People that decide they are fat because god has it in for them

[sophienaz]

Hi Guys,

Just wanted to have a mini-rant about my dear husband who refuses to take my nutritional/training advice.

Also wanted to know if anyone has been as frustrated as me in dealing with stubborn people like this.

The hubbie is 5feet11, weighs 89kg, used to weight 106 and lost it through diet and exercise over 2 years. (during which time I lost 45 kg)

Now he is plateauing big time, has been for months actually and gets really cranky and has decided that god has it in for him, thats why he's still fat. Uggghhh!!!!! I am not a qualified trainer or nutritionist but I am very experienced with my training and my personal achievement speaks words, but clearly not enough to him.

He reckons his BMR is like 3000 calories, i'm like WTF??? Yeah, right, whatever! He only trains on sat and sun, he's an investment banker, sits on his ass all day and doesnt' train during the week. So on weekdays, he still eats a fair amount, I'm like dude, you shouldn't really eat more than the calorific equivalent of your BMR on non training days (thats right, isn't it???) and when he tries to do this, he complains sooooooo much, oh I'm so hungry, its not fair, blah blah blah. Jesus christ.

What is it with people and not dealing with hunger pangs? You think I wasn't f-ing hungry when I was losing that 45kg? Like hello? Get over it!

Some people I reckon just can't handle a bit of pain and suffering.

How do you make someone understand that reaching your goals isn't going to be a piece of cake? We all have to suffer a little bit, right? Not a huge amount, but a little is normal, no?

Uggggghhh!!!

 

[JanaNanner]

No really good reward comes without really hard work. For us, because it is so hard to lose the weight, the reward is that much sweeter. Of course it is hard. Of course it can be painful at times. We've all seen what the easy route gets us, right? Overweight. So, logically, the hard route gets us the opposite of that.

I don't really know your husband, but if I were to assume, I would say it's possible he still prefers the easy route to the reward. He's just not where you are yet... and some people never fully get there, either. I really believe that understanding has to come from within before you're ready to work really hard to earn that reward. It's at least a good thing that he's lost the weight that he has. Some weight loss is better than no weight loss, right?

I used the formula for BMR for Men: 66 + (13.7 X wt in kg) + (5 X ht in cm) - (6.8 X age in years) and got roughly 1910 assuming he is 35 years old. But no matter what his age, his BMR could not be higher than around 2150, given his height and weight, according to this formula.

Congrats on losing so much weight.

 

[shygemini]

Your BMR represents the amount of energy you require to sustain normal body function. However even on days you do not exercise you do require more than your BMR. You are talking, moving etc and this uses up extra energy. That is why in the BMR formulas they state to multiply BMR by a certain number (I believe 1.2) to get your necessary caloric intake if you are sedentary.

That being said I have no idea if your husbands BMR is correct or not.

 

[sophienaz]

No really good reward comes without really hard work. For us, because it is so hard to lose the weight, the reward is that much sweeter. Of course it is hard. Of course it can be painful at times. We've all seen what the easy route gets us, right? Overweight. So, logically, the hard route gets us the opposite of that.

I don't really know your husband, but if I were to assume, I would say it's possible he still prefers the easy route to the reward. He's just not where you are yet... and some people never fully get there, either. I really believe that understanding has to come from within before you're ready to work really hard to earn that reward. It's at least a good thing that he's lost the weight that he has. Some weight loss is better than no weight loss, right?

I used the formula for BMR for Men: 66 + (13.7 X wt in kg) + (5 X ht in cm) - (6.8 X age in years) and got roughly 1910 assuming he is 35 years old. But no matter what his age, his BMR could not be higher than around 2150, given his height and weight, according to this formula.

Congrats on losing so much weight.

Oh thanks so much for that BMR formula, great stuff. And good tips on easy routes vs hard routes, you are so right. ANd yes, you have to be mentally prepared for such a hard journey like weight loss and I agree, he is not there yet. To be fair, I wouldn't have minded if it were easy, but no such luck!

His counter argument is, Oh I work so hard during the week, why should I suffer more when I am out of work, there is no justice like that. I'm like Oh my god, whatever. Thing is, to be fair, the hunger pangs and stuff were horrendous in the beginning but now I am hardly ever hungry, for real. Its easy now.

Thanks again!
X

 

[sophienaz]

Your BMR represents the amount of energy you require to sustain normal body function. However even on days you do not exercise you do require more than your BMR. You are talking, moving etc and this uses up extra energy. That is why in the BMR formulas they state to multiply BMR by a certain number (I believe 1.2) to get your necessary caloric intake if you are sedentary.

That being said I have no idea if your husbands BMR is correct or not.

Oh wow, I didnt' think about that, thanks for that. I just assumed that the BMR value refers to someone being sedentary, even if that means in a seat, during work hours. I guess talking, going to meetings, thinking, being stressed, etc, does burn up a few extras. I reckon the stress he is under probably burns the most, to be fair.
But he is still a lazy little bugger, bless him.
THanks again.

