Sabotage by friends and family

M

Michelle!

0
Hello! Hopefully I've picked the right area to post.

Since I made my decision to improve my body, I've received nothing but criticism from everyone I've told (except for my boyfriend, who's entirely supportive).

Originally, I thought it would only be from one friend, who is obese and in the middle of losing weight to join the Armed Forces; she's always been a little jealous of my success at losing weight, and I think her perception of what's healthy and what's not is a little skewed.

In the past, my family would sabotage me, tell me I didn't need to lose weight, mock me, and generally say hurtful things when I experienced success and they did not. I don't generally talk to them much anymore, because this attitude is simply how they do business with me and I don't need the drama.

Fast forward to this morning, telling another friend of my goals, and he was also critical of my goals, saying I didn't need to, I looked great the last time he saw me, etc. etc.

Does anybody else experience this? I could understand if people thought I had an eating disorder, or if my goals were unrealistic or unhealthy, but as you can see from my signature (body comp test was done yesterday), my goals are completely plausible, right? Am I crazy??

Please tell me I'm not the only one! How do you deal with it?
 
Fast forward to this morning, telling another friend of my goals, and he was also critical of my goals, saying I didn't need to, I looked great the last time he saw me, etc. etc.
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This sounds like hes paying you a compliment in a round about way.
 
It really isn't about weight - it's about being healthy... In the process of taking control over your life and your habits (eating and workouts especially), you gain a self confidence that will help you in all other areas of your life. This is especially true if you are seeing good results from your hard work.

That said, I think people are used to seeing you in a particular way - not just physically, but mentally, and the changes you're undertaking are undermining that notion and that creates uncertainty. Also too they probably want to make the same changes you do, but haven't yet made the commitment to actually doing them, and that creates envy when they see you and your progress. But always keep your eyes on the prize - nobody can live your life but you.
 
sorry, I should have elaborated on that. He said I looked great, then told me BMI's are skewed and not an accurate representation of where I'm at, and still insisted I shouldn't work at it when I gave him the results of my body comp.

I suppose my point is that I'm frustrated with people who can't visualize me the way I want to see me. They can't imagine what I'm imagining: a fit, athletic me! And they seem to think that I want to hear that I shouldn't change, don't need to change, etc, which I find inappropriate.

Why should I continue to conform to other people's perceptions of me? If I want to become athletic and fit, why can't people just go with it, instead of telling me my goals are unnecessary?
 
I think it's sometimes about envy. You doing a thing and succeeding at it maybe proves to some women that it can be done despite the odds or the excuses that lots of people like to use. Some women seem threatened by another woman who is pretty or fit, whatever. And the way a lot of them deal with that is high-school clique-like: they'll make fun or be sarcastic or, like you've described, they'll sabotage the person in some way. They'll ostracize a woman or gossip about her, invalidate her.

This one woman that I worked with years ago was thin but used to be heavy. She said that if she was out with her husband and would see a fit woman running or exercising, she'd say something like this: "She probably spends all of her time at an expensive salon or a gym." or "She probably spends no time with her kids or husband." or "She probably starves herself." She said that if she didn't say those things, then that fit/pretty/whatever woman would make HER look bad--all of the excuses that she concocted to avoid healthy eating and to avoid exercising, in her mind, were nullified by that fit/pretty/whatever woman, so she'd attack her and try to discredit her in her husband's eyes. Wow.

I don't know--I see a fit woman and I find it inspiring! This woman at my work just had a baby and she tries to incorporate her baby into a fitness routine and all I can say is that it's AMAZING! (But a couple of people who heard about that went like this: :rolleyes:. Why is that. I found inspiration in her!)
 
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In all seriousness get used to it. It's going to be this way your whole life. Whether you are trying to lose weight or just trying to eat healthy, people will tell you that you don't need to do this or don't need to do that.

I don't think your goal weight of 110 pounds is unrealistic for your height. Just remember it's not the weight, it's how you look and feel that matters. I set goal weights for myself (see signature) but it's just so that I have tangible numbers to back up my success and keep me motivated. In the end if I had smaller thighs and weighed 140 pounds I'd be happy :D

Don't be mad at your friend for saying what he said. He sounds like a buddy of mine that said almost the same thing a while back. Just take it as a compliment and move on :)

~Nicole
 
stingo said:
It really isn't about weight - it's about being healthy... In the process of taking control over your life and your habits (eating and workouts especially), you gain a self confidence that will help you in all other areas of your life. This is especially true if you are seeing good results from your hard work.

That said, I think people are used to seeing you in a particular way - not just physically, but mentally, and the changes you're undertaking are undermining that notion and that creates uncertainty. Also too they probably want to make the same changes you do, but haven't yet made the commitment to actually doing them, and that creates envy when they see you and your progress. But always keep your eyes on the prize - nobody can live your life but you.
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I love this post--it sums it all up perfectly!

It's a little bit about change and a little bit about envy and a little bit of some other things too. A great post, stingo. I admire that you fit so much thought and wisdom into those few well-crafted sentences.
 
zeroth said:
This woman at my work just had a baby and she tries to incorporate her baby into a fitness routine and all I can say is that it's AMAZING!
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(sorry I just have to say it...) Instead of a dumbbell rack, she has bassinets - and picks up a baby in each hand by the diaper and does bicep curls with them. She could take an olympic bar and put a bassinet on each end (with babies if she's trained up to that point) for her squats and deadlifts... The Baby Gym, now from Ronco for $19.95 a month (fine print: for 12 months)
 
stingo said:
(sorry I just have to say it...) Instead of a dumbbell rack, she has bassinets - and picks up a baby in each hand by the diaper and does bicep curls with them. She could take an olympic bar and put a bassinet on each end (with babies if she's trained up to that point) for her squats and deadlifts... The Baby Gym, now from Ronco for $19.95 a month (fine print: for 12 months)
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:D :D

(I'm forwarding this to her. She'll :D too.)
 
stingo said:
Yeah but lust is generally more fun. :)
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See I've got a friend who thinks that gluttony is the best. She needs to subscribe to this forum.

I really like it here. I've been reading for awhile and have only started posting recently. It's a nice part of my day. :eek:

I'm thinking of starting a journal here. I'll be going through some heavy-duty stress in the coming months and I know that I have to at nearly all costs continue to exercise and eat properly otherwise, I think it'll be too easy to fall apart. The stress will be enough that I fear that it could immobilize/paralyze me. I've never really been sedentary and have used exercise to relieve stress in the past, but I don't know that I've ever been challenged like this. I might use a journal to help me stay focussed and to also vent because I have to keep a sort of happy face on with my face-to-face friends.

Anyway, even if I decide not to do a journal, reading your posts is a great thing for me. I'm grateful.
 
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