divorce time

-Devil-

-Devil-

New member
i know i haven't been around here in a while. been dealing with personal issues for a bit ... and now comes the toughest one of all ... the divorce. can't say that i am ready for it. but at the same time i am looking forward to it.

we have been together for 10 years, but for the past 7 it has pretty much been dead.

she married me because she liked how i treated her, and apparently she thought she could change me into someone that she likes (that does the things she wants to do, mostly redneck, country stuff) i am not a person who changes easily, and i will be the first to say that. but i am a city person, computer geek. a completly different lifestyle ...

the past 4 months has been the worse, till finally last night she finally agreed that since i don't change who i am so she will like me .. that we should go our own ways ...

the toughest part of all of this will be finding a new place to stay within a month hopefully ...

i don't know why i am posting this, other then for the fact that since we have been together ... about the only friends i have left are ones that i know online ... have lost contact with all my other friends because she didn't like them. etc etc etc ...
 
Damn, Devil. That really sucks. :(
 
she married me because she liked how i treated her, and apparently she thought she could change me into someone that she likes (that does the things she wants to do, mostly redneck, country stuff) i am not a person who changes easily, and i will be the first to say that. but i am a city person, computer geek. a completly different lifestyle ...

the past 4 months has been the worse, till finally last night she finally agreed that since i don't change who i am so she will like me .. that we should go our own ways ...
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People should accept you for who you are -if they want you to change to suit their needs -well - you don't need that in your life.

Be true to yourself and don't change for someone else - change because you want to for you...

much luck finding a new place...

i'm sorry that her true colors came out after you got married..
 
i had tried changing at first but hated how i felt so i went back to just being who i am ... that was around 7 years ago ...

but the low self esteem BS that i have issues with kept me from just packing up my stuff then and leaving .. even now it is hard to think about but i know it is for the best ...

yeah, i should have opened my eyes more before we got married ... but i was just suprized that someone wanted to spend time with me ...

not saying those things to be down on myself ... its just how i felt.
 
Sorry to hear about the divorce.

Mal is right though, people should accept you for who you are, not try to change....and somewhere out there is somebody who'll do just that, and who won't expect you to change. One of these days you'll find her...:)

And yeah, fingers crossed you'll find a new place soon. Best of luck!
 
-Devil- said:
i had tried changing at first but hated how i felt so i went back to just being who i am ... that was around 7 years ago ...

but the low self esteem BS that i have issues with kept me from just packing up my stuff then and leaving .. even now it is hard to think about but i know it is for the best ...

yeah, i should have opened my eyes more before we got married ... but i was just suprized that someone wanted to spend time with me ...

not saying those things to be down on myself ... its just how i felt.
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I have been there done that and bought the t-shirt.

My second marriage however is bliss. So my advice is this.

I hated and I mean I hated my ex-wife and all she did, I was hard on myself and all relationships.

I was going to put off anything relationship-wise until I finished college (I started college really late).

DO not do that. Hindsight is always better of course. Looking back I will say that what you should do is get your shit together (place to live, job, get settled). Then get right the fuck back out there. Online dating, Bar dating, Church Dating, I mean whatever is your thing. There are too many women out there looking for a good computer geeks (like you and I) to you know, plug their ports, sniff their IP's and use the backdoor of their frontend.

Honestly, my divorce was the hardest thing I went through emotionally... was so hard to end something that was so long...

So if you want to talk, rant, or crack her myspace.... I am there for you man!

You can PM, or whatever.

my myspace is myspace.com/presidentofhotwivesclub also if you want to talk or something.

Good luck to you.:waving:
 
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Yup...divorced too. If it weren't for my friends from work, I wouldn't have any at all either. My ex wouldn't participate in friendships outside of his own poker pals. Divorce sucks though. I wish you much happiness in your future. You deserve it!!
 
Mr.Sickles said:
I have been there done that and bought the t-shirt.

My second marriage however is bliss. So my advice is this.

I hated and I mean I hated my ex-wife and all she did, I was hard on myself and all relationships.

I was going to put off anything relationship-wise until I finished college (I started college really late).

DO not do that. Hindsight is always better of course. Looking back I will say that what you should do is get your shit together (place to live, job, get settled). Then get right the fuck back out there. Online dating, Bar dating, Church Dating, I mean whatever is your thing. There are too many women out there looking for a good computer geeks (like you and I) to you know, plug their ports, sniff their IP's and use the backdoor of their frontend.

Honestly, my divorce was the hardest thing I went through emotionally... was so hard to end something that was so long...

So if you want to talk, rant, or crack her myspace.... I am there for you man!

You can PM, or whatever.

my myspace is myspace.com/presidentofhotwivesclub also if you want to talk or something.

Good luck to you.:waving:
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will send you a myspace invite ...

once i am settled in a place i don't plan on becoming a recluse (my co-worker and her husband won't let me haha) ... so i will be 'on the scene' so to speak .. going to the places that I enjoy .. doing the things that I want to do .. if someone says hi so be it .. if not, no loss for me ...

