Competing with a video game for attention from your significant other?

H

heatherisadork

New member
/rant

It SUCKS!

Time spent with world of warcraft vs time spent with Heather..

WoW-40 hours last week
heathertime- about 5 hours last week.

hmmm... The sad part is we live together, and the only time we really spend time together is when we're sleeping. Don't even eat together since dinner time for someone is spent while playing WoW.


/endrant
 
heatherisadork said:
/rant

It SUCKS!

Time spent with world of warcraft vs time spent with Heather..

WoW-40 hours last week
heathertime- about 5 hours last week.

hmmm... The sad part is we live together, and the only time we really spend time together is when we're sleeping. Don't even eat together since dinner time for someone is spent while playing WoW.


/endrant
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Maybe if you were a level 42 Paladin with +95 defense, who wielded the Axe of Mystica and chanted the spell of Enchantment, he might pay some more attention to you.

But, seriously...how old are you and your boyfriend? Because, honestly? I don't find 40 hours of video games to be all that insane. Only 5 minutes of relationship time? Yeah, that sucks. But, I've rolled through 40 hours of playing video games in a week and that's without playing them every single day.

Either way, why don't you just tell him to stop playing? If he values a fucking video game over you, then he's obviously going to value a lot of other stupid shit over you too. So, talk to him about it.
 
I gave the game a go. I played so we could at least "spend" time together, top level char in a top raiding guild. ha. I gave the game up though, as I saw it wasn't helping the relationship at all. I am 25, he is 25. We live together, pay bills together... 40 hours a week wouldnt be a big deal if he didn't have a full time job. I don't care if he plays a game but when it's getting to the point that the only thing we really do together anymore is walk the dogs every now and then, its definitely a problem.

And I have brought it up numerous times in the past 2 years. I love him but its really becoming a problem, one that I might just get up and leave over.
 
My recommendation would be to try to find things to do with the extra free time that you really enjoy.

On the one hand, the fact that you're not just waiting around for him to have time for you might give him a wake-up call. I have noticed that what's good for the goose doesn't always make the gander so happy when it happens to him.

If it turns out that it doesn't, and he just isn't willing to make the effort to do things with you, at least you have the self confidence and possibly new friends & contacts to make things easier.

It sounds as though the problem isn't as much that he's spending the time playing the game as that he's not devoting the energy that you want to you. I'll take this moment to recommend one of my favorite 'relationship' books - The Five Love Languages. You might consider giving it a read to figure out exactly what it is you want most from him, and then making it clear to him what you want. That way it doesn't come down to an ultimatum about "It's the game or me!" which could make you out to be the 'bad guy' it comes down to "I need this from you - whether or not you're playing this game. Are you able to give it to me, or not?"

Alternatively, make a paladin of the opposite faction and become an epic PvPer and kick his ass repeatedly ;)
 
I find this slightly amusing, but not in a bad game. I complain still that my bf (who is almost 30) spends more time with his WoW friends than he does with me. But at the same time, I play WoW too, and I do find it slightly time consuming. But I live near my mom (ok ok with my mom) so I just go out with her a lot or go by myself to do things I enjoy, and then when he complains (because he actually does) that I am not spending enough time with him, I point out that he is always playing WoW when I want to do anything, so I do it by myself.

Good luck to you!
 
Yea as soon as I can start going out again on my own (right foot is broken, haha) i plan on doing just that. I think he is just so comfortable with the way things are, changing up the routine is going to be a challenge.
 
I play wow some. It's fun but I'd never choose it over my gf. I don't play much anymore.

Your bf should be able to spend time with AND play wow. I'm guessing he's in a very demanding raiding guild or something. There should be a different guild that has fewer raids that are just as successful.

He will get bored of it eventually, maybe not soon enough for you, but eventually. Sorry you have to suffer through that.
 
Who's responsible for house keeping? Who does cooking/dishes? What kinds of things do you do for him that he values?

It may be rough to live in a house that's bad enough for a guy to notice ;) But in addition to going out and doing things on your own, cutting back on the effort you put into him might also get noticed. Sadly, it's all to easy for someone to take things for granted. So for him, hearing you say you're upset just doesn't have the same level of meaning as seeing you do what he's doing - put effort into the things you're interested in rather than in taking care of him.

Note: I'm not advocating being a bitch or never doing anything nice for him, just cutting back until you feel you and he are at approximately the same level of energy/effort of doing things for the other.

I do still recommend the Love Languages book too though, it has a lot of insight into that opaque and confusing thing that is a man's head ;)
 
I stopped cleaning up after him. The worst part about right now is I've been trapped in this house because I broke my right foot, the only way I can go out is if he takes me out, or if a friend stops by. I stopped cleaning his dishes 2 weeks ago and theres a big gross pile in the sink now. House hasn't been vacuumed in 2 months since I can't do it... its just a mess.

The dogs talk to me more then he does. Now that's just sad.
 
Wow, that is sad :( Do you have a friend you can visit/stay with for a bit? Or family? Even if you had to fly out...

How long until you have more mobility with your foot? Sounds like a sucky situation. :( If you're mobile at all, can you walk with crutches anywhere near by? Even just to hang out in a Starbucks and read a book or something...

Does he ever ask you for anything, or does he seem to not even care if you're there/what you do? Does he ever get amorous, or is he really married to the computer? Really it seems like your 'best' options are either to get out, or to ignore him. Take up knitting and don't look up when he comes in and tries to talk - which could be hard, because if you're hurting for attention, it's hard to ignore it when it's offered. :/ So really neither option is good.
 
Unlike most women, men are easy to read.

He's spending more time on WoW then time being with you because he wants to. Doesn't mean he doesn't like you, he just doesn't like spending time with you more than WoW.

