I'm starting this thread because I've been struggling a lot with my motivation lately, and I want to share my thoughts about strength workout, the growing focus it's getting in the media and how I am (poorly) dealing with it. I'm afraid my post will be long, and I wasn't sure whether to even post it or not. I fear it'll come off as ranting and complaining, but if anyone bothers to read it and can relate to my problem in any way I think it would help me a lot. Maybe it could help someone in a similar situation too, seeing that they're not alone. To sum up my story real short: I'm female and I have been overweight all my life. A few years ago I managed to lose 30 kgs (66 lbs), but I regained them. Later I lost another 20 kgs only to regain them too. I lost the weight by doing the only thing that seems to work for me: strict dieting and a lot of workout in the form of jogging or playing ball games. I don't lack self discipline at all, but I lack the ability to keep everything in my life stable. When my studies get tough or I try to focus on being more social, both the diet and the workout gets less prioritized and it all falls apart (pretty common problem I suppose).
But anyway. I do not need anyone telling me the old lesson, "don't diet, make it a part of your everyday life, make small changes" etc - I know all this. The reason why I'm posting this in the section "weight loss through exercise" is that a big part of my lack of motivation is my lack of willingness (or ableness?) to do strength exercises. I feel that everywhere around me - in the media, in my social circle, everywhere - there is a growing focus on the benefits of strength training. And I'm actually quoting a friend when I say this: "Strength workout is the ONLY workout. If you do strength training, you don't need any other kind of training. If you do any other kind of workout, it is a waste of time and energy". And it is this kind of attitude that keeps bringing me down. Every time I think about it I get depressed. I have tried strength training a million times, both with free weights and with resistance machines. And I have failed every single time. I cannot count all the times I have collected all my courage and walked with a straight back into the strength area of the gym, where all the big and strong men walk about and flex their muscles at the mirror. I get physically ill every time I think about approaching the weights, lifting them up and trying to remember all the guidelines on how to use them while people are watching me (and believe me, I have read the guidelines and studied them as if they were on my university curriculum). I'm weak, and when performing the different exercises it hurts my body in places where it shouldn't hurt. It hurts in the wrong way, and I can feel the injuries coming. I might be overweight, but in the strength area of the gym I feel like the smallest person in the world. And not in a good way!
I know my problem is very complex. I know it has a lot to do with my psychology, and my family and friends tell me to just "get over it" and "don't worry what the other people in the gym think". But as you can see, this is not the only problem. My hatred for strength training is not going to change unless I feel that I can master it. I used to love jogging because I'm good at it. I'm still good at jogging even when I've regained all the weight. It is difficult for me to get into a routine of jogging, but I know in my heart that I'm good at it and that I can do it if I set my mind to it. With strength training, it is not like that at all. I don't know where to start. I can barely afford being part of a gym, so a personal trainer is out of the question. If I were to invest in just one or two lessons, I know it wouldn't help. I've had a male friend show me a few times, he's pretty much an expert on the matter, but it didn't help. Now I've moved away and I don't know anyone in my new city who can join me and help me every time. When I stand there with the weights in my hands I just freeze and don't know what to do. "Toes on the level of your knees" - what does that even mean? I saw a picture of a woman supposedly having her toes on the same level as her knees, but how am I going to know whether my knees and toes are aligned, while having a straight back, while breathing right, while making sure to perform the movement right? And still, using the lightest weights available, they just seem to be too heavy for me. Note that I am not actually asking for answers to these questions on how to perform the exercises in themselves. Like I said, I've had people trying to show me, but I can't seem to learn it. My biggest problem is that I feel so alone, with the growing focus on fitness everywhere - now skinny/slim isn't enough anymore, you have to do everything RIGHT. You have to eat the exact right food, and you have to work out in the most effective way possible. And in my life there is no space for this obsessiveness. I'm struggling so hard to balance my master's degree, my social and economic life and my love life. And everyday I see girls posting pictures to instagram and twitter of themselves at the gym, lifting heavy weights like it was the only important thing in their lives, getting tons of likes and shares, being called healthy and beautiful, and I give up inside. I try to tell myself that strength training isn't necessary for me, that it is better to go jogging than not working out at all - but the negative thoughts erases the positive ones. I also remember back to the times when I lost weight, and I remember how flabby I was. I know lifting weights would be good for me. That is the saddest part of it all. It would make me look good and it would make everyday tasks easier. I know it, and that is the worst part.
I guess I don't even have a clear question I want an answer to. I just really needed to put this out somewhere, because I can't seem to find anyone struggling with the same thing, and I feel so alone. I am prepared for answers like "if you want something, work for it", or "don't just sit there on your ass and complain, get up and do something!". I face these kinds of rhetorics everyday, and they do nothing but add to the depression. Because it is not like I haven't tried. I wear myself out trying, because I don't want to give up on my body and my health. But I have lost my passion for jogging, soccer, hockey and everything I used to do before. There is a voice inside me telling me that it is all a waste as long as I don't combine it with heavy weight lifting. Is this true? Is strength workout really "the only way to go"?
