Cohen's Lifestyle More critical of ourselves

[Lexie07]

Hello fellow cohenites!!!

This is going to be a longggg post/vent, so I apologise in advance!

Today marks the beginning of my 19th week (just shy of 5 months!) on the program, and im 19years old. I started on the 31/10/06 at 83kg, and as of Saturday morning (3/3/07) I weigh 62.7kg – 20.3kg down. A deviation free 5 months (except for 1 meal in January - and that wasnt by choice).

I’ve never really thought about what it would feel like to be low 60’s – let alone upcoming 50’s! - it always seemed so unattainable to me – like this unbelievably tiny number – but now that im here at this point in my weight loss…I still feel inadequate with my body. Im more critical of myself now, than what I was at 83kg, and I still despise my body in the exact same way. I still look in the mirror and see the pudgy girl that I’ve always been, and although I get comments and im wearing smaller sizes and things like that…I don’t see (and I most importantly don’t feel) any different to when I started. I feel healthier about what I eat and how much I eat, and that sort of thing, but when it comes to a physical transformation…im outta the loop. I feel worse about my body, because all my faults are becoming more noticeable with my continued loss. I used to look at size 10 jeans and think they were so tiny and so far out of reach, but now that im wearing a 10 – 11 jean…they aren’t that small. They look normal. Is it my mind playing tricks on me?

I was wondering, has anyone else gone through this sort of mentality? How did you get through it? As we lose weight, do we become more critical of ourselves? We are in this healthy weight range…but we never knew what it was like to begin with, so how can we manage it?

My Cohens ideal weight range was marked at 56 – 60kg, so im almost at that stage where I should be ordering refeed fairly soon…but I don’t feel like im ready for reefed? I want to get to the low-end of the scale… im actually aiming to finish at 54 - so I still have 8kg to go. But I don’t think my body will be that different in 8kg time. Im really unsure about lots of things at the moment. Im praying that my body will snap together in 8kg, and although I know it takes 6months to a year for the body to “firm up” after the program (and yes, I do plan on taking up an active lifestyle), I want to finish the program and feel satisfied with how far I’ve come…but im not at that stage.

I need some advice.

Thank god for the forum.

 

[Cate]

Lexie, Many years ago I dieted and dieted until I was really thin. Way too thin. My image of myself was just like yours. It takes time to adjust when you lose lots of weight & because we are so used to being big it's hard to see ourselves as others do. I wished I had got some help at the time. I was lacking self esteem. I am now ready to lose weight, to become healthy and slim & can see myself getting smaller. I will then tackle getting fit, start something like yoga or meditation. We need to learn to love ourselves. Nurture yourself. I hope you will learn to love your new body. I think you have done really well. Please don't go too far! xo, Cate

 

[heavenlylamb]

I was also the same last time I lost weight... I could still see the imperfections. This time around I feel much more "at peace" with myself - although we'll see if that changes as I get smaller.
I'm actually noticing more imperfections now. When I was fat all over, I was just fat all over, there were no specific imperfections. Now I'm aware of my larger hips and thighs, my tubby waist etc. Its like renovating a house - once you do one room, the rest of the house looks worse!
Keep thinking positive thoughts and speaking positive things to yourself... your view of yourself is not yet accurate, and it may take a while to get there.
HL

 

[Ididit4me]

Lexxie,

Everyone is always critical of themselves, and usually they are tougher than they should be. A lot of it has to do with time and maturity - and I don't mean that to say you are immature at all. What I mean is, my view of what was important at 19 (which seems like last year) is completely different at soon-to-be 37 (I don't like that number).

When I think of what my attitude towards myself was back then - about my appearance - I was always saying I was fat and that I needed to lose weight - though not necessarily untrue - I wasn't half as bad as I made myself to be. I look at pictures now and think "what the heck was wrong with me? I was gorgeous! and Voluptuous!" I wish I could look like that again and that's what I'm striving for now - 65-70 pounds later.

A couple of things to remember: you do get used to sizes of things - so what once seemed small or big, will no longer seem that way when you are living it normally. think about the cohen food portions. When I first looked at those portions, I thought I could never survive on them. Now, 5 weeks later, I look at them and they seem normal.

The same thing is happening with you and those size 10 jeans. Try to keep it in perspective though and maybe keep an old pair of the "fat" jeans handy as a reminder of how far you've actually come.

Also, your body is still developing from a biological stand point. Because of this and the weight loss, you are at a much better place to work on those trouble spots than someone my age or older. You will be amazed at what exercise will do for you -especially strength training. Your body is young and flexible so use that to your advantage when exercising. You'll lose weight on Cohen's, but I am a firm believer (and have proof) in what exercise can do in terms of changing your shape. I worked out 4x's a week over the summer and though I only dropped 3 or 4 pounds, I was able to go down a size in clothes because of how compact I became from working out.

