What would you achieve?

S

sparrow

Guest
I've been doing some thinking and reading on the subject of "failure". There are many on this board who are quick to beat themselves up (me included) because of some let down they have by "failing" what they set out as goals. They allow isolated events to determine and define themselves as "failure". Some keep going, try again. Some give up. Some fail FORWARD (use failure to thrive), some fail BACKWARD (give up and get discouraged).

Knowing what you know about life and that "failure" is something each of us WILL encounter along the way I find it interesting to note that you are the only person who can really label what you do a failure. Its completely subjective. Your perception and response to your mistakes determine whether your actions are failures or successes.

My belief is that until you are dead you cannot say you are a failure. The jury is still out! You may fail at doing something but YOU are not a failure. There is a big difference.

My question in this lounge today is:

If your perception of, and response to failure were changed, what would you attempt to achieve?
 
less than 5:59 verses less than 6:59 in the HIM. but i believe I can do it.

actually I don;t have much of an issue with fear of failure. I have already tried too many things in my life.

I used to be totally affraid of succeeding though. I was affraid ofte responsibility that comes with it. But then I got some and realized with some humility and a proper alignment, there is freedom thru success, not necessarily my heavy perception of responsibiliy

What is going on with my sweetie Sparrow?

FF
 
I'm not sure if this answers your question directly but one thing I've learned about myself from working out is that for most of my life, if I tried something and I wasn't good at it the first time, I stopped doing it. It never occured to me that if I kept working at it, I might actually improve...a small example-a few weeks ago, I tried doing crunches on a stability ball-and it was kind of a disaster-I was unable to hold my balance and I was really annoyed about it. I told the trainer I work with that I would never do them again - when I got home, I thought about how he had suggested that they would be good for me, and how willing I was to just ignore his advice even though I really trust him and am thankful for the results I've acheived with his guidance. So I apologised, practiced, and added that into my routine. I feel so proud of myself that I saw the pattern-can't do it well/give up-and changed it.

All my life, I have applied the same philosophy to a lot of things-work, relationships, skills I might like to have but decided I couldn't. I am working to make small changes,take small risks, and tolerate the discomfort of not being perfect to try to attain some things I would like to achieve...maybe a long-term relationship, maybe a position with more responsibility at work, maybe learn to play the piano well...it always takes me forever to decide to do something and then actually do it, but I am playing with some ideas and overcoming fear of failure definitely plays into it.
 
This is an itneresting thread. I tihnk we all have differnet ideas of failure. For instance, I don't tihnk I've ever really failed at something, my mother has pounded it into my head that if I don't get All As (which I have thus far achieved) then I fail. So right now, my B+ Means i'm failing spanish, only I'm not really failing, because I'm not trying hard enogh. I guess what matters is whether or not I fail forward or backward, I haven't generally come upon things that I have to really take time to do, and when that happened in spanish (Advanced Placeent is hard, don't take it unless you really love the language) I simply dismissed it as I was retarded and too dammed bad.

Now that I tihnk about it it's kind of a bad attitude to dismiss myself or a particular subject as retarded simply because I am not immediately good at it. I never do it for lifting

When I don't achieve my goals as quickly as I would like in fitness and whatnot, it really don't affect me too much because I can see that I'm going in the right direction, so I just dismiss a poor lifting day as a, well, poor lifting day, and come back to get the work done next time.

So I guess if I percieved "failure" as a reason to improve, I'd be a pretty improved person :)
 
yeah...i'm a little bit like happysj56.

my lack of confidence creates an inherent limitation in a lot of the things that i'd like to do. i don't have many hobbies and i'm not a "good sport" so i usually only do things that i'm good at and once i feel my confidence level going down, i have a tendency to quit.

more specifically, i've been doing ballet on and off since i was in elementary school up until several years ago. every time that i've felt discouraged or been seriously criticized or pushed to worker harder by my teachers, i've quit. then, i'll start again in few months and then same cycle will repeat. but, since the last time i quit, it's been years! and now here i am again wishing that i had never stopped dancing and wanting to start up again. sucks because ballet is not something that you can just pick up from where you stopped. i always have to take multiple classes a week of both beginner and intermediate classes until i can stop taking the beginner level and move more toward intermediate/advance. that sh$t takes a long time! but, i do really feel like ballet is a part of me since i've invested so much of my life into it. it makes me a bit sad and frustrated when i think about all of this.

i've NEVER wanted to be a ballerina but one of my dreams is to choreograph a ballet. i envision teal pointe shoes with crazy unconventional costumes and make-up. the music would also be totally unconventional for a ballet - like led zeppelin or leftfield. while the details have changed over the years, i have literally been daydreaming about this since i was a child. and if i didn't limit myself so many times over the years, i'd be much closer to that goal.

so, this is a long winded answer to your question but if my definition of failure were different, i probably wouldn't have quit dancing but sucked it up and kept moving forward, especially since i do really love it. i'd probably be striving toward my goal instead of just talking about it as if it wasn't gonna happen.

BUT, yeah...i'm gonna start dancing again next month. see how long that lasts! :confused:
 
Interesting question... I think for me I associate failure with regret. If I try something and I happen to not be good at it, I don't consider it failure. I would consider it failure if I was too afraid to even try - i.e., I would regret not trying something new, but never my own limitations. I have things that I am meant to excel at (hopefully!), so I don't get too caught up on the things that maybe I enjoy but might not be the best at. In achieving our goals, it is just as important to enjoy the process as the result.
 
