My Problem with my Rebellious Attitude

kstadelh

kstadelh

Kyle, new member.
I am writing on here to record some important realizations that I have made. I have been failing to not only lose weight but to even maintain my current weight. I was able to stay under 250 lbs. for a significant amount of time, but I was not able to get under 230 lbs. However with some stressful situations at work, I have been failing to even maintain my weight. I am now up to 258 lbs. and probably going up if I don't find a way to get my eating under control.

From my perspective, I have have not been eating in a particularly unhealthy way, but I have been unable to get myself to stick to my diet that I have agreed to with my dietary consultant, a 12-week program I have paid for. Currently I am in the second round of the 12-week program. I lost some weight at first, but I have not been able to stick to the diet, and I have gained a couple pounds on average.

As you can imagine, this whole situation has been quite demoralizing. I have been feeling like a failure deep down because I can't seem to lose weight or maintain, even with the help of a dietary consultant. I have been reading some self-help books out of desperation to figure something out. I think reading the books has helped me come to the realization that my big problem in life is that I have a problem with authority. I am a "good boy" on the outside, but inside I have a rebellious attitude.

I think my weight is affected by my rebellious attitude. I also think this rebelliousness is behind a lot of other problems in my life that are not related to weight. Why would a rebellious attitude make me overweight? I would say that eating healthy could be categorized as "normal behavior" and eating unhealthy could be categorized as "deviant behavior". So there is a thrill in breaking the rules when I eat something I know is unhealthy. That is, it's not the deliciousness of the unhealthy food that is my real goal in eating unhealthy, but it is the thrill of breaking the rules that I am seeking. I think that I use the deliciousness of the food as a justification for doing it. The same could be said for overeating. I use the hunger I feel as an excuse to knowingly eat more than I need. It also goes for not exercising. I use my tiredness as an excuse to be lazy. But in reality, I get a thrill out of being lazy.

As with many realizations, it is too early to know exactly how accurate this realization is. If I can affectively change my behavior based on this realization, then I can say that what I have realized is true. If even after realizing this, I cannot get my weight loss back on track, then it will be somewhat meaningless. So I am going to try to change my lifestyle and see if I can turn around my weight issues and reach my goal weight. I have faith in myself that I can change. I have successfully lost significant amounts of weight in the past and kept if off for a while. So I know I CAN do it if I really want to. For the sake of my mental and physical wellbeing, I hope I can change.
 
Sounds familiar. I'm not done with this struggle yet but what seems to help for me is to try and frame changes I make positively as often as I can. Not tell myself I can't have something, or it's bad or something, but to remind myself of other things, things that'll make me feel more energetic/healthier/will help my joint pain. And if I want to binge I can certainly do that but I'll probably feel sick later and dislike the scale the next weigh day. Reason it our every time rather than creating "no" short-cuts.
 
Hi, Kyle. Deep down I rebel against authority too & prefer to make my own rules. Like LaMa says I try to remind myself how a healthier option will make me feel better tomorrow & also that nothing is out of bounds. I don't do well with strict rules about my diet, hence the "try to have at least 2 alcohol-free days a week", rather than be any more restrictive.
 
Welcome to the forum and welcome to the attitude club also. I had to do a lot of damage to myself over the years between food, alcohol, cigarettes and resentments before I finally figured some stuff out. Kicker is, that other, more knowledgeable people have shown me the way to correct a lot of that stuff along the way, but nope... I had to do it MY WAY!

Anyhow, this is a decent place to check your ego and find some helpful stuff.

TDT.
 
you don't have to be very specific, but what is that 12 week plan you are on. is it the basic eat less/ move more diet?

what do you consider "unhealthy" foods?

how tall are you?
how old are you?
 
overlandflyer said:
you don't have to be very specific, but what is that 12 week plan you are on. is it the basic eat less/ move more diet?

what do you consider "unhealthy" foods?

how tall are you?
how old are you?
Click to expand...
The program is with a dietary consultant. So it is closer to therapy than a dietician would be. We talk a lot about what I am going through in my life and how I am dealing with these issues. I tried a dietician before, but I didn't like it. She was just shoving info down my throat all the time, all of which I seemed to know. But for me the problem is more emotional. The dietary consultant also does a detailed check of my composition every week, and we try to discuss what is going on with my body in more detail rather than only checking if my weight went up or not, which is very helpful for me.

I am 6'3" 37yr.
 
Sounds like an excellent arrangement, especially if she can help you with the emotional side of things as well.
 
That sounds like a good arrangement to me too, Kyle. That sounds like something I would benefit from too.
 
I had some further thoughts on this. Though I haven't really digested them. I think I tend to associate trying to lose weight with a strong sense of rebelliousness too. That is, I think I tend to feel a HUGE amount of pressure when I consider myself to be in the phase of "trying to lose weight." Pressure to get results and quick. And in response to the pressure, I feel a strong desire to escape this state, basically by cheating here and there with the excuse that I need to make concessions. But the real result is that my progress gets slowed or stopped and I lose motivation from lack of results, telling myself that I can't get results.

Another response is that I start seeing myself as neglected and I start acting lethargic and drained, which is really unbearable. I also make the excuse that since I am tired and lethargic, I better not exercise. So I tend to avoid exercising when I am trying to lose weight, which also restricts my progress and causes loss of motivation.

As you can see, there are many pitfalls every time I try to improve my lifestyle. Since I put myself through all this torture, it's no wonder I can't manage to stay on the wagon for more than a week or two. Hopefully naming the problem like this will help my see through the lies I tell myself and allow myself to stay the course.
 
If weightloss feels like torture and leaves you feeling lethargic there's no way you'll stick with it long-term. Could be a sign your calorie deficit is a bit too ambitious. Which I understand if you want to have a bit of leeway for occasional treats and/or you want to see results quickly but for me it always means I end up binging a week's worth of deficits (or more!) In one sitting. Of you can't see yourself getting used to it and doing it for the rest of your life the plan may be too strict. And sometimes the calories are fine but you need more volume, or more things you really love the taste of while still being healthy and relatively low-cal. There's no shame in having to tinker with your plan and refine it.
 
I found a good way to control my mind when it comes to weight loss. I jist read the book by Shad Helmstetter called How to Talk to Yourself, which was recommended by my dietary consultant. It is about how what we tell ourselves directly controls the way our brain behaves, like a computer executing a program. So I have started listening to weight-loss affirmations on Youtube. I am certain I can keep a positive mindset.
 
Affirmations and positive refeaming can definitely make big difference for your motivation/mindset/endurance. Good going!
 
Who you THINK you are each day, completely determines the universe you live in - Ram Dass

Just a quote I like and that may be pertinent. Our minds are capable of both wonderful and terrible things, both to ourselves and the world around us.
 
I decided to pay the subscription to use the self affirmation app made by Shad Helmstetter. It is called Self Talk Plus. I am enjoying this process immensely. This can only bring good results for me.
 
Hi Kyle, Sorry to hear you're struggling losing weight. The rebelliousness you describe sounds like self-sabotage. Why do you rebel by acting out in ways that harm yourself? We usually self-sabotage in response to some aspect of ourselves or our lives we don't like and that's difficult to deal with emotionally to maintain a feeling of being in control. The negative emotions do sound exhausting. Positive affirmations sound like a wonderful idea. Practicing self-compassion may be helpful too.
 
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