Alexxa's Weight Struggle Diary - 2021

Alexxa22

Alexxa22

New member
Hello! I am Alexandra, 33 years old, 80 kg (177 lbs) as for today at 160 cm ( 5'2) height. This is my highest weight and I feel like I'm losing control of it.
I've always had problems with my weight but I've managed to keep it somehow under control - I've lost and gained like 15 kg at least 3 times in my life by now. But 2020 hit me pretty hard and I feel that, everytime I want to get up, something keeps me there. Maybe my weight because it's so hard to do everything at this weight :)

2020 was a terrible year for me. My mother died in August and since then, I wasn't able to get back on track. I wasn't able to eat anything for a week then and I started having some trouble with my stomach. I went to the doctor and she gave me some pills for acid reflux. I took them, felt better, but the problem is that, at night, if I am just a little bit hungry and I don't eat, I begin having terrible stomach aches that last 1-2 days, even if I eat. I feel like I'm in a vicious circle with that.

Also, I have to have some carbs in my diet because I have a condition that requires having carbs ( AIP - ACUTE INTERMITENT PORPHYRIA). I sometimes eat pure glucose if I start feeling bad, as it is indicated to do.

This year, I have my wedding but it doesn't motivate me at all. Nothing seems to motivate me anymore. Not that my clothes don't fit anymore, not that my mom's health problems were related to her weight, not that I don't feel ok with this weight emotionally or physically.

I have a desk job ( as many of us have right now) since I'm working from home ( I'm teaching). Long hours of work, sometimes boredom eating.
 
And now that I've laid out all my problem and I seem like a forever complaining person, let me tell you why I'm here: I want to keep myself accountable ( wouldn't mind some friends as well) and to shed some pounds/ kg. It's way easier for me to talk in kg because it's the system we use around here. So, I'm planning to lose like 20 kg ( 40 pounds I guess) by:

- eating 1200-1500 calories to start with
- eating more fruits and vegetables
- eating less sugar, less white flour
- keeping myself accountable
- doing some exercise or at least walking
 
Welcome to the forum, Alexandra! First and foremost: I´m so sorry for your loss. That on top of... well, 2020 stuff, would be enough to kick anyone out of their normal orbit. That, combined with
Alexxa22 said:
This year, I have my wedding but it doesn't motivate me at all. Nothing seems to motivate me anymore.
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...makes me wonder if counselling/therapy might be helpful for you right now.
Apart from that I think this is a great place to find motivation (clearly, or I wouldn´t have stuck around for so long) and community. Best way to start is to read up on other people´s diaries to get to know people (ok, in my specific case even skimming the whole thing would take forever so just jump in wherever you like). The more you engage the more engagement you´re likely to get and the more accountability you´re likely to feel. Your plan sounds sensible; all you have to do is keep at it and not give up when you occasionally fail to stick to it. We all do sometimes, you just have to get up again and try to learn from whatever happened.
 
LaMaria said:
Welcome to the forum, Alexandra! First and foremost: I´m so sorry for your loss. That on top of... well, 2020 stuff, would be enough to kick anyone out of their normal orbit. That, combined with

...makes me wonder if counselling/therapy might be helpful for you right now.
Apart from that I think this is a great place to find motivation (clearly, or I wouldn´t have stuck around for so long) and community. Best way to start is to read up on other people´s diaries to get to know people (ok, in my specific case even skimming the whole thing would take forever so just jump in wherever you like). The more you engage the more engagement you´re likely to get and the more accountability you´re likely to feel. Your plan sounds sensible; all you have to do is keep at it and not give up when you occasionally fail to stick to it. We all do sometimes, you just have to get up again and try to learn from whatever happened.
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Thanks for the advice. I have been to therapy for the last years and I felt that I had to do this alone, at the moment. It is a little soon for me to talk about it with someone, even though I have know my therapist for 3 years now and she has helped me in so many ways. I will reconsider it when I'm ready, though.
 
Hey Alexandra and welcome to the forum!

I think your goals and plans make a lot of sense, very achievable. Starting this diary was also a good thing, regular posting should help you with accountability and get you some good advice and support. Reporting your food and exercise here daily is something I suggest you try, it has been a big help to me. I see you have already heard from LaMa, listen to her, she is one of our best.
Alexxa22 said:
the problem is that, at night, if I am just a little bit hungry and I don't eat, I begin having terrible stomach aches that last 1-2 days, even if I eat. I feel like I'm in a vicious circle with that
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Evenings have always been a weakness for me as well. Now I plan an evening snack into my diet, that seems to help. You might give it a try, if you don't already do it.

