MelanieK
New member
I've always struggled with my weight. My entire life. I used to blame my mother for always bringing it up. I could write it off that way I guess. It fueled this hatred in me towards her that I guess was really a hatred of myself. I've just been to scared to come to terms with me I suppose. I've had good runs with weight loss. Never enough to really let myself be free, but I was trying.
2015 was the hardest year of my life. Being an emotional eater meant I packed on the pounds...despite already being 250+ pounds, I easily gained another 100 pounds from the beginning of 2015 to where I am today. After 35 years of marriage, my parents divorced in January. In January she had completely moved out. By April, Mom was remarried while my dads depression and alcoholism had never been worse. In June, mom was diagnosed with lung cancer. In August she had a lobe on her right lung removed that contained the entire mass. It was caught early. During this time, my father was sick and I'm traveling from my home to his to take him to the many appointments and tests and surgeries he went through for the diagnosis we received in September. Stage 4 Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. In October chemo began. And just last month, my father died.
Now none of this is an excuse for where I am today, but my life the last year was a struggle. And I neglected myself in ways I've never done before. But this week I finally went to a clinic because my back pain was so bad, I couldn't work. My weight is a huge factor for the amount of pain I'm in and I know it, but I've been so scared of so many things....I've created so many excuses...but I cannot live like that anymore. My dad did so much so that I would always be taken care of and be able to live my life. He was a Vietnam Vet who served to save the lives of others. He loved people. And people loved him. He treated every person he met as an equal. He loved humanity and life and lived a life I've never been able to....because I was obese. And I'm not going to do it anymore.
So here I am, at the beginning of a long journey. One that will probably never end as this is a lifestyle makeover. It'll take time for me to be who I'm meant to be, but I'm ready to be free.
2015 was the hardest year of my life. Being an emotional eater meant I packed on the pounds...despite already being 250+ pounds, I easily gained another 100 pounds from the beginning of 2015 to where I am today. After 35 years of marriage, my parents divorced in January. In January she had completely moved out. By April, Mom was remarried while my dads depression and alcoholism had never been worse. In June, mom was diagnosed with lung cancer. In August she had a lobe on her right lung removed that contained the entire mass. It was caught early. During this time, my father was sick and I'm traveling from my home to his to take him to the many appointments and tests and surgeries he went through for the diagnosis we received in September. Stage 4 Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. In October chemo began. And just last month, my father died.
Now none of this is an excuse for where I am today, but my life the last year was a struggle. And I neglected myself in ways I've never done before. But this week I finally went to a clinic because my back pain was so bad, I couldn't work. My weight is a huge factor for the amount of pain I'm in and I know it, but I've been so scared of so many things....I've created so many excuses...but I cannot live like that anymore. My dad did so much so that I would always be taken care of and be able to live my life. He was a Vietnam Vet who served to save the lives of others. He loved people. And people loved him. He treated every person he met as an equal. He loved humanity and life and lived a life I've never been able to....because I was obese. And I'm not going to do it anymore.
So here I am, at the beginning of a long journey. One that will probably never end as this is a lifestyle makeover. It'll take time for me to be who I'm meant to be, but I'm ready to be free.