But anyway. I do not need anyone telling me the old lesson, "don't diet, make it a part of your everyday life, make small changes" etc - I know all this. The reason why I'm posting this in the section "weight loss through exercise" is that a big part of my lack of motivation is my lack of willingness (or ableness?) to do strength exercises. I feel that everywhere around me - in the media, in my social circle, everywhere - there is a growing focus on the benefits of strength training. And I'm actually quoting a friend when I say this: "Strength workout is the ONLY workout. If you do strength training, you don't need any other kind of training. If you do any other kind of workout, it is a waste of time and energy". And it is this kind of attitude that keeps bringing me down. Every time I think about it I get depressed. I have tried strength training a million times, both with free weights and with resistance machines. And I have failed every single time. I cannot count all the times I have collected all my courage and walked with a straight back into the strength area of the gym, where all the big and strong men walk about and flex their muscles at the mirror. I get physically ill every time I think about approaching the weights, lifting them up and trying to remember all the guidelines on how to use them while people are watching me (and believe me, I have read the guidelines and studied them as if they were on my university curriculum). I'm weak, and when performing the different exercises it hurts my body in places where it shouldn't hurt. It hurts in the wrong way, and I can feel the injuries coming. I might be overweight, but in the strength area of the gym I feel like the smallest person in the world. And not in a good way!
I know my problem is very complex. I know it has a lot to do with my psychology, and my family and friends tell me to just "get over it" and "don't worry what the other people in the gym think". But as you can see, this is not the only problem. My hatred for strength training is not going to change unless I feel that I can master it. I used to love jogging because I'm good at it. I'm still good at jogging even when I've regained all the weight. It is difficult for me to get into a routine of jogging, but I know in my heart that I'm good at it and that I can do it if I set my mind to it. With strength training, it is not like that at all. I don't know where to start. I can barely afford being part of a gym, so a personal trainer is out of the question. If I were to invest in just one or two lessons, I know it wouldn't help. I've had a male friend show me a few times, he's pretty much an expert on the matter, but it didn't help. Now I've moved away and I don't know anyone in my new city who can join me and help me every time. When I stand there with the weights in my hands I just freeze and don't know what to do. "Toes on the level of your knees" - what does that even mean? I saw a picture of a woman supposedly having her toes on the same level as her knees, but how am I going to know whether my knees and toes are aligned, while having a straight back, while breathing right, while making sure to perform the movement right? And still, using the lightest weights available, they just seem to be too heavy for me. Note that I am not actually asking for answers to these questions on how to perform the exercises in themselves. Like I said, I've had people trying to show me, but I can't seem to learn it. My biggest problem is that I feel so alone, with the growing focus on fitness everywhere - now skinny/slim isn't enough anymore, you have to do everything RIGHT. You have to eat the exact right food, and you have to work out in the most effective way possible. And in my life there is no space for this obsessiveness. I'm struggling so hard to balance my master's degree, my social and economic life and my love life. And everyday I see girls posting pictures to instagram and twitter of themselves at the gym, lifting heavy weights like it was the only important thing in their lives, getting tons of likes and shares, being called healthy and beautiful, and I give up inside. I try to tell myself that strength training isn't necessary for me, that it is better to go jogging than not working out at all - but the negative thoughts erases the positive ones. I also remember back to the times when I lost weight, and I remember how flabby I was. I know lifting weights would be good for me. That is the saddest part of it all. It would make me look good and it would make everyday tasks easier. I know it, and that is the worst part.
I guess I don't even have a clear question I want an answer to. I just really needed to put this out somewhere, because I can't seem to find anyone struggling with the same thing, and I feel so alone. I am prepared for answers like "if you want something, work for it", or "don't just sit there on your ass and complain, get up and do something!". I face these kinds of rhetorics everyday, and they do nothing but add to the depression. Because it is not like I haven't tried. I wear myself out trying, because I don't want to give up on my body and my health. But I have lost my passion for jogging, soccer, hockey and everything I used to do before. There is a voice inside me telling me that it is all a waste as long as I don't combine it with heavy weight lifting. Is this true? Is strength workout really "the only way to go"?
What I can suggest is work at your own pace. I completely understand how easy it is to get intimidated when you see someone else lifting heavier, etc. but you need to just shrug them off and pick up the weights you can handle and not care about anyone else. You will definitely get increasingly stronger as you workout with weights you can handle, you will notice yourself slowly upping the weights. Just make sure you get enough protein in to take full advantage