Lepidotzoro
New member
I'm just gonna type.
So, I've been wanting to lose weight for one reason or another all my life. In high school and before I didn't feel like I deserved to have a boyfriend or even look at people in a sexual way as long as I was overweight, so I was single until I turned 20. After high school and while working fast food I felt like people didn't respect women unless they were attractive physically, and I just wanted people to look at me as a person, so I tried again. Then I met someone who wouldn't leave me alone and now I'm in a relationship and I finally feel like I have healthy reasons to want to lose weight. To be healthy, to eat healthy continuously, to look like the person I see in my head when I imagine myself and not the person I see in the mirror, and so that my children, when the time comes, will be healthy.
Honestly being overweight is the least of my problems, I'm not even that much overweight, I only weigh 140 but I'm also only 5'3. But I've come pretty far from my insecurities as a teenager, I used to be self-loathing and feel worthless and pointless constantly and not worth anyone's time, and I'm still trying to bring myself out of that hole, and a big thing that keeps dragging me back down is something any regular girl would feel, and that's insecurity about how I look.
I don't really think how I look and what other people think of me is that important. But knowing that and believing it are different things, and I'm starting to feel like loving myself the way I am is more impossible than losing weight despite the fact that my idiotically overactive emotions make me want to eat everything in sight. I keep thinking that no matter what I do if I don't fix my insecurity problems, I'm never going to feel-self confident even if I were the most attractive person in sight. But even if that's true, when I'm alone it'll make me feel good to be healthy and eat healthy.
I wear really tight pants that go above my stomach that help me suck it in along with tight shirts and minimizing bras to make myself look thinner. My boyfriend is starting to notice these things. He's amazing and always tells me I'm beautiful the way I am and has never urged me to lose weight in an "I wish you were more attractive" sort of way and that's been my saving grace for a while now. But I feel like my dishonesty when I say things like "I know" and the fact that I don't believe or agree with him is hurting our relationship so I just want it gone. I want to be as thin as I try to pretend I am.
So like... my goals and the things I want are all over the place. It's hard to keep my mind just on weight loss. There are periods of time where I'll be eating healthy for a week or so and really confident and proud of myself and then my mind will drift to other things and before I know it I catch myself eating half a pizza at 11 PM without even thinking about it.
So, that's why I'm here. I'm a total internet nerd and I spend loads of time on the computer, so I thought it would be a good idea to become apart of a community that centers around weight loss. I'm always floating around in 'self-confidence' blogs and mental self-improvement and strength-gaining and the like, but I've been embarrassed about getting into any physical self-improvement.
Motivation... it comes and goes. Sometimes I care about losing weight and sometimes I'm too concerned with financial issues to care whether or not I eat three oatmeal pies or not. Worst of all, stress makes me want to eat, (When I'm happy, doing something fun, inspired, drawing/writing/etc. I have a tendency to /forget/ to eat) and having just moved out of the house and having to pay my own rent/bills/etc. I have a lot of stress going around right now.
So like... I guess the story of my life is finding motivation through support online, really. And... I don't honestly really know what I'm asking for from anyone who took the time to read this... I guess just, Hi? And some sort of friendly welcome. I think that would really motivate me.
So, I've been wanting to lose weight for one reason or another all my life. In high school and before I didn't feel like I deserved to have a boyfriend or even look at people in a sexual way as long as I was overweight, so I was single until I turned 20. After high school and while working fast food I felt like people didn't respect women unless they were attractive physically, and I just wanted people to look at me as a person, so I tried again. Then I met someone who wouldn't leave me alone and now I'm in a relationship and I finally feel like I have healthy reasons to want to lose weight. To be healthy, to eat healthy continuously, to look like the person I see in my head when I imagine myself and not the person I see in the mirror, and so that my children, when the time comes, will be healthy.
Honestly being overweight is the least of my problems, I'm not even that much overweight, I only weigh 140 but I'm also only 5'3. But I've come pretty far from my insecurities as a teenager, I used to be self-loathing and feel worthless and pointless constantly and not worth anyone's time, and I'm still trying to bring myself out of that hole, and a big thing that keeps dragging me back down is something any regular girl would feel, and that's insecurity about how I look.
I don't really think how I look and what other people think of me is that important. But knowing that and believing it are different things, and I'm starting to feel like loving myself the way I am is more impossible than losing weight despite the fact that my idiotically overactive emotions make me want to eat everything in sight. I keep thinking that no matter what I do if I don't fix my insecurity problems, I'm never going to feel-self confident even if I were the most attractive person in sight. But even if that's true, when I'm alone it'll make me feel good to be healthy and eat healthy.
I wear really tight pants that go above my stomach that help me suck it in along with tight shirts and minimizing bras to make myself look thinner. My boyfriend is starting to notice these things. He's amazing and always tells me I'm beautiful the way I am and has never urged me to lose weight in an "I wish you were more attractive" sort of way and that's been my saving grace for a while now. But I feel like my dishonesty when I say things like "I know" and the fact that I don't believe or agree with him is hurting our relationship so I just want it gone. I want to be as thin as I try to pretend I am.
So like... my goals and the things I want are all over the place. It's hard to keep my mind just on weight loss. There are periods of time where I'll be eating healthy for a week or so and really confident and proud of myself and then my mind will drift to other things and before I know it I catch myself eating half a pizza at 11 PM without even thinking about it.
So, that's why I'm here. I'm a total internet nerd and I spend loads of time on the computer, so I thought it would be a good idea to become apart of a community that centers around weight loss. I'm always floating around in 'self-confidence' blogs and mental self-improvement and strength-gaining and the like, but I've been embarrassed about getting into any physical self-improvement.
Motivation... it comes and goes. Sometimes I care about losing weight and sometimes I'm too concerned with financial issues to care whether or not I eat three oatmeal pies or not. Worst of all, stress makes me want to eat, (When I'm happy, doing something fun, inspired, drawing/writing/etc. I have a tendency to /forget/ to eat) and having just moved out of the house and having to pay my own rent/bills/etc. I have a lot of stress going around right now.
So like... I guess the story of my life is finding motivation through support online, really. And... I don't honestly really know what I'm asking for from anyone who took the time to read this... I guess just, Hi? And some sort of friendly welcome. I think that would really motivate me.
