Treadmill+Self Image

[Writer2014]

I went on the treadmill today. I was on there for 20 min. 7 is the speed for running. I ran for 7 min, had to stop in the middle and the rest was 5 or 6. 6 is a fast speed walk. I feel like a fat bitch for not being able to run for 20 min. In high school in PE I was always the one walking the mile, getting 13 min. I was exhausted the second I started running. I weigh 57.2 kg (126 pounds apparently) but Kazik wants me to weigh under 50 kg. He wants me to weigh 100 pounds. I called him 5 times yesterday but he's going to ignore me until I lose weight.

Tomorrow a social worker is coming to talk to me about the sexual harassment thing, I finally got up the courage to talk to call them which was awkward for me to say. But I need Kazik. He would make me feel protected and safe. I can understand he wants perfection since he is a good person. I mean let's face it, most men don't want a fat girlfriend. I am selfish since I can't stick to my diet but I am exercising. I envy girls that are not ugly like me. People don't hate them.

Yesterday I couldn't drag myself out of the house at lunchtime because I felt low so I had to buy a burger and fries because it was the only thing open at lunchtime (I live in Taiwan). I could tell that the employees and other customers were thinking about what a fat loser I am, eating junk food. It's my first time eating junk food in 1.5 years but how could they have known that? Today it's 6:30 pm and I haven't eaten yet but I'm not hungry. I guess I'll eat later. I bought something so I don't run into the same problem as yesterday. Kazik would be pleased to hear I didn't eat lunch. I feel so awkward going out in public because I know people think I'm fat and disgusting.

 

[rholmes]

Holy Moly,

Sounds like a very complex situation that you have been situated In.

First and for most, you should be with someone that loves you for who you are. The inside is just as important as the outside. Anyone who makes you feel bad for how you look is undeserving of your acknowledgement and very very valuable time.

Secondly, Its great that you are working towards a fitness goal. Most importantly, Do not skip meals. Meals are very important, Nutrition is key, and when you are trying to do weight loss, skipping meals is not the solution. Go online and find a calculator where you can set your goals (current weight and target weight and allows to input level of fitness activity) and calculate how many calories you should be eating during the day. But please do not skip a meal. Just eat healthy stuff. You need carbs and protein in order to fuel your body to even have the energy to complete weight loss workouts. As well, Eating 6 meals a day will keep your metabolism on the rise and will help cut fat even when you are not working out. Keep at the workouts and watch your nutrition. Also, supplementing with ammino acids such as L-caritine and a thermogenic fat burner can improve results.

Hope this helps.

Please, keep your chin up!!