That special someone.

Bigreen

Bigreen

New member
Well, here I am, last time I had a girl friend was 11 years ago. That's a long time. I have been on a handfull of dates since then, all about a year or two after my last relationship. When I see someone I'm attracted to, I don't even know what to do anymore.

Not only that, but I find it very hard to even find someone attractive now. I always dismiss everyone right away because I always think they are way out of my league. I don't even know what I have to offer, other then love, but love alone is not enough.

I dont know where to meet new people, I've tried internet dating, got a few dates in but never found anyone I was attracted to. I don't go to bars anymore. I go to festivals in the summer but I don't even know how to approach someone. Let's be honest here, when someone approaches you with no confidence they usually get turned down.

I am a nice guy, I love adventure, I love to have fun, play sports, travel, I don't carry emtional bagage, I am usually in a great mood. As I am writting this, I am not even sad, more like baffeled. I think women intimidate me without me even knowing it. I love women so much, but I have few women friends. 2-3 close ones, even then we are somewhat distant now compared to before.

I guess I'm wondering how can I find someone? I keep saying when I lose all my weight I'll find someone, but I know that's kind of BS. We will see I guess. What would you do?
 
Internet dating I've had nothing but bad experiences with so I'm not a fan of it...

You've got hobbies.... so I'd start with activities that involve those hobbies... With sports - are there any leagues that you can join... Softball, bowling, volleyball... whatever... Take a class that interests you... and you'll come across other people who have that same interest... and you've got a starting point with conversations. Volunteer your time...
 
You'll find someone WHEN YOU FIND SOMEONE.

In the meantime, making the best out of the person you already are, is the most attractive attribute a guy can have, in my opinion.

FOCUS ON YOURSELF and others will start focussing on you too...
 
Ankebuzz said:
You'll find someone WHEN YOU FIND SOMEONE.

In the meantime, making the best out of the person you already are, is the most attractive attribute a guy can have, in my opinion.

FOCUS ON YOURSELF and others will start focussing on you too...
Click to expand...

I've been doing that for a long time. Obviously it has not worked for me.

I've been meaning to take guitar lessons, and I probably will do it this winter. I know how to play all the major chords and a few good songs but I'm in a rut. Hopefully I'll be able to play songs by a camp fire next year. Some sort of dance class might be in order, maybe yoga also.
 
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Take a class that interests you.. and the worst thing that comes out of it - is you learna new skill...

A dance class would be cool - guys who know how to lead are a rarity....

I'm not sure that a yoga class would be an ideal meeting environment - as people going to the gym are generally tehre to get a workout and get out..not be hit on...
 
Ohh yeah, I guess. See these are the things I need to know. I have a pretty huge social circle, it's not like I never meet new people, but I guess I need to change something.
 
I can relate to this post... I'm not dating right now, and it's my own fault. My friends tell me I don't put myself out there enough and ultimately they are right... I don't know how to explain how it feels but I think it boils down to the fact that I am still struggling with some self esteem issues, etc... I don't know exactly where I fit in the world sometimes... I spent so many years hiding who I was, and now that I'm honest and open about who I am, the whole dating scene was a little bit overwhelming for me, so I guess I've been avoiding it. You'd think I'd be jumping at the bit, and I am inside.. I'm scared to step out of my stupid comfort zone and I know I have to if I ever want to meet someone and see what else life has to offer. My problem I guess is that i hang out with too many straight people and haven't really got any gay friends or connections... I focus on my friends who have their own lives too much, and meanwhile I feel like mine has remained stagnant. Losing weight has definitely given me some more confidence, and I'm sure makes me more appealing to some... At the end of the day though, I'm still the same person with the same issue...

-Sam
 
Ehh, I can relate. I feel that I am a great person, and that I have talents and achievements that I know a guy will be proud of...but...the confidence is NOT there. I'm way to shy, and the thought of even *asking* a guy for a number just makes me want to die :puke:

Basically everything in the first part of Sammy's post is my problem exactly. Way too many self-esteem issues dispite knowing what I know I'm great at. I think it's body image and stuff. I'm hoping that once I get to my ultimate goal weight, I'll feel better about myself. :blush5:

I don't have any advice, other then I agree with what Ankebuzz said.
 
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