HappyHendrix
New member
I wanted to write it anyway!
Hello! I know I am too late but I wanted to write it anyway. Hope it is not to boring!
I don’t know why I decided to do this essay contest most likely because I need to admit why and how I became as big as I am. I know it has ended but I still wanted to write it. I have always wanted to be a writer. I love to write, my major in college is Journalism. Now I am not so sure what I want to do in life career wise.
My name is Brianna I am 20 years old 5’4” and currently 254 lbs, I have been on this food plan since Jan first and sadly I have only lost 16lbs I wish it were more but at least it is something. I would like to be out of 200s by my 21 birthday in November(23rd).
I can remember being chubby or fat most of my life. I remember before my father died he use to take us running in the park. I don’t think he wanted his kids out of shape. I remember being about 5 years old running around the track with my pops. When he died, I believe that is when my weight blew up. I don’t know why maybe I was sad and I found comfort in food. I don’t know why I gained weight, when I was 8 years old. Obesity runs in my family, only about 3 women out of 8 are average weight. I got compared to my sister somewhat too she does not have a weight problem. My mom would say “your sister would never let herself go like you do she cares about her appearance.”
I was always fat, I was the girl with pretty thin friends that idealized herself with them. In some ways I wanted to be them, no let me change that I wanted to be them for sure. They had everything I wanted.
My mother started calling me names when I was about 12 I think. She would make negative remarks to my weight and I would cry. I would also be depressed a lot. As I got older she would always find ways to make me cry, I believe she got joy from it. She would say things like, I have a spare tire around my waste, I look like jabba the hut (from star wars). The one that really hurt, would she would say no man would want me with all the weight on me. I began to believe her, hearing her words every single time I got into the shower.
My mom did try to help, I had a personal trainer when I was 13, and my family tried the Adkins diet. She cooked special foods for me when I tried vegetarianism at 15. It was very hard to find motivation when she would call me names and make me feel ugly about myself. She would say I had such a pretty face, I could never understand why my face was pretty but all of me wasn’t. I began to realize my mother was a very superficial woman. The funny thing is she was not even thin, but her excuse was she had 4 kids and I looked like I had 4 kids too. She wanted me to be 110, like she was in high school. She kept saying( and still says) these are the best years of my life and my weight is preventing me to do stuff.
Now that I am twenty I realized she was embarrassed by me, me being fat was a reflection on her. I believe she still is, with my tattoos, different hair styles and bob Marley t shirts. She always said I was fat to spite her, but I thought that was ridiculous.
When I was 18 I met the man of dreams. I love him so much he loves me for me. My fatness my cravings for his yummy food. He is seriously the best thing ever to come into my life. He understands my weight issues and my problems with my mom. He is my number one supporter, and I love him dearly. Sometimes I still am shocked that in this world where fat is so ugly and frowned upon I can still find love. I sometimes wonder how he is attracted to me, when I look in the mirror I get nauseous. He is not overweight at all,he told me he is under weight but he looks average to me.He is my first and last boyfriend. We plan to marry when we are older and financially stable.
There are lots of factors which made me want to lose weight, the fact that I can show myself that I deserve to be healthy. I don’t want to go up a flight of stairs and be out of breath. I want to look in the mirror and be on the verge of vomiting. I just want to be healthy, not for my boyfriend, my mother or anyone else. Only for me, I want to go shopping and find my size right away. I just don’t want to be judged anymore because I am fat.
I have an aunt that has battled weight issues all her life and she is helping me lose weight. She said once I lose a good amount of weight she will spend 500 dollars on me for new clothes. (She previously spent that much on my sister a while ago so now it’s my turn. She has no kids.) I want a Yorkie puppy instead but my boyfriend says, all that will get me is a whole bunch of baggy clothes and Yorkie puppy. HA HA!
I think a trainer would be good for the nutritional aspects of losing weight. However I am past the deadline so I am just writing this for fun anyway.
I know that losing weight is a ongoing commitment I plan to do it until I reach my goal. I still cry when I think about my mother’s hateful words and am in therapy because of it.
Thank you for reading! My diary is here! http://weight-loss.fitness.com/weight-loss-diary/10801-my-dream-thin-least-healthy.html#post225569
Hello! I know I am too late but I wanted to write it anyway. Hope it is not to boring!
