Unsupportive friend

M

mlabbie1

0
I am back to my hometown from college for summer break and last night I went out to eat with one of my best friends from home and other people. For the last 2 months I have kept a strict diet and workout plan and I plan to continue following it. So before I went to the restaurant I checked the restaurant's menu online and made a mental list of the things I could order that do not exceed my calorie needs.
My friend is overweight and so its kind of difficult for me to talk to her about my workout plans because she seems to have no interests in them. However, she knows how hard I work out everyday. So last night when we went out to eat she kept trying to push all these different types of food & alcohol on me (it's a Chinese restaurant, so everything is pretty much a no no for me). I politely refuse her offers and say that I am fine with what I ordered and do not need to eat anymore. But instead of just saying fine she starts giving me an attitude and starts saying things like "you suck" or "fine don't eat it". I then responded that I was not trying to be rude by refusing the food but I just have to follow my eating plan. She once again responded with a nasty remark about my eating habits.
On another recent instance we went to Starbucks and while she ordered a grande strawberries and creme (which I would have loved to have!) I instead stayed away from temptation and just ordered a hot decaf tea without sugar. This time too she said that we were at Starbucks and I should have ordered something else, like a frapuccino. I responded that a frapuccino is out of bounds for me and once again she said something like "oh goooossh, you and your diet" (with an attitude).
She's the only friend that I have that gives me a negative attitude when I tell her that I am trying to get fit by the end of the summer. The rest of my friends and family are really supportive. I really hate it when she is nasty to me about why don't I eat such and such thing but I don't want to start arguing with her because she is an old friend who has always been there for me in other things.
Has anyone had this experience? What have you responded to unsupportive friends? Anyone have any witty remarks that I can say next time she berates me for not eating junk food?
 
well I didn't read your entire post, so forgive me. But from what I have read I can make the following suggestion.

These days where you go out to eat are not frequent to you. Therefore when they come it's okay to bend your diet for one meal and enjoy yourself. It will not make you gain all the weight back in one meal. No way. Also, when someone as your friend tries to insist the food for you, it is very rude to turn them down consistently. What you did was rude, that was why she had the attitude.

Next time just stuff your damn face and enjoy the night.
 
Yeah you know here is how i feel about these situations. I have went from being a fast food junkie to eating really healthy. I don't throw it in anyones face, i don't give lectures, I merely in my own quiet way make better choices for my life. However I am very social and some of the people I am around alot (notice i didn't say friends) like to toss up remarks about what i do or don't eat. People like to write you off as being up tight or not knowing how to have fun cause you don't eat a piece of fried chicken. And you know some are overweight and some just have the luxury of good genes. Regardless none of them are you, and you have made choices to take care of yourself, that is something to be proud of. Also when i get on the dance floor and they are dripping down sweat and i am just getting warmed up, i get a little smile inside;)

I personally think if this girl is making you feel bad about yourself don't hang around her so much. If that can't happen then the next time she makes some remark just be honest and say "look, maybe you don't care what goes into your body and that works for you, but I care what goes into mine and trust me, its working for me;)" Cutting someone down to make yourslf feel better is the wrong thing to do because its no better than what she is doing, but pumping yourself up well thats ok:)
 
It could be that she's a little envious of the choices you have made for the better (for yourself)....but I agree a little with Nobody.

Having a cheat meal when you're out with her won't hurt you or even a few drinks so long as it's not every day. Maybe you can compromise...order what you want for the main course and share a cheat appetizer with her, that way she won't feel like you're snubbing her...

Same thing with Starbucks, who says you have to finish what you order? You can order what used to be your fav and take a few sips :)
 
thanks a lot all.

I guess I didn't mention this in my first post, but last night when she was offering food I did eat here and there because I love trying new foods, the thing was that she wanted me to eat bigger portions of it. In the past I have had problems with binge eating, once I try something and if I really like it I end up finishing the whole thing. I have really been trying to fight this habit so I guess that's why I try to fight the temptation of eating too much of something.

Anyways, moonbeam I really like your idea about ordering an appetizer as a cheat meal :)
 
I hear ya...def don't let her talk you or guilt you into over eating...Personally I allow myself one cheat day per week, where I have whatever I want but not a huge portion of it, wether it's pizza or burgers or fast foods...:)
 
First of all, I applaud you for having willpower - something I definitely do not have!

I love ya Nobody - but I do not agree with your post. It was the friend that was being rude. If she knows mlabbie1 is trying to 'be good', then she should not keep trying to tempt her with other food items. YES, she will not gain all the weight back in one meal, however she had the willpower to say no! Plus, stuffing her "damn face" may have ruined her night if she felt guilty for eating everything in site.