Give yourself a break and learn to love what you've accomplished thus far and what you will continue to accomplish in a HEALTHY way for yourself in the years to come!

 

[ata]

Lexie

I know exactly how you feel. I keep getting told how good I look and I still see the fat ugly person I was.
I spoke to my consultant about it and she said not to worry, it happens to most of us. It is because (as the others have said) we are used to seeing ourselves as fat. Our weight loss is rapid and it takes our minds a good while to adjust to the new image.
I hope it does adjust becuase I don't want to go too far.
It is a good idea to keep an old pair of trousers and an old photo nearby to look at every now and then. Hopefully it will train our brain to see the new us...
Also, about going way below your recommended weight range, there was a discussion on this forum (although I can't remember exactly what thread) about that and it was stated that if you go below, your body will only adjust to what it is supposed to be during refeed. So it is probably not worth while your effort to go below the lowest recommended weight.

Keep smiling and happy losing

Skinny hugs
Allana

 

[Mez]

I had the same problem during and after completing cohens. During - It took a trip away, and seeing myself in the hotel's full length mirror for me to realise just how far I had come. The unfamiliar surroundings seemed to make obvious how much smaller I had become. At that time I had lost about 17 kilos, and in total I have lost 27 kilos.

I found that having recent photos of me around the place helped with re-shaping my self-image, especially where they could be compared with when I started. I also began to take notice of the little things - like how uncomfortable knees can be when you're in bed (when they don't have a layer of fat to pad them).

ata mentioned putting on a pair of pants from when you were at your heaviest - I finally had the guts to try on my "comfy" work pants (that were beginning to get too tight when I started my weight loss) when I reached goal weight and I was amazed at the difference in my body. You might find that even if you simply compare them to your current pants it could help to put things in perspective.

One thing I found personally very challenging, is that my self-image was so tied up in being the "fat" girl, that I had begun to stop doing the things that I enjoyed most, and to be honest, I'm still trying to discover what my "likes" are now that food is a less central part of my life. I am rediscovering simple pleasures like being able to jog to catch the bus (rather than miss it!) and not worry about the fat jiggling. Or being able to chase my hyperactive dog without my knees hurting. Actually a general sense of enjoying movement!

Try to focus on how different it FEELS to get into a car, sit on the bus next to someone, hug your friends. How different it FEELS to walk, to jog a little, to jump, to pull on your pants, to get off the couch. How different your starting photo looks to one taken recently. If you're in the shops, look at your reflection, and say to yourself - that's me look how skinny I'm getting!

I hope something in this (obscenely) long post strikes a chord with you, and good luck redefining your self-image. Be gentle with yourself and make sure you pay attention to all the "little" things that are getting better with continued weight loss.

 

[Lexie07]

Wow thanks for all your responses, so quick!

I think i do acknowledge that its all in my head, and i think that maybe as i mature and get a bit more life experience behind my belt that hopefully my mindset in this regard will change a bit. I dont think i will ever be 100% comfy in my own skin, i guess i was just praying for the weight loss to make me accept myself...i realise that its not only a physical, but also a mental transformation thats needed.

A couple of things to remember: you do get used to sizes of things - so what once seemed small or big, will no longer seem that way when you are living it normally. think about the cohen food portions. When I first looked at those portions, I thought I could never survive on them. Now, 5 weeks later, I look at them and they seem normal.

Thats a really interesting perspective to look at this Ididit4me (btw, love your name ), the cohens food portions did seem tiny to begin with, but now its a satisfying amount. Everything does look different to when i started the program, even other people... i never used to acknowledge the skinny girls as anything but "skinny girls", nothing more. Now when i see the skinny girls i think 'how do i compare size wise to them?' - i acknowledge im mentally biased, but its almost like i need to look at me from another set of eyes, so i can really see how far ive come.

I have set aside my 'comfy almost too tight jeans' from when i started cohens, i almost dont want to pull them out yet! But i think i might...yeah i will pull them out. If i dont drag myself out of this rut, i might go insane!

Oh, congratulations on your weight loss girls, especially heavenlylamb (OMG 40 KILOS!) and ata, very inspirational!

Much love,
Happy losing and all my best.

 

[Ididit4me]

I hope you've had a chance to try on those pants now and feel better!

And don't worry, even as I "mature" at almost 37, I'm still not completely comfortable with myself either - otherwise, why would I decide to lose my 60-80 pounds!! But, I am no where near as critical of my looks now as I was when I was in my teens and 20's. I just want to be healthy. Well, that and I want people to say "Man, she looks great for 40!" My 20 year high school reunion is next year, so I want to make sure I am still skinny for then too.

Well, good luck to ya. You'll be fabulous!