Need Relationship Advice

gymchica

gymchica

0
Hey everyone. I'm 22 and a senior in college right now. I've been with my boyfriend for a little over 3 years (we met freshman year). I basically broke up with my previous and only other bf of 2.5 years to be with him.

I'm just really confused right now because I really don't think I feel as strongly about him anymore. He is a really great guy, and we planned on being together forever, but now that just doesn't seem that realistic. I've only dated 2 guys my entire life (only kissed 2 guys as well) and it's just hard for me to feel totally confident that my bf is the right person for me. How can I know such a thing when I've only been with 2 people?

This isn't the first time I've felt this way. Almost a year ago I started going through the same thing. We even took a "break" but that only lasted about 2 days. I just really don't want to hurt his feelings or make a mistake. I'm so scared that I will break up with him and then realize it was a huge mistake later in life.

I know that there are a couple of guys right now that are interested in me, and a few of them I'm interested back, but if I do break up with my bf I don't want to jump right into another relationship. I wonder if the fact that I know there are guys out there who like me is starting to make me question my relationship with bf. I feel so selfish, and I don't know what to do.

Is this normal in relationships? I feel like I think about other guys more than my bf. I think that is a sign that something is wrong. Sometimes I think I just want the attention from other guys.

Sorry if this is long and full of rambling. I'm just so confused!!
 
. I just really don't want to hurt his feelings or make a mistake. .
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Not wanting to hurt someone's feelings is a nice thing -but it's the wrong reason to stay in a relationship...

doubts in a relationship are normal to some degree- but wondering if there's something better out there - sort of says you aren't in the place on your life where you shouldbe in this relationship -

If it is truly the right person for you - doesn't matter if he's #1 or #61 - you know...

go and have fun.. you've got the rest of our life to be in a serious relationship \

Blancita will say this is predictable of me -but go forth sow your wild oats and make sure you protect your sexual and reproductive health
 
If you feel right with him that's all that matters, I dated a guy for 1 year and 7 months, only to leave him for my boyfriend of almost 5 years. My boyfriend was the rebound guy, and i still had feelings for my ex..but after a while I grew to love him more than anything in this world...i'm only 21 myself. (those were the only two boys i've ever kissed)

The thing is, it's not an experience thing..you just know. If everything feels great with him what more could be out there? If you don't feel right, then it's not right. It's about you and YOUR life...not his...there have been times when i broke up with my boyfriend during a fight and he cried his eyes out and I stuck to my guns..but when he was walking out the door I felt myself whispering over and over again for him to not leave...

But on the other spectrum...i've had mini crushes on other boys during my relationship, but something inside me always tells me that Tyler is the one...so I follow that

Just listen to your heart. If you stop and think about it, the decision won't be so hard. If theres doubt...kick him out lol
 
The best advice I can give is that if you're not sure about the guy you're with, then take a break. Sit him down and have that hard, hard conversation about how you're unsure about what you're wanting from the relationship, and that the two of you may need some time apart.

It'll hurt, BOTH of you, but it could end up for the best. You could realize that your doubts were totally unfounded, and that this guy IS the one you should be with. Or you could find out the two of you don't need to be together.

Once you've been with someone for a while, it's normal for the feelings to change. Not everyone has the fireworks and butterflies forever, but the feelings you DO have for him could still be the real thing. Just make sure, 100 percent in your heart, that you want to be apart from him, because you can't expect him to wait for you any more than you would wait for him.

But don't jump into another relationship immediately. Have friends, go out and have fun, but don't get tied down until you figure out what you want.

Hope this helps!
 
Well I talked to him today, and we are on a break for now. It was so hard watching him leave. I felt so sad, and I just wanted to tell him that I changed my mind, but I knew that would be the wrong thing to do. He was crying a little bit and it broke my heart, but I knew if I changed my mind that I'd eventually put the both of us through this again.

So I just wanted to say thanks for the advice. It really helped me out. Re-reading it now also makes me feel more confident that I made the right decision. Being on this break is going to be hard, but I think the hardest part is already over.
 
you have to do what's right for you and your long term happiness -staying with someone becausse you don't want to hurt them - or (not that this appliees to you) don't want to be alone is all the wrong reasons.

A relationship should make you a better person and should improve the quality of your life.. if it doesnt well...
 
22 is so young to tie yourself down. This is your time to have fun, experiment and be free. I think you made the right decision.

I really don't think there is only one person out there for everyone it is really all a matter of timing. When you are ready to settle down Mr. Right will show up.
 
2Chubby said:
22 is so young to tie yourself down. This is your time to have fun, experiment and be free. I think you made the right decision.

I really don't think there is only one person out there for everyone it is really all a matter of timing. When you are ready to settle down Mr. Right will show up.
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I completely agree. I don't think there is just one person out there either. It really IS just a matter of timing.

Anyway it's been almost a week. I'm doing okay. The only day I had a really hard time with was Sunday. I was really upset the entire day. Even now, I still cry a little bit every night when I'm trying to go to sleep. Is that normal? Since I'm the one who broke up with him, sometimes I think me crying every night is a sign that I made the wrong choice.

Either way, I'm trying to stay strong and give it some more time. My friends say it'd be weird if I wasn't sad at first whether it was my choice or his. It's just hard bc we didn't end on bad terms at all, and he was such a HUGE part of my life all through out college. He was my best friend, and I don't know what I would have done without him. I still love him VERY much. Anyway I'm just trying to give it some time. I guess my biggest fear is I'm going to realize that I want to be with him, and by that point, he will have already moved on. On Sunday he told me that whenever he gets really sad about it and then gets over the sadness, he cares about me a little less every time. That made me pretty sad.
 
I think it would be abnormal if you weren't upset. It is a big loss no matter who initiated it you are morning the loss of the relationship which was probably safe and comfortable. It can be scary to move to the unknown. I think it is also hard to get over someone if you are still talking to them all the time. There is a lot to be said for making a clean break. As for wanting him back at a later date I doubt it will happen - people are continually moving forward.

Good luck and keep us posted.
 
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