From the time I was in my elementary school years, I could always remember the constant body image insecurities I had. Yes, when I was in elementary school. I would always analyze the way my friends ate and tried to copy them, but never has it helped me lose weight. I compared my calf and thigh size with my friends and always noticed that I was slightly larger. Even my parents would point out that I had slight belly flab and that I 'should work on getting rid of it.' The idea of losing weight was pinned in my brain for years, yet I could never find a good diet to help me get rid of the few extra pounds around my hips.
Once I hit puberty, things got even worse. Of course, I started growing (getting taller), and I began freaking out when I noticed the numbers on the scale rise. That was when I really started searching up different diets such as the low fat diet, the vegan diet, the vegetarian diet, and so on so fourth. However, none of the diets worked for me which caused me to be even more stressed, and I started a habit of binge eating to get rid of my nerves. Eventually, during my seventh year in school, I focused more on school when I was given even harder assignments and classes. I was finally able to get my mind off of my stupid weight, and without noticing much, I was actually losing weight! I wasn't dieting on that point; I was just focusing on eating healthy, whole foods, nor was I calorie counting. Slowly, but steadily I was losing weight (approximately one pound a week), and I felt fantastic.
My mom pointed out my weight loss to my dad, one day. When she did, however, that's when things got messed up...again. Now I don't want to shed any bad light on my parents, but I will say that they were definitely not suited for helping me on my weight loss journey. Just to further explain what I mean: my dad, upon finding out about my weight loss, decided that he should step in and help me lose weight faster. I was, and still am not, a health specialist, so I didn't think there would be any harm in what my dad had in store for me. I believed that my dad knew what he was doing, but get this; he didn't actually know anything about how calories worked. Recall that I stated that I was in my seventh year in school. My dad's meal plan for me to lose weight faster had me consuming around 700 calories or less. Yep, you heard me. 700 calories OR LESS. I was a growing kid! Doing the calculations now, I needed around 1,500 calories to lose weight or around 1,900 just to maintain it! (Obviously taking to consideration that I took a rigorous gym class at the middle school.) This new meal plan hit me hard. I wasn't able to focus on tasks in school, I got sick easily, and not only that, but I was craving sweets like never before. Sometimes I sit and think about that whole "What if I didn't listen to my dad? Would I still be struggling with my weight like I am now?" Once in a while, I would still blame my dad for putting me on that stupid, fad diet, but when I really thought about it, it wasn't really his fault. Okay, yeah, maybe it was... I'm just trying to forgive and forget, here.
Anyways, after about a week into this new diet plan, I began binge eating on any sweets I could find around the house. It was impossible for me to control my cravings, and I would always eat when no one was home. Sugar was easily accessible in my house. Quite quickly, it seemed, I gained weight over the next four years. I've tried the paleo diet for about two months, gave up and binge ate, the SlimGenics diet for about four months, gave up and binge ate, the Keto diet for two weeks, gave up and binge ate, and now I'm just binge eating as my "new diet." I'm still trying to crack the code I did when I was younger. I'm still digging up old weight loss journals or any diary where I can find what I ate to lose weight, or how much I ate to lose weight. All I could remember was that I was eating carbs, and I was eating healthy fats. However, after being on so many diets and reading so many articles of diets that are 'scientifically proven' to help lose weight 'fast,' it still scares me to actually reintroduce both of these macronutrients into my diet, together. It's been wired into my brain that too much of one or the other causes you to gain weight. Even my dad believed that carbohydrates were the death of weight loss. I've been so confused, and tired, of trying all of these stupid diets, and I know many of you have felt the same things before. Trying about 4 or 5 diets a year has wrecked me and so many others.
Now, I feel like things have got to change. I am frustrated with looking myself in the mirror and seeing no change, and I am done with my fogged up mind which I keep twisting this way and that to believe the different health related weight loss fads out there. I'm just done being manipulated my other peoples' words on how they lost weight quickly while still eating cake everyday because they drank some stupid detox tea or took some dumb weight loss supplements. I'M DONE WITH THESE IDIOTIC, MIND-CONTROLLING FADS CALLED DIETS. I'm done! That's it! I'm done with being on a crazy cycle of dieting, binging, and dieting again, and binging, and basically just gaining more weight than before! I need help right away, because to this day I regret ever listening to my parents about needing to lose weight. I look at the photos of me as a kid and I was perfect. I was literally the same exact shape as my friends around me who are currently, and always were, a healthy, fit shape! I didn't need to lose weight at that time, but thinking that I did actually made me grow negatively (and physically.)
Thanks to the negative self talk, I've gained so many pounds of fat, that I currently weigh 168 lbs. For me, that's completely overweight. But being overweight is not the only reason as to why I want to lose weight. I want to lose weight because I want to feel good inside. I want to eat without feeling guilty about it. I want to eat out with friends and not try hiding what I'm consuming. I've been quite bipolar around people, and I feel like it has been because of my binge eating. It seems, at times, as if I can't stop.
Hopefully, from writing this, I'll be able to get the help I need and to get my mind kicked back into gear, untwisted and reorganized, into the way it used to be where I could listen to it and know when I should eat and what I should eat. From this day forward, I am hoping to adopt a new way around food and my weight; a way where I don't feel awful after eating and feel like throwing up from 1:00 to 4:00. I want to live life having a good relationship with food, just like I did once before.
