Need Someone To Listen & Advise

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trippinles

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Hello,

I am 26, 5'6", and a size 16 and have been overweight my entire life. I was teased in school and have tried to lose weight since I was a child. I don't think a day has gone by that this issue hasn't haunted me. It seems I don't have the willpower to lose weight no matter how much I try. I feel that I am very pretty and have my life in order otherwise, I just wish I could make this issue go away. It's all I can think about.

I have had some nasty things said to me in my life, but here are 3 incidents within the last month:

1) A good friend's husband over-reacted when a group of us told him he had sauce on his face - he thought we were kidding him, got angry, and then said "at least he's not fat like me" or something of a similar nature. Totally uncalled for. My friend sided with me. :mad:

2) I met my boyfriend's mother for the first time 2 weeks ago, she poked me in the stomach and told me "you need to reduce." I asked her to clarify and she told me I needed to lose weight. :mad:

3) I could tell my boyfriend of 6 months didn't like a dress I bought for an occasion this Friday. He basically told me that I need to wear a girdle with the dress and that "I just need to lose weight around the middle." :mad:

All these things are so hurtful, albeit true. I do want to lose weight. I also want people to stop judging me and love me for who I am. It's not ok to say "you need to get rid of that awful hair dye job" why is it ok to make weight comments? For God's sake, I feel angry - it's not like my boyfriend isn't overweight and balding - seriosly! What right does he have to tell me to wear a girdle? I feel like he's embarassed to take me to his stupid party, and as if I can have a good time now anyway thinking he thinks I look fat in my dress.

In all fairness, my boyfriend completely defended me to his mother that her comment was rude and hurtful, I'm not sure why he went on to tell me I need to wear a girdle a week later in private other than he's trying to "help." I do appreciate the honesty. I don't think he is a mean spirited or controlling man by nature at all. I really don't think he thought it would hurt my feelings.

I asked him "if I don't get any smaller than I am now will he accept me?" He reluctantly said yes after qualifying it with "as long as you make a lifestyle change and don't gain like 300 pounds." Not exactly what I was looking for. I mean, like I said, he's no Brad Pitt himself and I accept him for who he is.

I admit I have weight "issues" and react much more strongly than the average person, to the point where I am being rediculous in most people's minds. People just don't understand what it's like to have to deal with this in your mind everyday.

I don't know when a comment is constructive and I should take the advice, and when it is totally uncalled for and I have a right to feel hurt. So what do I do? Take my boyfriend's advice to lose weight (like I wish I could) or tell him to shove it (because I feel I have failed so many times and it's pointless)? :confused:

Thanks,
Leslie
 
What are you doing to control your weight? What efforts are you putting forward? According to health professionals, the best kind of way to lose weight is slowly, with a diet that is reduced in calories and fat, and supplemented by a regular exercise schedule.

There is a link floating around that will tell you how many calories are needed to "maintain" weight (I think for your height its around 2000 a day), and its a good idea to subtract around 500 from that as your caloric intake goal each day (take care to not eat too few calories as this will stunt your metabolism and hurt you in the end; eat at least 1000 a day). There are also a lot of sites that will tell you how many calories are in most foods; I use myself. As for exercise, each person has a personal preference, but a good goal is to sweat for at least 20 minutes, 3 times a week. I do biking, some of the others run or swim... whatever works best for you.

Good luck!
 
Leslie,
I'm so sorry about all of the hurtful things people have said to you. And nothing makes it right for them to say them. If you want to lose weight do it for yourself nobody else. If it's not for you, you will fail. I know with myself I've always had weight issues and I always lost weight in the past whether it be for an ex-boyfriend or a special event, but it was never truly for me and I always ended up either failing or gaining the weight back plus some. Recentely I've become engaged and I'm once again I'm losing weight. Although I want to lose weight to look great in my dress I also know that if I don't my fiance' is going to love me regardless.
If you're serious about losing weight being a part of this forum is a great support system, you're not doing it on your own, you have us who know exactly what you're going through. Let us know if we can help you in any way :)
 
Hi Leslie!! I'm so sad to hear all the thoughtless things that were said to you! I think you look so cute in your pic! Don't give up on yourself hun, you are too special. I know you've had trouble before, but you can do this. Just think of the other times as practice.