Failure - it is all perspective. My dad told me something once and I will never forget it. He was around 50 years old at the time of this comment.

"All the most successful people I know now, screwed up more than everyone else earlier in their lives."

It is one of the best things I have ever heard.

If your perception of, and response to failure were changed, what would you attempt to achieve?
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I have modeled my view of failure after the above statement, so my answer is -

I will achieve anything I want. Every time I mess up, I must be that much closer. :)
 
Wow, hard topic. Most things I'd like to do are prevented due to financial restrictions (i.e. take my PT course - I can't afford to give up work to do this and even then a PT's salary in the UK is quite poor) but I have always wanted to try boxing. There's nothing really holding me back but I've never got round to it, that's probably a fear of something hanging about there.
 
goergen1 said:
Failure - it is all perspective. My dad told me something once and I will never forget it. He was around 50 years old at the time of this comment.

"All the most successful people I know now, screwed up more than everyone else earlier in their lives."

It is one of the best things I have ever heard.



I have modeled my view of failure after the above statement, so my answer is -

I will achieve anything I want. Every time I mess up, I must be that much closer. :)
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The more you fail, the more you learn.
"I did not fail 10000 times at creating the lightbulb, I simply found 10000 ways it did not work"
 
Karky said:
The more you fail, the more you learn.
"I did not fail 10000 times at creating the lightbulb, I simply found 10000 ways it did not work"
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EXACTLY Karky! This is "failing forward" in a nutshell! I love all the responses to this question!

Goergen smart dad!!

Its true that nobody who has been "successful" in life just arrived successful one day. It was a process one day at a time. I've read that the average for entrepreneurs is approximately 4 times of "failing" before they finally make it in business. They are not deterred by problems, mistakes or errors because they just don't see setbacks as failures. They recongnize that three steps forward and two steps back STILL equals one step forward. I want to be like that in everything I do. Seeing opportunity even in the face of discouragement and learning from the mistakes instead of letting them defeat me.
 
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I would most likely define "fail" or "failure" as irreparably losing what you set out to gain. I'd also expand the act of failure to one's action counter to their values and/or goals. Failing depends on how you define victory.

Within context, there are different magnitudes of failure. After a certain degree of failure, no one can really "fail forward". Yes, for some, this is death. For others, this might be the death of others or something. Could be anything, really. I can't say that I'm any kind of person...in fact...I don't even know what kind of "failure" I am...but I'm more attuned to finding out, now.

I say this because failures and successes are essentially what shape us as people. Certain things being hard changed the...flow of the rivers that are ourselves. I may give up on some things that are within context, very easy, and thus fail at them...but I may be someone who looks for big battles and won't go down easy when the stakes are high. Stuff like that.
 
I don't think I can fail at anything, I just think it has to do with confidence. If I had more confidence in myself I would try to talk with the opposite sex more and maybe ask a girl out.
 
Here's a question, is it possible to fail on purpose?
I say no, here's why:
Let's say you want to do a bench press, you know you can do it, but you want to fail half way through, so you press it half way up, then just let it go back down. Did you fail? No, you diden't, you succeeded, since your aim was to fail half way through. I dare you to try to think of something that would make failing on purpose possible! :p
Nomatter what you do, failiure will be failing to do what you intended to do, thus, you can't fail on purpose. I'm such a genius! :D
 
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Confidence comes from preparation, because victory is in the preparation. Still, confidence in victory, without preparation is nothing. You can still fail. Ie, you study hard and know the material, but the test is too long. You don't finish, so you fail. You prepare for a fight. You watch your opponents videos, spar with people of the same weight and style, and you are at the highest level you've ever been. Later you realize your opponent is still better than you, when you're eating canvas.

Being confident is not a buffer against failure. Being prepared is.

You can't wishfully think yourself to victory, but you are given the privilage to be confident in your preparations.
 
sparrow said:
EXACTLY Karky! This is "failing forward" in a nutshell! I love all the responses to this question!

Goergen smart dad!!

Its true that nobody who has been "successful" in life just arrived successful one day. It was a process one day at a time. I've read that the average for entrepreneurs is approximately 4 times of "failing" before they finally make it in business. They are not deterred by problems, mistakes or errors because they just don't see setbacks as failures. They recongnize that three steps forward and two steps back STILL equals one step forward. I want to be like that in everything I do. Seeing opportunity even in the face of discouragement and learning from the mistakes instead of letting them defeat me.
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Good post ( and thread ) :)

fyi - This author looked at failure from the perspective of Apples' Steve Wozniak - " What Steve Wozniak Learned From Failure " - and seems to echo many of your sentiments , including " failing forward "......


" Failure is the rule rather than the exception, and every failure contains information. One of the most misleading lessons imparted by those who have reached their goal is that the ones who win are the ones who persevere. Not always. If you keep trying without learning why you failed, you'll probably fail again and again. Perseverance must be accompanied by the embrace of failure. Failure is what moves you forward. Listen to failure.

But there are different kinds of failure. Sometimes, failure tells you to give up and do something else entirely. Other times, it tells you to try a different approach, a new route to the top of the mountain. Or it may tell you to make a detour. Sometimes, it tells you that you need help. Sometimes, it doesn't seem to tell you anything. "​
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So, in a nutshell....." Failures are only failures if we look at them that way ":)


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