 

[aesir22]

Lol I love the original post. Its the most American thing I have ever read 'like hello' 'get over it' 'dude.'

I mean that in a nice way, not a mocking way. It did genuinely make me smile

Your husband needs a good swift kick up his backside. His BMR will not be 3000 with that job and that minimal training. He has plateud for two reasons:

Lack of exercise
Lack of proper diet

Working out twice a week is no good. Even people who are maintaining weight are meant to exercise more than that to stay fit and healthy. He should be exercising 4-6 times a week, and finding one that he enjoys doing, not something he is going to consider suffering and boring.

His diet is clearly not working. I imagine he is eating too much, but I also reckon he will be eating the wrong food as well. With a sedatery lifestyle, he should not be feeling hunger pangs during the week when he is not exercising if he is consuming that much. Is he eating too many sugar-spike foods? White bread, crisps, chocolate, cake, sugary things? These will lift you up then make you crash and crave for more.

Make sure he gets some good quality protein in him to sustain his full feeling. He should be eating little and often, 4-6 times a day. Make sure he drinks at least 2 litres of water a day - thirst can be disguised as hunger.

Your own achievment losing weight is very inspiring, but make sure you don't remind him too much about how much you have lost, because with him losing about a quarter of what you have it may make him feel inadequate. Make sure you don't push too hard for him to live the perfect healthy lifestyle. If it was me and someone told me all the time what to do with food and exercise, I would probably ignore them through irritation of being told what to do. Not that I am saying this is what you are doing, just wanting to make sure

Suggest things you can do together that are active. Say you want to go for a jog, or to play tennis, or go swimming together. Something that will get you both involved so he doesn't feel bored and alone while working out.

But back to my original words: Give him a kick up the ass lol. Blaming God or whoever else will get him nowhere. Time to take responsibility and look at lifestyle!

 

[summer123]

Oh thanks so much for that BMR formula, great stuff. And good tips on easy routes vs hard routes, you are so right. ANd yes, you have to be mentally prepared for such a hard journey like weight loss and I agree, he is not there yet. To be fair, I wouldn't have minded if it were easy, but no such luck!

His counter argument is, Oh I work so hard during the week, why should I suffer more when I am out of work, there is no justice like that. I'm like Oh my god, whatever. Thing is, to be fair, the hunger pangs and stuff were horrendous in the beginning but now I am hardly ever hungry, for real. Its easy now.

Thanks again!
X

Even so, stress really doesn't burn up that many more calories then being calm, some but not really that much- unless he has obsessions like mega cleaning or tap tap taping his feet all day long (sounds like no!) try to go on what he actually does rather then how he feels as its only a very small difference.

Maybe the excuses are just way of saying he has had enough and its just not something he wants to continue doing right now. Maybe he needs a "time out" just to get himself together and come back at it stronger. 45 pounds was alot for you to lose, are you at your goal weight now? if you are the best thing you can do is express how much better it makes you feel, if your still aiming higher (or lower as the case may be!) the best thing you can do is get there and maybe this will push him to restart and try harder.

Also get him to read some health books or watch some fitness documentaries (and if he really thinks he is fit see if there are any army training bootcamps for the summer!!- if he is fit then surely this will be no problem for him)

Maybe when presented with the facts he may change his outlook.

Also forums like these- seeing and reading peoples own stories, problems/hiccups and how they get to their goal with all the gorey details, it can really fill you in with just how hard it is.

I think when we see slimmer people laughing and smiling or superstar celebs who go from big to teeny tiny almost within seconds we assume that it must be very easy or do able. Infact its far from the truth but we tend to judge a book by its cover and if the appearance is of seemingly effortless eating (when infact the calories were allowed for or worked for or will be worked on at a later date) we can easily come to the assumption that there is something wrong with us as when we try the same thing, it really doesn't work at all.

Reading up real life experiences on how people lose their weight can really help show things how they really are- and then make you value the hard work all the more because its not something that just anyone can do, it takes a lot of determination and focus to lose weight, it just doesn't fall off without some effort and maybe he needs to see this before believeing it.

I get the feeling that for you its hard, but you don't focus on it for your own sanity perhaps? Maybe if he can just see things for what they are he can get out of his slump.

 

[sophienaz]

Lol I love the original post. Its the most American thing I have ever read 'like hello' 'get over it' 'dude.'

I mean that in a nice way, not a mocking way. It did genuinely make me smile

Your husband needs a good swift kick up his backside. His BMR will not be 3000 with that job and that minimal training. He has plateud for two reasons:

Lack of exercise
Lack of proper diet

Working out twice a week is no good. Even people who are maintaining weight are meant to exercise more than that to stay fit and healthy. He should be exercising 4-6 times a week, and finding one that he enjoys doing, not something he is going to consider suffering and boring.

