sabotaging

GoodFriendEva21

GoodFriendEva21

New member
i had a long talk with my hubby last night... hes been getting onto me saying that i dont eat and when i do its not with any subtance. (cause instead of me eating some cheetos ill air pop some popcorn for a snack) and eat tons of vegs now.(im trying to(slowly) transition into a vegetarian lifestyle.) he told me last night that he was scared that if i get to goal that im going to get loads of confidence and do things to get male attention.. ultimately saying hes scared ill loose weight be "happy" and find someone who he thinks is better.. hes always trying to tempt me with food (i dont give in:cool: )

i dont know what to tell him.. other then that isnt true.. im not going to change as far as my personality goes but clothing.. i will lol.. i mean it would be nice to wear a form fitting shirt and not have my rolls hanging there..
 
His self-confidence is his problem to deal with, not yours. It sounds like you're working hard to keep from being sabotaged; good for you. :)
 
I wonder what is making him self conscience. Is he over weight? Maybe he can get in the program with you & it can be a bonding experience that leaves you both looking & feeling better.

I don't know what to tell you really other than hang in there & try to reassure him of your faithfulness to him. Stay strong when he tempts you with the foods that aren't inline with your goals. Hopefully he will come around & see you are still his loving wife, no matter what your size & that if you have the will power to pass up the good food stuff.. doesn't that also mean you have the will power to pass up on any extramarital action too? :)
 
Sounds like me... I'm pretrified when it comes to these things :( I'd just bottle it up though... Meh, this is why I train so hard, so I don't have to worry about these things so much.
 
MoonGoddess said:
I wonder what is making him self conscience. Is he over weight? Maybe he can get in the program with you & it can be a bonding experience that leaves you both looking & feeling better.

I don't know what to tell you really other than hang in there & try to reassure him of your faithfulness to him. Stay strong when he tempts you with the foods that aren't inline with your goals. Hopefully he will come around & see you are still his loving wife, no matter what your size & that if you have the will power to pass up the good food stuff.. doesn't that also mean you have the will power to pass up on any extramarital action too? :)
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yea i would understand if he was over weight too.. but he is far from that!!! i envy how thin he is really lol.. hes actually trying to put on some weight/ muscle
 
Maybe doing something to "reconfirm your love" for him would be fitting- Like sneeking his wedding band and having something engraved in both of yours. But if you do make an attempt, and he still feels insecure, suggest a certian day a week (the same day and time every week) for just the two of you to talk and express your thoughts, a sort of personal counseling. Dont let it get too far- or it could be irreversable, and may start to make you unattracted.
 
I just think that your honey is afraid that you're gonna get all sexy and ditch him for someone else....he's scared he's gonna lose you (aww...his sabotage is sweet in a weird back handed kind of way) Buy something sexy and give him a night he'll never forget!
 
I think Kaitie is right. The difference of a supportive spouse on weight loss has been documented. It is important to get this worked out with him. Good luck :)
 
Any change is scary in a marriage.
Maybe he's used to you just being you - and that included you being unhappy about who you were.
He's threatened now by your taking your own health into your own hands... he probably wonders whether you need him anymore... that kind of thing. It can be so little yet loom so large in the mind!
Be kind.
Include him in your plan, somehow.
 
I would let him know you're completely disappointed with his support. As your partner he is supposed to be the person you turn to for help. Explain to him why you want to change (self-confidence, appearance, health reasons) and that he should be assisting you any way he can.

I would also be blunt with something like, "I wont leave you because I lose weight and feel good about myself. I will leave you if you cant be the supportive husband I need."
 
^Wow....tony man....that's harsh! Have you ever met a person that wants to be talked to that way? I sure as heck wouldn't---I bet that'd start a really nasty argument... :eek:
 
Kaitie said:
^Wow....tony man....that's harsh! Have you ever met a person that wants to be talked to that way? I sure as heck wouldn't---I bet that'd start a really nasty argument... :eek:
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That would be me :) I always drop little hints... I don't like to come out and say "Look, I was really overweight, now I just have a slight gut which will go in the next 2 months, do you mind?" just to hear some reassurance.
/honesty
"Look, I love you, not the weight I want to shift, if you want to beat yourself up about this go ahead, but just wait and see, trust me."
 
Kaitie said:
^Wow....tony man....that's harsh! Have you ever met a person that wants to be talked to that way? I sure as heck wouldn't---I bet that'd start a really nasty argument... :eek:
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My point exactly. Sometimes subtelty (sp) doesnt work. You have to be honest with this person because they are your partner and will always be there. He has directly stated that he is not going to be supportive so now its time to stand up for oneself.

I dont think the statement is harsh but a realization. Hey I want you to support me and you should. One cannot live in unhappiness, nor should they have to. Chances are this guy will realize he is being dumb and turn a 180. I dont think the statement will start an argument either, but open his eyes to the fact she loves him and needs his reassurance.
 
First of all, we can't assume we know where this guy is coming from. Maybe he has his own weight issues. Maybe he's just insecure. Maybe he's jealous. Maybe he's a dick.

There's not enough info here to know.

Lots of people in a relationship have moments of insecurity. Unless the person is just an absolute jerk, they are best dealt with understanding and compassion, not threats of leaving.
 
I think the fact that your husband is admitting his fear that your weight loss will lead to new options for you is a step in the right direction. He is communicating with you and personally I would not be harsh with him. Explain how you feel and how committed to him you are and that you need him to accept that and be supportive of you. He is having self doubt and I'm sure just wants the two of you to be happy together.
 
I dont think my point was understood correctly. I wasnt saying threaten to leave. But a realization that you wont leave and that you truly need his support.
 
tonymcclellan- dont worry i understood what you meant


thanks everyone who replied.. hes really having a change of heart.. now when i cook i cook one meal ( sometimes id have to cook 2 in case he didnt like something.. tofu(cause i want to not forced to) so when i cook he'll eat the healthier version with me, etc. he has even offered to watch our son that way i can exercise in the living room. He really a great guy and has been super supportive to me so it surprised me when he told me all that.
 
maybe couple's therapy would help, sometimes it takes a professional to help people open up and really discuss things and get to the root of the problem.
 
Im glad Eva. Hope things are on the up and up then. Good luck with your goals.
 
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