Of course it's not really fair to be mad at him about this. It sounds like you've made it acceptable.

People will treat you the way that you let them. If this is not acceptable to you any longer you have three options. You figure out a way for things to change, you leave, or everything stays the same.
 
Kayshiz said:
Unlike most women, men are easy to read.

He's spending more time on WoW then time being with you because he wants to. Doesn't mean he doesn't like you, he just doesn't like spending time with you more than WoW.

Of course it's not really fair to be mad at him about this. It sounds like you've made it acceptable.

People will treat you the way that you let them. If this is not acceptable to you any longer you have three options. You figure out a way for things to change, you leave, or everything stays the same.
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That's about the most sound advice you're going to get on this topic.
 
My wife and I play WoW a lot, but we also make it so where ever we go, we go with each other. Talk to him about how little time you get to spend with JUST him. You could set up hours of what hours when he can play WoW (and play with him) and what times is your time together. Even if its watching a movie or cooking dinner together. The wife and I, when we do things (cleaning, dinner, WoW, getting our son in the bath) we do it together, it makes whatever the task that much more enjoyable.

If he doesn't want to put in the time with you or change a little (because it sounds like you aren't asking a lot from him) then it's not going to work out. There are PLENTY of guys that will do what a woman asks of them. Especially nerds that play WoW =)
 
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It just makes you feel unimportant, like you don't matter, like you're the only one who is making the effort. It's humiliating and puts you in a position of vulnerable. Don't get me wrong, I think games have a place, but if you're lacking that vital sense of togetherness it can be very isolating. I'm not sure what to suggest other than trying to communicate more, and getting him to open up, but I don't know how easy this will be. It may be avoidance, but it may be addiction as games can have a drug-like effect on the body, in regards to the dopamine levels released. And especially World of Warcraft; I've heard cases where someone is so enthralled in the game, that they don't leave the room to go to the toilet. They just put a pot in the corner and go when they can't hold it in anymore. 40 hours does seem excessive though, that's almost two straight days, and only 5 hours on the actual relationship. It's no wonder you feel like this really, I think I would feel the same.

It's just so sad, because you're really trying, and yet he doesn't seem to respond.

heatherisadork said:
/rant

It SUCKS!

Time spent with world of warcraft vs time spent with Heather..

WoW-40 hours last week
heathertime- about 5 hours last week.

hmmm... The sad part is we live together, and the only time we really spend time together is when we're sleeping. Don't even eat together since dinner time for someone is spent while playing WoW.


/endrant
Click to expand...
 
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I had that, except he was in his early 20s, living at home not working or going to school, cooking, cleaning or anything. 90% of his days were gaming. It was the sources of a lot of fights.

And we eventually broke up, and I am much happier now. We're still friends, I like him far better now than I did while we were together. I'm glad we broke up.
 
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WoW is one of the most demanding mmorpgs out there, especially at end game content. My husband and I both played and its a very addictive escape. My husband was a gamer when I met him so I can't complain, although I do! lol

But honestly have you tried telling him to restart a char with you and limit some of the time spent? With my husband the more I nag about stuff though the more he digs his heels in. Another thought is to see if you can get him to do a different mmorpg that you both enjoy. None of this may work and only you can really know whats going to work for you and your b/f.

I know in the past I've gone as far as messing with the internet so he thought it was down to get some "us" time. Depending on how serious you want to get with it, uninstalling the game slows 'em down as well as shutting off the internet. Of course at that point he may be so pissed he doesn't want to spend time with you anyway. But if you get mad enough you may not care either lol
 
you know thinking about it more id retaliate just go out with your friends and leave him to the house to do whatever once he starts realizing you're not around to clean up after him or say hey get off, he'll be bothered by it, hopefully he'll come around.
 
DerbyDoll said:
you know thinking about it more id retaliate just go out with your friends and leave him to the house to do whatever once he starts realizing you're not around to clean up after him or say hey get off, he'll be bothered by it, hopefully he'll come around.
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Thats what I plan on doing once my foot is better. I know they mean well but I really get annoyed when people suggest playing the game with him. I've already tried that, it doesn't help in my situation. He still plays just as much and I don't enjoy playing the game at all. I don't want to play online games anymore. To me they are just a waste of time and money.

And I'm sure it seems like I nag him about the game all the time in this forum but I don't even do that. We hardly even talk anymore.
 
heatherisadork said:
Thats what I plan on doing once my foot is better. I know they mean well but I really get annoyed when people suggest playing the game with him. I've already tried that, it doesn't help in my situation. He still plays just as much and I don't enjoy playing the game at all. I don't want to play online games anymore. To me they are just a waste of time and money.

And I'm sure it seems like I nag him about the game all the time in this forum but I don't even do that. We hardly even talk anymore.
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Can I be blunt? I can? Awesome...

He values his video game more than he values his time with you. It's that simple. I'm not saying that he doesn't love you or that he doesn't care about you, but it just seems as if he is taking you for granted. It just seems as if he thinks he can sit there and play his game as much as he wants to, as if you're going to be there for him no matter what. If he had to choose between going out with you on a nice dinner date or sitting at home playing WoW, do you think he'd choose WoW over you? If so...he's taking you for granted.

Somebody already mentioned it, but I would recommend that you stop doing things for him. Stop picking up after him, cleaning, cooking, etc. Make him realize that you don't HAVE to do all of that stuff for him - that you're only doing it because you want to, because you care about him. Once you stop babying him, which allows him to do whatever he wants with no consequences, he'll realize that he needs to start putting in some effort towards your relationship.

I mean, let's be realistic here...

It's a fucking video game. And, if he values a stupid game over you, then you might want to rethink your relationship.
 
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