His diet is clearly not working. I imagine he is eating too much, but I also reckon he will be eating the wrong food as well. With a sedatery lifestyle, he should not be feeling hunger pangs during the week when he is not exercising if he is consuming that much. Is he eating too many sugar-spike foods? White bread, crisps, chocolate, cake, sugary things? These will lift you up then make you crash and crave for more.

Make sure he gets some good quality protein in him to sustain his full feeling. He should be eating little and often, 4-6 times a day. Make sure he drinks at least 2 litres of water a day - thirst can be disguised as hunger.

Your own achievment losing weight is very inspiring, but make sure you don't remind him too much about how much you have lost, because with him losing about a quarter of what you have it may make him feel inadequate. Make sure you don't push too hard for him to live the perfect healthy lifestyle. If it was me and someone told me all the time what to do with food and exercise, I would probably ignore them through irritation of being told what to do. Not that I am saying this is what you are doing, just wanting to make sure

Suggest things you can do together that are active. Say you want to go for a jog, or to play tennis, or go swimming together. Something that will get you both involved so he doesn't feel bored and alone while working out.

But back to my original words: Give him a kick up the ass lol. Blaming God or whoever else will get him nowhere. Time to take responsibility and look at lifestyle!

Oh man you are so right. He sooo needs to work out more often. He seems to think that two massive workouts on the weekend are equivalent to 4 medium ones during the week, you know, that just doesn't work in my opinion. Little and often applies to correct eating but also to correct training. I train 6 days a week and I do a little every day. THat way I enjoy it, I look forward to it and it maintains a high metabolism.

We have 2 kids so workign out together is a little complicated but last week we all went to a outdoor pool on the weekend and I let him go off and do his laps whilst I dealt with my monkeys and that kinda worked, so yeah, clearly its up to me to motivate his ass!

Yeah I've actually stopped reminding him about my 45 kg, becuase I reckon it does de-motivate him slightly but also...he gets a bit wierd with me and starts accusing me of having an eating disorder and an exercise addiction problem and good god, you were way better looking when you were 10kg heaveier, blah blah. Whatever whatever. When men and hungry they get so cranky, no? Sometimes I just wanna shove a donut in his mouth to shut him up but clearly that defeats the purpose of my hard work in getting him to work out more and be healthier.

I'm sure in one years time, everything will be in perfect balance!

X

 

[sophienaz]

Even so, stress really doesn't burn up that many more calories then being calm, some but not really that much- unless he has obsessions like mega cleaning or tap tap taping his feet all day long (sounds like no!) try to go on what he actually does rather then how he feels as its only a very small difference.

Maybe the excuses are just way of saying he has had enough and its just not something he wants to continue doing right now. Maybe he needs a "time out" just to get himself together and come back at it stronger. 45 pounds was alot for you to lose, are you at your goal weight now? if you are the best thing you can do is express how much better it makes you feel, if your still aiming higher (or lower as the case may be!) the best thing you can do is get there and maybe this will push him to restart and try harder.

Also get him to read some health books or watch some fitness documentaries (and if he really thinks he is fit see if there are any army training bootcamps for the summer!!- if he is fit then surely this will be no problem for him)

Maybe when presented with the facts he may change his outlook.

Also forums like these- seeing and reading peoples own stories, problems/hiccups and how they get to their goal with all the gorey details, it can really fill you in with just how hard it is.

I think when we see slimmer people laughing and smiling or superstar celebs who go from big to teeny tiny almost within seconds we assume that it must be very easy or do able. Infact its far from the truth but we tend to judge a book by its cover and if the appearance is of seemingly effortless eating (when infact the calories were allowed for or worked for or will be worked on at a later date) we can easily come to the assumption that there is something wrong with us as when we try the same thing, it really doesn't work at all.

Reading up real life experiences on how people lose their weight can really help show things how they really are- and then make you value the hard work all the more because its not something that just anyone can do, it takes a lot of determination and focus to lose weight, it just doesn't fall off without some effort and maybe he needs to see this before believeing it.

I get the feeling that for you its hard, but you don't focus on it for your own sanity perhaps? Maybe if he can just see things for what they are he can get out of his slump.

Oh thanks good tips! I actually would you believe bought 2 pieces of health/weight loss literature and left them by "accident" in the toilet...you know how men like to read when they poo, bless their cotton socks.....so one of the magazines was this hilarious thing called "Glutes", all about womens asses, fabulous read, and the other one was actually a book called "Lifting for Dummies".

So I heard him laughing in the toilet, I figure he was hooked on Glutes, but whatever. I think that inspiring people who want to lose weight and be healthy with the correct literature is a great idea. And also forums like this, I think I will try to get him on it somehow....

Oh, and I lost 45kg, not 45lbs, I'm 58kg now and I'm very happy, it took me 2 years of hard physical work and correct nutrition but I'm at my target. The only issue with me now is my horrendous boobs and rather flat, pathetic bum (hence purchasing Glutes magazine for some bum tips), but this has to be expected after having 2 kids and losing a lot of weight. I'm hoping that in one year, I will have Glutes of steel, keep your fingers crossed for me.

THanks again! X