We all will support you as much as you need! I want to see you succeed!! Let me know if I can help you at all! Do you know what kind of diet you are thinking about??
 
I'm sorry about your boyfriend's mother. It's hard to hear the truth from someone close (i.e. your boyfriend) let alone someone you don't know. Set goals for yourself with exercise and nutrition and a healthier weight will follow. For example say you will walk 30 minutes three times this week and try and get your daily water intake up to 50-60 ounces and you will cut 100 calories each day this week from normal. Oh, and keep a food journal for a couple of weeks then look back and see where you can make improvements. I think most people will agree with me that food journals are very important in weight loss/healthier lifestyles.

And above all else, make sure you want to do this for YOU. No other person can lose the weight for you, so YOU have to want to do it. Yes you may have a goal weight in mind, but more importantly remember that you're improving your health!
 
trippinles said:
Hello,

I am 26, 5'6", and a size 16 and have been overweight my entire life. I was teased in school and have tried to lose weight since I was a child. I don't think a day has gone by that this issue hasn't haunted me. It seems I don't have the willpower to lose weight no matter how much I try. I feel that I am very pretty and have my life in order otherwise, I just wish I could make this issue go away. It's all I can think about.

I have had some nasty things said to me in my life, but here are 3 incidents within the last month:

1) A good friend's husband over-reacted when a group of us told him he had sauce on his face - he thought we were kidding him, got angry, and then said "at least he's not fat like me" or something of a similar nature. Totally uncalled for. My friend sided with me. :mad:

2) I met my boyfriend's mother for the first time 2 weeks ago, she poked me in the stomach and told me "you need to reduce." I asked her to clarify and she told me I needed to lose weight. :mad:

3) I could tell my boyfriend of 6 months didn't like a dress I bought for an occasion this Friday. He basically told me that I need to wear a girdle with the dress and that "I just need to lose weight around the middle." :mad:

All these things are so hurtful, albeit true. I do want to lose weight. I also want people to stop judging me and love me for who I am. It's not ok to say "you need to get rid of that awful hair dye job" why is it ok to make weight comments? For God's sake, I feel angry - it's not like my boyfriend isn't overweight and balding - seriosly! What right does he have to tell me to wear a girdle? I feel like he's embarassed to take me to his stupid party, and as if I can have a good time now anyway thinking he thinks I look fat in my dress.

In all fairness, my boyfriend completely defended me to his mother that her comment was rude and hurtful, I'm not sure why he went on to tell me I need to wear a girdle a week later in private other than he's trying to "help." I do appreciate the honesty. I don't think he is a mean spirited or controlling man by nature at all. I really don't think he thought it would hurt my feelings.

I asked him "if I don't get any smaller than I am now will he accept me?" He reluctantly said yes after qualifying it with "as long as you make a lifestyle change and don't gain like 300 pounds." Not exactly what I was looking for. I mean, like I said, he's no Brad Pitt himself and I accept him for who he is.

I admit I have weight "issues" and react much more strongly than the average person, to the point where I am being rediculous in most people's minds. People just don't understand what it's like to have to deal with this in your mind everyday.

I don't know when a comment is constructive and I should take the advice, and when it is totally uncalled for and I have a right to feel hurt. So what do I do? Take my boyfriend's advice to lose weight (like I wish I could) or tell him to shove it (because I feel I have failed so many times and it's pointless)? :confused:

Thanks,
Leslie
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Les, I think you are really pretty ;-). Some people are just so rude, I mean its like parents don't teach manners anymore. Just blow that stuff off and avoid those types. I have been battling weight since I got out of the Navy. Now I am just watching my calories and walking every night. I lost 60 pounds before so I know its possible. Try this, eat prepackaged meals like lean cusine, ect. They have the calories posted onthem, limit yourself to 1200 to 1500 a day and do some sort of exercise for an hour a day and I guarantee the weight will come off. If I wasnt married I'd be hittin on ya!!!! Go for it.
 
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