Well I'd say count yourself lucky! (WARNING: rant coming up...!)
I used to have anorexia, BMI 14, did get lower. Recovered and lost weight twice after the first bout, two of those were due to bulimia mixed with anorexia, one down to anorexia alone so I do know have experience on me losing weight as I have done it before.
Yet here I am, 10 years after my first recovery and my weight all of a sudden within a year jumped from a BMI 16 to a now BMI 23. This happened 2 years ago and ever since I have been trying to get it to a level I can tolerate: BMI 20.
Now I know I have my work cut out for me, I am older, both my parents are overweight (one is obese) so I knew it was going to be hard from the offset.
I wanted to do it all properly, you know, reduce, eat even portions, good nutrition and plenty of exercise, I saw a dietition as well as doing my won research, first thing was to eat protein. Only my weight just kept climbing up and up. so I did the only thing I knew how to do, cut out food groups, keep myself locked to the treadmill (despite injury) and monitor everything I do.
So far I have cut out all carbs besides my 30g of porridge oats every morning, cut out all dairy, all red meat, all alcohol, any and all junk food, sweets, chocolate rice cakes included, all sugar. I do eat fruit but only eat apples and once a week strawberrys. I allow myself 1800kcals a day as I cannot actually get lower then that, I exercise 1-2 hours per day with a rest day where I walk alot (no car, no bike) and another rest day where I do powerplate and weights so I consider myself active hence I think the difficulty in keeping the calories lower then they are.
So am losing weight? are my clothes fitting better? do I feel better within myself?
Nope. Infact if anything clothes feel a little tighter. I do not weigh myself, too scared of what it says, I go by dress size, how lose things fit and so far, years on, clothes do not fit....they are too tight.
So I am now thinking I have messed up my body, its ability to lose weight and I am stuck at a steadily growing BMI which one day could be obese. It scares me, it makes me feel despondant, it depresses me.
I would love to be able to get at a maintanance level and wonder how to maintain. Instead I am wondering if I will ever get there, and if all my hard work is actually worth anything at all. Its like an iceberg that I am trying to break with a hair.
Wow, your message really touched me. I really feel for you. Its so annoying and depressing, no? You've really taken out all the indulgent things out of your diet, you work out enormous amounts, yet the BMI is slowly going up.
It is entirely possible that given all of your training and hard work, you are putting on muscle. Muscular people always have a higher BMI than non muscular, the BMI isnt' always the greatest way to monitor your progress.
Have you ever had your fat percentage accurately measured? I reckon that is more important than anything. If your body is nice and hard, muscular and toned, then it doens't matter so much if the clothes are tight. If you are flabby and untoned then it doesn't look as nice. I reckon you should investigate your fat quantity, that might boost you a little.
My messed up obsession is not BMI, its actual body mass. If I go up even 1lb, which of course I do when I menstruate (I actually go up 5lbs, its crazy), then I fall into a deep dark depression. The weight drops off 8 days later, but it still really messes me up.
I think the fact that little things like a jump in body mass or BMI can affect someone so severely may be indicative of some deeper more core problem. I'm actually in therapy,just started a month ago, for dealing with various issues, mostly emotional abuse as a child from my parents (which led to my weight issues) and I'm hoping it will help me not go into a ridiculous depression when my next menstrual cycle comes and I gain that stupid 5lbs.
I'm sorry about your anorexia in the past, sounds like you had a very hard time. I think a lot of weight related issues have a deeper core element and once that core element is rectified, then everything else can potentially fall into place.
But in the mean time, seriously, get your fat measured coz I reckon that might show you how brilliantly you are doing relative to BMI measurements.
I don't eat carbs either....nightmare at first, but now its easy. Only on down days do I want to stuff my face, most of the time I'm ok. I was deffo on a down day when i posted my message. Today I'm better. I'm very affected by hormones, it really pisses me off.
You know what helps too? I found it really boosted me to stop concentrating on what I look like, and start concentrating on how awesome and strong my body is. Down days with hormone issues are bad and thats how I try to get through them. I do a lot of yoga and if I can hold some wacky pose really well, it boosts me. On weights days, if I can press and pull more than usual, that boosts me. I think, ok , my ass is still big, but damn, I'm strong!
But yeah, I feel your frustration, I was once thin before and put on weigth slowly, then had my kids. The putting weight on slowly process was painful and very demotivating. You just have to be strong and find mechanisms of getting through it. You will get through it. If I could, anyone could. My ass was so big at one point, I could not fit into the seats on the underground train here in Hong Kong. Now its fine. You'll get there. It will happen.
X
