Break ups. - that sick feeling lingers

Rowe1

Rowe1

New member
It has been 2 months to the night that my girl called me up and said she was never coming home again.

I have so much good going for me at the moment, I should be the happiest guy on the planet.

I'm losing weight for my own health. I have a 3.8 GPA in school. I work a decent job. I have friends that make me happy.

*sigh*

How do you really get over some one your in love with?
 
time...

Learn from the past and go forward
 
Yep Im afraid Mal is right... It takes time, effort and a lot of drinking! hehe well it did with me.

I know its easier said then done my dear but you got to get yourself out there and find someone worth your love... :) Shame you dont live in the UK... I'd take you drinking. :D
 
All i can say is that it is tough and it will take time.

You need to realize that she was not for you no matter what you think right now or thought then and that is ok. There is another out there that is for you that will work out better.
Get out there and have fun- you will think about her but it will get easier in time.
 
The funny thing about love is if it is not reciprocated, although you still "feel" that you love them, logically speaking you should be asking yourself why you are wasting all this emotional energy on a person who doesn't want to share their lives with you?

I'm not saying it doesn't hurt to lose somebody you lose, because it does hurt. It hurts deeply. But what am I saying is that if your partner isn't willing to share the same road on your journey together, in the scheme of things, you're much better off without them.

The tough parts comes when your head tries to tell your heart you're better off without them because your mind heals quickly. Your heart doesn't.

So as everybody else has said, it just takes time. There are no rules or guidelines or timelines in getting over a lost love. Everybody is a bit different. Just be happy with what you have and who you are. Love will find you again ;)
 
I was in a very similar situation like yours if you ever go through my before after inbetween thread...... It takes time in general, I met the right person a year later and she has been with my since I have been overweight till now.
 
Remember that everything happens for a reason. So maybe you wake up tomorrow having a really great day, go out, and run into a beautiful woman whom you instantly hit it off with. Or maybe through this breakup you learn to take care of yourself, FIRST. But that is the most important thing. Don't dwell on what was - focus on what could be.
 
Such good advice when i start to have wayward thoughts about the whole break up thing.

It has been an amazing two months. I trully have never felt better about myself and my position in this life.

The Ex comes back into town to move out her stuff from the apartment and I'm moving back home. Maybe once i get out of this home we once shared together It will expedite some of those feelings.

When i think about it i just get this stupid sick feeling that no matter how much i rationalize with my brain how her and I were not the best we could be with each other. My heart just wants to get back with her.

Anyway.

Thanks for the discussion
 
*sigh*

when the girl says its over, doesn't want to talk to you because everything about you makes her un happy...

that pretty much means leave her the hell alone.


She totally has me wrong. Its un fair, wrong, and heartless. I cannot believe i waste'd 2 years of my life with her.

/rant off


who wants to go running?
 
Heres the best advice I can give on women (works for men too I guess).

If they don't want to be with you, at any time, its not worth your time hoping they come back. Whatever you had was gone.

If you felt like you wasted 2 years of your life on her, then she obviously wasn't worth two more.

I recommend you listen to Michael Penn's No Myth.

Why?

Cause its semi-relevant and fucking awesome.
 
its not really a waste, with every relationship you are in regaurdless of how good or bad it is you will still have a learning outcome of how to deal with the opposite sex.
 
So true. I don't think what i learned from it was a waste of time. I think the emotion and effor I put into it were. I will definitely check out that book

My biggest thing is i want answers. I have to come to realization that i won't get them.
 
Just stay in the game man. There's plenty of women out there just dying to go out with someone. Just look at the Friday night programming and try to tell me that's not geared towards lonely women.
 
Rowe said:
believe i waste'd 2 years of my life with her.
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ahh but you can't look at it that way.. it was anything but a waste. You will learn from all this and you'll take a lot with you. You'll know in the future what to look for, what to avoid. You'll see.. It DOES get better, it will get better. Break ups are hard. I dated someone for 4 years and the recovery was horrible but I took so much from that experience.

I know it's cliché but there are so many more fish in the sea ;)

I know you're frustrated because you want answers but sometimes life won't give you all the answers.
 
Rowe said:
It has been 2 months to the night that my girl called me up and said she was never coming home again.

I have so much good going for me at the moment, I should be the happiest guy on the planet.

I'm losing weight for my own health. I have a 3.8 GPA in school. I work a decent job. I have friends that make me happy.

*sigh*

How do you really get over some one your in love with?
Click to expand...

Break ups suck. And the longer you are with someone, the more it hurts.
 
nothing is ever wasted - you had a great 2 years and sadly its over now, but I know you don't regret them if you were happy at the time. Yes, it is frustrating as all hell to have it all end abruptly, but there really isn't anything you can do but move on. I've been there so I know just how hard that is, but sometimes you need that person to tell you what you need to hear without regard to your feelings. I got that "reality slap" and I finally moved on with my life and it felt great. Good luck to you!
 
I agree with these previous posts: EVERYTHING is a learning experience. Pain MUST be experienced, it's good for your character. You learn about your behavior and what possible negative patterns you might want to avoid repeating in future human interactions (because it goes beyond romantic relationships). You also become strong on your own, if you allow yourself to heal and be happy without jumping into another relationship right away.

To get over my own breakup, I studied Buddhism and learned about the idea of non-attachment. A delicate balance of holding someone dear in your heart, while simultaneously severing attachment and just feeling peace and happiness, alone, and joy knowing that she is happy, in the world, with or without you. I also practiced Yoga twice a day, meditation, and pranayama (breathing techniques). This may seem unrealistic to you, but TRUST ME--you want to expedite your inner peace after a breakup? I highly recommend trying it. But I said it before and I'll say it again:

1. Work on your own happiness, alone and out of relationship
2. Elevate your skills in whatever arena you enjoy most
3. Focus on family and friendship relationship dynamics
4. Love yourself dearly, even if it takes you getting off your butt and doing charity work
5. Focus on fitness and body/mind/soul connection
6. Put loads of positivity and love into the universe

If it doesn't help quell the shitty feelings, it might produce GOOD FEELINGS in addition! ;) Best wishes to you!
 
another thing to remember. The mind plays tricks on you. You will find that all the good things, or all the bad things will fade from memory, and you will remember it as something it wasnt.

A lot of people who are the person who broke up recall all the bad things and forget the good things, and the person who got broken off with recall the good things and not the bad and therefore idolize things. THis is pretty much the main reason people get back together months down the track again because when they meet up they forget that the person isnt the devil they imagined, and then they re-break up because they realize that they wernt the perfect person they were made out to be in their heads.

Either way, best to move on and get over it. In the end, the head rules the heart, so tell the Heart to STFU and go do some rebound sex :)
 
wishes said:
A lot of people who are the person who broke up recall all the bad things and forget the good things, and the person who got broken off with recall the good things and not the bad and therefore idolize things.
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So, so true! That's important, too: remember things REALISTICALLY. Remember WHY things didn't work and find peace with that.

wishes said:
Either way, best to move on and get over it. In the end, the head rules the heart, so tell the Heart to STFU and go do some rebound sex :)
Click to expand...

Oh yes I forgot to mention that before all the soul searching I was MAD PIMPIN with lots of casual sex with a few different partners! Then the celibacy followed, but if you're not a person of extremes like I am, then hopefully you can find a good balance :)
 
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