Cohen's Lifestyle PurpleOne's Diary: What I want..

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purpleone

purpleone

New member
Hi All

I've not done this before but it looks like it really helps everyone with their journey. It's certainly not easy!

I need to make a difference in my life. I want to. It is my choice and I just need to make this decision, for myself.

I dug down deep, and put pen to paper about what I want.. it was difficult writing them down, but to no surprise, when I re-read it, these are things that go through my head too often every single day. It's kind of embarrassing but this is my diary and I need to be honest with myself.

  • I want to feel healthier in the mornings, during the day and during the night time. Sometimes I wake up dying of thirst because high-salty foods I have probably eaten. I want to have real energy in the mornings when I wake up..
  • I want to reach my goal weight, to give myself the chance at being that size to see how it feels. I have never been this size since my school days, and even then I was always the bigger girl.
  • I want to be this weight to feel better about myself, feel more attractive in myself and fit into the clothes I see on the hangers in majority of stores where they sometimes just don't sell size 14. I am currently between a size 12-14-16 at times. Okay, so I fit in to very few size 12 things.
  • I want my arms to be smaller, and not tight in jackets and long sleeve tops.
  • I want to feel comfortable in a bikini/swimsuit. To be able to weat a bikini will be something out of this world.
  • I want my stomach to be smaller & I don't want to have the rolls there any longer than I have to
  • I want my thighs to reduce (and I hope that any sign of cellulite goes away if possible!)
  • I'd like to surprise my family the next time I see them.
  • I want to wear shorts fitting without riding up.
  • I want to wear pants where I don't have to wear any extra layers to hide the bulge of my waist & belly button over the pants.
  • I don't want my thighs to rub on hot days.
  • I want to feel comfortable when the BF holds me, lifts me or when I get changed in front of him.
Giving up feeling?..The feeling of letting go...or even eating more than the amount that I've been set for:
If I feel I want to give it up this time round, I need to get the courage to push through the feeling. Even if I am feeling empty, weak and frustrated & hungry. My stomach will be shrinking and the longer I eat the amounts I am meant to, the easier it will be to feel fuller once I reach my goal weight.

I started this a while ago and was good for 1 month. Started at 83kg's, and stopped at 74/75. I am now fighting the struggle to get back on track.

So this is for me... and only me. I'm the one in control. Wish me luck guys :confused: ...

SW: 76.2kg (167.9 lb)
CW: 76.2 kg (167.9 lb)
GW: 56-59 kg (123-130 lb)
Lost: 7 kg (15.4 lb) in first month.

And the journey begins....argh!!
 
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Hi Purple,

Welcome to WLF. Starting a diary is a great start. Its really helped me these last couple of months and its a great place to get to know great people. You are right... you are in control and have to make the decision for yourself.

Good luck on your journey
~Jenna

P.S. What is your weight loss plan?
 
Hi Jenna

Thank you for your reply!

How do I explain my plan? I'm on the Cohen...There are so many pages.. They've set me on 4kgs per 4 weeks plus 2months, so 6 months overall. Does this answer your question?

I started it a 1.5 months ago on my own and didn't know about the forum I lost 10kg and I since put on 3kg. This time I'm setting my mind to it. The clinic said it was okay only because I haven't put on more than 4kgs.
 
3rd day

Last night I was not feeling too good, headaches and tiredness. It's that time of the month so it's probably all hitting me at once.

This morning I woke up quite early and not tired, quite refreshed, but still really really thirsty.

Got up early and cooked some chicken, had it on crackers with salad. Then made a chicken salad for lunch, but am bringing a cracker along incase I feel like more. Bought some oranges yesterday so that should keep me going!

Feeling quite blocked this morning though, may need to take something for it soon, can't go on much longer like this.

It's depressing not changing my signature (weight lost) just yet, because I've told myself I am not going to weigh until the 1st week is down. Everyone elses looks amazing tho! :) And now I am thinking maybe I should just not look until the first 4 weeks are down... still not sure.... does anyone get deterred by the amount they've lost? Im scared to look at all at the end of the week..

signing out...
 
Day 5

Day five almost down.. and going strong with the eating. I am not drinking enough water, I average about 2.5 750ml pump bottles a day, I have to increase this to 4 daily so it'll be my goal for today.

Have not been having a great start to the working week.

