My boyfriend?? :s

lally

lally

New member
Our relationship is exactly 2 days long! (after 'dating' for a couple of weeks.)

He lives quite far from my house (2 trains) and he's asked me to go to his on Thursday night.. but he's asked me to stay over. I said yes because I remember him saying to me about a week ago how he knows how he's found a great girl because sex hadn't even entered his mind and we just get along so well.. and (in another conversation) he was saying he wouldn't expect that from me.. and I just assumed he wouldn't expect anything BUT

When I told my friends I was staying over they were kinda like..

"BIT SOON ISNT IT?" and stuff..

I don't know if he's gonna be expecting sex..and I don't know whether I should just go and see what happens and refuse him if he tries anything, or whether I should mention it to him before Thursday and see what he says?

Any ideas?? :svengo:
 
How old are you? and would this be your first time having sex?

I'm of the personal belief, if you're of age, that waiting is just ridiculous - if you're into someone - then 2 dates or 20 dates -waiting doesn't make it any better...

Is he expecting sex? he's a guy - so more than likely... does that mean you should? No - only if it's right for you... but don't get hung up on some notion that it's 'too soon' if you like him --

though it totally depends on your feelings towards sex - does it m ean a commitment to you ? and forsaking all others while you're together?

That's really a question for you to answer.
 
Sounds too soon to me, and he was definitely lying about the whole "sex not entering his mind" thing.
 
maleficent said:
How old are you? and would this be your first time having sex?

I'm of the personal belief, if you're of age, that waiting is just ridiculous - if you're into someone - then 2 dates or 20 dates -waiting doesn't make it any better...

Is he expecting sex? he's a guy - so more than likely... does that mean you should? No - only if it's right for you... but don't get hung up on some notion that it's 'too soon' if you like him --

though it totally depends on your feelings towards sex - does it m ean a commitment to you ? and forsaking all others while you're together?

That's really a question for you to answer.
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I'm 18 and no it's not my first time.. I've slept with 5 guys already. I'm not easy but I'm not frigid either, I just don't want to sleep with him yet. I don't see sex as the biggest thing in the world but I don't want to sleep with him before I know I can trust him. Whose to say he isn't just gonna drop me like a hat if I sleep with him?
 
he could easily drop you if you make him wait 15 dates let alone 5 dates... :)

but you have to wait until it's right for you...

I'd ask about sleeping arrangements if you do stay over -is there a couch or a spare bedroom for you? If he says that oh sleep in my bed, I'll behave -well that's sort of asking for trouble...
 
I think you have to trust your instincts on this one. You know him better then we do. I would have to say the fact that he said "sex hasn't entered my mind" definately means that it has...if it didn't enter his mind, he wouldn't have mentioned it!

In my mind, if you don't know whether you can trust him or not, you shouldn't be sleeping over there (and definately not in his bed). But that is just me, i'm a bit old fashioned for a 25 year old :) Just have a way out of there if you need it (hopefully you won't).
 
The thing is the last person I was dating, I stayed over at his a coupla times and shared his bed, but we didnt do anything sexual at all!

Ive done it before with someone I was dating too

Hmmnn..
 
Sex is one of the most overrated things in our lives. Women take it too seriously and men let it rule their lives. Its fun for both parties and as long as you're protecting yourself, theres no reason not to do it.

This shouldn't be a newsflash but you have been "dating" for two days, chances are he doesn't know much about you so hes just physically attracted. Once he gets to know you and if he sticks around for a while then he actually wants more then sex.

Just how it is.
 
lally said:
The thing is the last person I was dating, I stayed over at his a coupla times and shared his bed, but we didnt do anything sexual at all!

Ive done it before with someone I was dating too

Hmmnn..
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Yep that is why i say you have to trust your instincts. Not everyone is honorable or trustworthy in those situations.
 
My thoughts on sex are "if you can't ask it, you can't do it." You should be able to talk to him and ask him what his intentions are.. and see if they either match up with your or if you can come to a compromise. If he is in it for sex and you aren't, there's really no point in taking two train rides to hang out pissed at each other. Talk to him and get it straightened out before you head over. Remember, safe sex is happy sex.
 
I'd wait to sleep over and avoid the whole, "Well, you came over here, I thought you wanted to!" drama. Even if you say ahead of time that you are not ready, sleeping over is a VERY mixed signal that you are.
 
If you're not ready to have sex with him yet, then you shouldn't do it. I am mixed about whether or not sleeping over is ok. I spent the night with lots of guys and never went all the way. HOwever, if things get hot and heavy you might end up doing more than you wanted to. It might just be better to wait on sleeping over. But I would definitely let him know ahead of time what you are thinking. In my experience, 2 weeks lets you weed out the ones who are just into you for sex. If they haven't gotten any in two weeks, and that's all they're looking for, they'll usually move on by then. :)
 
i frequently have guys sleep in my bed and we get up to nothing. even if im dating someone i dont feel lnclined to sleep with him just cos he is in the same room.

do you want to stay over and get to know him better, if you know no sex would happen? would you be strong enough to say no to him if it gets a bit heavy? and would you respect yourself if you did decide maybe you did want to sleep with him that night? you never know how somethings pan out, you may end up finding out you like him more or less by spending a night, youll also find out if he is being a letch and sex really has entered his mind lol :)

most importantly, respect yourself. dont make a decision based on his needs, if you dont feel 100percent ok with staying for the night, try and spend a long day with himstead, at a house, so you have that personal space. and see what happens.
 
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