Bad joke thread

These jokes are bad not inasmuch as having lame punchlines, but in that they're evil and horrible, and if you laugh upon hearing them, it's probably nervous "please don't kill me" laughter rather than "wow, that's actually hilarious" laughter. Without further adieu, here comes the reason I seldom tell jokes in person.

<><><>

Dead Baby Jokes

What's worse than 2 babies in a bucket?
1 baby in 2 buckets.

What's the difference between a Ferrari and 100 dead babies?
I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
I cry when I chop up an onion.

What do you get when you put a knife into a baby?
An erection.

Pickup Lines

Does this smell like chloroform to you?

I take the "the" out of "psychotherapist."

I like my women like my wine: locked in the cellar for 24 years and made by myself.
 
Biggest problem with political jokes is the volume that get elected.

Adam and Eve are trying to discover if they are black or white. The garden is full of many wonders but none that hold a reflection so they need to ask God.
Adam goes before God and asks 'Eve and I want to know if we are black or white.'
God simply replies 'You are what you are.' So Adam returns home.
When Eve asks and hears the reply she nods and says 'We're white then.'
Adam looks confused. Eve explains, 'If we were black he would have said "You is what you is"'

A group from a gay bar started a rugby team. First game they scored 15 trys and 3 conversions.

What's the difference between a condom and the White House?
You only get one prick in a condom.

A protestant priest, a catholic priest and a rabbi are discussing how they treat contributions.
The protestant priest says they put the money on a blanket, stand in a circle, throw the money high in the air, what lands outside the circle they give to godly causes, the rest stays in the church.
The catholic priest declares they use the same method but give away what lands in the circle keeping what falls outside.
The rabbi says they use a similar tactic, throw the money high in the air, what god wants he takes the rest they keep.

A bishop and a rabbi are discussing their respective sacrifices for faith.
The Priest turns to the rabbi saying 'So you aren't allowed to eat pork on any occasion?'
'Not a morsel.'
'Have you ever tried some?'
'Once as a younger man.
Is it true you have to abstain from sex to be a bishop?'
'It is.'
'Have you ever tried it?'
'Once in a moment of weakness.'
The rabbi nodded then added 'Better than pork isn't it.'

What's the difference between toothpaste and super glue.
If you don't know I would suggest learning before cleaning your teeth.
 
Nerdy pickup lines:

- You must be PV=nRT, because you're ideal.
- I've got my ION you.
- Hey girl, wanna be my study partner? Cus I think we have chemistry together.
- I'm falling for you at a rate of 9.8m/s^2. {Dirty version: That dress would look even better accelerating towards my bedroom floor at a rate of 9.8m/s^2}
- I don't mean to be obtuse, but you're acute girl.
- Hey girl, you must be p>.05, because I can't reject you.
---> Alternatively: Hey girl, you must be p<.01, because I'm seeing a real relationship here.

What can I say? I like quarky girls.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top