Not expecting much, losing hope, just want to share

E

Elizabethcat12

New member
Hello to everyone, I'm a 24 year old female and have been struggling with weight since I was old enough to realize what the media deems beautiful and desirable. I've never been very skinny or thin, maybe I've been a little below average but I've never been able to be happy, at least not fully. I've been going up and down by 10-30 lbs every 3-4 months. I go on a super extremely strict Atkins regime for three months and lose a ton and then because I've been restricted to less than 20g of carbs a day for so long with no cheat days and sometimes near 0g carb days I fall into an abyss of cravings and binge for about two weeks leading to immediate and crazy weight gain. Then I'm back to where I started and I feel like a complete failure. I bury myself in baggy clothing and stay away from people I know as much as I can because I'm so ashamed of myself. I guess I'm just writing this because it's the end of that first week where I've eaten the world of junk again and gained back almost all the weight I worked so so hard to lose in the past two months. I just need an outlet as right now I feel so depressed and so alone. I need to get back on track, I don't want to feel like this, I don't want to lose hope...
 
First I want to applaud you for being brave enough to share your story. I can totally relate to never feeling skinny enough or attractive enough for society. Even thought I know what the media gives to me is pretty much 99% airbrushed bull, I can't help but feel inadequate. But I've come to realize that ya I need to lose weight to be healthier BUT losing all the weight in the world is not going to change how I feel about myself. I need to accept myself for who I am no matter what the scale says. Because people are going to either love me or hate me no matter what size I am or what I look like because whatever opinion someone has about me really has more to do with their own issues than it ever had to do with me. You are not alone. I know it can feel hopeless and horrible to feel as if you failed because you gained weight. The only true failure is if you stop trying to move forward. You said you have problems gorging on junk food. I did too! But when I stopped buying and bringing the junk into my house and replaced the junk with good foods, I ended up just eating the good food and wasn't dedicated enough to go back to the store just for junk. I try not to take food away from myself because then I feel unsatisfied which leads me to eating junk and alot of it. I just try to replace junk food with healthier alternatives. I hope my ranting helped a little bit and let you know you're not alone!
 
Thank you so much for your thoughts, you've no idea how much easier things are if I feel like I'm not the only one in this situation. I'm starting over today, no junk, only veggies and meat.
Hopefully all will fall into place and I'll stick to being healthy this time around.
 
I too try to replace the treat food I like with healthier options. I still build eating treat food into my plan because I love it and am not willing to live without it. Also making it a real treat (not an everyday food) has upped my appreciation for it and makes it easier to pass up the treats that I don't really like. I used to just eat food because it was there. An example is at our staff meetings there is always food. Normally I would eat 3-6 sub par mass produced cookies just because they were there. Now I have learned that they really don't taste as good as the one chocolate fudge cookie that I made at home with my kids. It's just a different perspective. You don't have to eliminate food if you like it. You just have to be smart about it. If I don't allow myself treats, I binge hard on them when I am in a weak moment. And I really don't enjoy them in excess.
 
I definitely agree with that mindset it's just hard for me to put it into action at this stage but I'm going to get a one year membership at my local gym next week (after my first free week lol) and I'm super excited to get back in shape and get happy for once in my life. I need this so much for myself, can't wait to see results again!!
 
That sounds like a good plan. I'm glad you are excited! You can do this.
 
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