I don’t know why I decided to do this essay contest most likely because I need to admit why and how I became as big as I am. I know it has ended but I still wanted to write it. I have always wanted to be a writer. I love to write, my major in college is Journalism. Now I am not so sure what I want to do in life career wise.
My name is Brianna I am 20 years old 5’4” and currently 254 lbs, I have been on this food plan since Jan first and sadly I have only lost 16lbs I wish it were more but at least it is something. I would like to be out of 200s by my 21 birthday in November(23rd).
I can remember being chubby or fat most of my life. I remember before my father died he use to take us running in the park. I don’t think he wanted his kids out of shape. I remember being about 5 years old running around the track with my pops. When he died, I believe that is when my weight blew up. I don’t know why maybe I was sad and I found comfort in food. I don’t know why I gained weight, when I was 8 years old. Obesity runs in my family, only about 3 women out of 8 are average weight. I got compared to my sister somewhat too she does not have a weight problem. My mom would say “your sister would never let herself go like you do she cares about her appearance.”
I was always fat, I was the girl with pretty thin friends that idealized herself with them. In some ways I wanted to be them, no let me change that I wanted to be them for sure. They had everything I wanted.
My mother started calling me names when I was about 12 I think. She would make negative remarks to my weight and I would cry. I would also be depressed a lot. As I got older she would always find ways to make me cry, I believe she got joy from it. She would say things like, I have a spare tire around my waste, I look like jabba the hut (from star wars). The one that really hurt, would she would say no man would want me with all the weight on me. I began to believe her, hearing her words every single time I got into the shower.
My mom did try to help, I had a personal trainer when I was 13, and my family tried the Adkins diet. She cooked special foods for me when I tried vegetarianism at 15. It was very hard to find motivation when she would call me names and make me feel ugly about myself. She would say I had such a pretty face, I could never understand why my face was pretty but all of me wasn’t. I began to realize my mother was a very superficial woman. The funny thing is she was not even thin, but her excuse was she had 4 kids and I looked like I had 4 kids too. She wanted me to be 110, like she was in high school. She kept saying( and still says) these are the best years of my life and my weight is preventing me to do stuff.
Now that I am twenty I realized she was embarrassed by me, me being fat was a reflection on her. I believe she still is, with my tattoos, different hair styles and bob Marley t shirts. She always said I was fat to spite her, but I thought that was ridiculous.
When I was 18 I met the man of dreams. I love him so much he loves me for me. My fatness my cravings for his yummy food. He is seriously the best thing ever to come into my life. He understands my weight issues and my problems with my mom. He is my number one supporter, and I love him dearly. Sometimes I still am shocked that in this world where fat is so ugly and frowned upon I can still find love. I sometimes wonder how he is attracted to me, when I look in the mirror I get nauseous. He is not overweight at all,he told me he is under weight but he looks average to me.He is my first and last boyfriend. We plan to marry when we are older and financially stable.
There are lots of factors which made me want to lose weight, the fact that I can show myself that I deserve to be healthy. I don’t want to go up a flight of stairs and be out of breath. I want to look in the mirror and be on the verge of vomiting. I just want to be healthy, not for my boyfriend, my mother or anyone else. Only for me, I want to go shopping and find my size right away. I just don’t want to be judged anymore because I am fat.
I have an aunt that has battled weight issues all her life and she is helping me lose weight. She said once I lose a good amount of weight she will spend 500 dollars on me for new clothes. (She previously spent that much on my sister a while ago so now it’s my turn. She has no kids.) I want a Yorkie puppy instead but my boyfriend says, all that will get me is a whole bunch of baggy clothes and Yorkie puppy. HA HA!
I think a trainer would be good for the nutritional aspects of losing weight. However I am past the deadline so I am just writing this for fun anyway.
I know that losing weight is a ongoing commitment I plan to do it until I reach my goal. I still cry when I think about my mother’s hateful words and am in therapy because of it.
Thank you for reading! My diary is here! http://weight-loss.fitness.com/weight-loss-diary/10801-my-dream-thin-least-healthy.html#post225569
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