Sounds like 2020 was a tough year for you, it was for a lot of people, but losing your mother is a particular hardship. Sorry for that loss!

I am looking forward to reading about your progress, and I know you can do this! Happy New Year!
 
Hello and welcome Alexxa! Overall I think your plan looks good and I look forward to following your progress.
Alexxa22 said:
doing some exercise or at least walking
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While 80-90% of my weight loss has come from dieting, exercise (especially cardio) really helps my mood. Starting it is a bit of a catch 22 though: if you don't feel great, you probably don't feel like putting in the effort. My advice is to find something that motivates you - perhaps an exercise buddy (if covid safe) or goal of X many steps or jump rope skips or whatever. Keep trying exercises until you find something that works for you...
 
Hi, Alexandra & welcome to the forum. I am so sorry about your Mum. :grouphug:
Your plan sounds doable. What you eat is the most important thing with weight-loss but I also find exercise really boosts my mood too. Walking is my meditation. There are days when I just don't feel like it, but I push myself out the door & always feel much better for it. I hope you like our community. We give one another lots of support & you will find mostly kindness & encouragement.
 
Thanks for your messages. Even though I'm not a big fan of physical activities, I'll try to see if they make a difference, especially in my mood, and try to incorporate them. At the moment, I'm getting used to the diet and I'll fully start work next week, so right now, I'm just taking myself out of the holiday mood. Thank you all for your answers and your encouragement. It means a lot to me. I'll try and write down here as often as I can, with foods and hopefully, exercise too.
 
Dance is also good for lifting your mood & singing. You can do this at home while doing everyday stuff. Take a break from your work, put on some music & have a bit of a dance. :)
 
LaMaria said:
As long as you do what you can when you can I'm confident you'll start feeling the benefits soon.
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Thanks. I guess consistency is the key.

Cate said:
Dance is also good for lifting your mood & singing. You can do this at home while doing everyday stuff. Take a break from your work, put on some music & have a bit of a dance. :)
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Dancing sounds like a great idea, because I like it. I just have to change my mindset and see this as a way to lift my mood instead of seeing it as mandatory, tiring, must-do-it exercise.
 
Alexxa22 said:
... - eating more fruits and vegetables...
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this saying is so ingrained in our society, yet it still makes me cringe... a little.
i do eat whole fruit, but there is no doubt about the amount of sugar in fruit.
between the two, i would suggest a 20%/80% caloric balance in favor of vegetables.

good carbs in any diet should not be a big problem.
thry're one of the best sources for micro-nutrients.
 
overlandflyer said:
this saying is so ingrained in our society, yet it still makes me cringe... a little.
i do eat whole fruit, but there is no doubt about the amount of sugar in fruit.
between the two, i would suggest a 20%/80% caloric balance in favor of vegetables.

good carbs in any diet should not be a big problem.
thry're one of the best sources for micro-nutrients.
Click to expand...


I know, I've also noticed that fruit alone gives me terrible hunger after an hour or so. That being said, I also try to eat more veggies and eat fruit or even glucose when I need to ( according to my disease, I need glucose to keep my attacks in check). Thanks for your advice, I completely agree.
 
i intermittent fast and although i only follow this advice about 80% of the time, if i have a piece of fruit, i try to get it in early in my eating window and try my best not to make it the last thing i eat for the day. of the three macro-nutrients, carbs create the highest insulin levels... one reason for the roller-coaster effect they have on your hunger.
 
overlandflyer said:
i intermittent fast and although i only follow this advice about 80% of the time, if i have a piece of fruit, i try to get it in early in my eating window and try my best not to make it the last thing i eat for the day. of the three macro-nutrients, carbs create the highest insulin levels... one reason for the roller-coaster effect they have on your hunger.
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I'm curious into trying intermittent fasting as well. I've noticed that eating early in the morning makes me more prone to eat all day.
 
Alexxa22 said:
Dancing sounds like a great idea, because I like it. I just have to change my mindset and see this as a way to lift my mood instead of seeing it as mandatory, tiring, must-do-it exercise.
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An exercise that you like is the way to go. I never see dancing as a chore.
 
It seems that the pre-holiday weight comes sooner if you pay a little more attention to what you eat. I've also been trying IF and today the scale showed 78,2 kg. (173 lbs). I've also ordered a treadmill just to walk on it with a little bit of incline, hope to do it as often as I can, as it seems the easiest exercise for me.
 
That sounds great, congratulations!
 
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