Needed somewhere to talk..

I

icey1

New member
Well im sorry if this is long an irritating, I just need to get this out & as I have noone that I feel I can talk too I though I could say how I feel here. I seperated from my partner over 2 years ago after a very verbally abusive realtionship of 13 years, we have a child out of that relationship. He cheated on me with my best freind & also slept with a hooker' I dont know how many others there were but there had to have been more in the 13 years, I was to gullible n scared of getting into a fight with him I tend to have just left things alone.

I finaly walked out on him with the help of his best freind who was a good freind to me & who helped me see the light & what was realy happening' needless to say they r not freinds anymore. Now he is going for custody of our child & were going through all the hassle of councilers & court, the problem is our child hates going to his house & gets into quite a state if she has to go & I just dont know what to do as there are orders for her to go.

Now im in another relationship of nearly 2 years & to start with he wasnt a screamer or threw anything but if he got cranky he called me names & wouldnt talk to me & ignored me, we seperated a while back but we got back together & I found he has changed n he knows how he was acting was wrong! But now I dont know how or if I can forgive him, I have no motivation or drive in any area of my life other than my daughter, basicly I just want to hide n not deal with anyone other than my daughter.
I wonder if all the crap ive put up with from men i just dont think I can get over how he has treated me, as I dont want anything to do with him to be honest let alone him touching me in anyway, but yet i dont want him to leave.

I just wish I could get my head sorted out as Im just ready to give up as I cant take to much more of the stress n pressure, its like im being pulled from every angle possible sometimes I just sit at home & cry then other times I try to deal with it as best I can but I feel like Im going to crack!

Sorry this was so long & thanks for listening..
 
You have had a tough run and have been let down by people who should have done better by you.

You need some time to yourself to heal your hurts, get some perspective, think through what you want and deserve and put together a forward facing plan that will give you the life you want.

Sometimes you just need ot be selfish and take the time you need for you.

So, I would remove the unnecessary people who are adding no value but taking time and energy you need for you, put in place a pattern that works for you and your child and spend the extra time you will have taking care of yourself. Some extra rest, a healthy diet and do some things that you enjoy.

In a few months from today you will have a plan and strength to be well past how you feel right now.
 
I dont' blame you for the way you feel! Taking time for you is the very best thing to do in the long run! There certainly is no reason to be in a hurry for a relationship. I'm wondering why you don't want to leave this other guy? Maybe you really need to look at that???
 
That is totaly how I feel though, I feel I need some time to myself to make my own choices with out worrying about how someone else will react to my decisions. The guy im with I do love him I just dont know if I want too be with him anymore, he is good with my daughter & as I dont trust men much anymore he will give her what she needs & I also cant afford to live on my own & support her as well if I leave him. Kinda wish I had someone to make those decisions for me, but I know thats not gonna happen.

I think too I have real esteem issues with my weight & Im hoping if I can fix that then things might get better in other areas of my life too, which is why i joined to help with the motivation to keep going.
Thanks for listening n replyying.
 
icey said:
That is totaly how I feel though, I feel I need some time to myself to make my own choices with out worrying about how someone else will react to my decisions. The guy im with I do love him I just dont know if I want too be with him anymore, he is good with my daughter & as I dont trust men much anymore he will give her what she needs & I also cant afford to live on my own & support her as well if I leave him. Kinda wish I had someone to make those decisions for me, but I know thats not gonna happen.

I think too I have real esteem issues with my weight & Im hoping if I can fix that then things might get better in other areas of my life too, which is why i joined to help with the motivation to keep going.
Thanks for listening n replyying.
Click to expand...

You can park the decision regarding your partner but make a note to revisit the question later when you feel you are in a better position to choose. Give it 3, 6, or 12 months and then forget about that problem for the moment and focus on the problems you can deal with today.

- If you are unhappy with your weight, put a plan in place and work on that.
- If you want more financial independence, work out what you might be able to do towards that end.
- If you feel your self esteem is poor, create a list of all the good things about you and read that every day.

From time to time everyone (& I mean everyone) can feel their life has become a bit of a shambles but it never (& I mean never) has to stay that way.

You need break down your worries, put aside those you can't deal with yet, work on the ones you can deal with and revisit the other worries later.

Given you are reaching out to others for advice and support you have made a good first step. As you say, it is up to you but it is always a good idea to share your feelings as other people can give you some ideas forward and, ocassionally, some good advice.
 
icey said:
Well im sorry if this is long an irritating, I just need to get this out & as I have noone that I feel I can talk too I though I could say how I feel here. I seperated from my partner over 2 years ago after a very verbally abusive realtionship of 13 years, we have a child out of that relationship. He cheated on me with my best freind & also slept with a hooker' I dont know how many others there were but there had to have been more in the 13 years, I was to gullible n scared of getting into a fight with him I tend to have just left things alone.

I finaly walked out on him with the help of his best freind who was a good freind to me & who helped me see the light & what was realy happening' needless to say they r not freinds anymore. Now he is going for custody of our child & were going through all the hassle of councilers & court, the problem is our child hates going to his house & gets into quite a state if she has to go & I just dont know what to do as there are orders for her to go.

Now im in another relationship of nearly 2 years & to start with he wasnt a screamer or threw anything but if he got cranky he called me names & wouldnt talk to me & ignored me, we seperated a while back but we got back together & I found he has changed n he knows how he was acting was wrong! But now I dont know how or if I can forgive him, I have no motivation or drive in any area of my life other than my daughter, basicly I just want to hide n not deal with anyone other than my daughter.
I wonder if all the crap ive put up with from men i just dont think I can get over how he has treated me, as I dont want anything to do with him to be honest let alone him touching me in anyway, but yet i dont want him to leave.

I just wish I could get my head sorted out as Im just ready to give up as I cant take to much more of the stress n pressure, its like im being pulled from every angle possible sometimes I just sit at home & cry then other times I try to deal with it as best I can but I feel like Im going to crack!

Sorry this was so long & thanks for listening..
Click to expand...

I hate to sound rude, but...how old are you?
 
I honestly think you should give yourself a break from having relationships and instead concentrate on your kid first. It might help both of you heal from the pains that your past relationship might have caused you and your daughter. Besides, taking a breather would give you some time to know yourself more and what you're capable of as an individual. The right partner for you will come, so don't be in a hurry. Be strong for your daughter, she needs to see you get through all this because if you can then she probably will be okay too. I wish you both well!
 
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