Thread In Which We Talk About How Awesome I Am

F

[Focus]

0
So okay, right. This chick is preggo, after trying for a long time. So's I rep her and the message reads, "REP IS FOR REPRODUCTION."

Feel free to talk about how great you are, here, too, but try not to feel bad if nobody cares because I am better and funnier than you and I stacks more paper and gets more hos than you and I'm cleaned out. Okay, be back later with more outrageous excellence.
 
Also, about a week ago, some chick practically begged to blow me at the gym, I kid you not. It was pretty interesting, the story behind it, but for now I need a sandwich.
 
alsothis.png


Mannnn @ how long I had to fight with that attachment crap before giving up. This is an angry forum.
 
Last edited:
Story Time

So, I'm at the Y and it's one of those quiet afternoons where there're only two other people around. Of course, both of them look like they have no reason at all to be there. Not only are they super fit and cleaned out, but they don't appear to actually be doing anything. I'm thinkin', Alright, then. Eye candy:viewer ratio is sort of unfavorable here. Wouldn't be my first choice. Must be amateurs. Or maybe these bunnies got separated from the herd and couldn't find their way back. But I go about my business, while they strut around being a distraction.

Over time, one throws in the towel, but the other... I can't tell if it's my imagination, or what, but she seems to be getting closer, and more unnecessarily provocative. Eventually, I'm in the rack pulling something or other, and it crystallizes - the realization that something is definitely up. And, being me, I ask her, "Okay, seriously. Can I help you?"

And she says, word for word, "Actually, I was hoping you could help me."

That's when the bad funk started playing in the background. What the ****, I says to myself. Then, out of nowhere, in my head I'm seein' and I'm laughing uncontrollably. Then I'm feeling like a huge tool, because this delicious-looking kitten just propositioned me and I laughed in her face. Just sayin', I don't think that was the long and hard she was looking for.

Being the strange child that we'll soon discover she is, she waits patiently until I'm done and then hugs/thrusts out her chest and asks, "Well?"

At which point I am stunned. "I take it you're not looking for tips on your squat form," I opine.

Her retort: "I have condoms and lube. Meet me in the main washroom?"

By now I'm pretty sure I'm dreaming, so I figure it can't hurt to just go with it. "What about flowers, and maybe chocolate? I'm a good Christian boy."

She stares.

"Can't we just cuddle for a while?"

"We don't have to do anything you don't want to. How about a blowjob?"

"You mean, like, you want to blow in my ear?"

"Dude, just say yes or no."

"Listen, I'm sick of you rushing me. I wasn't the one prancing around basking in my own ridiculous gorgeosity like a ****ing Unicorn in The Enchanted Forest. Cut a brother some slack. I mean until you decided to get your freak on, I was just minding my own business up in this bitch. Y'know, strictly maxin', relaxin', chillin', I thought I was cool, when you bent over and started making trouble in my neighborhood."

And then she explained. Something like that chick from Mallrats. Normally wouldn't have, but I answered all her questions. She seemed like a nice kid. Then she invited me to a party. In her pants. No, I kid, in the Spar. I politely explained to her that there's no way in hell I'm driving that far - not even if she promised to suck my **** from the back.


I may have made up some of the dialogue, but that's how I remember it. And the freaky parts are 100% true. Also if you don't get the ending, go watch Mallrats, or stfu and gtfo. Anyway, I think she likes me. ^_^
 
Last edited:
Focus i dont like the word awesome, so i dont think your awesome.

Basically i think your a retarded animal rapist (like me) who also licks trees for a living. I personally believe you have 4 thumbs, and 4 thumbs only. You dont wear shoes and you can squat almost 900lbs. I also think you are half cat.

Big Motherf**king T.
 
I actually have a job and support a family of 5. Also have a Masters degree that I alone paid for while I worked full time through school.

I break silver spoons.
 
spicypumpkin said:
It's good to see a man with some sense of morality when it comes to sticking with monogamy. Good for you. :)
Click to expand...

I hate to counter a compliment, but I wouldn't call it morality, really. I like to think I'm as amoral as a wildcat. If we were being completely honest, I'd have to say that it's more a lack of desire. To my mind, morality requires conflicting desires.

But when I look at other women (and I do, very often :D ), I see them as I do a flower, a lovely mountain view, or anything else that's pretty and/or nice but I don't really want to put my **** in. I do a whole lot of flirting, but it means absolutely nothing to me. She knows this - and has never once doubted it. And I will never doubt her. That's what makes her mine, and me hers - I'm not sure morality even comes into it at all.
 
BigTomW said:
Focus be my wife.
Click to expand...

Sorry, buddy, I could never do that to Chillen. He's a sweet guy.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top