EasyLifter said:
Yup...divorced too. If it weren't for my friends from work, I wouldn't have any at all either. My ex wouldn't participate in friendships outside of his own poker pals. Divorce sucks though. I wish you much happiness in your future. You deserve it!!
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so far today i have found out who my friends are ... a lot of people online .. and about 7 people in town .. coworkers, some people that have known me since i was a kid .. and even one person who was 'her friend' i thought ... told her to 'get over it' that he was not going to stop being friends with me just because she was being an ass ... :)

so far today i have cried, laughed, gotten pissed off ... almost threw up a few times ... took my wedding ring off ... cried some more ... talked on the phone to my mother ... to some friends ... and now just sitting around figuring out what i should do next...
 
I'm sorry you have to go through this, but I'm sure you'll find someone whose going to like everything about you, exactly for what it is. Computer geek and all! *Hugs*
 
PaperAirPlanes said:
I'm sorry you have to go through this, but I'm sure you'll find someone whose going to like everything about you, exactly for what it is. Computer geek and all! *Hugs*
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you mean there are people out there that actually like computer geeks / sci fi nuts (no i don't dress up in costumes tho) and not just think of us as someone to keep their computer up and going? ????

:)
 
-Devil- said:
you mean there are people out there that actually like computer geeks / sci fi nuts (no i don't dress up in costumes tho) and not just think of us as someone to keep their computer up and going? ????

:)
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Of course! It's the best kind of people. A person who can keep a computer up and running is nice, but someone who goes above and beyond is always ten times better. I can assure you sci fi nuts get in well with others :) Bummer on the no dressing up tho. :p
 
i think the worse thing i can be doing right now, i am doing .. and that is just sitting here .. doing nothing at all ...

i don't get paid till tuesday ... so got a little bit before i can think about money and such ...

not sure if i want to go do anything .. but at the same time i know i want to get my mind off of it right now ...

debating on going to the gym ... but wouldn't want to break down while i am there ... (meh i hate being sensitive at times)
 
I signed my divorce papers last tuesday!!!! I know what you are going/have been through. Our stories sound quite similar with regards to "them" loking how we treated them, made them feel special, supported them through everything, then were shocked when they didn't want to return the favor! I have three absolutely wonderful kids that I have to share with this woman who is selfish self centered, doesn't want to be tied down...you know the type. Thank God I have them 95% of the time. My advise... Find what makes you happy. Fix the things you feel self conscious about. If you want to lose weight, get in great shape, DO IT!!! If you want to play sports, start a band...WTF ever...DO IT. Make you happy, make you love who you are. I was so lost in my relationship, that I lost me! I'm finding him again and lovin' it!! Take it all a day at a time, but find what you don't like about yourself and change it. It's NEVER to late. When you do finally have your shit in one sock so to speak, you'll see the "possabilities" are endless!! Take care, PM me anytime!!
 
jzthedetermined said:
I signed my divorce papers last tuesday!!!! I know what you are going/have been through. Our stories sound quite similar with regards to "them" loking how we treated them, made them feel special, supported them through everything, then were shocked when they didn't want to return the favor! I have three absolutely wonderful kids that I have to share with this woman who is selfish self centered, doesn't want to be tied down...you know the type. Thank God I have them 95% of the time. My advise... Find what makes you happy. Fix the things you feel self conscious about. If you want to lose weight, get in great shape, DO IT!!! If you want to play sports, start a band...WTF ever...DO IT. Make you happy, make you love who you are. I was so lost in my relationship, that I lost me! I'm finding him again and lovin' it!! Take it all a day at a time, but find what you don't like about yourself and change it. It's NEVER to late. When you do finally have your shit in one sock so to speak, you'll see the "possabilities" are endless!! Take care, PM me anytime!!
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that does sound very familiar to what i am dealing with (or was, its over ... working on the moving out / moving on right now) ...

yeah my main goal once i am out, is to find me ... and fix what i don't like about myself .. which one of them is going to be weight ... already got a good start on it ... down from 281 to 230 .. and holding it steady the past several months while dealing with this BS ... so once i am out again .. i should be able to get it kicked in gear and get down to below 200 finally.
 
My goal is 185ish... depends on how cut I get. I was 185 before, and pretty cut, just want to get back to the appearance I was proud of. Good luck with the movin out/in thing, again, day by day is the way to proceed. Also, if your mind starts to drift onto subjects that make you feel down, take control, and change what's going on in your mind. Making your mind your bitch... is a powerful thing!
 
jzthedetermined said:
My goal is 185ish... depends on how cut I get. I was 185 before, and pretty cut, just want to get back to the appearance I was proud of. Good luck with the movin out/in thing, again, day by day is the way to proceed. Also, if your mind starts to drift onto subjects that make you feel down, take control, and change what's going on in your mind. Making your mind your bitch... is a powerful thing!
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i was 185 in jr high ... have never been 'cut' so to speak .. always the chunky fat kid off on the side with a bottle of coke and a bag of popcorn ... but i want to be fit one day ... i am not far from it ... now have a 'somewhat' flat stomach if i hold it in with little effort at all ... a little bit hanging off on the side .. and a set of moobs (that are about 2/3" of fat then solid below them) ...

the mind part, that is tough ... is what i have been doing all day ... trying to keep it focused and just not sit there and let it wander ... tomorrow / tuesday i am going to go ahead and start packing up stuff i don't need and getting it out of the way ... that will keep my mind off of things as well ...
 
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