Monday I started off with a headache and really really bad abdominal pains. Stayed at work for as long as possible, but just couldn't bare it so came home and took a some laxatives. I just bought some in hope they wouldn't be too harsh! They didn't really work until the following morning though when I finally felt normal again. I took 1 at 1.30pm and not much happened. Then took another 2 at 8pm and wasn't really happening but went to bed and went to the loo as per normal in the morning. Certainly didn't make me feel sick like some other tablets I've tried so I was fairly happy about that, but would have liked it to kick in sooner rather than the next morning. I've never had that much pain before, but I know it was a result of panadiene that I needed on Sat-Sun for my period pain, as well as the very heathly eating - it all came at once.

It didn't end there for me.. Once I'd been to the loo and finally had no more pain, I started making my meals for the day ahead. Slowly started feeling some pain in my lower back for seemingly no reason at all, but pushed through it and went to work anyway. By the time I was walking with a major limp and bent over I'd come back home and straight to the Docs.. medicine being rest.. Although I was so emotional and the pain was terrible... I took some anti inflammitories, and went to bed. I've never felt so much pain even when lying down.

Within an hour the pain had subsided quite a lot. Today i've been resting and finally I can say I'm feeling as though things are almost back to normal with just some stiffness and hunger feelings ;) *PHEW*

Certainly those couple of days took my mind off from my eating - the only 'deviation' was the tablets I was taking.

One good thing about the Cohen for my very first month was that my period pain almost ceased because I was eating healthy. I'm looking forward to this next month.

I am feeling a bit hungry, but nothing that water doesn't remedy at this point in time. Crackers have been helpful on only 2 occassions.

The BF made two lots of jelly last night and it's sitting in the fridge right now... drool... but haven't touched it and certainly do not plan to.

Just going to get a bit of a late lunch.. yoghurt and fruit. Yum!

Just gotta remember my water......
 
Day 8

On to day 8 so one week down.

I haven't indulged in to any diet drinks, sweetner etc. I am using olive oil spray.

Mostly my week has consisted of meat and salads for lunches, a piece of fruit (orange/apple) a day, yoghurt with fruit mixed in it for breakfast some times. I have been doing the crumbed chicken which I love, and have crumbed some steak lately too.

I am allowed 5 crispbreads a day, but I have only had 1 to 2 per day, sometimes 4 and other days I've just avoided it.

It's strange to be so strong willed about this, I hope it lasts? Girlfriend at work has been tempting me by bringing in her home made yummies, but I decline every time and it doesn't bother me. I think she's testing me! So far so good.

I've been waking up a lot earlier these days, and trying to get to bed earlier as well so I can get enough sleep in my first week. I wasn't able to play tennis this week due to my back problems, but my back is getting better so hopefully I can start back next week for the semi-final games that we made.

I am trying to avoid my bf's parents house, as it always has yummy food. He has to go there to pick up a curry his mum made for us (she doesn't know Im on the diet) so I'll have to sit tight until he finishes it all.

Going out to dinners and lunches, I am just trying to avoid at the moment. I really don't want to be put in a tight spot if there is nothing on the menu that I am allowed to have, and I dont want to be picky when I order. I know the time will come though..hopefully I can put it off another few weeks so I can settle in with this properly.

I've been able to make it to 4 x 750ml pump bottles a day for the past couple of days, so hopefully this will help overall.

I've decided to try and hang out until 4 weeks is up before I jump on the scales.

I feel so much more healthy, alive and my thoughts are clearer, and that is what I've wanted for a long time! At work even with my sore back, I've been pretty efficient with everything I needed to get done, which is a good feeling.

Except this morning, Saturday, when I was looking forward to a sleep in, i woke up at 6.30am! But it was okay, I read my book and got up later. It's quite good not to have to be so sleepy and lazy.

All in all, feeling great, a little hungry but pushing through it!
 
purpleone- You are doing well. Be careful though not eating all of your crackers. My consultant really recommends eating all of your allowed food. No more, no less. Food is your medicine & it's best to take the prescribed amount. You will need all of your food if you are going to exercise (tennis)at all. Exercise, of course, can trigger hunger. If you can hold off weighing until 4wks I would do so. So many people lose heart because of weight fluctuations from day to day. Get out your tape measure & go by that instead. All the best, Cate.
 
Hi Cate
Thanks for the tip, yes they did advise me to eat them and have that and fruit on hand during my competitions.
However they did tell me that I didn't have to have them all every day. I will take your advice though and go with eating majority of them over the day. Although I have a limit of 5, I read somewhere that they were limited to only 2 per day. Mine seems too much, but it is obviously part of the program.