I more agree with theleip this time!

mlabbie1 - If you feel like you are depriving yourself when you go out with her, by all means, endulge a bit. You know your limits, and if you have the willpower to stay 'healthy', be proud of that. Personally, I do not think that you should should purchase a grande strawberries and creme, take a sip - throw the rest away just to please your friend. JMO

Good luck to you.
 
Hey girl I know exactly what you mean.

EVERYONE does this to me and it makes me feel like an outcast sometimes really. I politely say no thank you and go on about my business and the women choose to put me on the spot and try to make me feel like I am totally just this unhappy person and i NEED to eat like THEY do.....

what I say.....**** them....no really, i have a close friend my only 'best' friend who does this to me constantly....I told her that if my eating habits bother her so much, then maybe she should find something more efficient to worry about . I also told her that if she can't just enjoy being with me and talk about more positive things, that maybe she should find someone else to hang out with because she puts me in a negative mood and also that I'm not even focusing on my eating until she chooses to make a total episode of it all.
 
you're friend may just be jealous that you are trying to better yourself b/c she is not strong enough herself to do what you're doing and then you won't be her dinner pal anymore.

i get comments too about eating healthy. just ignore it. people are stupid sometimes.

keep up the good work. as long as you are happy. and if you're friend is going to be so unsupportive, you may want to find more positive people to hang with. good luck to ya!!;)
 
"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you too, can become great" Mark Twain
 
Yep. I have many friends like that. I am trying to stay on a lean diet, high cals, protein. Low on sugars, and bad fats; you know the deal.

Lately I've been trying to eat better, because it seems that I have been loosing weight, which I don't want to be doing right now. So I try and get more healthy cals. I don't want to add much fat.

My friends have all been going out for dinner, too movies, and so on. The problem is, that half the time or more, the food is just plain.... greace. I've told them many times, I don't want that type of food, they just ignore it.

I will go, and eat chinese food, not the healthiest food, but it does have a lot of protein, since theres a ton of meat to choose from. A lot of veggies too.

Maybe you could do what I've been trying to do - just stay away from your friends while they're going out to eat. Try and do something else.
 
Stop going out to eat with her; that will solve that problem. If you're going to Starbucks then forget the decaf stuff and at least get some real coffee...a tall breve (sp?) (half and half rather than milk like in a latte) is alternative because 1/2 and 1/2 has very little calories.
 
Don't worry so much about what your jealous? friend says...
Does she sound like she's implicitely asking you for giving her a kick in the ass and pushing her to get a smoking body like yours?
 
Yeah, I agree with some of the above comments about avoiding food situations when possible once in awhile to avoid the conundrum all together. If I'm in a really hard-core phase of dieting, I might bypass dinner out with friends and then meet up with them afterwards to go to the movies or whatever.

It sounds to me like your friend is jealous and is trying to guilt you into cheating on your diet to make her feel better about herself. i mean, hey, occassionally indulging is okay, but only if YOU really want that piece of cheesecake...not just because it'll smooth out things with your friend. i think if you hold pretty strong to your diet, she'll eventually give up on trying to make you cheat...but I don't know about her persistence, so that could take quite some time!
 
You weren't being rude at all. Would it be rude to turn down cigarettes if you're trying to quit? Granted a cigarette contains nicotine etc...but still. Same principle. Your friend is getting an attitude at you when you're in the process of doing something good for yourself. If they really understood, they wouldn't get prissy about you sticking to something challenging yet rewarding. More power to you.
 
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I really appreciate all of your suggestions! For those that said to avoid going out to eat with friends when on a meal plan I think that that will be the best way to avoid any problems.
Yesterday she invited me to lunch but I told her I was busy and I really was since I was the only one in the office for the day so I couldn't even really leave.
So instead I suggested going out for coffee after work, we did and this time she didn't even complain about what I ordered :)
 
well if you want summin witty to say..

Next time she says summin just be like... I'm sorry if I wanna look good.

Since your a bit more leniant that I would have been.. I've been through ALOT of friend scenerio's and have built a if you can't respect what I do, then peace out. I am one of the greatest friends to have.. not to sit here and be like whatever.. but I would drop everything I'm doing to help someone, talk to someone.. blah blah I been through alot with people and there problems.

She's your best friend, but your soft. If she can pull that attitude so can you. You don't have to be a bitch, but str8 up tell her what you told us.. Something I've said before.. eh if you can't tolerate what I'm doing.. or it bothers you that much.. don't call me up.. cause your easily f'kin replaceable. Test the waters.. cause if you can't be brutally honest from time to time with her or eachother.. your not best friends.

Your last post shows that she said nothing.. which is good.. but in any case if she does again.. don't brush it off.. show her that it bothers you, and you won't tolerate it. right? tight, good luck boo.
 
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