If any of you have any tipster me to get rid of this sugar addiction I have now, please help. I really need it. Thank you for reading this, if you did. Even the smallest health tips with help a lot. Hope you guys are doing well on your health journey.
-Grumpy Bee
Once I hit puberty, things got even worse. Of course, I started growing (getting taller), and I began freaking out when I noticed the numbers on the scale rise. That was when I really started searching up different diets such as the low fat diet, the vegan diet, the vegetarian diet, and so on so fourth. However, none of the diets worked for me which caused me to be even more stressed, and I started a habit of binge eating to get rid of my nerves. Eventually, during my seventh year in school, I focused more on school when I was given even harder assignments and classes. I was finally able to get my mind off of my stupid weight, and without noticing much, I was actually losing weight! I wasn't dieting on that point; I was just focusing on eating healthy, whole foods, nor was I calorie counting. Slowly, but steadily I was losing weight (approximately one pound a week), and I felt fantastic.
My mom pointed out my weight loss to my dad, one day. When she did, however, that's when things got messed up...again. Now I don't want to shed any bad light on my parents, but I will say that they were definitely not suited for helping me on my weight loss journey. Just to further explain what I mean: my dad, upon finding out about my weight loss, decided that he should step in and help me lose weight faster. I was, and still am not, a health specialist, so I didn't think there would be any harm in what my dad had in store for me. I believed that my dad knew what he was doing, but get this; he didn't actually know anything about how calories worked. Recall that I stated that I was in my seventh year in school. My dad's meal plan for me to lose weight faster had me consuming around 700 calories or less. Yep, you heard me. 700 calories OR LESS. I was a growing kid! Doing the calculations now, I needed around 1,500 calories to lose weight or around 1,900 just to maintain it! (Obviously taking to consideration that I took a rigorous gym class at the middle school.) This new meal plan hit me hard. I wasn't able to focus on tasks in school, I got sick easily, and not only that, but I was craving sweets like never before. Sometimes I sit and think about that whole "What if I didn't listen to my dad? Would I still be struggling with my weight like I am now?" Once in a while, I would still blame my dad for putting me on that stupid, fad diet, but when I really thought about it, it wasn't really his fault. Okay, yeah, maybe it was... I'm just trying to forgive and forget, here.
Anyways, after about a week into this new diet plan, I began binge eating on any sweets I could find around the house. It was impossible for me to control my cravings, and I would always eat when no one was home. Sugar was easily accessible in my house. Quite quickly, it seemed, I gained weight over the next four years. I've tried the paleo diet for about two months, gave up and binge ate, the SlimGenics diet for about four months, gave up and binge ate, the Keto diet for two weeks, gave up and binge ate, and now I'm just binge eating as my "new diet." I'm still trying to crack the code I did when I was younger. I'm still digging up old weight loss journals or any diary where I can find what I ate to lose weight, or how much I ate to lose weight. All I could remember was that I was eating carbs, and I was eating healthy fats. However, after being on so many diets and reading so many articles of diets that are 'scientifically proven' to help lose weight 'fast,' it still scares me to actually reintroduce both of these macronutrients into my diet, together. It's been wired into my brain that too much of one or the other causes you to gain weight. Even my dad believed that carbohydrates were the death of weight loss. I've been so confused, and tired, of trying all of these stupid diets, and I know many of you have felt the same things before. Trying about 4 or 5 diets a year has wrecked me and so many others.
Now, I feel like things have got to change. I am frustrated with looking myself in the mirror and seeing no change, and I am done with my fogged up mind which I keep twisting this way and that to believe the different health related weight loss fads out there. I'm just done being manipulated my other peoples' words on how they lost weight quickly while still eating cake everyday because they drank some stupid detox tea or took some dumb weight loss supplements. I'M DONE WITH THESE IDIOTIC, MIND-CONTROLLING FADS CALLED DIETS. I'm done! That's it! I'm done with being on a crazy cycle of dieting, binging, and dieting again, and binging, and basically just gaining more weight than before! I need help right away, because to this day I regret ever listening to my parents about needing to lose weight. I look at the photos of me as a kid and I was perfect. I was literally the same exact shape as my friends around me who are currently, and always were, a healthy, fit shape! I didn't need to lose weight at that time, but thinking that I did actually made me grow negatively (and physically.)
Thanks to the negative self talk, I've gained so many pounds of fat, that I currently weigh 168 lbs. For me, that's completely overweight. But being overweight is not the only reason as to why I want to lose weight. I want to lose weight because I want to feel good inside. I want to eat without feeling guilty about it. I want to eat out with friends and not try hiding what I'm consuming. I've been quite bipolar around people, and I feel like it has been because of my binge eating. It seems, at times, as if I can't stop.
Hopefully, from writing this, I'll be able to get the help I need and to get my mind kicked back into gear, untwisted and reorganized, into the way it used to be where I could listen to it and know when I should eat and what I should eat. From this day forward, I am hoping to adopt a new way around food and my weight; a way where I don't feel awful after eating and feel like throwing up from 1:00 to 4:00. I want to live life having a good relationship with food, just like I did once before.
If any of you have any tipster me to get rid of this sugar addiction I have now, please help. I really need it. Thank you for reading this, if you did. Even the smallest health tips with help a lot. Hope you guys are doing well on your health journey.
-Grumpy Bee