Diary
My last week has been OK (apart from major back and abdominal pains), up until I went to the shopping centre yesterday, the wonderful smells of all the fatty foods really got to me, and hunger did actually set in. I just quickly got my vege shopping done and we left.
It didn't make me feel very good the whole afternoon I was there and it was the first time I had difficulty preparing my meal that night. I was concerned I had lost my will to be so strong since the last week had been so good, so I went to bed fairly early as I was exhausted.
I woke up so refreshed and feeling wonderful again, which was such a relief.

Yesterday, after feeling quite terrible after the shop, I have to admit I had two deviations which I am really upset about, and I am just going to write it here to get it over and done with. 1st was when the BF DID bring home his mum's curry, he heated it up and had it with rice. The smells were difficult to handle. I ended up tasting a bit of the chicken in the curry, I would have had about 10-15grams of the meat off the bone, and I took off the fatty skin first. It wasn't even that nice (no offense to his mum's cooking!). What's done was done.
The 2nd deviation was at dinner, a thin slice of wholemeal bread with a cooked egg on it, i was just fed up with the day. The slice was from the end of the loaf and quite thin. I included it with salad and balsamic vinegar on the salad.

After having an early night and a fairly long sleep (didn't wake up until 8am?) I felt so much better this morning and back on track.

I am getting a little caught up with getting stuck on what to have next, and that deters me a little at times. I am a little lazy when it comes to trying new things, and standing up for a long time in the kitchen is a little painful on the back at the moment.

Forgot to add yesterday that overall I have not had any tea or coffee, or sweetners in my meals, nor any diet lemonade to cook with. So I would say that my headaches last weekend and Monday were a result of so many things happening to my body at the same time, no wonder.
 
12th day

I'm finding I am really tired in the evenings, especially since work has been so busy. By the time I get in the door at home, I start to feel pretty miserable and really tired, then I eat something and I feel much better. I think it's because I have lunch around 12.30pm, and then sometimes don't get home from work until 6.30-7pm.. so thats 6+ hrs in between meals. I have just bought some more crackers and fruit so I'll have to keep that handy.

Still haven't weighed myself since 1st posting, the 7kilos that I have lost was from the first proper attempt, I am recounting my days on this one so I'm just assuming I've lost none, and if I get the courage to see my weightloss at 4wks then I'll update the ticker!

It's getting harder now as my taste buds are just starting to reject the foods (esp the veggies!) but I'll keep pushing thru and will need to take a look at the recipes as there seem to be some good ones there.

Watching every one else's journey has been inspirational, from beginning to end. I just took another look at befores and afters and everyone that has changed is astounding! So it's lifted my spirits and its only my 12th day, I shouldn't be getting so bogged down! This is nothing compared to the months put in by others! Get a grip pp1! :doh:
 
Hi PurpleOne

Sounds like you're having a little down period these last couple days. I imagine that's bound to happen periodically. I think there must be levels of adjustments our bodies and psyches go through on this journey. Learning to live with hunger (instead of relieving it with food), being around food that smells or looks great and not being able to have it, being tired from less calories, not having caffeine, sugar or whatever stimulants we may have relied on. Plus the normal stresses of life!

Be kind to yourself you are doing a wonderful and courageous thing. I've only been at this a week and not really even the official program--but one thing I tell myself when it gets hard is that this way of doing it will mean not having to go through struggling with weight for the rest of my life. And that curry, or that bread, or for me my coffee with cream, dark chocolate, whatever it is--it will be there 3 or 6 months from now. And 3 or 6 months is so little time compared to the rest of our lives!!

Hey be careful with your back--the amount of pain you're describing doesn't sound like a minor thing. Are you getting some help with that besides pain meds?

On the weighing thing--I struggle with that too. I can hardly resist. I manage to go a day or two without wqeighing at most. But when I do, I notice that I get more tuned in to my body and can feel the weight loss (or not) instead of relying on numbers to validate me. Also, I find I'm less inclined to cheat because even though I might feel lighter, I'm never really sure and don't want to risk gaining. Oh the games we play with ourselves!

Youre doing a great job--these days will pass quickly.

Merci
 
Purpleone, miss reading your posts! How are you doing? I hope everything is OK and that your back is not giving you alot of pain. Please stop in and let us know how things are going for you!

Merci
 
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