian food for dinner, it's hard to come back and eat smaller and healthier meals. I'm sure I'll get it back on track though. Today is my first day off of work so I'm going to use some of that time to go work out. Afterall, I don't want to lose all that progress I've made. I'd love to lose another 40-50 pounds. That would make me much happy. It's weird. Most of the time I'm just concerned about my appearance, you know, the inches I've lost, but now with all these dance auditions I have coming up, I'm VERY self-conscious about my weight because some guy is going to have to lift me up. At 170pounds I don't think it will be an easy task for him. It's stupid, I know, but little stuff like that happens a lot. On vacation, my friends and I went to go see a movie at the theatre at about midnight. When it was over, two of us had practically fallen asleep. Jacob (the friend of the girl we were visiting) picked Laura (the girl we were visiting) up and carried her out of the theatre. He saw me as he was leaving with her slinked down in my chair and said, "I'm gonna have to come back and carry you out too." They left and I still sat there. At first I was like, yay fun! I want some guy to carry me...but then it hit me.....uh, he's NOT going to be able to. I freaked and stood up just as he came back. I hide and weight I have deacently well, so most people wouldn't be able to guess how much I weigh...I definitely did NOT want to shatter that...especially in an embarrassing situation with a guy. So, perhaps that is my weight-loss goal...."Pick-up-able". Sounds good to me.
 
So yeah, I haven't been back here in a while....mostly out of shame I suppose. I went to visit my friend in Utah again, thereby falling of the weight-loss wagon....that was like two weeks ago...I have yet to get back on. I've tried to go and work out, but I'm just too tired when I get back from work. I got a job at Einstien Bagels and I go from 6AM to 2PM and have to stand up all day. When I get home my legs hurt and all I want to do is sleep. I'm trying to go and spend these days off working out, but that won't help all that much unless I stop eating as much and eat healthier again!!! I can't control myself!!! I'm craving things terribly!!!!!!! I almost wonder if some of it has to do with my cycle. I'm on Seasonal which only lets me have a period 4 times a year. I'm getting close to my next one and I'm just getting CRAZY HORRIBLE cravings!! I've mostly been eating Chinese food, but then...well at work we get a free bagel and topping. I always get a nine-grain bagel with reduced fat cream cheese. But the last two days I felt like a poppy seed with butter on one side and the RF cream cheese on the other. Even with the healthier bagel, could that be bad for me to have everytime I go into work. That's all I eat for about seven hours.
 
Hey there.... I'm glad to see that you have posted again. I completely understand how hard it is to get focused again after being gone. I missed 2 weeks of school and then getting back i had so much to catch up on that I didn't have time for anything. For about two weeks I didn't do any of the things i wanted to be doing to keep going with my plans.

But starting April 1, I decided it was going to change. I put a calendar up and i put a happy little sticker on each day i work out. I know that you get worn out from work... do you have time to take a nap when you get home and then perhaps do a yoga or pilates tape? Don't forget also that walking to and from work, and standing all day, you ARE burning calories. If you could find three days a week to work out for 45 minutes, you would be doing great =)

Good luck with all of this, and I hope that you keep coming back!!!

Also - bagels are totally my downfall!!! I LOVE them!!! I wish I had some advice for you there... do they offer soups where you work? could you have that for lunch instead of a bagel? Or maybe bring in your own lunch/snacks... good luck with that!!!!
 
Trying to work my way back into an old routine. Working out is getting better. It's been ranging from 45 minutes to an hour and a half each day, but my eating habits are bad. I think my hormones are out of wack. First of all, all I want to eat is Chinese food! NOTHING else satisfies me! PLUS no matter how much I limit myself on food, my body craves more. I'm hoping that, as I said before, this is a hormonal phase, as such times have been in the past. I just got cast in a musical here in town, so that will DEFINITELY help with more exercise that is fun! I always end up losing weight during musicals, as there is so much exercise involved, and it leaves for less time to eat complied with all the other events in the day. Hopefully this will push my even further to the direction I was in before. Thanks for the support!!

As far as the bagels go, the bagels are free where as everything else is not, so that's all I really eat. However, I limit myself to one bagel (low carb/nine grain) with reduced fat cream cheese. That's all I eat for about 7 and a half hours unless I'm REALLY bad and need sugar. Then I get a cherry coke.
 
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